Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Mitt Romney's New Campaign Strategies

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has had a time of it lately, what with letting his true feelings for the 99% (47%) show and now the boner about rolling down plane windows.

Is this the logical extension of our presidential contests?  Probably.

IN the meantime, old Mitt has sacked his entire campaign staff and decided to go it alone.  His strategy, if one could locate it, is to get all the boners out into the open before November, so he can get back to denying that religion has turned his brain into Swiss cheese.


What happened to Romney's submarine?
Everyone drowned when he opened the screen door.

Has anybody seen Ann Romney lately?
Unfortunately she got sucked out of the plane when her husband opened the door at thirty thousand feet.

Why is there no ice in the Romney household?
The inventor died and took the recipe with him.

Did you hear that Mitt had extensive facial surgery?
Yeah, fans should stop when you put your face in them.  It's a dangerous situation.

Nobody knows about Mitt's first son, Bob.
Yeah, bullets should stop when you step in front of them. [see Cheney, Dick]

Why did Romney get a spray-tan before speaking to Latinos?
Because his advisors had to inform him he couldn't Photoshop himself in real life.

Mitt Romney:  rebuilding our country.  With Legos.

Why don't the Romneys use computers?
Because any one of those viruses can kill you.

Why did Mitt sleep in the garage?
Because the car elevator was broken.


Mitt Romney has decided, as a campaign strategy, to write some Obama jokes.
[duck and cover!]

What's the only thing dumber than bailing out General Motors?
Bailing out the bankers.

How do you keep Congress in line?
Sit down and have a beer with them.

No, seriously, how do you keep Congress in line?
I don't.

How does one top a multi-trillion-dollar bank giveaway?
With a multi-trillion-dollar healthcare giveaway.

Why do you need another four years in office?
There are so many lies left to tell, so many promises to break....

You have broken most, if not all, of your campaign promises.  Why?
Campaign promises are not like real promises.  They're more like wishes.

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