Monday, September 24, 2012

How to Get Rid of the TSA

The TSA, under the Department of Homeland Security, is the most hated governmental entity since the IRS, and with good cause.  You have no doubt read about the gropings, if not having participated in them.  The thing that surprises me the most is that people seem resigned to the invasion.

But I finally have it figured out.  The TSA simply has to state that women are not permitted more than one pair of shoes per trip.  That should end the misery quickly.


Know that feeling...

....where you think you have to go to the bathroom but you already did?  It's called deja-poo.

....when you have to get in line to sign up to wait in line for an iDevice?  It's call deja-queue.

....when you know someone's name but forget it immediately?  It's called deja-who.

....where you want to buy something but wait til it goes on sale?  That's called deja-Jew.

....when you watch a marsupial walk by, then its mother afterwards?  That's called deja-roo.

....where you wash your kid's hands and he immediately gets dirty again?  That's called deja-goo.

....when your stomach medicine causes heart attacks then brain cancer?  That's deja-sue.

....when your cat farts and five minutes later the dog farts?  It's called deja-p.u.

....when you have to reboot Windows, install an upgrade, then reboot again?  That's deja-suck.

....when you're on a trip and your wife stops at every rest area?  It's called deja-loo.

....when your wife's pregnant and you find out you're having twins?  That's called deja-two.

....when you have McDonalds for breakfast and Burger King for lunch?  It's called deja-moo.

....when Scooby sneaks up on Shaggy, then they see a ghost?  That's deja-boo.

[no one said they're all going to be gems]


So it's Monday, the worst five days of the week.  In case you haven't figured it out yet, let me put it in black and white for you: every day is Monday.  To make my first Monday of the week more interesting, I got to my desk to discover that one of my computers wasn't on.  Happy Monday.

I immediately suspected a coworker.  For some unknown reason, someone likes to shut off the power strip.  I fail to grasp the humor.  So I checked it and hit POWER and the computer happily continued to do nothing.  Once more, reseating the power plug, produced a blinking power indicator.  This is not a happy blinking.

Some computers blink away happily, like a hard drive indicator light.  Some blink just to brighten the days of their owners.  

This one mocked me.

When older Dells blink yellow, that's a really bad sign, usually indicating that the power supply or motherboard or cpu is toast.  This time it blinked green, indicating.... well... indicating that I've never seen a blinking green before.

Funny... I spent a bit of time Friday troubleshooting a nasty hissing and popping in the audio.  Hmmmmm......


DAMMIT - I'm too old for this shit.  I graduated from desktop work years ago.  I shouldn't have to fix my own computer... it's like bad karma or something.   Hey, the new guy is here for training - let's make him fix my computer.

No, it's my computer and if I want it done now and done right, I was going to have to fix it myself.  Plus the new guy probably uses a Mac or something.

Now it was time to call upon my years of desktop work.  And calling upon it got me exactly what happens whenever I have to call upon something from my past: blank stares and darkness.  Sometimes sneezing.

I couldn't help but notice that I just cleaned off my troubleshooting area in preparation for a reshuffling.  Along with cleaning, I put stuff away.  THIS WILL TEACH ME never to clean or put anything away ever again.

As the computer flatly refused to power up, I went for the obvious; the power supply.  Gravity assisted me in my endeavors, causing two of the four screws to disappear into the void of the carpet.  At this point I figured it might be a good idea to see if I had a replacement power supply (I'm mentally gifted, you know).

Of course I had replacement supplies.  I had them in every color, size, and connector.  I even had one that would fit exactly, much to my amazement.  As long as I was being amazed, I amazed myself by getting both remaining screws into the power supply so it would sit there.  

After briefly rewiring, I plugged it in and POOF.

No, I did not let the Magic Smoke out.  The unit came to life, surprising the hell out of me.  It's detours like this that I don't need.

In the midst of my repair, I got a call from the wife, who drove me to work.  Our mentally gifted cocker spaniel (it runs in the family) is once again discovering the joys of Dunkin coffee.  He hasn't done it for a while... perhaps he got bored.  He pries off the lid and goes snout down into the Dunkin Coffee Goodness. Apparently we need a locking cup because he was on his fourth try.  He's nothing if not tenacious.

Happy Monday.

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