Sparkles on Your Genitals, Curlers Under Your Arms

 Your love is like  an anal probe from the bad aliens

A large Iranian navy ship sunk in Gulf after blaze

What an incredibly lucky coincidence for us....

Today I identify as  one of those humongous triangle-shaped UFOs that are probably our own secret technology

You know those tardigrades, right? The little caterpillar/bearlike thingies that can survive way under water, in space, and pretty much anywhere else? Turns out they can't always survive being shot out of a gun. 

Who thinks this stuff up? 

Hey Phil... we have to do a little more studying on these tardigrades. Let's see.. we know they can survive incredible ocean depths, they don't have to eat for a long time, and they can even survive space. What if we shoot them out of a gun? Yeah - or see if they can survive demolition explosives! Great idea - we could also try putting them on an asteroid and shooting it into the Moon. Awesome - how about we put them on the ground in California and tell people Trump is coming back. No, that's cruel.

Idiot Governor lifted most Flying AIDS restrictions in the state. Except for the breathing arrestors (masks), which will go on 6/28.

Unless you're in Philly, where Idiot Mayor will be behind, and will keep 11pm curfew for bars and masks indoors. What an idiot.

• The San Francisco Virtue Signalers Giants are the first MLB team to wear Pride colors
• I'm so old.... HOW OLD ARE YOU? I'm so old, I remember when sports teams played sports

I got an email the other day at work, telling me it was LGBTQ+ Pride Month

There's always a pride month. If I filtered on 'pride' I'd have to filter on 'history', to get them all sent to the bin. Working for a living, I need to prioritize. Things I need to do before whatever we're celebrating this month. And you can imagine what would happen if I ask for a left handed month or could we just limit email to actual work. I've been so good.... I haven't even had to meet the H/R people.

Let's think about this. It's LGBTQ pride. How is an org with a large percentage of staff working from home going to celebrate? Cover our machines in colors? Wear HERE/QUEER t-shirts? Spend the month wearing my wife's clothes? I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you.... the sexes will not be equal until people point and laugh at women wearing men's clothes. Dude, you wear one dress and you're a target. Marked for life. Ladies, you wear one pair of men's jeans, and nobody gives a second look. So until people point and stare at you, ladies, there is no equality.

Besides... who says I don't wear my wife's clothes while working?

Still no left handed history pride month.

• I've seen articles on eating cicadas. The problem with eating cicadas is that you eat one, then you're hungry 17 years later

You probably know (or are) someone who goes to visit Mom for a day, then comes home and talks on the phone with her for another hour. It's almost an old joke at this point.

Mrs lefty will naturally outshine those people. She will call someone to tell them she'll call them later. Beat that.

Take the world's smallest political quiz

while you're there, take the human respect quiz  

The Queen will meet Joe Biden next week.

Neither will recognize the other 

Princess Diana's wedding dress will go on display

Most likely without Princess Diana

The Fauci emails have hit the fan. Sen Rand Paul suggests he go bye bye.

The man has/had no clue. Along with the other 'experts' and organizations

Microsoft is getting ready to launch Windows 11.

reported features:

• if you don't type fast enough, the NSA will help you
• if you want to access your backups, all you have to do is contact the NSA or China
• follows you to the bathroom and measures your output
• when it wants to automatically restart, it tells you after it restarts, when you have no time to save your important document
• all ads, all the time: if you're pregnant, you get ads for diapers. If you're having ED problems, you get Viagra ads
• will automatically delete any other operating system on any other computer
• will take over your house, car, and eat your pets

Amazon never goes a week without a press nightmare. This time it's "Amazon's cost saving routing algorithm makes drivers walk into traffic"

Last week it was the body that lay dead 20 minutes before anyone discovered it.

I have never been in Big Business<tm>, but I don't think killing your own workers is a good business plan. Killing your customers, though....

So I have a line into Amazon, and here are some upcoming requirements

• dancing naked in the middle of a street, with a HIT ME-I DARE YOU sign
• all drivers must run themselves over with their truck, once per shift
• any package from Bob's Adult Emporium doesn't get delivered - it goes home with the driver
• all line workers must perform above last week's numbers, especially if dead
• extra breaks on all days that end in -Q
• no lunch breaks - all lunch administered intravenously, while working

Coming on the heels of Pride Month emails is the email with hiring tips.

To the best of my knowledge, I don't hire. If I do, nobody told me, which would be about right.

There is an old concept - the Peter Principle. You are promoted to the level of your own incompetence. This means that you will be promoted until you hit the job you can't perform. A huge mistake here is hiring good technical IT people, then promoting them up to Manglement and beyond. Anybody who has spent time drinking beer or chocolate milk knows IT people shouldn't be let near regular people. So they become Manglement with no people or management skills. Then they get demoted or fired because they couldn't do the job.

So I don't hire, but I sure get a lot of email about it.

I'm not entirely sure they'd like my hires.

But there are other people who get promoted. I think I have this figured out: they let anybody who wants to, spend some time as a temporary boss. Then they deliberate to find the absolute worst performer as boss and promote them officially. In addition to not being able to do the Boss Job, they also have to prove they were pretty bad at the job they left. In other words, you can't apply for the temporary boss job until you've been recognized as useless at your current job. You're then promoted above your level of incompetence, then Peter, of the Principle, has a heart attack and dies.

I've been roundly ignored by a number of people. They were all temporarily, then permanently promoted. Those of us old-fashioned folks thought you needed to do your job well and show aptitude before you were promoted. No such luck. Now I spend my spare time taking courses on lowering my competence and ignoring requests.

• Faceyspaces tracks your iPhone location - how to stop it