Your love is like being run over by 18 individual wheels
Today is my important group meeting, so naturally as it starts, the construction/demolition crew parked literally outside the house starts its morning activities. It sounds like a cross between a 5' circular saw and some baseball bats, slamming away on some sheet metal. What are the odds?
I guess I have to emphasize the postivie: they waited til after the meeting to pull out the Stomping Machine. I've never seen a stomping machine, but it you stand in your house and slam a foot onto the floor every second, it's kinda like that, only it shakes your entire house and all the neighbors' houses. Maybe the machine is just a giant foot that slams into the street - I don't know... I'm a knowledge worker. Plus I'd have to walk out of my office all the way to the front window to check. It's like God stomping His feet on your street, just outside your house. How you explain any of this to your teammates is your problem.
A short while after I get off the phone with the Geological Services and assure them that this isn't an earthquake, God stops jumping. The neighbors all hope their houses are ok, including the atheists. The agnostics are still trying to figure out what happened.
Then the minor tool racket started. It was relatively quiet, which meant it would only be moments before the next Really Loud Truck Tool<tm> started up. I could record it for everyone, but the recording would do no justice to the way the houses jumped up and down. I don't even know if God jumping up and down will record. Or if you can see Him in a mirror, like Dracula.
Because my house and the neighborhood was shaking, I needed a few more pots of coffee to keep me awake. The dog was up late last night, going ballistic because there was a fox outside. Some of the birds mess with her by dive-bombing her. No idea what the foxes do, other than show up.
BANG BANG BANG, goes the door, which is a different banging than God's. The nice hardhat tells me they're gonna block my drive for a few hours. That was nice. Now back to my meeting.
Strangely, the Serious Banging went away for a bit. The house-size hole in the street was new.
Then I got something new. From the noises, it was either a car-sized can opener or a city block sized rumbler. My entire house was shaking like never before. Some parts of me were actually enjoying it more than others. It's not something you feel every day, unless you ride one of those machines, I guess. Those guys probably have no intestines left - everything's just jumbled up into some sort of pinkish mess.
A quick visual examination showed this to be a machine called The Convincer. It had a nasty looking steel plate that banged and shook the tar, stones, twigs, and small children into a flat spot that cars could drive over (and screw up their suspension). A bunch of neighborhood women found this machine's effects "strangely entrancing" and vowed to take turns calling the city to get more street work done.
BANG BANG BANG goes the door, again. It's a different hardhat, telling me the water is being rerouted and it will be shut down for an hour. IF I had somehow convinced Mrs. lefty to have sex at work then shower with me, this would definitely have been a problem. At least for the shower part. Since my luck runs closer to Charlie Brown, I just got the door and thanked them.
By the time the Transformers Machines left, the street was drivable, some people were orgasmic, and one guy's going to come home and find out his house moved 1" to the left.
Mrs. lefty slept through this.
- where does one get this 'childhood' thing? is it expensive?
- Australia is going gaga for alcohol-free wine and beer
- Australia is a very silly place
- America is going through a weird time, where historical monuments are being defaced and demolished.
- In Japan, a giant Buddhist statue got a Flying AIDS face mask.
- History has tears in its eyes
- Remember I warned about contact-tracing apps?
- Western Australia police used contact-tracing data to investigate crimes
- CHICAGO Mayor Lori Lightfoot has declared racism a public health crisis – and will give $10million in Covid money to fight it.
- That's right - racism spreads like mad and can kill those infected with it
- never mind people who are actually dying
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| Jeff Beck Group - the guy in front is Rod Stewart |
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