Your love is like Congressional Ethics: an oxymoron
Amazon Prime Day is coming up.
This is where Jeff Bezos' ex-cousin-in-law's lawyer pokes his head out into the sunlight and Amazon has sales, but only for the Prime customers. Got it?
Naturally the blogosphere is awash with this Huge News. It may be the biggest thing since... well.. since.. anything.
AMAZON PRIME DAY!
Hillary's Emails Found
I looked at what I could buy if I were a Prime. It largely seems to be gaming this and gaming that.
[sigh] There used to be a time when I'd check the sale ads and drool over the latest this and the latest that. I'd swoon over a faster CPU or dream of a new, faster system. There were entire magazines devoted just to sales. The computers are so fast now that I'm waiting for my 10th generation Intel chip to impress me with its whizzitude.
Now we can buy games and gaming accessories. It feels kinda ucky that I just. Don't. Care. Anymore. Do I need a gaming keyboard? Not unless they come in ergonomic. Do I need games? No, I don't have a game box. Do I need a gaming chair? No, I don't have any games. Do I need gaming headphones? No, not if they plug into the gaming chair. Plus there's probably a set of wireless BT headphones, further down the page. People seem to be really excited about them. I have a set.... I paired them and now I have an absolutely functional right headphone... the left remains silent. Perhaps this is some sort of new thing to help me pay attention. That ship sailed 30 years ago. Maybe it's one of those new hifi-lofi devices so I can only listen to mono tracks, like early Beatles or Hendrix.
Ya know what would be useful? Headphones with a long cord, so I don't wind up ripping them out of my ears when food shopping (or bank robbing). And they should be black.... the white ones make everybody think I have an iDevice and that's too much to bear.
A 27" gaming monitor? Nah, not when I can get a 27" non-gaming monitor for 1/3 the price. A gaming SD card? How about a regular SD card for my phone, for all my MP3s (and MP4s - you don't want to be stuck somewhere without your pr0n). Amazon has guitars, even left handed ones, but they tend not to put them on sale because there are no gaming guitars. There may be guitars with gaming logos, but fsck them. They have scanners and shortwave radios, but since there are no gaming models, there are no sales. What.... am I some sort of troglodyte - I don't play games? Actually I belong to the No Games Society.... we know people who play games. How about a gaming washer and dryer? Gaming outdoor sturdy hoses?
Someone suggested I put together a wish list of stuff I want on Amazon, so motivated readers can pick out something and purchase it for me. I told them I can't even get readers to comment, no less buy me something. Plus I don't want readers to buy me anything.. I want them to read. I'd feel terminally guilty, and I have enough of that genetically. If they told their friends and relatives to read the blog, that'd be great. Actually they have... then the friends and relatives run away in horror and it looks like no one ever came by. Don't feel bad - I can't even get my relatives to read this. One of them knows the name of the blog, so I consider myself successful. Mind you, he doesn't read it. I wonder if I should call this a Gaming Blog and have Amazon put it on sale....
Jeff Bezos and his brother are going into space on Jeff's rocket. Many many many people have wished for Jeff Bezos to go into space, including his ex-wife and every one of his thousands of employees. Unfortunately they were hoping for a own way trip.
Today I identify as the thing. You know... the thingie thing.
I've been remarkably healthy all my life, if you don't count the few months I took off while dead.
Sure there are some minor issues, like feet so flat they're used as a NIST standard. One ear bigger than the other (yes, I know women have one breast bigger than the other - I can measure them). A face that could use some improvement (25 plastic surgeries and a new identity). A body that gets confused looks (and way too much attention from gay men). The rush of hair, determined to fall out of my scalp. The point is, if I can remember it, that I'm free of the Biggies... cancer, halitosis, losing my... umm.... yeah, that.
It's just little shit. Like when the doctors give me a pill and the pill gives me the most bizarre side effects. I can't tell you how many times I've heard doctors say, "Gee, in 25 years of medicine, I've never seen that before." Look, I don't care if you've seen it before or not, there is broccoli growing out of my left ear, which started when I started taking that pill you just gave me.
Any normal logical person, which leaves out doctors completely, would stop allergy medicine when it turns them into the opposite sex. Not doctors... doctors want to fix the problem by giving you another medicine. The additional medicine is to fix the problems of the original medicine. The problem is that the new medicine doesn't really fix the side effects of the first medicine. Or doesn't fix all of them.
ME: So Doc, about the allergy med you gave me...
DOC: Yes, how did that work out?
ME: Depends on your perspective. The sneezing went down, but it turned me into a woman. This isn't working for me (or my wife). Got anything as effective, without the gender-bender side-effects?
DOC: It's a very clean medicine.
ME: But now I have to clean my vagina. Got something different?
DOC: What I'd recommend is adding Sexitol.
ME: Not a different medicine?
DOC: Well, you see the first med is working. Sexitol was made to take away the side effects.
ME: No more breasts?
DOC: No more breasts, no more sneezing.
ME: (grudgingly) Ok.
---------- 1 week later --------------
ME: Doc, I tried the Sexitol.
DOC: Did everything work out ok?
ME: Depends on your perspective. I'm not sneezing and I no longer have a vagina.
DOC: Success.
ME: Not entirely. I still have the boobs and the mood swings. My wife and I got into a catfight last night. I can no longer drive. Can't we just start over?
DOC: I'm really hesitant to mess with what works. I'm going to prescribe Boobital, which should take care of the breast issue.
------------ 1 week later -------------
ME: Doc, I started the Boobital last week.
DOC: And?
ME: The boobs have become less of a problem. Because of the twitching, bags under my eyes, and the strange desire to follow Johnny Depp all over the country.
DOC: I see. Are you sneezing?
ME: I don't think so. Sometimes it's difficult to tell whether it's sneezing or the twitches.
DOC: I could prescribe something to stop the twitching.
ME: Yes, it's called 'Stop Taking All of Them'
DOC: Nah, just take some Benedryl. No prescription needed. Just don't drive.
----------- 1 week later ------------
ME: I stopped sneezing, man.
DOC: See? That's a great med.
ME: No, it's because we're past allergy season. Want some cookies?
DOC: No thanks. How is the twitching?
ME: Fine, man.. how's yours?
DOC: No, your side effect to the medicine twitching?
ME: What twitching? Sure you don't want some chocolate?
DOC: I told you to take some Benedryl.
ME: Oh, the Benedryl. Wow, man, does anybody else know about this stuff?
DOC: It's the most popular allergy med in the world and it's in most sleep medicines.
ME: Oh wow. Cuz it has side effects too.
DOC: Side effects?
ME: Oh yeah, man. Like.. I never have trouble falling asleep anymore. When the alarm goes off, I don't hear it. My wife has to start crashing her John Bonham Junior Cymbal Kit in my ear to get me up. If I somehow manage to get up, she has to pour 6 cups of coffee down me to get me back to just terribly tired. I sit there and stare straight ahead, like viewers of The Masked Furry, only I do it all day. This must be what those heroin addicts are all about.. they get their fix and just sit there and let it happen. My boss yelled at me for 30 minutes before I realized he was talking to me. My friends and relatives stopped calling because they think I'm a junkie. I just kinda sit there all day til bedtime, when I take more Benedryl and go to bed. I have to make sure I'm in bed 15 minutes after I take it because if it kicks in before that, you should see me mumbling and stumbling around, trying to find my bedroom. Last night I slept on the stairs. The night before in my trunk. It's too hard to talk or walk or even watch pr0n. The colors... so vivid...
But at least I'm not twitching anymore.
The Flying AIDS File
Early adopters of Chinese vaccines see case surges; China plows ahead anywayA New Type Of COVID-19 Vaccine Could Debut Soon
Guy Hottel, FBI Washington, DC field office head, filed this memo March 22, 1950. Here's a part:
“They [the saucers]were described as being circular in shape with raised centers, approximately 50 feet in diameter. Each one was occupied by three bodies of human shape but only three feet tall, dressed in metallic cloth of a very fine texture. Each body was bandaged in a manner similar to the blackout suits used by speed fliers and test pilots.”
A Yale talk proved it's ok to say things like these:
- 'fantasies of unloading a revolver into the head of any White person that got in my way'
- “There are no good apples out there. White people make my blood boil."
- lecture titled 'The Psychopathic Problem of the White Mind'
- Khilanani, who's of Indian descent, also called having to explain racism to White people a “waste of our breath.” She said, "We are asking a demented, violent predator who thinks that they are a saint or a superhero to accept responsibility. It ain’t going to happen. They have five holes in their brain.”
- FDA approves Biogen's Alzheimer's drug despite lack of evidence
- Hey, man, it's 2021. We're past evidence and testing.
- If you're looking to pull off anything sneaky in England, now would be a good time. Harry and 'that black girl' just reproduced. That should take up all the attention and news space for a while.
 |
| George Harrison + Stevie Nicks - 1970-something |
No comments:
Post a Comment