Your love is like painful constipation
Door-opening cicadas?
H-bombing Bumblebees
Gun-shooting cats (not really a surprise)
Tunnel-Boring Giraffes
Sort of related: drones that hunt down humans by listening to their screams. Ummm.... what if they're not screaming? Do they drop $1500 hammers on them? Are they preceded by notification that the Masked Furry has been canceled?
Today I identify as Siamese twins
- Your iDevice is taking pictures of you, without your knowledge or permission
US House Rep Mo Brooks tweeted his Gmail password and PIN Sunday.
How?
He had it on a yellow sticky on his monitor, of which he took a picture.
This is the worst negative stereotype in the IT world.
People like this shouldn't be allowed near computers. It's 2021, people. Computers aren't new.
Cyber athletes to form US Cyber Team
can you imagine?
I have a preliminary list of games....
- the 500 minute gaming chair sit
- fastest involuntary Windows reboot
- largest consumption of Monster drink in 60 seconds
- pass the browser cookies
- 100 second login sprint
Are you still using Gmail? Check out the 11 best Gmail alternatives
[HINT: Protonmail]
50 years ago, NASA relaxed quarantine rules from returning Moon missions.
However, we still scrub down the Moon-bound ships so we don't contaminate the poor Moon
Can you imagine the Moon contaminated by...
- the Flying AIDS
- Cardio B - Top Hits radio
- the common cold, which would kill the Moon aliens
- the Masked Furry
- Chinese-made American flags
You know when they land, Elon Musk will be there, waving at them.
So that Alzheimer's drug the FDA approved that they shouldn't have?
Since the FDA’s approval yesterday, researchers and pharma watchers have called the agency’s decision “disgraceful,” “a grave error,” and a “dangerous precedent” that will end up “eroding confidence in the agency as a whole.”
Can you imagine confidence in the FDA eroding?
"Wait," you say... "That ship already sailed?"
- ThermionicEmissions would like to sincerely apologize: the Bay of Pigs was not Rob Reiner's pool party. We have made a note and it will not happen again.
The dog seems to take some strange pleasure out of making me work.
Two days ago she disembowled one of her stuffed animals, but instead of stuff, it was little plastic balls. I spent a while getting them up with our single cooperative vacuum.
And last night, there was another pile of little plastic balls.
Add these to the pile of toys she keeps at the foot of the couch, and you have Pretty Penny, the Dirt Dog.
I know dogs aren't supposed to have these kind of emotions, but it happens every time. Somewhere, somehow, she earned her Vacuum Badge.
She also got hold of a Lindt white chocolate truffle, wrapped. She's been carrying it around for days. I don't know about you, but if there's a Lindt truffle near me, it's going to be eaten immediately, not carried around. Maybe she's saving it for the right moment. Maybe she hasn't figured out how to unwrap it. She can open a peanut shell, eat the peanuts, then spit out the shell.
She's a complex dog.
Inanely complex.
Good thing she's cute.
- Chipotle is raising prices to offset its $15 minimum wage hike
- isn't that nice? people demand an exorbitant wage and the customers pay for it
I'm a victim of Microsoft Teams. Sometimes I have to amuse myself.
I wait til my friend is in Presenting mode, then send an email with the subject: herpes treatment
If the settings are just right, 'herpes treatment' pops up on their screen, while they're presenting.
(There is only one person who doesn't think it's hilarious)
- Breast Implant Illness is a thing?
- don't test the theory - perhaps you should stop putting bags of silicone under your skin
I think my fridge does stuff while we're asleep.
We haven't caught it yet, but something's always out of place.
Wife thinks it does stuff around the house.
I think it goes places.
Some say you go places in your dreams.
Imagine going somewhere and running into your fridge...
I wonder.... is the fridge somehow involved in hiding the mustard?
There's this phenomenal horseradish mustard that's the only thing we use. It's so strong, it will singe your nose hair. In case you're wondering, that's a good thing. You never realize how many things require mustard until you're out of it. Sliced turkey sandwich? Mustard. Corned beef and cabbage? Mustard. 4 day tenderized breast of transmission? Mustard. Roast beef sandwich? Mayo. [NOOOOOOOOO... that's just not right. you don't put mayo on beef].
Only it's been really difficult to find lately. We have 3 local stores that 'carry' it, and when I say carry it, I mean we find it there once in a while. Maybe we put it in the fridge and it pushes the bottles to the back, where we can't find them. Especially me.. men can't find anything, anywhere. So when we open the fridge, if it doesn't personally fall off the shelf and hit us in the eye, causing the police and emergency room to get involved, while we deny anybody at all, specifically our spouse, hit us. We swear - it was the mustard. We couldn't find a huge turkey in the fridge. We're just not equipped to look for things. I think it's evolutionary. When we were cavemen (and cavewomen, and everybody was binary), men went out hunting. We had to find bison, deer, and wild soda. These were large. We had no trouble seeing them. When we brought them home, the women did something with them that made them virtually invisible. Little has changed. Then when we learned where things went, she changed it. So we already can't find things and it's now worse because she moved (hid) them.
I'm just going to call the mustard place and have them ship me a case.
While this sounds like a smart move, the same thing is going to happen when we finish the last bottle.
While trying to find the mustard, the fridge threw up some additional barriers, in the form of road closures. I would never complain about road work, but it just seems like you can't get there from here. If the road has a number on it, like 476, 29th, or 666, it's under construction and traffic is at a standstill. Some of the motorists have a rolling game of Yahtzee going. The older drivers are sitting around, talking about their favorite hobby, going to the doctor. Even the assholes, who will literally point a gun at you if they think you cut them off, are hanging out with the old folks, crying about their misspent youth and wanting their mothers. If you can find a way to make a U-turn, it's only going to become gridlocked in that direction too. The exit for the store that carries the mustard is closed. So someone buys a convenience store sandwich, gets 100 yards from the house, then has to go to the other store that carries the mustard, because the sandwiches required mustard. All of this is going on at 2pm, which is not rush hour, even for Philthydelphia. Browsing the website, I see a ton of horseradish products, none of which is mustard. I could have a sinking feeling, but no, they'll just ship me some personally.
Aaaaaaaaaaand it's fscking discontinued.
Mind you, the traffic won't be discontinued - just my mustard.
This is the kind of rollercoaster ride you get here at ThermionicEmissions. You experience it as I do. You feel my disappointments. You'll feel my triumphs too, as soon as I do.
- Fauci says when you attack me, you are attacking science.
- Nah, just your competence and salary.
The acting head of the Transportation Security Administration has issued
a memo warning that 131 of the nation’s largest airports will face
staffing shortages this month while asking office workers to volunteer
to assist with airport checkpoints.
Because office staff has no training, it should put them on equal footing with airport staff.
They will need some direction....
- Here is where you fondle them
- Tell them no one will see their xray, then go behind the wall and look at it
- Tell them any amount of liquid is over the maximum and confiscate it
- Tell every 20th passenger they're on the no-fly list, just for fun
- If you find anything interesting, tell them they can't fly with it and take it home
- let any explosives or guns through - things have been boring lately
Last issue I said I wouldn't ask readers to contribute money or buy me stuff on Amazon. It makes me very uncomfortable. Although I didn't say Reverb or Lark Street Music, they were implied.
So today I told Mrs. lefty I had a difficult choice and sought her help.
Did I want the $1200 lefty Brian May (Queen) guitar or the lefty 1957 Stratocaster, which is refinished, so it's only $17,500. I'm leaning toward the Strat. Mrs. lefty was leaning in the other direction. Quickly.
I get the distinct impression I'm not getting either.
I tried explaining that a craftsman or musician is only as good as his tools. I bought Craftsman tools because they were very good and lasted. So why should I settle for $600 guitars? Mind you, she is the same person who told me to get the laptop I really wanted because I'm usually attached to it.
So I'm not getting horseradish mustard OR a ridiculously expensive guitar.
Life could be much worse.
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