Thursday, November 17, 2016

Cumulus Rocks

You'll notice that I've been publishing more frequently lately. This is indicative of the fact that I've been publishing more frequently lately, plus my renewed commitment to sarcasm and my esteemed readers.

Today's Great Piece of Knowledge comes via the morning 'news', which had a special feature on Thanksgiving. On making the perfect turkey? No. What to bring for the holiday? No. New desserts? No. They want to let us know that if you don't have enough plates, it's ok. Don't you feel better now? You can make little animals out of napkins, because you have heavy cloth napkins all over the place anyway. Now, about that turkey...

  • If you belong to the adult web service Friend Finder (the world's largest sex & swinger community), 412 million accounts have been compromised. No serious information yet from Friend Finder. Of course no ThermionicEmission readers have accounts there. We're not the swinger type. Ok, maybe some of us. You, from Russia-I don't judge.

Whether for work or personal use, don't use Free Wifi. Keep all connections HTTPS and ideally use a VPN. I can walk into any airport or Starbucks and set up a wireless network called Free Airport Wifi (Free Starbucks Wifi). Your phone or tablet will connect to it and I can capture or 'sniff' all your data before it goes out to the internet.

  • Monthly reminder to back up your data. This protects you from ransomeware and most other Data Tragedies. Store the backup offsite, if possible. It will never hurt you to have a backup or even two.

Stop blocking roads, you idiots with Hurt Feelings. You caused a forty five minute detour that killed a man. Protest all you want but don't block roads.

Speaking of feelings, Barnard College is hosting a Trump Coping Event, complete with feminist coloring pages, hot chocolate, and snacks, so the snowflakes can cope with their feelings over Hillary's loss. You can't make this shit up.

  • Here's a concept: Virtual Reality can help shut-ins. Hopefully this ends the Serious Stuff.

I need to reiterate the Taylor Swift Conundrum. The woman is arguably pretty, although she does absolutely nothing for me. One time I heard a small snatch of her music and was immediately hit by the feeling that her audience is 8-15 year olds, mostly female. Until this morning, I continued to remain unmolested by her music. The morning alleged news program ran a snippet of a video, discussing what it's about. It's about music promotion, you local Einsteins. And again, I was struck by the nursery school-like beat and melody.

The same alleged news program spent a few minutes on how to pronounce Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson's name: Dew-Wayne or Dwayne. Ummm... let's be thankful they're not discussing the election (or a Kardashian), I guess. Or world peace.

  • Memory from the past: my musical comedy group had a song that involved basketball, so we mimed throwing a basketball (really?). We already know I'm not a sports guy, and my compatriots kept laughing at my feeble attempts to mime throwing a ball. Only I didn't know my attempts were feeble. They spent the better portion of an hour 'teaching' me how to mime throwing a basketball. Frustrated at their complete lack of patience, I was allowed to go onstage, not being able to complete this 'simple' task. It is said that guitar players are dumb. No alleged slur comes out of the blue. To this day, I have no idea what I did wrong and still don't care.
  • Sort of along those lines, a dear friend's father passed away. My friend's comment was that at least he got to see the Cubs win. Apparently this is a thing.

You know that feeling of sheer joy and relief after the plane you're on experiences an engine fire and everyone gets off safely? Apparently it doesn't last long... 18 passengers have filed a lawsuit against Boeing and American Airlines for the engine fire on the tarmac, when part of the engine failed. Also part of the suit: the American Airlines Lounge ran out of vodka before the flight, creating a hostile flying experience.

  • The Brooklyn Bridge has a long-standing tradition of people showing their love for each other by attaching a lock to it. According to the city's transportation commissioner, this is a Bad Idea. The bridge structure could be compromised.  As of yet, there's no word on the tradition of showing love by parking cement trucks on the bridge.

A US road safety body has demanded that electric cars traveling at a low speed make noise to warn pedestrians. Noises include bicycle horn, muscle car, and totally broken exhaust system.

  • How about that Bono? He has urged Donald Trump to prioritize gender equality. After he won a Woman of the Year award. Let me make sure I have the pronouns straight here. Bono won a Woman of the Year award and called on Trump to prioritize gender equality. Is anything about this odd, suspicious, or believable? Could any of us come up with a more ridiculous news item? Will the president-elect act on the polite and 'correct' request? Finally, there is a women's magazine handing out women's trophies to men. We are living in Upside-Down World.

Apparently they never got the memo about improving race relations: a post on Faceyspaces (so I'm told, of course) referred to Michelle Obama as an 'ape in heels'. Let me attempt to make it so clear that even Faceyspaces readers can understand: OK to Criticize - ideas. Not OK to Criticize - appearance, kids, race, spouse. Yes, it falls under freedom of speech. Yes, they sound like racist idiots.

  • Apple's Big New Product might be smart glasses that would connect to an iDevice to provide information on the glasses. In other words, Apple's is bringing out Google Glasses in 2018 or so.

Got way too much money on your hands and need to spend some for a good cause (you)? There is now a smart oven (uh-oh) that can recognize 'some' foods and 'kinda' cook for you. It is reviewed here. Only $1495, it can recognize and cook 25 items and has automatic settings for another 47. PLUS a Bluetooth app to look inside the device and to let you know when your food is done. BUT WAIT - if you buy now, you get a free puppy, plus the ghost of Billy Mays will visit and sprinkle white Magic Dust on you while you sleep.

    • Moral Relativity? There is a new ransomware that harvests social data and scans for child porn. If found, the malware lists the offending file(s) and scans their social media, threatening to post a message.

Technology has come a long way. From using your 300 baud modem to connect to Compuserve to 2016, when Domino's Completes First Delivery of Terrible Pizza by Drone. This means we'll see delivery of Other Stuff by drone soon, regardless of how easy it might be to hijack the drone. Feel all techy and futuristic now?

  • Netflix will be releasing "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life" on November 25th. Nobody knows why.

Observing the great divide that has appeared after Trumpie won, not to mention the violent anti-Trumpie riots, financially backed by George Soros, It occurs to me that we really need to learn to coexist. Relationships have broken up, fights have started, buildings have been vandalized, and most recently, a man has been shot. I respect Trumpie opponents' right to peacefully protest, but this is getting out of hand.

There was a period of a few days when Mrs leftystrat was considering voting for the republican candidate. In what I consider a sterling example, there were no negative words or emotions present. We didn't loudly disagree or fight over this topic. We fought like mad over most other topics, but not the election. This example should serve as an example to the people destroying property and lives.

  • Mexico's foreign minister announced a plan to help Mexicans get accurate information and avoid deportations in a Trump administration.
  • WHAT?
  • Not only are they allowing their citizens to jump ship, as it were, but they're aiding and abetting by providing help for the illegals.
  • Can you see America encouraging emigration to other countries and providing assistance allowing them to remain there?
  • This is a weird place. Not the blog - the country.

In a Beatle-esque display of bravado and up-yours-ness, Bob Dylan has announced he will not be at the Nobel Literature Prize ceremony, due to "pre- existing commitments". He's picking out wallpaper for that area over the steps leading down to the basement.

  • With Black Friday coming earlier and earlier this year (November 2nd), you might want to know how not to overpay for your purchase. My article in Modern Black Friday suggests the only way to truly make sure you're not overpaying is to not shop on Black Friday. Yes, the alleged Black Friday Economy will collapse, but who gives a shit when you're trying to get that 67" (tangentially-measured) tv for two dollars off?

Let's say you're sitting there, minding your own business, and you suddenly decide that you'd like a quick Tinder hookup with a transgender person. On Tinder, one can now identify as transgender. I don't use Tinder (no, really) but I'd recommend not identifying as transgender unless you're transgender. That kinda surprise can get you assaulted. Good to know.

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