Friday, February 17, 2017

PTSD from Something That Never Happened

Remember the Grammys? I don't, largely because I don't watch them. It's been way too frustrating for a long long time... have you heard what wins them? Apparently Adele won something over Beyonce. CNN and others have said this is due to racism.


The sheer stupidity of this is immeasurable.
But then again, when you think of it, they might have a point.
After all, Jimi Hendrix is dead. If that doesn't prove racism, nothing does.

  • In a move no one saw coming, Greatest Leader Kim Jong-un's half-brother, Kim Jong-nam (no relation to Viet-nam), heir apparent to the throne, has died. Or rather, had help dying, in Malaysia. He upset South Korea a few times in the past and Kim Jong-un apparently hasn't forgotten. The dude is hardcore - assassinating his own brother.

If you tap the buttons too fast on a Volkswagen's touchscreen, you can crash the display. This was a cut-and-paste error that fell into place when they put in the program that 'hid' the small emissions cheat that cost them more than the collective salaries of small countries. Or something.

  • I experienced several of the most frustrating days ever at my workplace this week. I don't know how to accurately describe it, so here's a timeline:
  • DAY 1
  • a device was installed and misconfigured.
  • I was called to reconfigure it
  • Office 1 ordered the job for Office 2 (mine)
  • spent an entire day trying to get adapters and cables for the job, ultimately failing, due to lack of hardware and inability to install software because the computer is rightfully locked down for security reasons.
  • Office 1 overnights the correct adapter, which should exist everywhere.
  • Day 2
  • I wait for the adapter to be delivered
  • [11:30] adapter delivered
  • [11:35] adapter plugged in
  • [11:40] located driver software for adapter (that I am not allowed to install)
  • [11:45] open chat window with Helpdesk Dude to install software. He's not at his desk.
  • [12:15] open chat window with second Helpdesk Dude, who is also not at his desk. I firmly believe that Helpdesk Dudes have a special program that tells everyone they're not at their desk or busy when they call, by default, so no one will ask them to do anything or yell at them because they can't do their work until they get some assistance.
  • [1:00] Helpdesk Dude 1 is back at his desk and ignoring me, per departmental mandate
  • [1:15] Helpdesk Dude 2 is back at his desk, but whoops... he's away again
  • [2:00] I emailed Office 1 to let them know I'm still sitting there, waiting for help. He does something very interesting (and possibly illegal) to Helpdesk Dude 1, who is suddenly very anxious to help me out and apologizes for not getting to me hours earlier.
  • [2:03] adapter is ready to go
  • [2:05] configure software: the directions for idiots is made for different idiots and covers the wrong version of the software. I have to feel my way around to configure it.
  • [2:15] Long trek to the device to be configured. Plug in - connect first time! Fail to log in. Fail to log in again. Call Office 1 - oops.. they changed the password. No, they can't tell me - they have to email. And I have to run back to the desk to get the email.
  • [2:25] Log into device. Fail again. Call Office 1 again - they suggest capitalizing some letters and changing some numbers. POOF - I'm in [cue angels singing over heavenly music].
  • [2:27] Device configured and tested! The entire operation was for these two minutes. That's it.
  • [2:30] Get call from Office 1: did I configure it correctly - they can't see it. Why yes, I did. And I tested it. Guess I'll have to go back to it again.
  • [2:35] Device remains configured properly. Call Office 1, who says to check with someone/anyone to make sure settings he gave me are correct. I stand up and my shoelace spontaneously unties itself, like a tiny explosion at my foot.
  • [2:40] Find someone/anyone, who indicates everything is correct.
  • [2:45] Back at device, look carefully and discover that the device was never correctly plugged into the network. Someone/anyone indicates he needs correct paperwork to get the device plugged in correctly.
  • [2:50] Office 1 indicates that the paperwork was submitted a while ago and to forward this information to someone/anyone. Emailed this information, with a request to let me know when it's correctly plugged in.
  • [One day later] I have not received confirmation that the device was plugged in correctly, per yesterday's email. My eyeballs start looking at each other and my stomach sends out Morse Code to Office 1.
  • This is Work. This happens every time I need to get something done. It's like the Army, but worse. It's a small wonder I don't develop symptoms of Postal Worker Rage and mow down my coworkers. Due to the sounds of silence and snoring, most might not realize it.

Japanese game arcades now feature gamified urinals. Isn't that nice? You don't have to give up on that stream of endorphins and adrenaline when you are forced to leave your seat to pee. This is why the Japanese won the war...

  • Wow.. a guy in a Tesla observed a Volkswagen Passat swerving all over the place on the Autobahn. After the car bounced off the guardrail a few times, he noticed the driver was unconscious. He pulls his Tesla in front of the Passat, allows the VW to tap his bumper, and manages to pull both cars to a stop. This man defines "hero".
  • Elon Musk, Tesla inventor, steps up to say that all repairs on the Tesla will be free and expedited. It was a good day all around. Hopefully the Passat driver is ok.

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