It's All About the Turtles

No matter what happens in the next few years, you're going to have to start protecting your toaster from hackers. Isn't that a good thought?

• My poor, long-suffering wife does the shopping, which is a wonderful, appreciated task. The other night we had to stop for something so I got dragged in. It took only minutes til I got frustrated with being there, so, like the child I am, I picked a nice, crowded aisle and asked, "Do you know what you haven't had in a long time? A nice SPANKING." Although only one person heard, I don't think I'll be shopping again any time soon.

Curious about the difference between porn watching habits of men and women? Read on. Hint: gang bangs.

• The head of Iceland has moved to make pineapple illegal on pizza. If only our elected thieves representatives could tackle so important a matter...

Because You Asked For It (did I?): there's an internet-connected mousetrap that signals when one has been caught. It will just upload the mouse to The Cloud. The next update will allow it to email all your friends to let them know you have mice.

• Researchers in Australia discover that smoke alarms tend not to wake children. On the bright side, it's the smoke that kills people, not the fire.

Ladies-look no further. Your ideal mate is here and waiting for you. WARNING: have a container of eye bleach handy.

• Hey, you know those US oil and gas industries? According to a new study, 68% of them have suffered a major security breach in the past year. But it's ok because 41% have continuous monitoring in place.  Think about this for a second. Less than half effectively monitor their networks. Yeah, we're in trouble.
• 7.3 billion Internet of Things devices are predicted by 2020. Their alleged security will be much worse than the oil and gas industries. We can watch the world burn, safe in the knowledge that we saw it coming, and we can laugh and say we told you so.

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Recently removed from the Statue of Liberty: Welcome to the US, where The Kardashians is the pinnacle of entertainment.

Welcome to Philadelphia: we have a statue of a fictional boxer.

I'm tired - I think I need to start going to bed later. No, really - the less sleep I get, the easier it is to get out of bed.

For no other reason that it's on again, via some horrid tv station, I salute Fred Sanford: Esther, I'm gonna put your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

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I have an adversarial relationship with seat belts. I understand they were not always standard equipment on cars and were not always mandatory.  I have, as you'd expect, an issue with them being mandatory, especially in a state that does not require motorcycle helmets (it's our choice to spill our brains). I think they exist to hold your dead body in the car. My chiropractor had bad things to say about them too.

Lately things have gotten weird(er). The belts don't always retract, getting stuck and preventing the doors from shutting completely. People have gotten in the car and started cursing at the belt, which is usually my job. It seems they can't find the receptacle to plug the belt in. I looked at them all like they were nuts for yelling at a seat belt, then I went to take my turn.. no connection. I tried again... no go. I think the receptacles have figured this routine out and have started moving and hiding themselves. And it has happened on two different cars. The seat belts are out to get us!  It's probably the Russians.