Captivity -- Day 53 Dr Phil is not a doctor

Let's start with the weather:
it continues to be actually sunny. This is because the clouds are having coffee and haven't realized how sunny it has gotten. Within a short time, one of the clouds will recognize the unsupressed sun and it will all be over. And when I say all over, I mean the sun; the cold will stay with us. Yes, its May, and we're enduring February temperatures.

Idiot Governor maintains he's still in charge and will drop in with the paratroopers if any business tries to open. If he deems Dairy Queen non-essential, I'm joining the Resistance. One simply does not cut off malts for an entire area. Idiot Governor is overstepping his bounds.


The Flying AIDS is spreading in the White House.
The White House disclaims all knowledge and fault for the spread and asks why everybody attributes everything to it? It does good things too - but they never get reported.


A fight broke out at a Target after customers refused to wear facial covering (that's a mask to you and me). Idiot Governor Gavin Newsom rushed in with the 3rd Armored Division when it was discovered that one of the 2 perpetrators weren't female or a significant minority. When contacted for comment by the news, Target's official statement was that you usually have to go to Walmart for this level of hijinks.


Bible scholars claim Book of Revelation seals broken, 'Four Horsemen are ACTIVE.' Historically, the horsemen are death, war, famine, and disease. The Book of The Slightly Modified for Scaring You More Effectively, claims the seals are just fine, thank you, and people should stop their campaign against seafood. The other signs are Furries on the #1 tv show in the nation, social distancing, and over 90% of computers using Windows.


In addition to the Synchronized Stereo Mower Team that operates daily, today we have the Synchronized Stereo Airplane Brigade. There is no explanation of how their schedules managed to sync. Either it was pure coincidence, or meetings took place at a very High Level, possibly involving Pence, or someone at the White House who doesn't have the Flying AIDS (yet). Listen closely, as this is the technical part: the mowers achieve their stereo sound field by all being on the horizontal plane, with many many mowers riding at once. The planes also occupy the horizontal plane (see what I did there?) but they're at different altitudes, ergo, et al, sickly, they produce a very wide stereo field, especially when there is more than 1 plane. For whatever reason, most plane traffic involves more than 1 plane. The really good plane antics are not only louder than the Who; they knock shit off the walls. Like that picture of Aunt Fuck (RIP). There's a lot of noise for a small hood. Nowhere was there a sign for DANGER - YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR HEARING. Actually, prospective buyers thought it said WARNING - YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR EARRING.

Speaking of commercials, have you seen the one with the hot older models, pimping yet another Special Cream, designed to make them look 2 years younger, for the discounted price of $400 per small bottle. The shoot normally would have taken 3 minutes, but wound up taking 3 days, because they had to teach the models to say "Hyaluronic Acid."