Friday, May 1, 2020

Captivity - Day 42 Leave the damn elephant alone already



42 is the magic number, at least according to the Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe.  And its author, Douglas Adams, is/was most always right, so major parts of humanity go with it.

10 minutes ago, the sky looked like the sun might win today.
At this moment, the clouds are doing their level best to banish any light, mirth, and fun from the skies. We may have to protest, the problem being, to whom.


It's Friday, conveniently the day after Thursday, as it is wont to be.
It's not as hazardous as Thursday, but we recommend a hazmat suit just the same. We will also continue, as always, to bring you absolutely nothing, but in a wordy sort of way. First (and second) off, we here at ThermionicEmissions want to remind you to keep your Flying AIDS news viewing to an absolutely minimum. I look at it once a day, max. Sometimes not at all. This has contributed a less than tragic overview of the World In General (WIG), as well as a general evil smile at the grass. Smiling at the grass is some sort of end-times sign. Because it rains here 8 out of 9 days, the grass grows like weeds, so there's constant mowing. Since I was bitten by a lawnmower (or something) when I was little, it's traumatic to address it. The flashbacks... the flashbacks...

Speaking of which, we knew it was going to happen, and it did so today. Yes, I went outside. Well, it was temperately sunny and I felt I should, or the voices would tell me I'm missing a vital part of being alive. I really have to have those voices fixed. - won't they be surprised. So there I was, on a perfectly sunny evening at 7:32, sitting on my own front step. Still entirely not sure why. Not much doing, except for my high-strung neighbor trying (once again) to put her husband's body through the tree-shredder machine. She told me they're difficult to clean and leave much forensic evidence.


So what are we going to do when Idiot Governor 'allows' us to leave our homes?
I have many suggestions (of course I do)...

  • get a malt (they're available now, but f- social distancing
  • guitar shopping (just to be next to them, even if they have no lefties)
  • one of those goofy women's clothing stores for women who aren't small and women who aren't overweight. It's not for me to judge, but have you seen the pictures at the overweight stores? Women in bikinis? Lingerie? I know a few Chubby Chasers, but lingerie.... even other overweight women don't want to see that stuff.
  • tuna, toilet paper, and pasta in supermarkets
  • the Mexican place, which has takeout, -  but we suspect the hot food and the ice cream won't survive the trip home
  • maybe that real imitation pizza-like substance

How are the hallucinations?
Glad you asked. I looked out of the office yesterday and said to myself that the guitar is not supposed to move around like a snake. I figure that qualified as a hallucination.  The problem with being a smartass is that nobody takes you seriously when you're serious.  I say to doc that the medicine works very well, but I'd really like the hallucinations turned down a bit. The doc is laughing because I'm such a wiseass. "No, really, " is a phrase I use a lot..



NASCAR will be the first race starting in May.
An entire load of Idiot Governors will be on the tarmac to enforce social distancing between the cars. Failing that, they'll be used as orange bumper guards.


My ass hurts. It's from sitting on my front steps for more than 1 minute.


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