According to one of the many attractive weatherladies, it's cold today. It's cold for the season. It's bloody May and we're not even in August. Somebody better have a bit of a chat with Mother Nature - this is unacceptable. Today's WeatherHottie was very pretty and knew her topic but there's something about a woman with shoulders the size of a football team's Front Four...
Mrs lefty's hobby is finding local channels and watching their news and commercials. This is not a difficult hobby, in that you turn on a local channel and watch their news. The best bit is watching the commercials. You wind up saying to yourself that the production quality would greatly improve if they hired a 5 year old with a crayon to produce the commercials. HAH. This iz Bahb, of Bahb's Tractor Feed and Phonograph Repair. Let Bahb takes care of yer tractor's phonograph feed! If y'all buys this week, we'll throw in a free baby and a bottle of local wine, with real grapes.
Last night I saw some yogurt, thinking I'd have that today for breakfast. Since I can't find chocolate yogurt, I eat other kinds. This morning there was no yogurt. I gave up trying to figure out why a long time ago, but the math says Mrs lefty or Penny the Wonder Spaniel. Penny can't open the fridge (as far as I know) and Mrs lefty opens the fridge too much, so I'm going with Mrs lefty. I think she rearranges the entire fridge after I go to bed. Aside from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I'm not sure why. I am sure it affects my already brittle sense of where things are. So if I'm the only one awake, I can't find any yogurt. It is also possible that she forgot where she put it, so no yogurt there either. This is starting to look hopeless for the yogurt so I go back to sugary chocolate cereal. Ahhhh.... I get it! She wants me to eat junk cereal so I die sooner. This is exactly why I keep the life insurance at levels where it's not worth it to kill me. A place for everything and nothing in its place.
I have a Google Math question: Google tells me I have 8192 page views for the day. I have 8191 page views for the week. Is this algebra? Quantum physics?
KLINGER - put on some pants!
Flying AIDS survivors banned from joining military.
Men in panties still ok.
Report from New Scientist: Mini-brains grown in a dish rapidly develop signs of Alzheimer's disease when infected with the common herpes virus that causes cold sores. Who comes up with this shit? Hey Max... Yeah? We got this mini-brain grown in a dish.. let's put some herpes in it, ok? BRILLIANT!
WATCH YOUR MEAT: Like the previous rioting over toilet paper, we're on the cusp of Meat Rioting. The story is that meat processing plants are shutting down because the animals are suspected of having the Flying AIDS. Or the employees. Or the employees who do things they shouldn't with the animals. The price of meat is going through the fake factory ceiling.
The hidden cost of gun violence: a NJ State Police detective shot on duty proposes to girlfriend after being released from hospital.
I've been through Kardashians, I've been through Survivor, and our current foe is Furries. You know - the Furries that get into costumes and sing for alleged judges? I didn't know about it til I saw the commercials - JFC, we have degraded. We need to get back to 'normal' from this Flying AIDS thing, lest people have what's left of their minds food processed into (more) mush. TV is now owned by 2 entities: Wolf (any police or SUV show) and Mindless Live (Survivor, Contest, Love in an oil tank).
Literally the only thing I watch on broadcast tv is 911 (the original). Perhaps because I don't care about my other tv setup or I don't care in general, Wife and I swap the remote control. She has all the power because she cares, and because she knows what stations are which numbers. Me - Big Vacuum Tube and Computer d00d, relies on his wife to know what channels to put on. I have made some progress, in that I can now change channels. She got me again, though, because she knows which channels we have. Since we have the Cheap Option, which includes internet and broadcast tv, we only pay $249 per month, so we can't expect too much. My parents used this service the moment it became available in our old hood. I can't mention their name (because of some rule I just made up), but it rhymes with Bomcast. Now for the Old Man Rant: Why, I remember when it was $15 for basic cable. Now it's $15 to drive by one of their skyscrapers in Philly.
I have loved my job since day 1. My boss is a little weird, in that he trusts me, but we can work through these little bumps. Since we're Sheltering Here In Terror (SHIT), we have meetings from his house. Boss likes to keep his team sharp and every time we meet, there's a loud sound in the background. Once the screaming was a cat. Then what sounded like his shower was the coffee machine. After that, we heard a Caterpillar 4B, digging up the basement. This turned out to be a Caterpillar 4B, digging up his basement (for the panic room/bomb shelter). Next week we expect his entire family singing Christmas carols (but his son sings off-key.
This corporate sucking up to everybody who's a hero during the Flying AIDS pandemic is nauseating. The first commercial is nice. The next 12 are mind-numbingly insane. We get you, Ford... we understand you're offering no payments forever on your new trucks, but does that mean the front line responders assemble them? How about the trashmen? The clerks at fast food stores? They guys at the sex shops?
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