- You may have 12 guitars but you have no spare strings.
- Volume is inversely proportional to talent.
- Slides and string-winders are like socks - roughly half of them disappear.
- A $20 tube will protect a $.25 fuse by blowing first.
- A chord occurs in a song. A cord is used for strangling the singer.
- Vintage amps do not bounce when the old leather handle breaks.
- If you remembered to bring two guitars, you forgot your strap.
- If a string breaks, it will only do so on a floating trem guitar.
- Where is your backup amp? Back up at practice.
- The odds of your guitar being in tune when you play is inversely proportional to the time you spent tuning it before the set.
- Never solder in shorts.
- Any tube snob will have pedals with transistors in them.
- Where is your whammy bar? Anywhere but attached to your guitar.
- If you only brought one pick, you will not be able to hold onto it to save your life.
- Where are those people who really wanted to watch you play? Everywhere but at the gig.
- Remember that hot chick from last set? She doesn't remember you.
- You're at a new club. It is raining so hard that cars are floating away.
- That new tune you learned? The rest of the band didn't.
- Remember: if you turn up, so will he.
- Never (and I emphasize this) never let the drummer's girlfriend (Yoko) sing `just one song' with the band.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
This should pass for Guitar Wisdom. It probably won't, but it should: