Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Guitar Truths

This should pass for Guitar Wisdom.  It probably won't, but it should:

  • You may have 12 guitars but you have no spare strings.
  • Volume is inversely proportional to talent.
  • Slides and string-winders are like socks - roughly half of them disappear.
  • A $20 tube will protect a $.25 fuse by blowing first.
  • A chord occurs in a song.  A cord is used for strangling the singer.
  • Vintage amps do not bounce when the old leather handle breaks.
  • If you remembered to bring two guitars, you forgot your strap.
  • If a string breaks, it will only do so on a floating trem guitar.
  • Where is your backup amp?  Back up at practice.
  • The odds of your guitar being in tune when you play is inversely proportional to the time you spent tuning it before the set.
  • Never solder in shorts.
  • Any tube snob will have pedals with transistors in them.
  • Where is your whammy bar?  Anywhere but attached to your guitar.
  • If you only brought one pick, you will not be able to hold onto it to save your life.
  • Where are those people who really wanted to watch you play?  Everywhere but at the gig.
  • Remember that hot chick from last set?  She doesn't remember you.
  • You're at a new club.  It is raining so hard that cars are floating away.
  • That new tune you learned?  The rest of the band didn't.
  • Remember: if you turn up, so will he.
  • Never (and I emphasize this) never let the drummer's girlfriend (Yoko) sing `just one song' with the band.

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