Monday, February 16, 2015

Some Stuff About Some Stuff

The pope is causing a bit of a stir, after saying that it's ok to spank children, provided they maintain their dignity.

Exactly which part of pulling down your pants and getting your ass slapped is dignified?

What he meant to say was that spanking little boys is ok, but only as foreplay.


HANDY TIP: If you're having trouble opening a jar, use an unlubricated condom


There's this odd intersection in the neighborhood. It's kind of an offset four-way with a steep incline (isn't that a pretty, well-illustrated picture?).  Apparently someone decided that this intersection was not safe enough, therefore it required four-way stop signs.  Mind you, the truly dangerous intersection is one block away and already had four-way stop signs.

Here's the good part: everyone ignored the stop signs. It got so bad that they installed blinking red lights on top of the stop signs so people would pay attention to them.  

If that fails, I suppose they'll put pictures of a Kardashian on top of the blinking lights.


Something is different. I'm working on a theory - perhaps you can help me out.

In the past few days, I have been food shopping with my wife twice.  Both times in the store, a woman smiled at me.  I kept looking around for the person at whom she was smiling. Failing to find anyone else, I was forced to think that perhaps she was smiling at me.

Usually women don't smile at me until I pull down my pants, at which point they're hysterical.

This is unprecedented.  I'm not exactly a warm, cuddly or attractive person and people don't smile at me.  I know I certainly haven't changed, so it must be something else.

And then it hit me: my wife is a chick-magnet.  Ok, technically having a wife is a chick magnet.  You single guys should beg, borrow or rent a female to hang around you in public, if you want to attract other women.

I know there's nothing like standing there with a puppy to attract women.  Now it turns out that having a wife or girlfriend works too.  My theory here is that with a wife, I become the element known as Unobtainium.  There is nothing more attractive in a man than a man who's unavailable. Women who would not look at me on the street start smiling at me in the store. 

Turns out this is true in both directions. Guys won't notice a woman if she's by herself but when someone else wants her, she becomes popular.

Feel free to support or take a whack at my theory.

1 comment:

  1. Oooh, working at the ol' call center, huh? Sorry. I did this. Won't EVER do it again. I'll dig ditches before I work a call center. Those places are HELL HOLES!

    I hope something better comes along for you soon, Lefty, and you'll be able to escape from the cube farm and its associated sicknesses (physical and mental) while you're still somewhat undamaged.