Monday, March 9, 2015

Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?

Ok, credit for the title goes to the great Frank Zappa.
But have you ever seriously asked yourself what does the color of my pee mean? The Cleveland Clinic has your answer.

Along similar lines, what do we do about too much poo on Mt Everest? Further proving that we all don't know shit.

One must also wonder if humans are getting cleverer. One must also wonder if cleverer is a proper word. Perhaps if you know the answer, you're clever(er). Regardless, we're still a nation of morons.

NFL Champions to Donate Their Brains to Science. This begs the question of how they find their brains.

Britland asks Nigerian asylum-seeker to prove that she's gay. Will this involve Birkenstocks? Joan Jett concerts?  LL Bean catalogs?

It will all come out in the wash (no wonder abortion is such a contentious subject).

Some people go with the flow. Some against the flow. Some are free-thinkers. Some, well, some think on their toes, like my friend Bob. After the recent Charlie Heado bombings, Bob quickly got online and ordered some cheap airline tickets to France. For some reason, the fares had gone down drastically.

We are facing a silent epidemic. It's slipping under the radar and I wanted to do my best to get the news out to the public. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about people driving or leaving their vehicles on train tracks and walking off, causing their vehicles to become compact cars (and much harder to drive).  I direct your attention to the most recent incident, wherein fifty people were injured. I have absolutely no idea why the fellow decided to park his truck on the tracks but he was picked up and charged for hit and run(?), after being found walking along the tracks, talking on his cell phone.  Ah, cell phone - that might explain things. The tracks probably interrupted his texting, so he left the truck there.  After the train hit the vehicle, he probably took a few selfies and posted them to Faceyspaces, then walked away, calling a few friends to tell them the news. Oh yeah, there might have been Certain Substances involved too, but that's just my speculation.  Let's face it, it was either drugs or the guy was that stupid. Or both. 

The fellow's attorney (you knew there had to be an attorney involved) stated 'that  his client had been confused and mistakenly turned onto the tracks instead of a nearby street'.  Tell me, dear readers - do you leave your car on the median when you mistakenly make a wrong turn?  If you make a mistake and wind up in the really bad part of town, do you get out of your car and walk away, talking on your cell phone?
If this guy drove into a building, he'd leave the car hanging out of a window and climb down before taking his selfies. Incidentally, the crash  flipped over three double-decker Metrolink rail cars and derailed two others. He must have walked away out of concern.
This lady, in Australia, got hit so badly that the car got thrown 170 meters (that's 47.3 American miles).  No idea why she was on the tracks but she lived.
In St. Louis, this car was hit by a train. There were no injuries!
This vehicle 'was attempting to stop at the tracks and slid'.  Looks like it failed.
Didn't their parents teach them not to play on train tracks? With matches? While running with scissors?

And in closing, the Chinese restaurant across from work no longer sells Chinese food.

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