Friday, June 2, 2017

My Dog Has Fleas

He doesn't, really.
He has diarrhea. Ask me how I found this out.
No, wait, don't ask.

Twenty eight gigabytes of sensitive intelligence agency files were left on a public Amazon server by one of the nation's top intelligence contractors without a password, according to a new report.

Twenty eight gigabytes (60,000 documents - rather a large amount) were left, exposed to anyone, on a public cloud server. With no password. Including a passwords to a government system containing sensitive information and the security credentials of a senior employee of Booz Allen Hamilton, one of the country's top defense contractors. This means no hacking was required-you could have Top Secret Department of Defense access, for the taking.

The list of what is wrong with this is endless, even for first-year computer security students (and possibly their dogs).  This doesn't look good for Booz Allen, the same firm where Edward Snowden worked.

My prediction is that this will disappear quietly, if it even gets out of the gate. If it were to ever surface again, there will be an announcement that the federal government is very unhappy with Booz Allen, and have given them a stiffly-worded letter saying so and urging them to never do it again. Plus a several-million dollar fine, which will be of no consequence against their next humongous government contract.

  • EMERGENCY warning, ladies, from England's Daily Star: Don't put wasp nests up your vagina. That is all.

A motorcycle gang stole Jeeps by accessing the secret database of replacement key codes. They stole them out of parking lots or wherever they could find them, started them via the stolen codes, then drove them to Mexico. Never underestimate the power of Motas, Chi Chi, Guero, Guerito, and Edwin, among others. On your way out, don't forget to make fun of me for having an older car that won't remote-start.

  • Kmart is dealing with its second credit card breach in less than three years. They could have planned this at a more convenient time, with Sears closing both stores.
  • It is my observation that hacking Kmart didn't have to be such a laborious project. They could just hack it from the inside. One or two guys with t-shirts that say HACKER, in bright yellow letters, just walk up to a register and install the malware. Kmart is such an unholy, understaffed mess (at least mine are), that no one would notice.
  • When asked for comment, Kmart said to wait in one of two lines with ten people in front of you and two cashiers running all over the store for unpriced items.

Piper Harron, a professor at the University of Hawaii has said that white men should be banned from teaching. She wrote an article saying 'If you are a white cis man, you almost certainly should resign from your position of power. Thats right, please quit. Too difficult? Well, as a first step, at least get off your hiring committee, your curriculum committee, and make sure you're replaced by a woman of color or trans person.'  It's good to know that in 2017, it's perfectly ok to come out and make this statement. It's a very good thing that it was not made by a caucasian, or the shitstorm would be monumental.

  • One of Jerry Garcia's guitars (named Wolf for its wolf inlay) just sold for $1.9 million at auction. Next month, his body will be auctioned. It is expected to fetch between $900k and $3billion.

Earlier I told you about Evergreen State College, where leftist students demanded all white people take a day off. The college was evacuated and closed today due to a "direct threat to campus safety". I'm sure they will launch an immediate investigation (into how to make the lives of the threateners more comfortable and listen intently to their demands).

The world continues to get weirder by the day, just when you think it can't get any more weird. What's worse, you couldn't possibly make this stuff up in the wildest of literary satire.

  • One of those nice Muslim men claimed to have explosives with him, as he tried to enter the cockpit of a Malaysia Airlines flight. He was tackled by eleven passengers and did not make it to the cockpit. The industry could save a lot of money on air marshals because travelers are FED UP with this and will use it as an excuse to act out. I predict hijackings will stop as the hijackers realize they're more likely to get the stuffing beat out of them than hijack the plane.

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