Don't Ask for Creativity Before 8am

A little joy for you this morning: iPhone apps with camera permissions can take pictures and video, using the front or rear camera, without you noticing. There is nothing you can do about it at present, other than cover your camera lenses.

• Hey - where's your stick? Sensitive data on Heathrow Airport security was found on an abandoned memory stick. Most of it wasn't encrypted.
• This can be avoided in a number of ways:

1. hold onto your memory sticks, stupid.
2. encrypt the entire stick, stupid
3. don't allow this data to leave the network, stupid
4. if this didn't come from an insider, you're in deep doo-doo, stupid

• This isn't new security practice. It shouldn't come as a surprise to any computer security student.

A bug just discovered in LG IoT (Internet of Things) communication technology can allow someone to create an account and access all your LG smart appliances. This could result in your toaster committing suicide by walking into your preheated oven, then calling police and fire to tell them it's a false alarm after your smoke detectors go off.

Do not put this stuff in your house. When you go appliance shopping, tell the eager salesperson that you want dumb appliances. You want your appliances so dumb, they can run for office.  When the salesperson ignores you because he has no dumb appliances to sell, tell him you read ThermionicEmissions and you're scared shitless. This blog will either become highly read or Google will be petitioned to remove it by the IoT Safety Committee (somewhat related to the Congressional Ethics Committee).

• It's time for the Weekly Marshall Update.  Marshall is halfway through his chemo. His bloodwork is very good and Doggy Onco Doc is very happy with his progress. He has a small colored bandage around a different leg after each visit.
• We are extremely thankful for the clinical luck.
• As you'd expect, there's weirdness afoot. For the first time in recent memory, Marshall is acting like he used to. The dog who was having trouble getting up steps and jumping on furniture now sleeps in bed and relaxes on the couch. 
• Tissue shredding has recommenced! It's a good thing I get into bed in the dark, lest I see that night's freshly-shredded tissues from the trash can. The dirty ones make much better shredding.

This morning, the news introduced us to Rosebud, the therapy chicken.

Therapy chicken.

This is going to be hysterical on airplane flights.

mmmmm... tastes like chicken...

• It's dark and dreary. I suppose it's not necessary to say that, as it's our default weather. Regardless Loud Construction, Inc, is already out, making the circular saw on concrete noise.
• This goes on roughly seven days a week, yet water never gets into the power tools and electrocutes the handler.
• WTF are they building - a secret bunker? Pizza shop for soon to be missing children?

Pretenders' front woman Chrissie Hynde warned the audience of their strict no cellphones policy. The phones came out and never left. She let the audience have it midway through the first song, saying if it continued, she'd stop singing. They continued but she didn't. The band shortened its set as a result.

The self-important screaming from the audience on social media stated that the band was there for the audience and the audience was paying for the band, so they should be allowed to do whatever they want. 

I'm not a fan, but go Chrissie!

• To my vast legion of left-handed musician readers, The Southpaw Store, Disneyland in Houston, is having a sale on lefty ukuleles. The policy of this blog is still that it is not polite to speak French or play ukulele in public.

Don't forget, kids... it's Halloween!  Now get out there and offend somebody!

Appropriate someone's culture. Be creative. If all else fails, try blackface.

• My wife is so good to me... she got me a Halloween shirt that says JACKING-LANTERN.

Harvey Weinstein has been banned for life from the Producers Guild.

Because he got caught.

None of this was a secret within the industry.

Nor was Kevin Spacey. The stories are coming out about many underage males he got drunk and propositioned. He used the Gay Excuse to get out of it but gay does not equal pedophile.

The Amish Killed JFK

It was a long buggy ride to Dallas.

In order to hush and mislead further, the Kennedy assassination records were sealed, due to be released September 26, 2017. There was all sorts of speculation as to whether the president would allow the release of the records. President Trump said he would release them; that we had a right to read them. A short while later, after mysterious visits from Men In Black, only part of the records would be released. The official excuse was that federal agencies would need more time to decide which parts they wanted redacted.

We citizens, not many skilled in advanced maths, figure that federal agencies had fifty years in which to redact. For those who don't regularly read this kind of information, redact means to take a black marker and cover certain words or sentences. Stanton Friedman, grandfather of UFO research, has received documents entirely blacked out, except for a word or two.

Why redact? National Security is the main reason. Most reasonable people would agree this is an adequate precaution and protection. Most letter agencies refer to anything they don't want known as National Security.  They like to hold onto data... any data.. knowledge is power and the citizens, who pay for this activity, are not to get hold of the knowledge.


I'm not a JFK scholar but I read a bit...

• Some of the presidential protection detail was pulled away that morning.
• The window Oswald allegedly shot from, as well as all other windows, would have been taped shut, if there were proper precautions taken before the president's arrival.
• Post gunshot, the state should be in charge. Instead, the FBI moved in and made a few 'adjustments' at Parkland Hospital.
• According to LBJ's mistress, he said something to the effect of 'I'm going to get those Kennedys.' There was a party the night before, at which he seemed to have knowledge that something was going to happen the next day.
• The Warren Commission was a kangaroo court, where only facts that supported the narrative were admitted into evidence. The modern day version of this was the 9-11 Commission.
• The late President Gerald Ford admitted to moving the location of the shot a few inches, also to conform to the narrative.
• Evidence kept 'disappearing'. Many people around the case died in mysterious ways.
• There is no such thing as a Magic Bullet. Bullets must obey the laws of physics at all times. Yet the trajectory was changed.
• The rifle found on the sixth floor of the book depository building was a mail order, cheap Italian rifle, with manual loading. Immediately after the shots, Oswald was in the cafeteria, several floors down, without sweat or heavy breathing, drinking a Coke from the machine.
• More than three shots were heard from the Grassy Knoll, observed by many on the scene. Crowd members rushed in that direction to go after the shooter.
• Per what has become Standard Operating Procedure, film of the event was confiscated and never returned.
• The mafia is mentioned frequently. While entirely possible they were involved, they could not issue orders to change the parade path or pull some of the protection detail.
• Upon news of the assassination, there was full background of Oswald available for dissemination by the press; no investigation announced or needed.

The people behind this have no interest in being caught. As a result, I believe the information the public will receive will be borderline useless, perhaps with a few new facts mixed in. Maybe some Warren Commission tidbits, which were already slanted. Whoever pulled this off is so high up that we will never find out the truth, or it will never be admitted. One clue is to find out how the order to pull the protection detail was worked out and upon whose orders.

Why did this happen? Kennedy pissed off the wrong people. He wished to collaborate with the Russians on a space program. He wanted to go back on the gold standard. He wanted a pullout in VietNam. Immediately after his death, Johnson reversed the pullout. Whenever you need a reason for something, ask who benefits. Follow the money.

Still think there was a lone gunman, firing from the sixth floor of a building along the route? The facts are inconvenient for that explanation.

For some really comprehensive research, head over to Black Op Radio, listed over to the right. This fellow has had leaders in the field on his show, down to tiny details. All episodes are available for download. His research continues to this day. Particularly interesting are the interviews with Colonel Fletcher Prouty, portrayed as Agent X in the Oliver Stone movie. He presents many facts relative to how the services work, having done some of the dirty work himself, in the past. Black Op Radio has a full set of interviews available. The man is a treasure trove of information. Unfortunately he is no longer with us, except on video.

If you're at all interested, there are many books, movies, and documentaries available. Please avail yourself of them - you will learn things you'd rather not know.

The NSA Does Not Follow This Blog (officially)

Here's a very simple guide to privacy on the net: browsing, messaging, and email.

• Ever have a dream continue over sleep and several naps? I just had a real doozy, involving family (no idea whose), military aircraft, fresh roads, and a talking bunny named Frank.

Some more Philly Firsts: Philly is ranked 6th in longest commute times (averaging 52 minutes). However, Philly is 16th on the list of most stressful commutes. Los Angeles being first.  Last but never least, Philly is sixth in sweatiest cities, as determined by central air conditioning, popularity of public transportation, citywide bike sharing programs, and the “hottest” professions. In other words, we don't know either, but we're proud to be near the top of any list.

• It's starting to get cooler, unfortunately. For the past few days, I've had my portable heater on, to take the chill off.  Today, it was going to be rainy all day. The sun is out. I just heard the air conditioner turn on. You can't blame a weather forecaster for the weather, but you can blame them for being wrong most of the time.

I'm looking at new cell phones. It's very interesting, from a consumer perspective, and even from a Weird Consumer perspective. I'm not certain any of my choices are a serious improvement over what I have. One actually has the same processor. The new features do not impress me at all (your mileage may vary). If you're shopping, pay careful attention to the specifications and features, comparing your current phone. If you're looking at an android, head over to androidforums.com - they have lots of information about most android phones and have been an invaluable asset to me.


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The Social Justice Warriors are out (moreso), looking for ways to ruin Halloween. They didn't have to look far.... children now must be racially sensitive and only dress as their heroes that look like them, because of White Privilege. Only brown children may dress as Moana. If your white children are upset that they cannot be Moana, tell them it's because they're awash in White Privilege that the other children will never see. The other children are being dressed as Victims.

I don't want to be insensitive (well, maybe a bit). I'd like to hear your thoughts and stories about this important topic. Respond and tell me what White Privilege has done for you and when you renounced it. If you're not white, make something up.

By the same token, only people dripping in White Privilege can dress as ghosts. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Jesus, most of the Allman Brothers.... crackers only. Furthermore, Trump, Hillary Clinton, Harvey Weinstein, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry... all for the melanin-challenged.

Still to be adjudicated is the matter of different species. Let's say your child wants to dress like a mouse. Mice have no ethnicity. Do you dissuade them until the ruling comes down, for fear of microaggressing some poor downtrodden minority? Furthermore, people of color cannot dress as horses. Even though they're largely brown, horses are a symbol of White Privilege, because they carry white people. An exception can be made if your caucasian friend takes the rear of the costume, because whitey should always ride in the back.


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• COWORKER: you need to turn left at Main, then right at Broad to get to the building.
• ME: I need to go to the building? Which?
• COWORKER: turn left at Main, then right at Broad.
• ME: which building?
• COWORKER: the building you need to go to
• ME: what building is that?
• COWORKER: Oh, the one you need to go to. Main, then Broad.
• All day at work. Every. Single. Question. I. Ask. Guaranteed to be the  answer to the wrong question. This person is not stupid.

The NAACP has issued a Travel Advisory for American Airlines, citing a series of recent incidents. After checking out the incidents, it looks like pure, hideous airline customer service. In fact, if one were to put together a list of incidents during this time frame for all passengers, the list would dwarf the NAACP claim.

• Today, in a special feature, we are going to take a few moments away from our usual snark for empathy: FBI Director Wray, at a conference in Philadelphia, said encryption has kept the agency from accessing 7,000 mobile devices. 
• Ok, that's enough empathy. In other words, encryption is doing what it's supposed to do.

If you're visiting a website and are asked to run an Adobe Flash update, don't. And when I say don't, I mean don't, no, nay, nein, etc. There's a nasty bit of ransomware floating around called Bad Rabbit. It depends on you saying YES to the install. So don't, ok?

We're in the midst of the Great Plumbing Emergency of 2017.

What is the Great Plumbing Emergency of 2017? 

One day my wife, who notices these sorts of things, noticed a small pond in the basement. With her team of crack detectives (named so because they're on crack), she quickly traced it to a leak in a pipe.

In normal households, this would prompt a call for a plumber. You know what's coming next, right? Ours is not a normal household. Looking at Things in General, it was apparent that this was not going to be a cheap repair. And let's face it - whenever you need to call someone, it's not going to be a cheap repair (if they show up to repair it).  Keep in mind that every cent we have now goes to the vet's Mercedes Fund. If I'm particularly good, I get a Snapple on Fridays. We didn't always contribute to the Mercedes Fund; before this, we put her kids through college.

Enter Dad the Hero. Dad locates a gadget that stops the problem cold. He tells us this is an 'interesting' fix, which could last six weeks or sixty. Hopefully in the meantime, we can get our income switched from the vet to the plumber.

As if on target, about six weeks later, we sprouted a new, improved leak, from a new, improved location, about a foot to the left. With barely a WHOOSH, Wife ran off to locate another Dad Gadget. After combing the city, she located one. In precisely the wrong size. This was probably a good thing anyway, as the pipe would have laughed at us and developed yet another hole.

Some very loud fellow in advertising pitches this black tape that will, after you saw your boat in half, patch it back to new, with no leaks. Because this is As Seen On Tv, my wife has to purchase it. To this day, the doctors have not figured out why. The stuff works. It is very easy to apply, provided it does not get stuck to itself, which it did, requiring the purchase of more. We patched it up, with absolutely no leaking. For damn near a few days, at which point, the leak had moved a few inches to the left. At this point, in addition to the Daffy Duck nature of this effort, it's feeling a bit personal.

More black stuff acquired, we patched the new hole. Something didn't feel right, but for the second time in my life, I kept my mouth shut. And sure enough, within minutes, the leak continued. 

My intention is not to go all Mr. Spock on you, but logic would dictate that putting black, sticky material over a hole would seal the hole. Not apparently in lefty Universe. The new, extra black stuff wouldn't hold. There was a lot of frustration and looking at each other.

Have I mentioned we were cutting our water usage to bare minimum? 

A friend occurred, who said no problem, and repeated, verbatim, the advice we got on how to fix this. Cool - let's put him to work. After running around the city a few more times, just because we apparently like it, we were told to use this cement-like stuff that they use to seal battleships in the water. Joy! So off he went to do whatever he went to do and then apply the cement-like stuff. I'm at work, mind you, so I got way too many phone calls, describing the circus-like atmosphere.  

With the pipe all fixed and the promise to come back the next day to finish, with yet another Miracle Gadget, Mrs lefty went to check out the repairs. Sure enough, it was leaking from two small spots. With her eyes rolling back into her head, then bouncing against each other like a slot machine, she patched the two little spots. Yay wife! Aside from two continuing or new leaks, everything was fine and we were back where we started, with two leaks.

At this point, my suspicion is that if we hired the best plumbing outfit in the area, they wouldn't show up. When we called the second best plumbing outfit, they'd show up, give us a price that would cover a new car, then never return. Pulling a random plumbing outfit from the search, they'd show up, install entirely new plumbing, and watch, as two new leaks sprouted in a bathroom that wasn't involved in the first place. Daffy appears, feeling dejected, and goes off the walls, defying gravity and making very strange noises.

So we have thrown everything at this pipe but the refrigerator. This is a good thing, as the fridge is making a noise, indicating that it needs to be replaced. The normal three ring circus has expanded, with a load of clowns occupying the fourth ring.

Amateur Plumbing Dude appears with this saw contraption that looks like it will burst into flames the moment he tries to use it. He has a Great Idea that involves removing a section of pipe, then putting in a new section with paste that he no doubt ate in second grade. Inspecting his work, we discover two plastic containers used to support something or other, welded to the pipe. I'm sure he had a plan for these but we're starting to notice that he has perfectly sound concepts that he perfectly fails to execute. We're trying to decide if the fact that he brings his girlfriend is a positive or negative. Since she is not harming Marshall, we call it a draw. Yes, it's Hopalong Plumbing.

I forgot to mention the really fine guy across the street, who does home repairs and plumbing. We're terrified to let him into the house, lest he find Jimmy Hoffa somewhere in the dark, past the small ponds, and alert the authorities.

It's early morning, it's raining and horribly gray, there is still some construction outside, complete with what sounds like someone sawing concrete, the phone calls have stopped due to the wife stopping, and I'm at work, with no idea how this is going to be completed.

I am also scaring my coworkers, because I look like a combination of the good old boys who hunt ghosts on some horrid reality show, and the people who inexplicably feel it's a great idea to live in Alaska during the heavy snow period (August to July). Not to mention the guys who build tree houses, because they too have no plumbing.



Fast forward some random period of time. The Fly-by-Night Plumbing having fallen on its face, I was sent to work on the issue by The Boss (aka Wife). She handed me a bag and told me it was self-explanatory.  

What - the bag?

The self-explanatory bag contained Plumbing Repair Stuff and was somewhat less self- explanatory than stated.  Off I went, to watch the 'repaired' plumbing drip. The professionals managed, with the aid of piles of repair stuff, to consolidate all the drips to one small stream. 

I gave up and called a national chain, which immediately flew in a plumber to assess the situation. He asked if we were ready to go and I told him to look around. Ten minutes later, he was back, letting us know he couldn't find anyone to help him with the task and they'd fly in tomorrow morning to do the work.

That's self-explanatory, no?

It's Always Monday Somewhere

Due to all the recent cyber-emergencies, I want to keep you up to date and aware. I get many alerts about problems, from pretty stuffy places that send email, with words like 'cyber', 'government', and 'security.' Today I received quite a helpful-looking email, with links to some very good information. Now hold onto your hats here.. it's from CERT, a government entity. All set to provide these links to you, my readers, I clicked. 404 - nothing here, go f- yourself. The second link froze my browser, and the third also gave me a 404.  So much for useful info. Is there any wonder we see government stereotypes?

• Guitar Players: great news! The Martin D-28 Authentic 1941 DTS has been discontinued. The guitar, which sold for $6,899, is being blown out at $5,500 (a bargain at half the price). So get out your pennies and head over to the guitar store! This is called very. Dry. Satire.

Our car went away for repairs a while back. Ever since, the cd changer has been uncooperative. Since certain things seem like rocket science to other members of the household, I decided it was time to take a look. Like most other things in life, it was recalcitrant. It refused to load a disc. It refused to spit out a disc. It refused to go to the next disc. It did play the radio, without fail and immediately, so there's that.

Sigh.

Because I work my ass off and all of the money goes to the vet or people healthcare, we don't have a new, nice car or set of them. The 'new' car is quite a few years old (running perfectly), but was the year before AUX inputs came out, so I can't plug my phone into the stereo and make music appear. I purchased quite a number of those cigarette lighter adapters that transmitted sound to the radio. Every one of them was either bad out of the package or a piece of garbage. Finally I found a highly recommended unit, which mostly worked but flopped around a bit and randomly connected and disconnected. Car rides with me were not particularly pleasant when this adapter decided to malfunction. Not that they're pleasant when nothing malfunctions....

Eventually, as all things go, someone dropped a safe on the adapter and it went to Adapter Heaven, leaving us with only broadcast radio. Do you remember the horror of broadcast radio? One really horrid classic rock station, one oldies station (that's starting to play music you grew up with!), one current-ish rock station, seventeen sports stations, Jesus Radio, and two talk stations. You'd think there would be at least one or two decent choices there, but you'd be horribly wrong.

Since I don't have a bomb-proof suit or one of those under water bell diver getups, I can't get behind the dashboard to release the stereo from its bonds and work on it indoors. I still have nightmares from doing this in the eighties, when you could reach back and play with wires. Cars were so big, you could hide yourself behind the dash. So it's either Live With It, or pay hundreds of dollars for a replacement that will look like Frankenstein's Monster when installed.  

At least it will have an AUX input.

• Everybody's favorite manufacturer (Microsoft) of everybody's favorite operating system (Windows) was hacked (in 2013) and apparently 'forgot to mention it' til today. No matter.. it was only their bug database. Yes, some of the information was used in subsequent attacks, but that information could have come from other sources. For more bullshit, denials, and misdirections, you can read this article. Or do like me and skip to the next paragraph.

Philadelphia is starting to realize taxing sugary beverages might not have been the best idea. In an informal study, the majority of merchants are claiming revenue drops due to the tax. Some claim people are going to the suburbs for soda, then realizing they might as well just do all their shopping there. The mayor, in typical deflecting fashion, said the study didn't mention the positive effects of the tax. People voted for this buffoon.

• It's not that public figures have no privacy, but the Duchess of Cambridge's (Kate) due date has just been announced.  It's a good thing the queen nixed the publication of her menstrual cycle and when Prince William was scheduled to get randy.

If you have Gmail and are very serious about security, enable their new "Advanced Protection".

• the Bias Response Team at Evergreen State College banned criticism of Black Lives Matter. 
• Hang on - there is a Bias Response Team? 
• Hang on - speech can be censored at a state college?
• Hang on - I am not a lawyer but a state college is a state institution and cannot censor speech per the First Amendment. Your tax dollars are supporting this.
• Hang on - you are not allowed to criticize an organization that has been described as a terrorist organization, that assaults people, calls for the death of police, and riots?
• This is a sad example of the state of the country at this moment. We will look back and shake our heads with embarrassment.

Finally some great news: the FBI announced that 84 children were recovered in a sex trafficking crackdown across the US. No mention of elected officials, so we still have to wait for that to hit.

• This week's best headline winner: Morgue Worker Arrested After Giving Birth to A Dead Man's Baby. A little research turned up that this was copied from a spoof article on a humor website. I was wondering about the physics of this act, like you, only you don't want to admit it. It's ok, it'll be our little secret. Would it be rigor mortis? Somehow I doubt it.

Know what I love about my dog? His new habit of demanding things when I sit down to eat. It starts with heavy panting. Then half a whine while panting. Then full out whining. If that doesn't do it, he will sit by what he wants and bark once. I blame his mother for this behavior.

• Hyatt Hotels have been hit by another credit card breach. When you check in, they now ask if you'd like a WiFi Hacked room or a Complimentary Credit Card Breach.

Just when you finished typing the week's best headline, another pops up: College removes weight scale from gym after students call it 'triggering'.

Yay! pictures again. Marshall the cocker and Marshall the amplifier

Auditioning

As you know, a lot of things disturb me... weather, politics, the stupid... but very little gets to the core of things and has me running for the closet like interviews and auditions. Must be a theme here somewhere...  There is no doubt that I can perform the job functions and/or play the guitar better than a lot of people up for the job. It's the damn first step that has sometimes left me out in the cold. I dare not harken back to my most recent job interviews, lest the PTSD kick in, so I'll stick with the equally frustrating auditioning.

I've been playing guitar for a long time. I have a pretty good idea what I'm doing. But put me in a room full of other musicians and I'm back in first grade. Ok, maybe third. My playing should speak for itself... unfortunately it comes up mute.

T Minus Two Days

Got an email from the other guitar player in my last band, asking if I was doing anything and would I like to come and check out his latest project. An opportunity to play toward a real band is great, so he sent me a setlist and off I went. I already knew over half of them and I'm known for my ability to pick things up quickly (the last time, I had to learn 5 sets in a week or two). Since the band had a female singer, a lot of the songs would be sung by... wait for it... females, plus regular old classic rock and whatever else I wanted to sing. Zappa was completely out. It's a shame because I do a really good Zappa.

T Minus One Day

Hey, the keyboard player isn't coming, so could you learn these songs specifically? Well smack me with a Chevrolet, wasn't this particular list the one including pretty much everything I didn't already know? You got it. Hey, why worry? I pick up quickly.

Out of the blue, work became an absolute cyclone of activity. I haven't seen it like that since the Great Data Robbery of 2012. I couldn't even listen to my new songs. When learning tunes, it really helps if you've ever heard the song in your life before. I hadn't.

At home, with great trepidation, I got my first listen to Amy Winehouse. What kind of sheltered idiot has never heard an Amy Winehouse song? This particular sheltered idiot, thank you. In my defense, I'm more likely to listen to something if it has spectacular guitar work in it, and nobody recommended it. Hey, this Winehouse chick can sing... and the songs aren't bad. Maybe the public screwed up and picked a talented one... So I learned Rehab and Valerie.

Day Zero

Oh, by the way, the email went.. concentrate on these.

Uh-oh.

There were people I've never heard of on this part of the list. With song titles that were beyond stupid. I'm flashing back to my lounge band of the 80s, where we played Madonna and all that crap. If I'm going to have flashbacks, those aren't the flashbacks I want to have.  Musicians learn songs these days by watching YouTube videos, so off I went. As if the songs weren't bad enough, I get those awful video images stuck in my head. While learning something called Exes and Oh's, I was working on a way to gouge my eyes out and puncture my eardrums at the same time. We the People can use way less women who sound like little girls singing. Singing vapid songs.

Home from work, with about two hours to spare, I got busy with the rest of the list. Now here's where things really get fun. You've read about how things just happen, like a cartoon or Three Stooges episode. I was in for a hell of a ride. [this clever literary device is called foreshadowing. It's fairly useless when I use it.]

Ok, so what's next?
Oh, here's another one I never heard before.. guess I'll give it a shot.

Hey.. my printer committed suicide a few weeks ago, in a bizarre incident involving a stuffed donkey and several bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper.. how am I going to write this information down so I can read it? Ah, I have a phone and a tablet - one of these will allow me to see things.... let's continue...

Next song.. I know this one.. write down chords... good.

Mrs lefty enters room. Immediately spills hot soup all over a table. While leaning over to clean it up, she spills her Coke on top of the soup, creating a kind of inedible stew, chock full of papers and trinkets, as well as a house key in the shape of a guitar. Fortunately this wasn't too distracting.

Next song... never heard it either.  YouTube provides again. Another overweight female, dressed in a medium size tent, dancing with nearly naked men. I dunno about you, but my Yawn Level was at the end of the scale.

BANG! Marshall decided I was too involved in learning, so he knocked over a guitar onto the floor. Fortunately this, too, wasn't distracting. At this point, the YELLING started. I had exactly an hour to learn the rest of the songs, which were numerous.

POP went the string.
With time causing much distraction, complicated by not remembering where I put my collection of spare strings, I grabbed another guitar, hoping those strings would stay together long enough for the audition.

Finally through, with all notes taken, I emailed them so I could retrieve them with the phone and tablet. Opening the phone.... and no. No email. Anywhere. The yelling was accompanied by growling this time. Meanwhile, I hadn't had time to get my equipment together for transport. Dressed, equipped, and still no email. Yes, sure enough, my provider sent my email to Junk. My own email. Now there are no doubts how they feel about me.

Two phones start ringing at the same time.
Fortunately this wasn't too distracting. At this point, I'm looking around for a parade of trash trucks to come through my living room.

I had directions for the hood I was going to but not how to get there. Out a long highway, I discovered I was going to Boonieville. Farmland, almost. I was waiting for tractors, people with vegetation in their mouth, and corncob pipes. I found myself completely lost in a place the directions took me. Streets that were supposed to be there, weren't. Streets that weren't supposed to be there popped up as detours. Ok, I lost the battle.. time to pull up some maps or something. Where was the backup tablet? Backup at home, where I left it.

You know me.. my tin foil hat was vibrating because the location function had never been turned on since I purchased the phone. It physically hurt to allow Firefox to access my location. The phone is locked down twelve ways to Sunday. I had no idea if it would even locate itself, no less me.

POOF - it found me. When I say found me, I mean Firefox went DING. then the maps site still couldn't find me, only it hid that notice, just to make things more 'interesting'. I had to pull over to make this happen, because it's wrong to play with your phone and drive, plus my glasses won't let me read close up while I'm driving - this is a General Failure of the General System. At this point, the text messages started coming in - absolutely nothing relevant. But it's fun to hear DING DING while you're desperately trying to figure out where you're going and where you are now. It's like a metaphor for life.

The screaming and vibrating continued, this time attempting to call up their friend, Crying. Crying was busy, along with muttering, so they'd have to do. Still no location, but I did get a map. Just no idea where I was on the map. YOU ARE HERE. No, I'm not. Phone rings, it's the guitar player, how was I making out. Rather poorly, thank you. Here's where I am. I have no $&@)ing idea where that is. Well, it's close to your *$&@ing house, you tell ME. Ok, try this.... I tried this, with no luck. He called back, because he's a mad control freak, and still failed to know where I was. Finally he figured it out, sending detailed directions. Unfortunately they were detailed directions to getting further lost. Highways where they weren't supposed to be. I literally had to take Rt456, make a right, and go down to the dead end, turning left on Rt 456. Huh? Yes, there was a Business Rt456 and a Regular Rt456. Fortunately this wasn't a distraction.

I checked my phone again, which told me I was six minutes away. It occurred to me to wonder how the phone knew I was six minutes away if it didn't know where I was. This is yet another reason I don't use location. There was another map, still with no indication of where I was. When I don't know where I am, West is not a legitimate direction.

HEY - I brought the work iDevice just in case. It would tell me where to go! I fired it up and it told me where to go! It told me to go F- myself, because it had updated and required passwords I didn't have on me. That was helpful. Back to my phone, which had given up snickering under its digital breath and was all out laughing directly at me. Another incoming... how was I making out? General ball-busting. I could hear the rest of the band laughing in the background. Mrs. Smith was at the blackboard, asking me to do long division in front of the class.

I'm a (physically) grown (partially) adult, or I can play one when necessary. I'm relatively intelligent and for my entire life, managed to get where I was going. I suggested having him put out one of those locator beacons to guide my car in, like they use with airplanes. Unfortunately his beacon was out of service, in the shop for repairs. Fortunately he was standing at his driveway, with those flashlights they use to help planes park. More ball-busting ensued, making me feel at home. The lady singer had a low cut shirt and bent forward, which had the effect of welcoming me in a silent but very pleasing way. Don't get me wrong.. I wouldn't have gone up to her and spent the rest of the evening with my face there, although it might have been fun. She bent over, not me. More ball-busting about my genius phone.

Thus far, every bit of technology had failed me. Turning his amp on, it started making horrible noises, like morse code with an air conditioner running in the background. Unplugging the guitar, the noise was still there, indicating it was the amplifier. Removing my phone from the top of it solved the noise issue. Loud, improper shielding in the amp and phone...

So we played. I damn near remembered all the songs I learned, with my phone sitting there on the music stand. My phone, which I didn't have time to charge; its humongous bright display eating up the battery, like me with chocolate cake. I didn't make an idiot of myself. It sounded good. Maybe the hex was off!

Nah.

After two hours of hard playing, I was soaked. And sore. I hadn't played that long in years, and felt twice my age.

Afterwards, much ball-busting went on about my ability to get home with my genius phone. The route was absolutely straight, except where it turned. And where the road wasn't marked. And the dead end at the light, with the five minute cycle. I guessed. Wrong. But it's easy to guess wrong when there is absolutely no route markings and few street signs. The signs helped not one bit anyway, as they read Broad Street instead of Rt1349 And A Half. While sitting at this interminable light, I seriously looked for the parade of clowns, elephants, and old Ford tractors to come by. This was actually good, as I could seriously use some water and cotton candy... I didn't have dinner and it was 10:00pm.

Somehow, perhaps with Universal guidance, I made it home; passing every restaurant possible on Restaurant Row. The cursing continued, this time with teeth-gnashing and banging on the steering wheel, in rhythm with the defroster, because it was very cold outside and I was very hot and still soaked.

Marshall greeted me when I walked in the house. And when I say greeted me, I mean he continued to lay on the tile by the door, which pushed him across it when I opened the door. My wife greeted me in similar fashion, being nowhere in sight, with no promised dinner waiting for us. I rejoiced.

Eventually appearing, she was amused at the idea of preparing dinner at this hour. I stood there, waiting for audience laughter that never came. Two aspirin later, I sat on the couch, waiting for the pain to abate and wondering what I could make for dinner. Perhaps a really good donut from days before. A peanut butter and chocolate sandwich. Some of the dog's meat loaf, prepared by my mom. She makes it special for him, so he'll eat after chemo. I grew up on the stuff but only he gets some. Are you feeling my pain of inequity and eating after 10:00pm? Can you hear the BOING sound effects and hear the junior high marching band coming down the street? The audience in hysterics and my wife cracking up, unable to keep a straight face?

I gave up and went to bed, hoping the audience had gone home and couldn't see me in my pajamas.

Murder's Still Illegal, Right?

Bruno Mars was in town recently. Or on the tv. Maybe he was purchasing plywood, I don't know. I know exactly one of his songs, and even that one I don't know all the way through.

I don't know what the song is called either. All I know is that after every line he sings, someone says "Eh eh eh eh, eh eh eh eh OOH". This is not only the highlight of the song, but pretty much the only part I know. When I say the highlight of the song, I mean that when I hear it, I know it's time to change the station. Who am I kidding - like I'd listen to a station that plays Bruno Mars.

So I would assume, because I'm an expert in these things, that he will play my jam [that's perform my song, for anybody over 40]. People will be leaving the arena, stoked, singing "Eh eh eh eh, eh eh eh eh OOH"

• If you have ever commented on a blog post, you might have logged into Disqus in order to do it. This is stupid. Disqus was hacked, years ago, and is being nice enough to let us know. Even if you haven't received any information from them, change your password. It won't hurt to change any of them randomly. Remember this next time you have to log in to make a comment.

So, are you trying to recover from the Equifax hack? If you go there, you'll get redirected to another site, which may try to install a fake Adobe Flash player. Equifax blames it on third party code. Before you and I asphyxiate from laughter, this same code also got TransUnion. Are you feeling safe now?

• Faceyspaces users: the latest hack is via Trusted Contacts. If someone contacts you and says they want your help recovering their account, be very careful. You may wind up giving them your account. Come to think of it, it might be a good idea to give someone your FB account.

I'm checking the weather online. It tells me that tomorrow, cloudy skies will become partly cloudy. That was helpful.

• This week's hack Pizza Hut. The financial information of 'some' customers was stolen. It occurred between October 1 and 2, for 28 hours, if you ordered online or with their app. This illustrates just one of the issues faced by ordering from Pizza Hut.

Krack Attack: WARNING...WARNING... DANGER... DANGER..
There is a serious problem with WPA2, the encryption most of us are using on our wifi. Until the attack is completely analyzed, the best thing you can do is turn off your wifi. Since you're not going to do that, use your mobile minutes, which you're also not going to do. Use the HTTPS Everywhere extension on ALL of your browsers, wifi and wired. You can find it in your app store or at eff.org. Using HTTPS and/or a VPN will protect you at the present. The small bit of good news is that an attacker has to be physically close to attack. Make sure your phones, wireless, and all computer operating systems are patched to the moment. Have and update an antivirus. Check Bleeping Computer or other security sites for updates. You are most vulnerable with android phones. Linux is already patched and iOS will let you know the moment it becomes available. The android patching system is.. well.. crap. Don't forget everything in your house from smart tv's to light bulbs. 

Microsoft has patched all supported versions of Windows and the update will come down with all the others, as it does normally (assuming you have it set to download and install immediately).

• The blog stats for the week (or month, I have no *$&#ing idea):
• The large majority of readers are coming from Poland.
• 85% of readers are using Chrome or Chrome-based browsers (which phone home to Google)
• 72% of readers run Windows.
• These stats are available to me every morning. They are accurate down to single digits, which is all they need to be. The numbers are arrived at by carefully examining the hits every day, dividing by the previous day, then throwing it all out for a number provided by a random number generator. They have no relation to reality whatsoever, kinda like this blog.
• Please tell your friends (or enemies, depending on how you feel) about ThermionicEmissions.

I'm thinking about getting into poetry. This is a poem about breaking up:

I hate your guts
Don't want you no more
So get your ass out
You whiny fat whore.

It has a certain delicacy to it, don't you think?

• I feel a little guilty, having nothing to do with my religion or mother. ThermionicEmissions kinda refers to the method by which vacuum tubes work, yet I don't talk about them much.
• Yesterday I visited a tube link where I could buy lots of GZ34 rectifier tubes for $75 each. It's a very good thing my DC30 amplifier will run with a GZ34 or two 5AR4s or something like that. Saves a lot of money.
• And thus ends this installment of Tube Talk.

I made a sandwich.
This is not really a surprise; I have made many sandwiches, of many varieties.
There was something wrong with this sandwich: it was apparently very unhappy and wanted to die. Yes, I made my first Suicidal Sandwich. Right out to the couch I went, putting the plate on my lap. Within two seconds, the plate and sandwich attempted to leap to the floor, only I saved it. I felt good about this. Persistently, the combination decided to try again. Again I saved it. I was a hero twice in one day.

When I was finished, I put my plate down. Within seconds, it too tried to leap. Did the sandwich's suicidal ideation infect the plate by proximity? Was it the plate the whole time? What if the two of them were just scientists, trying to prove the existence of gravity?

Mom's New Times

My mom is obviously enjoying the hell out of life since she got out of the dementia facility. Most people leave that place under a more terminal form of discharge. I hear there was a little confusion, as they're not used to discharging via the front door.

There is an oft-repeated phrase about weather forecasters: they're the only people who get paid for being wrong all the time. You may not believe this, but there's a close tie-in between weather and parents. We wanted to take them out on a people-watching excursion that involved indoor and outdoor parts, so we needed half decent weather. Earlier in the week, the forecast for Saturday was 80 and sunny.  The weather app on my phone appeared to be off, as it said every day for the next week was 60 and rainy/cloudy/humid. The weather app on my tv wanted to keep the weather a secret and wouldn't advance to Saturday.

So naturally, it rained on Saturday, postponing our trip til Sunday.

At 6am, the weather forecaster on live news said about 80 and sunny. It should be painfully obvious that I would not know this information. It came from the wife, who has the Mother of All Sleep Disorders. When she's not practicing not sleeping, Marshall has trained her to get up whenever he pops up to feed him. This can happen five times per night. He has trained her well. We got the smart cocker.

So naturally, it was positively miserable on Sunday. The forecast did say the clouds and junk were going to burn off, leaving it 80 and sunny. When I checked my phone app, it must've been afraid to be wrong, so it told me it couldn't hit the server. Way to play it, phone app.

It was so miserable outside as to land in the category Philly Miserable. Philly Miserable is its own category of weather, as well as its own category of miserable. The sky is a dark gray, or as we say, not a sun in the sky. It's either raining or so close as to be indistinguishable from rain. I asked if there was any way possible to get a little more humidity and was met with a rousing NO. It was probably close to 105% humidity. Paper wilted and fell over. Asthmatics had trouble breathing. Obese people heeded the Fat Warning and stayed inside with their air conditioners turned up to Siberia. No problem, though... it would burn off.

Off we went, way too early in the morning. I only have two days to sleep late, and they happen to happen on the weekend. Thus I was foiled both days. But I got even by going back to sleep Saturday, til 2pm. When I got up, I was more tired than when I went to bed. Perhaps I should just sleep four hours and be down with it.

A while later, we arrived at our destination, Q-Mart, or the Quakertown Market. It features an outdoor flea market and an indoor... ummmm... huge building with... umm... retail stalls. It was still miserable outside, possibly having created an entire category of misery by itself: static rain. It's 100% humidity and it's not actually raining, but it feels kinda like it. What happens is that the rain freezes in place wherever it is, so you're walking among raindrops but they're not falling from above. I'm sorry, this is the best I can make up while I'm typing this. But it's ok, it's going to burn off and hit 80.

Quakertown Mart is a venue and an experience unto itself. It is only within the last few years that smoking has been stopped indoors. Quakertown is far enough removed from Philadelphia as to be a different place, and takes full advantage of this opportunity. It's an interesting place to people watch, but not for extended periods of time, lest you start to look and act like them. For a while, people looked like mountain men (even the women). This has changed, ever so subtly, to a more modern (for them) bipedal life form, looking more and more like regular humans as the years pass. This version of humanity has a problem with the local water supply, which has turned everyone's hair different colors. So in essence, you get one or two degrees more hick than The City (as they refer to any far off, wondrous place with a population larger than 1,000), with colored hair. And I'm talking grandmas too. It's a good thing the parents didn't drink anything local, lest their hair become full of color too. I can't see my mom with purple streaks, although my dad might look good in blue. He's color blind, so he won't notice.

Very interesting was the housing development that had sprung up next door. I'm having trouble figuring out how they sold more than three of these $500,000 houses, with a huge Mart next door. The answer is obviously that people who live in $500,000 houses love a good schlocky bargain, like the rest of us.

The outside flea market is open whenever people want to rent tables, including mid-winter, during the snow. I have not checked out whether this happens, as I don't drive a snow plow, don't have four wheel drive, and the helicopter's in the shop again. That thing cannot keep a cyclonic blowshaft for more than 1,000 miles to save its own life. So there we were. For whatever reason there weren't as many tables, but we got to lookin' immediately. We refer to it as the greatest collection of schlock (junk) ever assembled for sale, possibly in the country. Today was a new breed of interesting. We found cases of 8track tapes (remember those?). In case you were wondering what you'd ever do with a case of 8track tapes, you could probably get the seller to throw them in with the complete stereo with the 8track player. Tell them what they won, Johnny! YES, YOU'VE WON A BRAND NEW STEREO SYSTEM [audience applauds loudly]. YES, A MAGNAVOX ALL-IN-ONE STEREO SYSTEM WITH EXTERNAL SPEAKERS, A RECORD PLAYER AND AN 8TRACK TAPE PLAYER [audience screams and passes out]. Thanks for watching Match Game 1973!

If you are not up for the more modern 8track, why not pick up a reel-to-reel player? Yes, an ancient home reel-to-reel combination stereo. No, this is not your standalone tape player - this is part of the integrated, up to date, modern stereo (and of the 70's). It matches that huge piece of furniture you call a television, which takes up most of your living room, with a display that was two feet thick. Hey kids - did you know there was a time when you turned on the tv and had to wait a minute or two for the tv to warm up? Yes, it was the Dark Ages.

Uh-oh, that was the 1st table. Better hurry this up.

Further we went, past the records, 40 year old pot holders, non-functional appliances, discount dish soap, cameras manufactured before the 1970's, old silverware, older tools, and fabric pumpkins. Walking further, we came upon a stereo repair shop, with tons of 1970's and later all in one stereos, piled all the way up. The same with computers, also stacked up.

Unable to contain our excitement anymore, we extricated ourselves from the out of doors and moved to the in of doors. The mart proper is a humongous building, divided into rather a lot of stalls. Each stall is occupied by what one would technically call a business. The sheer range of businesses strains the bounds of believability. For instance, you're probably wondering where you can get your sewing machine repaired. And while you're getting your sewing machine repaired, maybe you could get your vacuum repaired too. At the same shop! Or buy some bags for it. Or purchase a refurbished canister vacuum, made long before you were born.

There's a video store. It's actually a really good video store. It's so good that after an hour or two, my wife has to be physically carried out (if I'm not asleep on the bench outside). They have LOTS of movies. The best part was the sign on the outside that said "Buy 1 VHS tape, get 20 free". Wife left with several movies, including Return of the Son of Cousin Three Times Removed Bride of Reanimator 5, Again (This Time It's Just A Sequel).

The parents were full of observing and observances. There were Amish butchers and Asian produce salespeople. Did you know there is a pork steak? A donut that's sliced in half with mounds of cream in the middle? A donut so big, you can slice it like a cake and feed your whole family dessert? Donuts are fun, so we got some. Mom spent several moments looking at the huge variety and driving the staff nuts. The lady asked what she wanted and Mom looked up and said blueberry. Then only problem was there were no blueberry donuts. Perhaps she was shopping at a different donut place.  It took all I had not to order an oregano donut. To get to a dozen required the on-staff dentist to come out and pull some teeth.

After all the bizarrity, we had one stop left. No, not the Gas Station Sushi. The seafood store. In this strange assemblage of retail and not quite city folk is one of the best fish places we've been to. Everything is fresh. Several fishy purchases later and we were in the car, being careful of the small lakes that had appeared in the parking lot, one immediately behind the car, requiring waders to open the trunk.

And as we closed the car doors, the wife looked up and said, "HEY - this isn't 80 and sunny."

It's Raining Twinkies. Or Minions

Israel hacked into antivirus provider Kaspersky, where they discovered the FSB (Russian spy agency) has been, along with NSA spy tools and viruses. Kaspersky said they don't help any governments nor will they. Kaspersky detected a breach and reported on it. Israel warned the US in 2015. Quick as you can say 'chrysanthemum,' two years later, the US government banned Kaspersky from its networks. At this point, no one has proven Kaspersky to be involved in any of this directly. Regardless, they've been smeared and implicated and their business is going to take a hit.  It's like James Bond on acid.

• October 11 is National Coming Out Day. I'd like to make an announcement. It's been very difficult on me for many years, but it's time to reveal myself to my readers for what I am. From this day forward, I will be known as heterosexual.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

The Office of Intelligence and Analysis (OIA) is under Treasury and examines foreign intelligence. However, there is evidence (twelve anonymous sources) that, like their friends in the NSA and CIA, it is spying domestically too.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

Banks and financial organizations are required to turn over information daily and the OIA has had its nose there.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

Leaks made it to the government and Buzzfeed. Congressional inquiries went unanswered.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

These departments and this government are completely out of hand. If the opportunity for expansion exists, they'll take it. If the opportunity for spying exists, they'll take it. Any attempted oversight is ignored, stymied, and laughed at. There is no accountability.  And we're paying for the privilege of being spied upon.

• A New York man threatened a Las Vegas style shooting at a Denver company. He stated that he would get on a plane and fly there if they didn't pay him $100. I would have demanded at least enough to cover the plane ticket.

Google admits its new smart speaker was eavesdropping on customers, after a reviewer caught it uploading everything it heard to Google. Google says they have fixed the 'bug', by which they mean they've made it much harder to detect. People are paying for a device that will let Google (or Amazon) spy on you. I am shocked. SHOCKED, that Google eavesdrops.

• The Boy Scouts have announced they will admit girls into the Cub Scouts and establish a program for older girls. This is a big step forward. It's quite original.. you could almost call it something like... girl scouts. That would be a good name.

Faceyspaces went down for a bit the other day. Production in all sectors of America went up and brain cell loss went down 80%.

• I'm home, on a late business call. A long time ago, I learned to mute my microphone at all times, unless I'm speaking. I learned this because it keeps me from imitating my boss' accent or injecting 'witty' comments about the current topic.
• BANG. BANG BANG.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
• BANG BANG.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG.
• I noticed some noise.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG
• Good thing my mic is muted.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
• In any other house, this would be amusing or distracting. In my house, it's like a live-action cartoon.*
• Thump thump thump... HEY LEFTY...LEFTY...
• CAN YOU OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR? I CAN'T GET IN.
• I quietly point to my phone, as if to say WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE $*#& ALONE - I'M ON AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS CALL. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG does not help my concentration and the boss likes when I listen to him.
• Thump thump thump.
• BANG BANG BANG
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. Because if it doesn't work, keep trying the same solution. BANG BANG BANG BANG.
• Call ends, I take a look. Somebody locked the bathroom door. Gnomes, probably. Since this is a very secure lock, I can probably dislodge it with my Secret Lockpicking Kit.
• Most of my early life was spent looking for phillips screwdrivers. Since my religion forbids putting anything away after I use it, I could never find a phillips driver. Mind you, I had standard screwdrivers all over the place. Now that I'm grown (allegedly), I can only find phillips screwdrivers. Phillips drivers are the one driver that will not go in my Secret Lockpicking Kit.
• Since people keep giving me those really cool multitool knife jobbies, I found my most Swiss version, with the LED flashlight built in. I had to keep adjusting it because the LED would come on by itself. Gnomes, probably.
• After 15 minutes I managed to make the standard screwdriver come out to play and fired up the LED so I could see. POOF - the last forever, low power LED didn't work - the battery was kaput.
• One blind screwdriver insertion and twist later, the door was open and I was muttering to myself much more quietly and not even cursing more than normal. Good thing this lock is very secure.
• This would look like magic to the person requesting access to the bathroom, but she had disappeared during the uninterrupted portion of my work phone call. Gnomes, probably.

* My house is frequently cartoonish. Stuff happens that you often see in cartoons. While 'helping' me cook or do dishes, Marshall sits or lays on the kitchen floor. If I fill his bowl with food, he leaps up to follow me. Unfortunately the floor is some type of lineoleum and he can't get traction on it, causing him to keep trying over and over again, slipping each time. I keep waiting for the banging on pots sound effect that goes with this in cartoons.

The other day I managed to produce absolutely the most perfect, unavailable, cannot reproduce sight gag that ever existed. While taking out the trash, my view down was obstructed. I stepped on a push broom and the handle jumped right up and hit me in the face. You cannot make this happen even if you set it up perfectly, or you are one of the Three (dead) Stooges. Since my nose was not broken, all I could do was laugh (and start mentally typing it up for ThermionicEmissions). Dear readers, I live my life for you.

• "Fatphobia is violence", some fat lady opined online, complete with pictures of her being fat in lingerie. Words kill. In this case, pictures too.

This month's Microsoft patch includes a fix for a tiny issue. You can encrypt messages in Outlook. And if you do, they will encrypt, and the recipient will unencrypt them. The tiny issue is that, with the encrypted message is a plain text copy of the email. To their credit, Microsoft jumped right on this issue, which was discovered in May.

• This Harvey Weinstein affair is tragic and will continue to be in the news for a while. Aside from the heinous nature of his abuses is the heinous covering up by Harvey's famous people and news outlets. Everybody knew what he was up to and nobody spoke up til recently. Now everybody's piling on, which is a step in the right direction. Except Lindsey Lohan, who is staunchly defending him. After five days, even Hillary Clinton spoke up.

An Australian man was hurt by a flying dildo, launched from the naughty bits of an exotic dancer. This is the kind of news story we need. It has it all: injury, physics, and an exotic dancer. Think of her muscular control!

I Don't Want You Dead - Just Stop Breathing

Dove apologized for a body wash commercial where a black woman turned white after using the product. Hellfire and Fury ensued. Be fair - who could have seen that going wrong?

• Do satanists threaten their children that if they're bad, they'll go to heaven?

Harvey Weinstein has been caught with his pants down. Literally.

Another sexual harassment suit has hit, this time going public. The previous ones haven't, because Harvey is the price of being a star. You apparently had to have sex with Harvey. Everyone was afraid to say anything, lest they be thrown out of Hollywood. Incidentally, Harvey was just thrown out of The Weinstein Company, which he formed with his brother and two others. Incidentally, there has been a number of suits settled already, which means this was even less a secret.

There's absolutely no excuse for the behavior of this animal. Who knows how many were hurt.

Corey Feldman has stated that there are pedophiles in Hollywood, that have messed with young stars. He is terrified to name names, for obvious reasons. I wonder if Harvey is the name he wanted to say. The name Charlie Sheen may pop up also, in reference to Corey Haim.

While we're on the topic, designer Donna Karan defended Weinstein, saying that the way the actresses dressed, what were they asking for? Yes, she just blamed the victim.

• Our friends over at United Airlines are in the news again, but this time it's not their fault. A passenger tried to escape the plane by opening the emergency exit door, but failed. Then tried again. And again. The third time was the charm, in terms of a Federal Air Marshal restraining him and having him arrested upon landing. The moral of the story is that if you feel warm, talk to a flight attendant. They will open the emergency exit for you.

Angry that her husband played too much golf, a woman cut off his penis and flushed it down the toilet.  Judging from her actions, he'll continue to get as much sex as he did before she pruned his hedge.

• Look out for more information on the Las Vegas shooting. The lone wolf shooter narrative looks to be falling apart, as there are reports of other shooters, some on the ground. There is also video, as the casino is surveilled, plus a camera that looks downward from the roof.

This is Wales' most haunted public toilet. As determined by the Twenty Seven Point Wales Restroom Haunting Scale. And because there are lesser haunted public toilets in Wales.

• Why does privacy matter? In simple terms, if you haven't been paying attention to my constant ranting.

As mentioned earlier, Whole Foods has experienced a payment card breach. Oddly enough, it's at the in-store table service and taprooms, not at the checkouts, which use a different Point of Sale (POS) system. The breach was announced two weeks ago and hasn't been updated. Why upset your customers more?

• Over 5,000 Morrisons (British supermarket) staff have sued the company, after their personal and financial data was leaked by a disgruntled insider. Things get more interesting when Morrisons claimed it was not liable. Morrisons was, however, awarded 170,000 pounds for the leak, but the employees got nothing. This company's behavior is so abhorrent, American companies want to bring them in as consultants.

In this month's (year's?) best headline, "Florida man drops pants and sodomizes pink flamingo to death." Harvey Weinstein refuses to divulge his whereabouts on the day in question.

• North Korea hacked South Korea's military network, gaining access to 235 gigabytes of sensitive data. And by sensitive data, we mean pictures of big-breasted Korean women in skimpy bathing suits.

Top defense contractors, including Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, and Boeing, do not have HTTPS web encryption enabled by default. This is why we can't have nice things. It's also why the biggest-spending war machine in the world doesn't stand a chance against electronic espionage. PORN websites have HTTPS encryption enabled. Or so I hear.

• Millions of Pornhub users have been hit with a malvertizing attack. An ad on the page, disguised as a 'legitimate' ad, redirected users to a fake webpage, where Chrome and Firefox users were presented with an update screen, which installed the malware. Not that any of us go to Pornhub, the largest group of porn sites on the internet.

October 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day.

ThermionicEmissions interrupts its normal merriment to get serious:

• You feel like shit - we understand. The pain is crippling. 
• Reach out and talk to someone.. a friend, relative, counselor, online friends, suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 
• From someone who has been there.
• You may think you mean nothing to anybody. You're wrong. You will leave a trail of destruction in your wake that you can't imagine. Family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, even online buddies' lives will be affected and this will carry through to the end of their days. People close to me, after having seen what death does to families and friends, swear they'll never commit suicide, no matter how bad the pain gets.
• It is important to all these people, and me, that you reach out when you're feeling like hurting yourself (or others).
• You don't have to feel like this. This is not normal. There are professionals to talk to and medicines that help.
• Let's not lose one more.

Quiet - I'm Trying to Think

Like many people, I sometimes do some online learning. This is a hair more difficult for me, as I have the attention span of a pregnant gnat (on drugs). So I asked my wife for a little quiet, so I could get through it more easily.

For the entire day, I could barely hear my wife, except when she spoke to me. This is almost uncharacteristic of her, as she has the grace of an elephant in a tutu (she will tell you this).

As I started the numbered material, it became Cleaning Time:

Item #1: [the crunch of brown bags opening]

Item #2: [boxes being moved]

Item #3: [stuff falling against wooden furniture]

I'm laughing, as it's not too loud, just slightly annoying.
Wife goes into the other room and I think good - no more noise.

Item #4: [an entire basket of hangers attempts to commit suicide by leaping to the floor].

At this point, I lose it.
IS THIS SOME KIND OF COMEDY ROUTINE? ARE PEOPLE WE CAN'T SEE WATCHING IT? WE MUST BE A HUGE HIT BY NOW. PERHAPS YOU CAN DROP SOME PLATE GLASS DOWN THE STAIRS!

Item #5: [tap tap tap]
WHAT IS IT NOW?
Your parents are coming over. Where do I put the guitars?
I'M SORRY, WAS MY QUIET STUDYING TOO DISRUPTIVE FOR YOU?
But, I just...
DON'T. Please don't.

Item #6: [folding chair falls to ground]
Wife: "Ok, I give up."
Please do.


I have deliberately omitted the part where the elephant led the parade through the living room, as well as the eight lane highway being started out front. If people are watching this, our ratings are through the roof (along with the giraffes).

• It sure is early this morning.
• It looks like it's getting longer.
• The morning meeting that makes me get up an hour early was not attended by the person who set it up
• The muffin I got for breakfast lept onto the floor, making a perfect hole in the powdered creamer spray, which quickly followed it to the floor.
• A pile of Stuff on the back of the couch decided to see if it could fly and failed spectacularly, hitting the seat cushion and bouncing to the floor.
• While filling the dog's water bowl, I spilled most of it down the front of me
• It's 8:25. If things get any better, I'll be on sick leave by 9.

It's a bad time to be someone who's not really fond of Tom Petty

• A woman in South Carolina ordered a yoga mat. When she opened it, she found 20,000 pills valued at $400,000 instead. Meh - yoga mat, $400k in illegal drugs, what's the difference?

Use the Stupid, Luke: a security expert recommends using a black marker to write 'PIN: 5372' on your ATM card. It increases incorrect PIN entries if the card is stolen. You are reminded NOT to use your REAL PIN.

• White House Chief of Staff John Kelly's personal phone has been hacked for over six months. Yes, that's right, six months. He sent the phone to IT for repairs, where the hack was discovered. He claimed not to use the personal phone for business. We have met the enemy and it is US.

Russian spies used Kaspersky Antivirus to swipe NSA exploit code, according to anonymous sources.

Well, that's the headline anyway.. the overly uncautious snoop took the code home and put it on his home computer, which was running Kaspersky Antivirus. It is alleged that Russian hackers used Kaspersky to identify the files and steal them. The claim is from 2015, because the public has no right to know. The NSA won't comment, as a matter of policy.  Because you have no right to know. 

For its part, Kaspersky vigorously denies any of this happened and has offered its source code to government officials. There are no reports of anyone taking Kaspersky up on its offer - just allegations which have not been proven. 

Kaspersky has been banned from government equipment and Best Buy has pulled it from their shelves. Until I see undeniable proof, I'm not inclined to believe this. This is very easy for me to say, as I run linux.

• Continuing the Annoyance Thread, I'm on an early evening business call, on speakerphone. At this exact moment, the tree people show up next door, to cut down a few trees. With loud gas-powered saws.

This week's definition of Mom: the lady who blew off an opportunity to get out and stayed home, making some sort of tuna meat loaf for the sick granddog. Marshall barely got a sniff of it and went face-down in his food bowl. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised - I grew up on her cooking and it was always good, if not great. This from a lady who, two months ago, was in a facility with dementia.

Wet T-Shirt Nite

Yes, that's right, the secret phrase for tonight is Wet T-Shirt Nite!

• US casino stocks fell after the Las Vegas incident. No one saw that coming.
• Remember: guns don't kill people - country music does.
• Speaking of guns, gun stocks went up.

A CBS legal executive, Haley Geftman-Gold, stated on Faceyspaces that she had no sympathy for the Las Vegas victims because country music fans are right wing, gun toters. She had no hope that the Repugs would do the right thing. Several hours later, she was without employment. CBS disavowed her statement.

Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton said this event should not be politicized, then went on to politicize it, going after the NRA.  Lest anyone be confused about gun control, the weapon used by the shooter was an automatic, which is already illegal and difficult to obtain. So much for gun control working.

• RIP Tom Petty. I wasn't a fan but can't deny his impact.
• Tom spent the better part of the day in the hospital after a cardiac arrest. At this point, everyone could agree that he was in the hospital but no one could tell if he was alive or dead. Calling Dr. Schroedinger...
• Tom used to follow me.. not in the creepy paranoid way.. more in the "Oh God, here he is again" kinda way. Like I said, I'm not a fan, but if I got in the car and turned on the radio, there he was. If I went into a department store, his music was playing overhead. It got so bad, as verified by others, that when I'd turn on the tv, he was there too. Fortunately The Petty Effect went away, years ago.

Hey, it's National Cybersecurity Awareness Month!  So go about your business and ignore it.

• They're baaaaaack. Yes, Loud Construction Company is back, after a week's break, working on the neighbor's house. Perhaps they went to a seminar on how to Keep It Loud. It started and continues with the Serious Sledgehammer on Concrete noise. It sounds like it's coming from my front steps.
• Because my nerves are a little off-kilter today, Loud Construction Company isn't going to be alone, no sir. The house phone rang, like an icepick through my ears. At the same moment, my phone rang. While this symphony of ring is happening, I'm listening to Robin Trower on my computer. All of this cacophony is unnerving, like an icepick through my skull, pounded in with a sledgehammer (on concrete).
• While my eyeballs roll around like a slot machine, my wife is talking to me on my phone. We have a special feature activated when I'm trying to talk, called the No Talk Feature. When she's talking, if I attempt to say anything at all, she can't hear me and keeps talking. Sometimes when she's not talking, she still can't hear me. I'm starting to wonder if the No Talk Feature was ordered through our phone company or something she just made up.
• It's the end of my work day and I'm having trouble finishing up two items. I let my coworker know that the two items need attention. He asks which two items. The two items I mentioned, one of which has my bloody name on it. I think we are burdened by speaking the same language, which is generally referred to as English. Perhaps he speaks the Swahili variant of English, wherein he misses every other sentence. Or the Urdu version, where every other word is dropped but still spoken. It doesn't matter if I email him - it's every bit as frustrating in email, but I can shout and bang my head on the floor.

Marshall has had few side effects from his chemotherapy: largely it's lethargy. He went back for bloodwork today, after which they decided to lower his dosage because he shouldn't have side effects (damn him). Aside from dosage, I asked what the blood showed. It won't show anything til they check next week. But didn't they take blood last week? Yes. Didn't they do chemo last week? Yes. Then why didn't they know anything between last week and this week. Well, he has to have chemo first. But he DID have chemo - last week. Yes. But.. but.. but.. there's a reason I don't like the medical field, and it's not just because I tend to pass out when I see blood.

• Remember that 2013 Yahoo email breach that didn't hit all their accounts? They 'revised it upward' so that it now hit all 3 billion email accounts. Math.

A Drexel University professor blames the Las Vegas shooting on 'Trumpism' and white men. Drexel stated that the professor's tweets don't represent the university. Those who can, do. Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym. Those who can't teach gym, teach at universities. I think I'm going to need a Safe Space now. With soft pillows and a puppy.

My boobies lie over the ocean

My boobies lie over the sea

My boobies lie over the ocean

Bring back my boobies to me