- Ever have a dream continue over sleep and several naps? I just had a real doozy, involving family (no idea whose), military aircraft, fresh roads, and a talking bunny named Frank.
Some more Philly Firsts: Philly is ranked 6th in longest commute times (averaging 52 minutes). However, Philly is 16th on the list of most stressful commutes. Los Angeles being first. Last but never least, Philly is sixth in sweatiest cities, as determined by central air conditioning, popularity of public transportation, citywide bike sharing programs, and the “hottest” professions. In other words, we don't know either, but we're proud to be near the top of any list.
- It's starting to get cooler, unfortunately. For the past few days, I've had my portable heater on, to take the chill off. Today, it was going to be rainy all day. The sun is out. I just heard the air conditioner turn on. You can't blame a weather forecaster for the weather, but you can blame them for being wrong most of the time.
I'm looking at new cell phones. It's very interesting, from a consumer perspective, and even from a Weird Consumer perspective. I'm not certain any of my choices are a serious improvement over what I have. One actually has the same processor. The new features do not impress me at all (your mileage may vary). If you're shopping, pay careful attention to the specifications and features, comparing your current phone. If you're looking at an android, head over to androidforums.com - they have lots of information about most android phones and have been an invaluable asset to me.
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The Social Justice Warriors are out (moreso), looking for ways to ruin Halloween. They didn't have to look far.... children now must be racially sensitive and only dress as their heroes that look like them, because of White Privilege. Only brown children may dress as Moana. If your white children are upset that they cannot be Moana, tell them it's because they're awash in White Privilege that the other children will never see. The other children are being dressed as Victims.
I don't want to be insensitive (well, maybe a bit). I'd like to hear your thoughts and stories about this important topic. Respond and tell me what White Privilege has done for you and when you renounced it. If you're not white, make something up.
By the same token, only people dripping in White Privilege can dress as ghosts. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Jesus, most of the Allman Brothers.... crackers only. Furthermore, Trump, Hillary Clinton, Harvey Weinstein, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry... all for the melanin-challenged.
Still to be adjudicated is the matter of different species. Let's say your child wants to dress like a mouse. Mice have no ethnicity. Do you dissuade them until the ruling comes down, for fear of microaggressing some poor downtrodden minority? Furthermore, people of color cannot dress as horses. Even though they're largely brown, horses are a symbol of White Privilege, because they carry white people. An exception can be made if your caucasian friend takes the rear of the costume, because whitey should always ride in the back.
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- COWORKER: you need to turn left at Main, then right at Broad to get to the building.
- ME: I need to go to the building? Which?
- COWORKER: turn left at Main, then right at Broad.
- ME: which building?
- COWORKER: the building you need to go to
- ME: what building is that?
- COWORKER: Oh, the one you need to go to. Main, then Broad.
- All day at work. Every. Single. Question. I. Ask. Guaranteed to be the answer to the wrong question. This person is not stupid.
The NAACP has issued a Travel Advisory for American Airlines, citing a series of recent incidents. After checking out the incidents, it looks like pure, hideous airline customer service. In fact, if one were to put together a list of incidents during this time frame for all passengers, the list would dwarf the NAACP claim.
- Today, in a special feature, we are going to take a few moments away from our usual snark for empathy: FBI Director Wray, at a conference in Philadelphia, said encryption has kept the agency from accessing 7,000 mobile devices.
- Ok, that's enough empathy. In other words, encryption is doing what it's supposed to do.
If you're visiting a website and are asked to run an Adobe Flash update, don't. And when I say don't, I mean don't, no, nay, nein, etc. There's a nasty bit of ransomware floating around called Bad Rabbit. It depends on you saying YES to the install. So don't, ok?
We're in the midst of the Great Plumbing Emergency of 2017.
What is the Great Plumbing Emergency of 2017?
One day my wife, who notices these sorts of things, noticed a small pond in the basement. With her team of crack detectives (named so because they're on crack), she quickly traced it to a leak in a pipe.
In normal households, this would prompt a call for a plumber. You know what's coming next, right? Ours is not a normal household. Looking at Things in General, it was apparent that this was not going to be a cheap repair. And let's face it - whenever you need to call someone, it's not going to be a cheap repair (if they show up to repair it). Keep in mind that every cent we have now goes to the vet's Mercedes Fund. If I'm particularly good, I get a Snapple on Fridays. We didn't always contribute to the Mercedes Fund; before this, we put her kids through college.
Enter Dad the Hero. Dad locates a gadget that stops the problem cold. He tells us this is an 'interesting' fix, which could last six weeks or sixty. Hopefully in the meantime, we can get our income switched from the vet to the plumber.
As if on target, about six weeks later, we sprouted a new, improved leak, from a new, improved location, about a foot to the left. With barely a WHOOSH, Wife ran off to locate another Dad Gadget. After combing the city, she located one. In precisely the wrong size. This was probably a good thing anyway, as the pipe would have laughed at us and developed yet another hole.
Some very loud fellow in advertising pitches this black tape that will, after you saw your boat in half, patch it back to new, with no leaks. Because this is As Seen On Tv, my wife has to purchase it. To this day, the doctors have not figured out why. The stuff works. It is very easy to apply, provided it does not get stuck to itself, which it did, requiring the purchase of more. We patched it up, with absolutely no leaking. For damn near a few days, at which point, the leak had moved a few inches to the left. At this point, in addition to the Daffy Duck nature of this effort, it's feeling a bit personal.
More black stuff acquired, we patched the new hole. Something didn't feel right, but for the second time in my life, I kept my mouth shut. And sure enough, within minutes, the leak continued.
My intention is not to go all Mr. Spock on you, but logic would dictate that putting black, sticky material over a hole would seal the hole. Not apparently in lefty Universe. The new, extra black stuff wouldn't hold. There was a lot of frustration and looking at each other.
Have I mentioned we were cutting our water usage to bare minimum?
A friend occurred, who said no problem, and repeated, verbatim, the advice we got on how to fix this. Cool - let's put him to work. After running around the city a few more times, just because we apparently like it, we were told to use this cement-like stuff that they use to seal battleships in the water. Joy! So off he went to do whatever he went to do and then apply the cement-like stuff. I'm at work, mind you, so I got way too many phone calls, describing the circus-like atmosphere.
With the pipe all fixed and the promise to come back the next day to finish, with yet another Miracle Gadget, Mrs lefty went to check out the repairs. Sure enough, it was leaking from two small spots. With her eyes rolling back into her head, then bouncing against each other like a slot machine, she patched the two little spots. Yay wife! Aside from two continuing or new leaks, everything was fine and we were back where we started, with two leaks.
At this point, my suspicion is that if we hired the best plumbing outfit in the area, they wouldn't show up. When we called the second best plumbing outfit, they'd show up, give us a price that would cover a new car, then never return. Pulling a random plumbing outfit from the search, they'd show up, install entirely new plumbing, and watch, as two new leaks sprouted in a bathroom that wasn't involved in the first place. Daffy appears, feeling dejected, and goes off the walls, defying gravity and making very strange noises.
So we have thrown everything at this pipe but the refrigerator. This is a good thing, as the fridge is making a noise, indicating that it needs to be replaced. The normal three ring circus has expanded, with a load of clowns occupying the fourth ring.
Amateur Plumbing Dude appears with this saw contraption that looks like it will burst into flames the moment he tries to use it. He has a Great Idea that involves removing a section of pipe, then putting in a new section with paste that he no doubt ate in second grade. Inspecting his work, we discover two plastic containers used to support something or other, welded to the pipe. I'm sure he had a plan for these but we're starting to notice that he has perfectly sound concepts that he perfectly fails to execute. We're trying to decide if the fact that he brings his girlfriend is a positive or negative. Since she is not harming Marshall, we call it a draw. Yes, it's Hopalong Plumbing.
I forgot to mention the really fine guy across the street, who does home repairs and plumbing. We're terrified to let him into the house, lest he find Jimmy Hoffa somewhere in the dark, past the small ponds, and alert the authorities.
It's early morning, it's raining and horribly gray, there is still some construction outside, complete with what sounds like someone sawing concrete, the phone calls have stopped due to the wife stopping, and I'm at work, with no idea how this is going to be completed.
I am also scaring my coworkers, because I look like a combination of the good old boys who hunt ghosts on some horrid reality show, and the people who inexplicably feel it's a great idea to live in Alaska during the heavy snow period (August to July). Not to mention the guys who build tree houses, because they too have no plumbing.
Fast forward some random period of time. The Fly-by-Night Plumbing having fallen on its face, I was sent to work on the issue by The Boss (aka Wife). She handed me a bag and told me it was self-explanatory.
What - the bag?
The self-explanatory bag contained Plumbing Repair Stuff and was somewhat less self- explanatory than stated. Off I went, to watch the 'repaired' plumbing drip. The professionals managed, with the aid of piles of repair stuff, to consolidate all the drips to one small stream.
I gave up and called a national chain, which immediately flew in a plumber to assess the situation. He asked if we were ready to go and I told him to look around. Ten minutes later, he was back, letting us know he couldn't find anyone to help him with the task and they'd fly in tomorrow morning to do the work.
That's self-explanatory, no?
Fast forward some random period of time. The Fly-by-Night Plumbing having fallen on its face, I was sent to work on the issue by The Boss (aka Wife). She handed me a bag and told me it was self-explanatory.
What - the bag?
The self-explanatory bag contained Plumbing Repair Stuff and was somewhat less self- explanatory than stated. Off I went, to watch the 'repaired' plumbing drip. The professionals managed, with the aid of piles of repair stuff, to consolidate all the drips to one small stream.
I gave up and called a national chain, which immediately flew in a plumber to assess the situation. He asked if we were ready to go and I told him to look around. Ten minutes later, he was back, letting us know he couldn't find anyone to help him with the task and they'd fly in tomorrow morning to do the work.
That's self-explanatory, no?
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