Being the fine group we are, we've overfished ridiculously, requiring protection of the fish. Why? Their eggs are used for caviar and the fish tastes good.
We have a propensity to destroy stuff, routinely shooting ourselves in the foot, driving species to the brink of extinction. We're not a well species.
In cleaning out the Computer Room, I'm finding all sorts of stuff.
Way Back When, when I got the Stuff, it was incredibly handy.
Many years later, it's an episode of Hoarders gone entirely wrong. I found:
- PCMCIA modems and network cards
- RAM from laptops so old, they had built-in floppy drives
- computer cables for police scanners I blew up a long time ago
- several somewhat dessicated assistants and one intern skeleton
- 2 HP printer/scanners that both failed when the scanner's physical drive failed
- several batteries that worked much better when they didn't have that white stuff oozing out of them
- an odd number of speakers
- a box of 3.5" floppies - high density, of course
- a pair of old tube radios that received what was the police band, way back, that I failed to fix. Because when I fail, I like to fail at least twice
- if I look really hard, I'll find a 286 motherboard. I'm keeping it on purpose, for history's sake. Yeah, that's it.
The Great Milk War of 2018
A few days ago, someone(s) finished a large container of milk.
The person(s) who finished it is generally in charge of groceries.
The Department of Acquisitions is taking a bit of a break.
The Department of Acquisitions has asked The Department of the Couch to pick up milk on the way back from his weekly electroshock therapy appointment.
The problem with this is that by the time the electroshock therapy is done, The Department of the Couch can barely remember his name, no less drive home.
So The Republic of Our Place is without milk, which makes cereal way too interesting to eat. Ice Cream is great for breakfast but is also in short supply. We do have these wonderful brownie bites with cream cheese frosting, but we prefer to use them in moderation.
We're looking to establish The Department of Grocery Procurement, but we can't even get anybody to mow the lawn.
- Every Christmas, we see sad stories about people stealing Christmas decorations. It tugs at our heartstrings. Well meaning people send replacement decorations.
- Although the thieves are never caught, ThermionicEmissions managed to secure an interview with a decoration thief. His details have been altered and his voice made really squeaky to conceal his identity.
Mr. Thief; you are the man who steals Christmas decorations, upsetting neighbors and the children, correct?
Yes, that would be me.
Why do you do this? The world wants to know.
Not for the reason you think....I do it because they're f-ing tacky, ugly, and a huge source of light pollution. Have you ever seen those blowup football players and Winnie the Excrement on lawns? Complete with blowup generator noises at all hours of the night and morning?
So in your mind, you're doing the neighborhood a service.
Yes, I am. Yet everybody demonizes me. What's worse is when some bloody do-gooder replaces them, rendering my good works moot.
What is your suggestion to America, as regards Christmas decorations?
Put a few candle lights in your window and call it a day, you gaudy bastards. You don't have to outline each window in bright lights that blink and cause epileptic fits in innocent children. You use enough electricity to power a small third world country.
Now that you mention it, who among us hasn't wanted to throttle a neighbor who has made a neighborhood spectacle of their house?
The absolute worst is the ones with the most lights. They get on the news, which never has anything of value to show anyway, and people get in their cars and drive fifty miles to see the nice lights. Then they get upset when little Johnny starts to spasm and emit foam from his mouth.
Happy Holidays from ThermionicEmissions.
- There's a little box up at the top of this blog, in which you can search it through the power of Google (perhaps because Google owns Blogspot). Every now and then I go to search something and it completely fails to provide an answer. To be absolutely certain it's not me, I ask it if there are any instances of the word "the" in all my blog entries. Nope.
- I'm not all that surprised - after all, the spellchecker doesn't include internet, tv, blowjob, and any technical computer terms. It also doesn't learn, flagging 'internet' every time. It's all about quality control, here at ThermionicEmissions.
Seemingly because I have nothing better to do, I gathered a list of American cities with British origins:
Devon
Bristol
Carlisle
Chester
Boston
Reading
Croydon
Langley
Lincoln
Haverford
Newtown
North Wales
Camden
Ardsley
Margate
Cleveland
Abington
What's weird is that the majority of them are in southeastern Pennsylvania. Perhaps Pennsylvania was touched in its bad place by the British when it was little.
- Heard on tv: We called the police to report the theft. The police were wonderful; they showed up in a few hours.
While cleaning, we came across a bunch of monoliths. You might not recognize the word, but you know what they are. A monolith is, like in 2001 A Space Odyssey, a humongous piece of something that just stands there. You're cleaning and suddenly come across a 1983 Camaro, parked in your living room.
I believe this happens at the quantum level, but what the hell do I know. What happens is that an object needs to be acted upon (the Camaro) and is put where you can see it (living room) so you can perform an action (change the oil). Life, having the nasty habit of getting in the way, precludes performing the action. Within a short period, on the order of two days, the object (the Camaro) becomes invisible. You may walk around it but it's no longer 'there'. There are only three things that will make the object visible: someone visiting (OMG -there's a CAMARO in our living room) or remembering the task associated with the object (OMG -wasn't I supposed to change the oil? Where did I put the car?). I mention remembering as a theoretical... it has never happened and never will. The third, and most likely, is that you are cleaning and come across it.
When you come across it, you probably don't remember why it's parked in the living room (HONEY - why is there a Camaro in the living room?), and other things start to become clear (I wondered why we had to buy a new car in '93).
So next time some Science Smartypants tries to lecture you on something he understands but you're obviously too stoopid to comprehend, you can expound on the Quantum Level Properties of the Monolith. All because you read ThermionicEmissions.
- Fortunately I was awake before the alarm went off, because it didn't.
If you use Chrome browser, and you shouldn't, as of June 12, support for third party extensions will start to be phased out. In other words, if it doesn't come from Google, it's not getting installed.
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