The Great Storm of 2012

I heard noise coming from down the street.  It wasn't enough to really disturb me but it was sufficient to probably piss off a neighbor or two.   My wife informed me that it was the new guy, redoing his entire house.  Of course, she's the expert.  I don't know exactly how she knows this stuff but she does.  It's almost like the Python sketch with the two old ladies who had the whole neighborhood under surveillance with videotape and multiple monitors.

Having been brought up to date on the Neighborhood Situation, I only hoped that the new guy would generate enough noise to sufficiently piss off the Louds.  I have written a few times about the Loud Family.  There are two very loud parents, five or seven loud children (each with their own loud cars), at least two loud pets and a loud house.  Furthermore there is a loud basketball court somewhere out of site, as well as twenty or thirty really loud friends.

The loud children lob F-bombs at their parents.  The loud cars are the 2000 reproductions of 1970's muscle cars so they're very loud.  They just got a loud lawn tractor, much to my dismay.

So I hoped the new guy could make enough noise to get on the nerves of the Louds.  But it was not to be.  Later the next day, the noise was getting so bad I had to consult my wife.  I said that the guy had a right to redo his house but this was getting out of hand - especially when it woke me up at nine in the morning.  Mrs lefty informed me that eight is ok to start in our little township.

I should have known, of course.  No normal human being can keep up that amount of noise for that protracted a period of time without physical or emotional harm.  It wasn't New Guy, it was the Louds.  They somehow managed to procure a smaller (but LOUDER) piece of yard equipment and were taking turns with it all weekend long.

We have only one working theory for the Louds: poor Mr. Loud is in such a horrible marriage that he would rather spend all of his time outside, working on the yard and house, than inside, with Mrs. Loud (whose other car is, in fact, a broom).

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Meanwhile, news of the impending storm raced through work Friday.  They were working themselves up into a pretty spectacular PANIC, which is par for the course.  Meetings were called, Continuity of Government operations were put into place, disaster recovery was brought up (and laughted at hysterically) and multi-unit conference calls were had by all necessary emergency personnel.

I had bacon pizza.  If you have never tried bacon pizza, I cannot recommend it strongly enough.  Even if it sounds a bit weird, give it a try; you'll thank me.  I brought a few slices home for the wife to try, setting them carefully on the table, out of the range of leaping cockers.

Since Saturday was supposed to be nice, we went out for a bit.  As one would expect, the weather was dreary and every major road was either closed for no particular reason or so jammed up, it took forever to get to your destination.  I maintain that the best thing that could happen to Philly is a fire.  They they could rebuild roads to a reasonable capacity for now and for the future.

When we returned, I went to heat up the bacon pizza for my wife.  No dice, lefty.

Why?  Because I found the pizza box on the floor, next to the table.  Need I mention that it was totally empty?  Occam's Razor (the easiest answer is usually the correct answer) dictated that the cat jumped up and sent the pizza box flying, at which point the dog probably ate it.  Or they ate it in tandem - they work well together when no one is looking.

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Meanwhile, PANIC ensues.  Philadelphia announces it is closing Monday.  Public transportation is closing Sunday night.  My workplace, the Twilight Zone<tm>, is also closing.  This of course requires a twenty-person conference call.

We went to visit friends for dinner and stopped at the market for a pie.  The wife informed me that the place was a madhouse, with people whizzing all over the place, as if there was going to be no food for them to purchase.  Wawa was out of bread and milk also.

When we returned, we were treated to the sight of a huge stain on the carpet.  Somebody (smart money is on the dog) overturned a cardboard drink caddy with two or three half-finished cups of coffee in them.  We should invest in carpet cleaner stock.

What's even more frustrating is that we have no one to blame but ourselves.  And our smart ($*#ing pets.

Speaking of smart pets, the cat has been attached to me and licking my arm.  No one knows why.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

UPDATE: Hopefully final.

Philthydelphia and work shut down for a second day.  Then we lost power at home.  Totally.  But simply losing power was not sufficient for modern infrastructure, no sir.  My cell phone service went out too (thank you once again T-Mobile).  You have to admit that it was a stunning coincidence; the electricity and the cell phone service going out at once.

Fortunately our power got reconnected, only twenty five hours later.  We seem to live in something of a power black hole.  Last time was similar.  The block next door had power but we did not.  We have no idea why.  Apparently the entire block is looking into generators or somehow getting put onto a less black holey power feed.  Have I mentioned we have a guy who works for the local electric concern on the block?

Too add insult to injury, the Louds had procured a generator for just such emergencies.  Need I mention that it was a sufficiently loud generator?  It sounded like a truck idling outside my door for twenty five hours.  I am somewhat surprised that it didn't kill the entire neighborhood via carbon monoxide but I'll take my luck where I can get it.

Cell phone service is another matter entirely.  The only reason it reappeared is that I ran it through my wireless system.  Up for work Wednesday morning, I still had no signal.  In fact, I had no signal until I got to work, where it seemed to fluctuate wildly.   Even when I went wireless, it still failed.  Having trouble texting, which is the easiest thing to get through.  Sigh.... maybe one day I'll take the test to become a radio amateur; at least that never goes down.

According to the largely useless FCC, approximately twenty-five percent of cell towers were damaged by the storm.  I suspect it to be only the T-Mobile towers (both of them) but time will tell. 

The ride into work took twice as long as normal, largely due to trees that steadfastly refused to stay planted (and city workers that weren't working).  New slogan: Welcome to Philly- You can't get there from here!

Lessons learned: buy a super UPS for the computer, possibly a generator for the house.  Get real cell phone service.

RE-UPDATE:

Cell service is crappy all over.  Really crappy.  T-Mobile rep has been sending me updates, indicating they're making real progress.  None that I can actually see (work+home) but she's pretty honest.

NJ is a mess.  Moreso.  A good fried of the blog lives in that godforsaken mess and said it is not pretty. No electricity, almost no cell service, no internet, and a three hour line for gas.  Curfew and necessary traffic only.  We may have to dispatch the Libertarian Guard to rescue them.  We will look most resplendent in our official Hyundai.

At least we have our health?

Tech Support - WHAT Tech Support?

Whenever I call or email tech support, I'm really nice.  It's because I know they have a terrible job and I've been there myself.  Although I no longer do helpdesk work, I do work closely with them during my hours of toiling.

In the past two weeks, I have had two horrible experiences with tech support.  At this point one issue has been resolved and I have only recently stopped scraping pieces of my cranium off the ceiling long enough to type this out for my friends in hilarity..... Suffice it to say, if my department at work performed this way, we'd all be out looking for jobs.

Apparently this is not the case everywhere.

The Case of the Bad Display

I recently got an HP Elitebook laptop at work.  It is roughly the weight of a medium size car and has a seventeen inch display.  It is manly and magnificent.  We have purchased rather a lot of HP laptops and desktops at work as a result of transitioning from Dell Hell.  Sadly, one day I turned the laptop on and got only a gray display.

HP phone support was very helpful.  We diagnosed a bad display and they said a tech would be in touch to schedule a time to come out and fix it.

A week later, I called HP, wondering where my personal tech was.   They told me there was an issue with getting the parts and he would be calling tomorrow.

Another few days later, I called HP again.  The rep read the log and asked me what he could help me with.  Well, if he read the log, he'd realize no one had called or come out to fix my laptop's errant display.  I politely let him know there was no movement from last time.  He said to excuse him for a moment.

Did you ever wonder where tech support goes when they ask you to hold on?  Do they switch displays and continue watching whatever kind of porn tech support enjoys?  Are they writing a few additional chapters of their autobiography?  Pee-pee break?  I sure as hell don't know.

Tech Support Guy comes back and informs me that Repair Guy called last Friday.

No he didn't.  The phone didn't ring all day Friday and no one left me voicemail.

In any case, Tech Support Guy was going to phone Repair Guy personally and have him get back to me within thirty minutes.  That was kinda nice, actually.

Shortly thereafter, Repair Guy calls and says he's an hour out and would be happy to drop by to fix the problem.

More surprisingly, Repair Guy made it within the alloted time and found the building.  I work in the Twilight Zone, which is supposed to appear on Google Maps but doesn't really.  To find our building, you have to possess at least a few working brain cells, which rules out most of the people who try.

Repair Guy was very competent, personal and professional.   I have to admit that I hate working on laptops.. too many tiny parts that tend to become airborne and land in the carpet, where they rest in peace forever.  This guy tore the entire laptop down in no time, screwed in the new display and powered up the laptop.

Have you ever seen a broken laptop display?  It looks a little like fractals on acid.  I hesitated to point this out because we were apparently looking at a display that was broken right out of the box.  As it turned out, I didn't have to say anything because Repair Guy said it for me.

My company purchases a warranty for next day service because we can't have machines down.  Here we are, a week and a half out, and I still don't have a functional laptop display.  I hate to say this but we didn't have this problem with Dell (we had lots of other problems).

Repair Guy apologizes profusely and says he'll get another display overnighted.  Of course, overnighted refers only to shipping, not whether the warehouse has the part in stock.  So he might be back the following day and he might not.

Two days later, Repair Guy returns, pops in the new display and all is well in the world.  Total time: two weeks.

I'm loving the service, HP.
My coworkers inform me that you have honored your promises on every other repair.  Although I'm not surprised the glitch affects only my computer, I'm still saddened by it.




The Case of the Errant Security Cameras

Work purchased an eight channel security camera system with DVR to keep watch over the place.  The reviews on Amazon were very favorable and I felt comfortable going forth.

In spite of not knowing a thing about security cameras or DVRs, the system went up without a hitch.  And when I say without a hitch, I mean eight hours of hurling wires above a drop ceiling and falling off ladders.

Once everything got plugged in, it worked perfectly.
And when I say perfectly, I mean that all eight cameras worked and I got the whole thing configured, mostly without consulting the manual.  It was a minor shock to all present.

One of the neatest features of the system is that you can plug it into your network and monitor the cameras remotely, like on your phone.  Everyone was excited.

And when I say everyone was excited, I mean right up until I tried plugging the thing into the network. I gave it an IP address (like a house address for the network) and it completely failed to show up on the network.  I gave it a different IP address, which also failed to show up on the network.   I even tried giving it a third IP address and screaming, all for naught.  It's funny - screaming is a necessary technique employed by anyone who has ever worked on computers (or possibly cars).

After mucking about with this device way too long, I decided to email tech support.  I received an email response in record time, uplifting my spirits.  When I say my spirits were uplifted, I mean right up until reading the email, which was the equivalent of a long wait on the phone: "We're sorry but we're really busy.  Your email is very important to us.  Because of higher than normal email volumes, we will answer this email within one to five days.  You are cordially invited to hold your breath until then.  Remember, your email is very important to us."

One solid week later without a response to my very important email made me weary, in a very large and existential way.

Things were getting grim so I had to bite the bullet and get on Support Chat with them.  The cute little box informed me that I would have to wait up to three minutes.  Two minutes.  Then one minute or less.  Funny how time flies when you're waiting for someone to answer.  It was like watching a Microsoft Copy Dialog Box, which tells you that you have four seconds to go but it really means forty minutes.

Eight minutes later, Support Chat Guy hops on chat.  I explain the issue to him.  He tells me I need to plug the device into a router.  I am working on a huge business network with hundreds of computers and he wants me to plug the DVR into the business router, as if I were a home user.

I shook my head and explained to Support Chat Guy that this was a business and there was no way to plug the DVR into the router.  He said we might not be able to get the unit working then.

Sigh.

I told the fellow that I gave the box an IP address and it's not coming up on the network.  He spends thirty chat minutes (175 minutes in dog chat) trying to get me to plug the DVR into the router.  I keep telling him the router is not a concern if the device isn't showing up.

Sigh.

As I mentioned, I don't want to be rude but I do want my problem solved expeditiously, which isn't going to happen if this guy can't think outside of the box of Home User.  It is apparent that he does not understand networking and I don't wish to spend the time to school him.  I suggest the next level of support and he suggests I call on the phone.

Done.

So I call on the phone.  The noise in the background sounds worse than the noise in the background of my workplace, which has been described as `slightly louder than a soccer riot'.  Phone Support Guy reads over my case and immediately asks me to plug the DVR into my router.

This is like deja vu all over again.

I try explaining networking to this nice person, who apparently realizes that he is over his head much faster than his colleague.  He suggests having a higher level support tech call me back.  Unfortunately due to the time difference (I didn't ask but I'm guessing Estonia, Moldavia, or Eastern Bumfuct - the English side) they can only reach me between three and four o'clock so it might not be today.

Two days later there is a voicemail from the camera company, stating that he has tried to reach me two times.

Really?


WHY IS THIS SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT?

Puppies, Pussy Riot and Propaganda

The internet is full of shit.  Politicians are full of shit.  Most of us are full of shit.  To counteract all of the shit, I will occasionally post something slightly uplifting.


I see your presidential election and raise you a ten year old boy with Down Syndrome lost in the woods overnight, kept warm by puppies.  You will not beat that headline.  Ever.

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Moving on from the adorable to the blasphemously adorable, it would seem that the pope is not a fan of Russia's Pussy Riot.  You know those religious icons - they all cover for their own.

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And lastly, speaking of elections, here's some libertarian propaganda:

NOW We're Important

It's tough being libertarian.  Most people look at me like I have three heads (although I suspect they'd look at me that way regardless of political orientation).

It's particularly tough at work, where the Democratic National Committee meets.  Ok, it's not officially the DNC but two people who worked for Obama congregate with all their amateur strategists and plan for the election.  It's upsetting.  I have a little sign that says OBAMA/BIDEN 2012 - because you didn't learn the first time.  It points in that direction.

I've been paying attention to the polls, which I don't generally do.  By all accounts, this race is close.  In fact, the race is so close that libertarians are starting to matter.   And how, you ask, do I know libertarians matter?  Because we're being bashed openly in the press.  Normally we're ignored; now we're being ridiculed.

When libertarians come up, the parties of Greed argue back and forth about who gets stolen from by libertarian votes.

In my state (Pennsylvania), the republican party is very busy with dirty tricks, trying to keep Gary Johnson off the ballot.  They hired private investigators and misrepresented themselves.  Fortunately liberty prevailed and Mr. Johnson is on the ballot.  We can also write-in Ron Paul.

If we don't matter, why are the republicans trying so desperately to remove our candidate?  Oddly enough, the democrats either haven't done anything or haven't been caught yet.

It sure is nice to matter, for once.

In fact, we libertarians should be actively courted.  [evil laughter]


Don't vote for the lesser of two evils.  Vote for someone who represents your ideals.  A vote for the lesser of two evils is a vote wasted.

The Day in Funny

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

*It's not difficult to make a woman happy.*
         *A man only needs to be:

         1. a friend
         2. a companion
         3. a lover
         4. a brother
         5. a father
         6. a master
         7. a chef
         8. an electrician
         9. a carpenter
         10. a plumber
         11. a mechanic
         12. a decorator
         13. a stylist
         14. a sexologist
         15. a gynecologist
         16. a psychologist
         17. a pest exterminator
         18. a psychiatrist
         19. a healer
         20. a good listener
         21. an organizer
         22. a good father
         23. very clean
         24. sympathetic
         25. athletic
         26. warm
         27. attentive
         28. gallant
         29. intelligent
         30. funny
         31. creative
         32. tender
         33. strong
         34. understanding
         35. tolerant
         36. prudent
         37. ambitious
         38. capable
         39. courageous
         40. determined
         41. true
         42. dependable
         43. passionate
         44. compassionate

         WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

         45. give her compliments regularly
         46. love shopping
         47. be honest
         48. be very rich
         49. not stress her out
         50. not look at other girls

         AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

         51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
         52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
         53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

         IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

         54. Never to forget:
         * birthdays
         * anniversaries
         * arrangements she makes*


         *
         HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
         *
         *1. Show up naked

                 2. Bring alcohol*



NOTE:  alcohol optional

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Absolutely the best doody humor I have ever read.

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Any time your day is moving slowly or getting depressing, this will always be here for you.

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And now, in the attempt to offend absolutely everyone equally, read this.

Android Apps I'd Like to See

I still love my Android devices.  The phone gets daily use and the tablet every few days.  There are just a few more apps I wish someone would come up with:

1. non-root firewall: would stop all the crapware (and operating system) from phoning home
2. Ccleaner: Crap Cleaner is one of my favorite Windows apps.  It literally cleans the crap from the system.  Android Assistant has some cleaners but I want more and better.
3. app firewall: something to stop the stupid apps from popping up by themselves.  I can't see any reason why any programs need to start themselves unexpectedly.  If I have email set to manual, there's no reason for email programs to come up.
4. non-root hosts file/ad-blocker: in Windows and linux, one can use a hosts file to block crapware/adware/viruses.  This would be great for android.
5. a keyboard that doesn't suck: vertical or horizontal, I just can't type on them.

I'd also like web browsing to be less painful but this is probably less an android issue than a size issue.

What would you like to see?

A Note from Sofia Vergara

I wish.