Friday, May 1, 2015

YOU - Get Outta the Box

For the longest time, I've seen online references to unboxing. As best I can tell, it's pictures or video of someone's new toy. Over at Reddit, I've seen a few unboxing pictures of guitar effects boxes and they bother the hell out of me. They're essentially pictures of the effect, sometimes with the box in which it came. And that's it.

I dunno about you but looking at a box then a product doesn't tell me a lot. I'm somewhat more interested in how the unit performs, even a subjective description.  When I repond this way, I'm roundly shouted down (because apparently people like to look at boxes and pictures without descriptions).

Spurred on by my wife's recent acquisition of a Samsung G6 phone (don't ask what happened to the old phone), I've been looking into new cell phones. We have different carriers (of course we do - we're married) so the range of available phones is slightly different. My current phone is a Samsung Galaxy III, which is approximately as old as dirt (in cell phone years). This phone has performed admirably across the years but I'd like something a little bigger and with more horsepower under the figurative hood.

After a small amount of research (who the hell wants to do days of intensive research - we want it NOW!), it would appear my choices are the G6 (how cute - matching phones) or the Droid Turbo. The G6 is newer, full of bling and features not-so-hot battery life (barely 24 hours officially, less in real life). Furthermore, it has no additional SD slot or replaceable battery (shades of iDevices).  The Turbo is actually a little larger and a bit heavier. This doesn't hold true at home, as someone (who shall remain nameless) purchased a phone cover with platinum-ish stone-looking protrusions on the rear, making it about as heavy as a Ford. The kids, as well as the mother-in-law, love it.

Continuing my reasearch, I located a genuine Droid Turbo Unboxing Video on YouTube. The fellow who was kind enough to share his observations started off by introducing himself, using a really Hip, Today Kinda Name that makes no sense but attempts to make his white self look more black. The screen consisted of two hands, gesticulating wildly. He starts off the 'content' section by picking up the black box containing the phone, commenting on how the box reminds him of older boxes for phones.



After this fascinating and enlightening commentary, Fly Boy actually opens the box. He takes out the phone and puts it aside, while moving on to the more interesting stuff: the charger and booklets. Eventually he gets around to picking the phone up and actually turning it on!  And then he does what everybody expects: he ends the video.

That's right, you heard that right, the video is over.

This made me angry enough to kill puppies.  I'm a pretty literal guy but an unboxing video is literally commenting on the box and taking out the item?  And people watch this stuff!  Are we too old to 'get' the internet? Someone please tell me this is a joke. Perhaps the sequel to this video features the host pulling the phone out of boxes made of different materials ("The phone definitely performs better when it comes from a cardboard box, as opposed to a plastic one").

Someone also please tell me if you have any recent experience with these or other cell phones. I hear good things about LG too but I don't think they're current.


Michael Moore just tweeted "Disarm the police". This is as brilliant a strategy as bringing order to Baltimore by hiring temporary police from the KKK.

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