You Can't Get There From Here, So Die

It's Saturday. I've been cooped up at work and home all week or two and it's time to get the hell out.

Mrs. leftystrat told me about this place called The Christmas Tree Store. Right off the bat, it sounded horrible. She said it's open year round, at which point I asked what was the point. Well, they don't just sell Christmas trees and stuff. With virtually no way to say no that would leave my genitals intact, I agreed. Being at least somewhat clever, I bundled it with a trip to the guitar store.

Since the wife was so familiar with the store, I had to look it up online, just to make sure it was in roughly the same state as the guitar store, which it was supposed to be. I got very simple directions from Google, which should have tipped me off immediately.

Once on the road, I figured I'd put the address into the Garmin GPS, in case Google's directions were faulty. HA! The joke, however, was on me, as it usually is with the Garmin. Remember the movie Poltergeist, where the station wagon hated Craig T Nelson's character but purred for the Indian? That's what my relationship with the Garmin is. Except for the fact that the Garmin really does piss everybody off and causes marital strife. First, I typed in the city. The Garmin, ready for me, assured me there was no city with that name in New Jersey. This will come as quite a shock to 71,045 people who live there (per 2010 census). Not to be outwitted, I put in the street address. The clever auto-complete finished the street name for me and suggested four addresses, none of which was the address I put in.

Now here is where the marital strife bit comes in. When I start to curse loudly (as opposed to normal everyday cursing), Mrs lefty provides some helpful tips. And when I say helpful tips, I mean THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO STRANGLE HER. These consist largely of the steps I have already taken and produce largely the same results. This is in addition to one of the main difficulties of Garmin; the fact that any kind of entry is near impossible due to some sort of anti-input coated membrane keyboard. Never mind the technical aspects, what this means is that you can't actually enter most of what you want to type into the bloody thing. It may take every other letter or refuse to take anything. Wife uses a stylus, which makes things slightly less painful. Slightly.

Having gotten absolutely nowhere (with the backup system, mind you),  Wife 'suggests' that she give it a try. She rips it out of my hand and does the same thing I just did, with the same results. Then she tries it a different way, producing the same results. Only then can we 'just screw the stupid thing.' The inevitable followup is "I dunno, it always works for me when I'm alone."

NOTE: this is not good, as it brings up a part of my life I thought I had left behind. The part where my mere proximity to things made them go awry. If I went to a store, no one would wait on me. If I went to a restaurant, my order would get messed up or go missing entirely. The grocery store's automatic door wouldn't open for me. I am not making any of this up. Burning dead chicken parts and eating the feathers, combined with Good Clean Livin made it all go normal for me.

Both of us having given up, I put in a nearby address and off we went.  The Google directions were completely foobed. There are cute little phrases like 'take a small right and you'll be on the same road,' which means Go Straight, Stupid. Well past where we thought the place might be, we turned on the Garmin. The fact that it did not cackle at me left us with a slight positive feeling. After pondering for a mere few seconds, it told us exactly where to go, not at all like when I tell IT exactly where to go.

DOES IT MEAN HERE?
DOES IT MEAN HERE?
Yes, Dear, where the sign says Exit.

One thing my presence does still affect is my wife's driving.  This woman can get anywhere in any car, including in states in which she has never been. Put me in the passenger seat and she regresses to a twelve year old, who can't decide if take the next exit means pull over to the side or take the next exit. It's painful to see a well-educated, bright woman go all blonde on me. Total airhead. It's not like I have this effect on other women.... and I stopped giving her the pills ten years ago.

The Garmin gave good, solid directions, complete with mileage figures that made us feel all secure inside. And then we hit Camden, New Jersey - armpit of the US. The bridge to Philly was coming up on us and the Garmin said to go straight five miles.

Dear Garmin: ahead five miles would put us in the Atlantic Ocean and I'm reasonably sure the store is not located under water, especially on the PA side of the water. So we pulled off at the Last Exit Before Bridge and looked for a place to launch the Garmin and try a cell phone. Wife throws her phone at me and tells me to look it up while she exits the car and works on putting the disgusting smoke of burnt leaves into her lungs. The problem here is that I've never played with her phone and she has it set up in a way that even she can barely operate it. I can't use mine because it's so locked down that by the time I can enable GPS, we could have walked the 120 hours home. One 'Christmas Tree Store' input later, we got a list of ten locations. Each one was in a different state, none of which were the current state. I do not run a retail business but I'm going to guess that no retail business has any interest in hiding and not being found. Putting the actual address into the phone produced a route. Halleleujah!

We went a few miles in this direction then that direction and finally found ourselves..... in Camden, exiting at the Last Exit Before Bridge. Why do two separate GPS devices want to send us through Camden and into the water? Does Camden pay off the GPS manufacturers to route all traffic through there? If I were going from New York to Rhode Island, would it take me through Camden?

Wife insists we use the Garmin. If the Garmin tried to get us wet, cold, and dead last time, what could we reasonably expect it to do when we asked it a second time? But we were wrong - it provided a path that did not involve water, bridges, and death (we hoped). Or Camden. This proves that if you're going west, Garmin will give you the wrong directions but if you're going east, it will get you where you want to go. Remember this.

One left at the light later, we were at the Christmas Tree Store. The (internal) children were as excited as they could be. I was assured that I would love it too. There were these huge glass-ish globes called Wishing Globes. Apparently she bought me a blue one last year. Hmmm... never saw it. I was extremely curious as to why I needed one. Well, you like blue. Yes I do, but what about a glass-ish 10" ball was supposed to be interesting or useful to me? She got distracted immediately by some other shiny object but I managed to keep steering the topic back to the value I was somehow getting from this ball I never received. I think I finally nailed it when I asked if it was like me buying her a guitar for Christmas.

The part about me liking the store was strictly to make her not feel too guilty about dragging me into a warehouse-size store with 90 tons of Christmas Crap. They had stuff we'd never seen before, which is almost as much fun as going to a dump and finding trash you've never seen before. Stupid swirly Santas, three thousand nutcrackers, hideously gaudy this and that, and even some furniture and tables. I try to be reasonably nice (to my wife only) so I kept my tongue largely in my mouth and didn't utter a single "Dear God, please get me out of here or at least lock me in a random trunk until she's done."

I pointed out the Clearance section, which she loves. She asked where. I suggested it might be under that HUGE RED SIGN that said CLEARANCE.  You know she would have found it immediately if I weren't there. It was over there, past the sixty-year-old lady with purple hair and a nose stud. Go ahead - I'll wait while you read that again. In spite of the proximity to Halloween, this was not a costume.

There was a bathroom stop. There is always a bathroom stop. While it is a fact that women's bladders are smaller than men's, hers seems to be the size of an average pea, and needs to be emptied at a frequency that is inversely proportinal to the location of a bathroom. And I, of course, had to watch the pocketbook and cart. And you guessed it - I got the cart with the square wheel. Again. I really thought this was behind me, and here it is, popping up again. Perhaps ALL the carts are developmentally disabled. Or perhaps the stores need a pit crew, like NASCAR, where they change the wheels in under ten seconds, so the driver can get back in the race with minimal lost shopping time.

They did have food at this store. It was closeout food, most so bad you didn't know it existed in the first place. I did see chocolate Frosted Flakes, which looked Greeeeat, but the box was in Spanish. We also found some garlic fig spread, amazed as we were that we never saw it when it was really popular. Once we passed the Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts, we knew it was time to go.

We got directions to the guitar store from the Nicest Cashier Ever, who even recommended restaurants in the area. We bravely followed the directions, not even bothering to turn on the Garmin, which would have told us there were no guitar stores in New Jersey anyway.

The Sam Ash chain store even had a few lefty guitars. They were all cheap, thereby encouraging beginners. I looked around for other stuff, none of which caught my eye. They had all of two acoustic lefties, so we lefty.

The Guitar Center chain store had roughly the same amount of lefty electrics, largely cheapies. Ok, good for the lefties that need them. My wife slyly started asking me questions about stuff. I slyly denied knowledge or told her I was not interested, as she was trying to get something out of me about a possible Christmas present. I tried diligently to find something to purchase but again failed. Well, there was an $1800 amplifier that I heard great things about, but I didn't think I was going to like it $1800 worth. As I was checking out some effects, I walked past a female employee in army greens and a military hard hat. Maybe it's because I'm getting older or I just don't care anymore, but I declined to ask.

Walking to the car, we passed one of those buffet places. Worse - a Chinese buffet place. These places, like Golden Corral, frighten me to death. Everything comes out of a can, like industrial food.  Vegetables from a can, mashed potatoes from a can, whole chicken from a can. Ice cream that has no ice or cream in it. Still she wanted to go, however she wisely suspected that I may not like it. There were people eating that stuff with chopsticks. Although I consider eating an Olympic sport, I will not (and cannot) perform the digital gymnastics involved in operating those infernal wooden things.

So we went home to Pennsylvania, where the food is tastier and we can get there without any forms of GPS assistance.

In fact, if you listen closely on a cold autumn night, you can hear the sound of traffic being routed underwater and Garmins being thrown off bridges.

Apple Follies

Why I Hate Apple: Work decided the iDevice they provided needed an operating system 'upgrade' and let me know. Following the destructions, I told the phone to upgrade. It refused to, demanding wifi access. Work does not provide wifi access. Now I will have to open Fort Knox (my home network) so the infernal device will update. I hope it doesn't wreck my wireless system or my entire network.

Why I Hate Microsoft: Due to an incredibly complex, yet indescribably silly system, my computer at work tends to receive 'updates' on weird schedules, if at all. When the system has to reboot, it becomes completely unavailable to me if I need to work from any other desk or system. The updates usually come with no notice and reboot the computer in the middle of the day, usually when I'm using it. This particular imperative update appeared not so much an update as a Hose The System patch. When I logged in, it just kinda stared at me, daring me to launch the device into low earth orbit (LEO). Rebooting, it continued to sit there, mocking me, at which point I put my head in my hands and prayed for a system that would allow me the exceedingly complex task of allowing me to work. In my office environment, working is not specifically encouraged (or discouraged) and when a system goes down, it's time to Get Social, very loudly, with a neighbor (or four). Being Old School, I want to work.

Ten minutes later, the system appeared to be doing something, and by doing something, I mean the hard drive light was flashing, in either a non-mocking fashion or a very sophisticated mocking that completely went over my head. Another five minutes later, I was in. Mind you, I still couldn't work because some of the network systems wouldn't connect, so perhaps this counted as half a victory.

Why I Hate My Job: I don't really hate my job - I just hate that I have so much trouble doing my job, due to software, configuration, and hardware screwups. Rather than test updates, I suspect they wander around to any old employee and ask if they think we should distribute an upgrade. Any Old Employee, being a total moron, hears the word Update and vigorously shakes their head in the affirmative.  If the question was "Should we distribute an update that will hose every computer in the corporation?" all the employee would hear is Update and approve it heartily. Being the curious sort, I asked a coworker if she was having any new issues (as opposed to unaddressed old issues) after the update. She said no trouble, other than taking twice as long to log in. Well, that sounds like trouble to me, but my coworker might be the person asked if the entire corporation should Update. Being a troubleshooting sort, I asked who I should contact to report this and she stopped completely, pondering this metaphysical dilemma, and said she couldn't think of a person who could help or who would be receptive to this information. My coworker has been employed for twenty years. This does not mean she's a complete idiot - it means that in twenty years, she has not found a single helpful systems person who could help.

And now, just for fun, the Helpdesk software isn't answering my call for help.
For some slightly more fun, I can't get into a scheduled meeting today.
I have a new goal for the day: to get through it while remaining in my seat, without explosions.


This has been a weird morning.

• There's a very serious Android issue/hack happening. It actually goes back to an old linux issue (Android is built on linux). The issue has been patched on linux but android, because there are so many phone vendors with their own crap loaded on top of android that it won't be fixed anytime soon (if at all). The hack could already be incorporated into android programs. The best advice, which actually is best practice, is to only get your software from Official Sources and download only well-known programs from well-known companies. Crap can come from offshore or small authors and often hides in games and popular categories of programs. You have been warned.

The AT&T Time Warner merger is drawing scrutiny for all sorts of things, no less whether they can preserve CNN's journalistic integrity. I suspect that's something like the legacy of Hillary's veracity.

• The Pentagon is investigating artificial intelligence, with weapons that can identify targets and make (kill or not kill) decisions. My only question is will it be more accurate on city streets than police. Or will it be programmed to shoot black people automatically. [NOTE: satire]

Some health plan costs will increase by an average of 25%, Aren't we already paying an obscene amount for coverage? 25% more? Obama and everyone who voted for this should be jailed NOW. But before we throw away the key, the Rs and Ds need to FIX IT NOW. Not promise after the election.

I'm about to undergo a benefits interruption. This means I'll be without insurance (that I have to pay out of pocket due to $5k deductible) or pay another $500 per month for Obamacare until the situation changes (soon). I'm sick over this. We're at the point that my insurance is waaaay more than my wife's insurance, and she's the chronically ill one.

• As if it weren't enough that the druggies are dispatching themselves with Oxycontin and other opioids, word comes in that people are abusing (DRINKING!) hand sanitizer because of its high levels of alcohol. We need sensible hand sanitizer laws. Only criminals have hand sanitizer. Why do you need more than one squirt of sanitizer anyway? Large dispensers must be forbidden.

A British Air flight was diverted after members of the crew became ill. No word on what kind of ill or if there was contraband hand sanitizer involved.

• the Philippine president told the US to forget about the defense deal if he stays in longer.  Good, I say - give him what he wants. It's all part of my evil plan to stop 'exporting democracy'. Let's put our money where our mouth is... Support our troops: bring them home.

Despite the recall and very real possibility of explosion or fire, some Samsung Note 7 users do not want to give up their phones. Pyromaniacs? Masochists? Suicidal? New drug testing? Unbelievably kinky?

• Today is National Pumpkin Day - tomorrow is National Poor Excuse For A Day Day

---> Be helpful to someone today: after they trip, say "be careful" <---

I Have an Adverse Relationship with Mondays

Tired of paying ridiculous rates and sky-high deductibles for Obamacare? I am.
Leaping into inaction, our friends in government have provided us with another option: the Simple Choice plan. This plan will cover basic services without a deductible. The Federal Government set the deductible and copays but not the rates, meaning they don't expect it to have much/any difference in rates. Again: the people responsible should be punished for this NOW, before they slither away into forgotten history.

• According to research, milk from Tasmanian Devils could be a useful weapon against antibiotic-resistant superbugs. Yeah, you go collect it from them.

A 79 year old exorcist, Fr Vincenzo Taraborelli, says it's becoming difficult to find younger recruits.

Good... c'mon... exorcism? Let's burn some witches while we're at it.

• The Pentagon declined to say whether the USS Mason destroyer was targeted by multiple inbound missiles fired from Yemen, saying a review was underway to determine what happened. Because sometimes it's difficult to tell if missiles hit your ship.

Have you been feeling a bit weird lately and you can't put your finger on it? With the aid of drivers licenses, the Feds have put together a 177 million person database of faces and you didn't know about it. This is about half of the US population. Read it and weep.

• Mornings are ... problematic

Online dating? You might want to avoid Nicole, who is looking to steal a few of your vital organs.

• How bout that last debate? The upside is that the nation can now go on calmly, secure in the knowledge that there won't be another one.

I'm trying to figure out what's worse: whether composer David Teie has released an album for cats or that it is #1 on the charts.

• Over on Reddit, there is a section devoted to popping pimples and blackheads and whatever else. There are pictures and, heaven forbid, videos. Enjoy your breakfast.

Now appearing, in my bathroom, is a new cordless phone. It is currently charging. In most other houses, this would probably be a good thing, except possibly for the location. Last week I discovered that neither of us knows how or why the phone got there. Nobody bought it, put it there, or plugged it in. And when I say nobody, I mean the people and hopefully not the dog, who, as far as I know, cannot (yet) order with a credit card or shop in stores. Or at least that's what he tells us. It's a Radio Shack phone, which makes it even more interesting, as most have closed and I don't know where there might be an open one. Further, the existing phone seems to work just fine.  So there we go. I wish guitars would just appear like that.

• An Ohio woman has been accused of smothering her three sons over a 13 month period 'so they didn't grow up to abuse' women.  The Social Justice Warrior program has officially crossed the Nuts Barrier<tm>. What kind of brain issue would cause a mother to murder her children? What kind of defense will she mount - temporary 13 month insanity? As far as I know, there's no Social Justice Defense (yet). Whatever kind of brainwashing she received is becoming way too common. I hate to say it but this is the start of something legally reprehensible. Maybe it will spawn legal justification for men to murder their wives: "Your Honor, I was afraid she was becoming a Social Justice Warrior and needed to protect my children."

Leaping on the train, so to speak, Amtrak has banned the Samsung Galaxy Note 7. The line is getting longer... on January 2, the Obama administration will ban it also. The Department of Homeland Security will list the Samsungs as Weapons of Mass Destruction, putting the Samsung factory in danger of being droned. Still.. could be worse... could be an iDevice.

• “Is your refrigerator running?” 
• Goes and checks. 
• “Yes?” “It’s attacking France. You’re under arrest.”

Whoever says that government does not get things done is not paying attention to New York's Second Avenue Subway. The new line's first leg should start in December, but could be delayed. The project dates to the 1920s.

• While driving, I heard something about the Philadelphia Eagles winning a game. Philly remains certain that this will be rectified by the next game. This will not, however, deter people from buying season tickets and seats that cost $250, plus $25-50 parking and $8 squirrel urine, disguised as beer.

There was a horrible bus crash on a Los Angeles highway, with 13 people killed. The good news, however, was pictures of one guy, stuck in unmoving traffic, getting three phone numbers from attractive ladies who were also stuck. Reticent to use colloquialisms as I am, this guy got game.

• China's Communist Party punished more than one million officials for corruption. Say what you want about communism and China, we could certainly use some of that in the good old US of A.

Donald Trump says he can win the women's vote. I suspect this will happen right after I start campaigning for Apple.

• The Senate will hold hearings on the AT&T-Time Warner merger. Any guesses as to how it will come out?

Pennsylvania's own former attorney general, Kathleen Kane, is due to be sentenced today for leaking grand jury information then lying about it to investigators. Her lawyers' plea is to give her probation or house arrest, because she has children. As far as I know, she had the children when she leaked the info.

UK police seek man in connection with clever theft of blinds

Oh The Outrage

Gone viral is the story of a Philadelphia-ish area woman with an autistic child who was asked to leave Friendlys (an ice cream chain). The child was screaming and crying loudly. The mother, who is pushing this as a Huge Story, freely admits that the child is 'a bit of a brat' and 'loud'.

Rather than taking the child for a walk, she was 'afraid' to leave her other child at the table. Rather than simply taking the child out of the restaurant, like one would with any screaming child. The mother states this is 'intolerant', although she does not like the word tolerant. Just for fun, the show asked the child's older brother (approximately 10) what he thought of it, who referred to hate and anger. This poor child will always be secondary to his brother. The autistic child ran around and screamed in the studio.

In a statement, Friendlies states that they are "Confident that dialog is taking place."

C'mon, Mom.. you freely admit everything about your son that states he should have left the restaurant. Stop milking this, crying autism. A letter from another parent with autistic children states that she will leave an establishment when her child/children act out. Mom poo-pooed it.

• NYPD is planning to switch to Windows 10 Mobile. This is what we call a Dunderhead Move. Not because I hate Windows (well, not entirely) but because the platform is almost dead. Plus they must love pain. NYPD is already using Win 10 on their mobile phones, with the plan being to 'upgrade' them to Win 10 mobile. The reasoning is the security of the platform(!) and the mobile device management capabilities (which every other platform has too). Not only is this a stupid move, it's apparent that someone in the NYPD is either getting a kickback or is just incredibly friendly with a vendor. This isn't the first time this has happened.. many cities have selected statewide radio systems for police and fire that have been borderline useless. These people know nothing and rely on salespeople, who we know always tell the truth.

I prefer to let anatomy (especially blood) remain where it is, secure in the knowledge that it's doing what it's supposed to do, or at very least, I don't need to be looking there and passing out (possibly dying a rock star's death by choking on my own vomit). The other night we were catching up on Bones episodes. I remember them as intelligent and well-written, with funny and relatable characters and not a ridiculous amount of gore.  Apparently the focus changed while we weren't watching it. There were all sorts of hideous sights.. I can't and won't try to describe them, as I spent a good portion of the episodes looking at my computer instead of the tv. One particular delicacy involved a mostly eaten body with a carnivorous fish embedded inside what was left of it. Even the wife, a nurse, thought it was pretty gross. So Bones has changed a bit.

In addition to those bodily functions, there's one that of which I was never aware: the switch in my ass. Before your mind wanders too far, there's a switch in my butt that activates the dog whenever I sit. It lets him know it's a great time to do something that involves notifying me in an urgent manner and tone. This can be one of three things: I need food, I need to go outside, or I need water. He never asks for two at the same time, preferring to nudge me for them individually when the switch activates. As parents of bipeds, I suspect you know of this switch. Thus concludes your hidden anatomy lesson for the day (hopefully the year).

• Over 50 parents in England were furious when their children were left stranded on a bus because their Muslim driver stopped on a main road and knelt down to pray. I'm thinking that if your religion is going to interfere with doing your job that much, perhaps you need a different job. Imagine if other religions practiced during their work time...
• Islamists would park the bus across traffic, hoping cars and trucks would kill the kids
• Christians would sacrifice the children to God, while the Catholics would make them feel guilty for it
• Jews would take the kids out for a nice corned beef special, requesting the early-bird and group discounts
• Buddhists would have the children visualize going to school
• Atheist drivers would insist there are no schools and drop the kids back home

Friend to all, the IRS paid $12 million for Microsoft software it doesn't use. Not that anyone should use Microsoft software, but this is yet another example of government waste. But let's keep it between us, or else The Audits Will Begin.

• In today's Internet of Things update, Philips has pushed a firmware update that "accidentally" caused all 3rd party bulbs to stop working. In Plain English, the Philips bulbs are internet-connected. Philips sent/forced an update that makes other connected bulbs stop working. Not only will your house get hacked from outside, your appliances will fight each other for dominance. The fridge will not only refuse to tell you what's inside, it will keep trying to stop the oven from working. The oven, in retaliation, will send the fridge's password to anyone who asks, resulting in it divulging its contents and people ordering food that can't fit into it. Your heater will experience sibling rivalry with the air conditioner, causing hourly changes in house temperature, similar to changes in season. Your sleep (and sex life) will be completely ruined by hackers inflating and deflating your sleep number mattress while you're in bed.

The internet and the local Fox morning show have been awash with multiple segments about Beyonce's bleeding ear. One report had fans ripping out their own earrings. Still no word about her fans' eardrums.

• According to a Men's Health magazine poll on Faceyspaces, which might explain it, half of men shave or trim their leg hair. I find this almost as perplexing as this election.

As we can all agree, this election has been a Class A Shitshow. A dumpster fire extraordinaire. The Dirty Tricks Squad<tm> has been out in force. To give you an idea of what's been happening behind the scenes, check out this video on the Clinton campaign's Agitator Program<tm>.  Be certain that this happens on both sides of the alleged aisle. And it's only going to get dirtier from here.

• In Germany, a man turned himself in to the police, admitting that he put his baby up for sale on Ebay, but it was a joke. Apparently one cannot sell a baby on Ebay - who knew? Oh yeah, the police are only referring to the family as 'refugees'.

PornHub wants everyone to know that after the scary clown sightings, searches for clown porn went through the roof. This has been a public service announcement.

• After having won the Nobel Prize for Literature, the committee cannot reach Bob to work out details. This may be the coolest thing to happen since John Lennon returned his MBE to the Queen.

I'm not sure but it's possible Samsung has declared war on China. It seems Samsung did not include China in its initial recall of its fire-prone devices.

• Chinese media says emojis should be regulated. I agree but think they should be terminated with extreme prejudice

At a recent Amy Schumer appearance, some audience members walked out over her Trump-bashing. While I believe no one should have Amy inflicted upon them, they did pay for the tickets. Would you walk out on a comic for something like this?

• Lest we think my technical criticisms of the presidential candidates is one-sided, it has been discovered that Trump's organization is using the Windows Server 2003 operating system. Again, my love for Windows aside, Microsoft discontinued support for Server 2003 last year. This is inexcusable.
• Speaking of which, my digestion has been interrupted by news that Hillary considered Bill or Melinda Gates as VP candidates. The Official Campaign Move would be Kill Bill. Bill Clinton reported to be nervous. Truly the Axis if Evil.

In Amateur Radio, the Teacher is Called An Elmer

'Hackable' Apple watches have been banned from British government cabinet meetings out of caution against attacks.  You know me - I'd just ban them because they're Apple. But seriously folks, this is a pretty good move because most of what we carry is hackable. Just wait til they start hacking your e-belt. Your pants will fall right down.

• a German nuclear plant got cyber-attacked a little while back, it was just confirmed. Let me first say I TOLD YOU SO. With that out of the way, it's mot like poor cyber security at nuclear and utility plants is a surprise. They are sitting ducks. It's probable that there are others, yet unreported. Ancient programs with little to no security are a recipe for disaster. When the next one hits, it's going to come as another 'surprise'. Yes. there has to be people working on this, but still... this is a nuke plant. Think about it.

Largely unreported in the Wikileaks fiasco are the emails from John Podesta, the press secretary 'UFO Disclosure' guy. He was having conversations with Edgar Mitchell, the sixth man on the Moon, on the extraterrestrails that are here now. Apparently the guitar player from Blink 182, Tom DeLonge, quit the band to further his interest in disclosure. He was also a correspondant. I smell something but don't know what it is yet. I don't think he's high enough in the power structure to be cleared for this type of information (unless he knows tiny pieces of it, independent of the compartmented group that holds the real info). Never mind Hillary and the DNC, this is BIG.

• Reminder to cover your laptop's camera with tape or something. Also its mic. A popular website ran an article on which tape is best. Nothing like parody.

Free, encrypted text app Signal, which I have mentioned here and run enthusiastically, now has a disappearing message function. Download it from your app store. Costs nothing, gives great security, and your info is not collected. Replaces your default text program with no issues.

• In case you missed the announcement, Faceyspaces, Twitter and Instagram shared data with a social media surveillance startup. Your data. The startup then sold your data to law enforcement. The ACLU discovered this via a Freedom of Information request. Your data. UPDATE: Faceyspaces, Twitter and Instagram have cut off the flow of information out of concern for your privacy because they got caught.

Reminder: watch out for the clowns. WTF is going on with clowns? There was an initial rumor that it was viral marketing for a movie. I'm thinking no, as it has crossed borders and featured clowns with chainsaws and machetes. Clowns are the new Zombies, apparently. Localities have requested that no one dress as a clown for Halloween. It will be pretty funny/sad when someone dresses as a clown for Halloween anyway. Ronald McDonald has been ordered to take a break (no, really). Not because of the food, mind you - just the clown bit.

• So Malia Obama has been photographed shaking her ass and smoking a joint. A joint? She's a real chip off the old block. No matter how much I don't like her father, I believe his children are off-limits (unless they commit a serious crime and a joint ain't it). It does say interesting stuff about his continuation of the War on Drugs. Having seen the pictures, Malia is growing into a very attractive woman.

A British fella got one of those wifi teakettles and spent ten hours trying to get some tea out of it. If he's having this much trouble with it now, wait til it gets hacked.

• Earlier this week was National Coming Out Day. I'd like to take this opportunity to come out to you, faithful readers, and declare that I'm.... heterosexual. I know it's not popular these days, but I have to be who I am. Oh yeah, I'm also a chocoholic. If anyone would like to use this forum to declare whatever it is that you are, please go ahead.

There is now an internet for dogs. I am not kidding. While I don't have the URL yet, rest assured it exists. It probably has something to do with dispending treats. I'll show Marshall but knowing him, he already discovered it and has emptied the treat dispenser.

• People in England can now be prosecuted for offensive social media posts. Orwell is spinning.

Bob Dylan just won the Nobel Prize for Literature. It only took 90 years, or however old he is. Runners-up include Robert Plant, Kanye West, Nickleback, and the guys who write all those reality shows.

• The Xinhua network just deleted the tweet announcing the death of Thailand's king. Was his death a publicity stunt? A practical joke? Did someone have trouble distinguishing alive from dead?

Samsung has offered Note 7 owners $100 to buy another Samsung. Well, $100 and a fire extinguisher. I wonder how many people are going to take advantage of this spectacular deal. Personally I'd hold out for $500 and a personal fireman. Better yet, a firewoman.

• In case you're leaving your cyber-security to the security folks at work (and home), know that human error is the major cause of data breaches.

October is National Cyber Security Awareness Month. Let's celebrate vigoriously, by using default passwords or 'password1'. Drink before you surf. Read these stupid blog posts. Plug your house into the internet. Speaking of which, Akamai, a major content provider, reveals that hackers are abusing a known weakness to commandeer millions of connected devices and use them to mount internet attacks on third parties. This means that your house monitor can potentially be used to attack the White House. When those nice folks at the FBI come knocking, offer them coffee. Good coffee - not that Donut Shop stuff.

• We may not be ready for this but in an official joint statement from the Department of Homeland Security and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence on Election Security, recent political breaches have been attributed to the Kremlin (a small shack on a near-deserted island in the Mediterranen Sea). 
• When reached for comment, the Kremlin asked if who did it was that important. The main point is the manipulation of public opinion.
• On the surface, this is very important and horrific. Another level down we have to ask Who Benefits. Well, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence on Election Security is a brand new bloated government entity, which should probably be looking inward. The DNC has been blaming the Russians since the hack, then tying it to Trump, who they claim is in cahoots with Putin. Yeah, they're good fishin' and huntin' buddies, so this reinforces the narrative. But the manipulation of public opinion.... think about it and decide for yourself.

Alleged pro-Trump hackerd have defaced the Clinton Wikipedia page, stating that if you vote for her, it's a vote for nuclear annhilation. And pornogrpahic images were supplied. Sadly, this has already been cleaned up - we love our porn - defacement.

This shit is deep. Time for some relief....

Political [yuck]

I hate to get more political than the small bits I put in the regular old blog entries (who are we kidding here - I kinda enjoy it but am afraid it will put readers off). Remember that I'm a libertarian, so I try to present this without bias. Well, I will admit to hating Hillary and everything she stands for but am trying to be fair on all sides.

The presidential debates are upon us, which all but the most politics-resistant humans (and dogs) have realized. Cats don't care either way. The first debate was shaky, the second was carried away by the Trump, often referred to as the Cheeto, the Trumpster, Make America Great and several other names that I won't bother to type.The Hillary (also known as the Criminal and the Saint) campaign is in a bit of a panic, which is very interesting.

The debates have been largely Content Free, with insults and blame being the order of the evening. I hear that they have been the most contentious ever. I refuse to watch them, as they're simply two people lying (they won't allow third parties in the debates) or massive finger-pointing. And let's face it, all a third party candidate has to do is stand there quietly and politely and become the Voice of Reason and they're in. Would you want that if you were one of the major parties?

It has become apparent that the press is squarely in Hillary's corner. They tend to misrepresent Trump's statements to make him look bad. In some circles, CNN is known as the Clinton News Network. They have been caught admitting their bias. MSNBC has been referred to as a Democratic Propaganda wing. There have been times where many outlets have used the same wordings for an event, as if they got their talking points from somewhere (I'll leave it to you to name it).

The Wikileaks documents have provided an important insight into the workings of Hillary's campaign, as well as the DNC itself. I urge you to check them out if you haven't already. Have no illusions that if there were a hack of the RNC, it would look largely the same.

I have said before that this election is historic in that one of the candidates is not owned by the Powers That Be (PTB). Guess which one.  Many maintain that the press is owned by Hillary but if you think about it for a second, Hillary is a bit of a puppet: all major news outlets are owned by six families, who control everything you see, hear, and read. This is why it's important to get your news from a number of sources, not including mainstream media (MSM). It's not Hillary - it's the PTB who are in a Petulant Frenzy over the candidate they don't own. Donald is a very serious threat to their power and the Dirty Tricks Squad is out in full operation, to an extent that dwarfs elections in the past. I feel for the man's life to some degree... look what happened to the Kennedys, who went against the PTB Plans<tm>.

Trump has a really solid base, which seems to feel that he will Make America Great Again (MAGA). It is theorized that many more people are voting Trump but are afraid to say anything for fear of retribution or having to listen to their friends' expressions of horror. As for MAGA, the people are borderline hypnotized and actually believe this. Let's face it, there is no human that will get into office that can MAGA. None at all.

As if Trump's supporters weren't weird enough, the Hillary people (lovingly referred to as Hillbots) are obviously the same people who elected Obama (hope and change). Twice. The Kool Aid is strong with these folks (not 100% of them, of course.. some are just terrified of Trump). Anyone with operating brain cells knows that installing an email server of your own for classified information is not only illegal, it's downright dangerous for the country, in that it can get hacked (which it did, by the Russians and Chinese, for which there's proof). The main reason for the server was to avoid Freedom of Information requests. The other reason was convenience. If one of us peons did this, even at your place of business, it's a fireable (and jailable) offense. The FBI declined to prosecute, probably due to collusion (and Comey's fear for his life). Because there was no prosecution, her followers claim she's perfectly innocent and will hear nothing else.

Hillary's health is another serious issue. It is a matter of record that she sustained head trauma. This was apparently so serious that she could not remember certain things she was questioned about by the FBI. She has collapsed and had tremors indicative of a neurological problem, possibly Parkinson's. All recent medical issues have been taken care of by private physicians, who are exempt from disclosure. There is even a medical technician/physician that is always by her side and carries some sort of rapid injection pen at all times. You'll pick him out as a large, imposing African American man, sometimes closer to her than her own Secret Service detail. When Hillary collapsed and had to be helped into a van, half of the team helped her, in what appeared to be practiced fashion, while the Secret Service got into a formation that blocked any view to what was happening. This is a pretty large concern for someone who would be president. It is also poo-pooed by the Hillbots. If Hillary had a seizure during a press conference, the followers would insist she was dancing.

I have one question for you: Do you want either of these people running the country?
I will not presume to tell you for whom to vote... I just want you to notice what's going on and make the best choice for the country and yourself.

==================================================

Pence Leaning on His Kaine

Cruise lines are banning Samsung Note 7s on their ships. Airlines are going there if not already. If I had one, I'd extend this to cars and houses. Probably pants and sidewalks too. Remember: they don't have to be on to catch fire. Kinda heartwarming when you think about it. New horror movie: Samsungs on a Plane.

• Speaking of Things, Animas insulin pumps can be hacked to deliver an overdose, via any of three vulnerabilities.  You have to remember that these devices need to have security built in and it is the responsibility of the consumer to take reasonable steps to secure it from their end. At very least change the default password, search Duckduckgo.com or a lesser search engine for  known vulnerabilities. Interestingly, all of the hacks make use of the unit's wireless capabilities. This can be done anywhere from 1-2KM (.86-1.574 miles) from the unit. In an unusual step, the manufacturer has gone public with the hack and posted a fix.
• Funny cartoon on what happens when you use 'connected' appliances.

If you have a Yahoo email account, know that Yahoo was forced to comply with a FISA court (government) demand to scan all email for a 'terrorist signature'. The order prevented Yahoo from disclosing anything relating to it. I previously recommended changing passwords due to the Yahoo hack. Now I'm recommending that you close your Yahoo account to let them know how you feel about Secret Email Scanning and security vs liberty. I'm closing mine.

• I've recommended the encrypted texting app Signal since I discovered it. I use it as my only chat app. You should too. It is a drop-in replacement for your existing chat and encrypts any text sent to a person also running Signal. If they don't have Signal, it works as normal but isn't encrypted. So install it and tell your friends. There's now a desktop version, although I'm not sure I need to text from my desktop. The app exists as a Chrome plugin, which is a shame, as I primarily use Firefox.  The phone app runs on android and the other operating system that shall not be named. Being a Chrome plugin, it will run on any desktop operating system that has a Chrome or Chrome-based browser.
• Why do I need encrypted texting or browsing, lefty? Certainly not because I'm doing anything wrong but because privacy is a right. If you don't use your rights, you lose them. Plus it's nobody's business what you're doing.

I invented a food. Yes, little old me. We were at a late night dinner after a gig. I got those wide-flat french fries, which are generally tasteless and require salt. The salt was hidden down at the other end of the table, because you don't want to put too much salt on a large table of diners. Fortunately, sitting next to me was a young lady who had ordered a Greek(?) salad. She did not like anchovies, so she left them in a pile next to the plate. Hmmm.... no salt... anchovies... and now we have Anchovy Fries. Since most people tend to hate anchovies, this will be of absolutely no use to them, but I don't care - I invented something. It was borderline clever, like me.

• A new study has linked birth control pills to depression. Is nothing sacred? Think of how depressed you'll be if birth control fails...
• Speaking of depression, a lot of antidepressants have the lovely side effect of sexual dysfunction. This can range from some libido loss to complete libido loss and/or inability to function in males and females. Wanna talk about depression? And btw, these side effects start immediately, where the antidepression effect can take weeks.

You may want to seriously consider who you're burgling.  Two miscreants broke into a house to burgle. What they didn't know is that the house belonged to America's most prolific gay sex predator. I can't read the article but I bet it's full of gay sex predator goodness, complete with picture of the fella, complete with cigar. And when I say cigar.... I mean cigar.

• I'm not sure if this would be called Butt Shaming or not, but a UK student got a vibrator stuck up her bum during sex. She rated her own article (with G-rated pictures) in one of Englands many rags. This may be the difference between the US and the UK. In the US, there would be a lot of whispering among medical people. In the UK, she gets her own story, complete with pictures from the hospital bed. They even have one of the boyfriend. You decide which is the better country.

Amazon, everybody's favorite shop for just about everything, has stopped selling a 'sexy burka' Halloween costume because it's racist. We know it's going to get worse before it goes away somehow. First it was American Indian references, now Muslim garb.  What's next - cowboys? Buzz Lightyear unfair to astronauts? Richard Nixon (and ghosts) unfair to the dead?

• Kazakhstan's president, Nursultan Nazarbayev, is being treated for a cold. Stay tuned - leaders being treated for minor ailments are usually in trouble. I'd include a link but the page is in Kazakhstani. If you can read Kazakstani, let me know. Better yet, don't.

Award for Excellent Corporate Citizen goes to Samsung, which just pulled its fire-prone Note 7 from the market. Several weeks after it started catching fire. Samsung said to turn off original and replacement devices. As reported here, turning them off doesn't make a difference: they catch fire anyway (like the one on the plane). Perhaps the returned units will catch fire in transit, making things just that much more exciting.

• IMPORTANT GOOGLE ACTION REQUIRED: go to this site and tighten up your Google security if you have a Gmail account or deal with Google at all. It's all explained for mortals. Please.

Speaking of Google, Yahoo wants to spy on people through billboards, via microphones and cameras which might be on the sign on in nearby drones. Hell approacheth.

That's a Lot of Medicine for A Dog

One million Chinese-made devices have been hacked for massive internet attacks. This illustrates two things: avoid Chinese-made junk. And this is yet another example of Things To Come.

• There's a very interesting article on Delta's power outage in August. It claims that the problem was more of a cyber attack than a power outage. It makes good points. It also backs up what I've been saying about the event: it was not what they claimed. I stated that there had to be Serious Backups and Redundancies because this was Incredibly Important Infrastructure (and there was). This is not a good thing, especially combined with the fiber cuts in California and the ongoing probing of the power grid.

Kim K was robbed at gunpoint in France. She begged for her life, but more importantly, that the thieves not ruin her makeup or take a bad picture of her.

• October 3: the birthday of Saint Stevie Ray Vaughan. He would have been 62.

The Supreme Court has neglected to hear mobster Whitey "The Bulge" Bulger's appeal for killing eleven people. Whitey, 87, will have to spend the rest of his life in prison. His 100 year sentence will allow good-behavior probation in 5 years. Don't you wish, one day, to be as cool as Whitey and have a nickname like The Bulge? Maybe not so much ordering 11 people dead, but maybe knowing you could. The reason for the appeal was that Whitey claims to only have killed ten people, not eleven, hence his bid to have the entire case thrown out.

In case you're curious, the only parts of the above paragraph that are true are his conviction and life in prison.

• Three people who studied unusual states of matter have won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Well, it's not quite Obama's Peace Prize but it will have to do.

The only thing better than a presidential debate is a vice-presidential debate. If you don't believe me, watch it. In the interests of mental health, I'd avoid it. Update: Bill Weld, the libertarian candidate, isn't allowed to debate, like Gary Johnson, the presidential candidate.

But wait - what is this??? Trump's VP candidate, Pence, has a signature line is that he is "a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican, in that order." Uh-oh. I don't care what he wants to do in his spare time but this is a potential violation of the First Amendment.

• Don't ask how I know but my Bluetooth earphones at work reach into the bathroom. When I say the meeting is shit, I mean it.

Amnesty International has accused the world's wealthiest nations of shirking responsibility towards refugees, saying they host the fewest and do the least. No word yet from Amnesty on terrorist refugees.

• According to a study by 'Girlguiding,' girls in the UK are markedly less confident about their looks than they were five years ago.  No word yet on whether Girlguiding studies parents teaching self-esteem. I'm not particularly attractive but that's the way I am and I'm not likely to slit a wrist because I don't look like something from GQ (or MTV).

It's a good thing for Julian Assange that the embassy hasn't suffered a collapse into its own footprint. Yet.

• Marshall the cocker continues his health issues and our bid to cure him. He loves his new food - it's even better than cat food, and he LOVES cat food. He flatly refused the dry stuff, preferring to be hungry. The wet stuff is his favorite. The newer wet stuff causes diarrhea, His meds were no problem, as we put them in peanut butter. Now he's refusing the peanut butter, so he doesn't get breakfast until he's hungry enough to eat his meds. We really need to get him a dog but the wife is not happy with that idea and I like sleeping in my own bed.

Today's joke: a government worker makes it to his desk on time and performs his job.

Thank you. I'm available for children's parties.

• I know stats are the lifeblood of everything, so you'll want to know that 8 people accessed the blog yesterday. Cumulative stats (of who knows when - I don't have a need to know) are that the largest amount are from Poland, use Chrome and run linux. What does this mean? How the hell should I know - I'm just sharing info.

Are you ready for the Buzzword of the Day?

Bromosexual: a friendship between a straight man and a gay man.

Aren't you glad you asked?

Along with Buzzword of the Day, I give you Important Test of the Day.

At the Paris Motor Show, a BBC reporter tested cup holders in a range of cars.

Because, you know... this can be the tipping point in the decision of which super car to buy.

• If any of you are in the path of Hurricane Matthew, I need you to remain alive. Please be safe.