Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Nod if You're Asleep

The Wichita State University student government refused to recognize a libertarian student group because of their First Amendment advocacy. Let me repeat this in a typed squeaky voice: the student government won't recognize a group because it believes in free speech, as specified in the Constitution. Them words is hurtful.

  • This just in, from a doctoral candidate: "Science is historically and inextricably linked to European colonialism and white (male) supremacy." Yes, this fellow may get a PhD for saying science is a white male construct. Let's gather our torches and head out to the stoning!

The local Fox morning show is doing a segment on Mommy Guilt, when going on vacation without your infant. "You came this close to not going."

Wow. The guilt and shame. Because our moms actually stayed home after they gave birth.  The lady was nursing. Just to make things more ridiculous, they had a 'professional' on, explaining why this was a good idea. 

  • United Airlines had yet another public relations nightmare the other day, when they overbooked and had to ask for a volunteer to give up a seat. No one volunteered and they literally dragged a passenger out of his seat, bloody from hitting his head on an armrest. United also destroyed a guitar in its case and got famous for turning down a woman for wearing leggings. To be fair, the Leggings Lady was flying on what's called a buddy pass, and is subject to a dress code, in which leggings don't exist. 
  • United's PR department is either working overtime, of which there is absolutely no evidence, or exists as some sort of bizarre performance art (more likely). I know people at United. They're visiting doctors from injuries sustained in massive, repeated head-shaking incidents.
  • Social Media is delivering a scathing response to this, one in the form of New United Slogans. Here are mine:
  • Fly United - Get Carried Away
  • Fly the Extremely Unfriendly Skies
  • Get up, stand up. Don't put up a fight
  • You Should Probably Do What You're Told
  • New United fare bonus: 10% off to anywhere if you promise not to take video of anything that might happen
  • I would personally like to thank United for this endless bounty

I was just advised that Stations of the Cross is NOT HBO and Discovery

  • There is some research (abstract available, pay to download) suggesting that atheists/agnostics are more likely to believe in extraterrestrial intelligence. Interestingly enough, the pope is not a religious man.

If you use Adobe Flash and/or Acrobat, be sure to update or allow the update. It fixes 56 critical issues. On Windows, I replace Acrobat with the free ....

I noticed that after a certain age, I started to have trouble with objects of a sentence. I'd think to myself, "Gee, Self, you should talk about that software called Zanzibar. Ok, cool. Readers, you need to use this software... it's called ... ummm..." SHIT. It was just in my head. What the hell happened to it? It begins with a Z and I can see the opening screen in my head. ($&U#@

  • Marshall the cocker is home after his ear surgery. We're so happy to have him back, along with Even More Medicine to give him.  This operation must be really painful, as he's crying a lot.... this absolutely kills us. We're keeping him stuffed with pain pills and hoping for the best.
  • He came back with the Cone of Shame, which is a large lampshade-looking plastic thing that fits over his head so he doesn't chew or wreck the stitches or surgery area. Sadly, it looks funny. The real problem, aside from him banging into everything, is that feeding him is a geometric nightmare. His natural response is to pull up and away from the food when you present it. Everything needs to be at just the right angle for him to eat it. This is less of a problem with solid things like meatballs. He's very good with meatballs, in which we hide his meds. He has, however, sworn off dog food. Giving him a drink is even more difficult. He cannot simply use his normal bowls.

The need to give Marshall meds also means the wife sitting up with him a lot. Last night must've been something, as I slept alone.  When I got up, due to a lively wife plopping herself onto the bed and explaining things to an inert me that didn't need to be explained while I was sleeping, there appeared a breakfast pastry. I don't remember eating these, as they're absolute junk, but I was assured by a junior member inside that I used to eat them all the time. Ok then.

Thirsty after the iced cinnamon roll, I went to the fridge, which had become stocked with watered-down lemonade and chocolate milk from the convenience store. Opening the freezer, I beheld three Ben and Jerry's bizarrely-flavored ice creams, one without a lid.

Yes, this is what happens when the internal children go shopping at some weird hour of the morning.  It's a good thing heavy machinery rental places are not open overnight, as there would be a Caterpillar on the front lawn. With a Barbie flag attached to it.

UPDATE: some of that ice cream is delicious, especially for breakfast, to wash down that frosted pastry. We all tested them in detail, to make sure none of them was bad or poisonous.

Know what's really, truly sad? When a frosted treat's frosting sticks to the wrapping. It's 2017, people... can't Modern Science<tm> do something about this?

  • Just when I think the US has gone completely mad, the UK steps in, having gone madder. The fun starts over a clothing ad, featuring a skinny model. This prompts a complaint. The complaint goes to an advertising watchdog. The advertising watchdog reviews, then clears the ad. Not that we don't have all sorts of groups with agendas, but...

Basil Fawlty - Fawlty Towers

No comments:

Post a Comment