A Witty Title

Today's network breach is Sonic, the alleged restaurant. Payment card information was stolen - rather a lot of it. If you go to Sonic and pay with a card, you should examine account activity immediately. I think this is revenge for some of the worst television commercials in the known universe.

Second on the hit parade is Amazon's Whole Foods, which is investigating their Point of Sale systems, which were hacked. Pay cash.

• What does that huge online corporation know about you? The author asked Tinder for her information. She got 800 pages back, which surprised her. I know we don't use Tinder (snicker) but replace Tinder with Faceyspaces, Whatsapp, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. and think about what you may find.

Today's Fast Fact: even Bill Gates does not use a Windows phone.

• Guitar fans: check out the Rig Rundown of Metallica's current tour

A GOP senate nominee believes that homosexuality should be illegal. This is obviously another constitutional scholar. We remain thankful he's not a nominee for judge.

• This week's best headline (so far): Homeowner found naked burglar dangling from ceiling. He was surprised by police while hiding in the attic. No reason for his lack of clothing but can you imagine laying on insulation naked? The emergency room would spend six hours removing the fibers from your genitals alone.

The Maryland Zoo's polar bear could be the first to give birth by artificial insemination...

Hey Bob - what do you do?

I work at a for-profit that works inside a governmental non-profit putting together knock knacks to sell to people who stop by during the week.

John - what do you do?

Inseminate bears.

• A woman was pulled off a Southwest plane after claiming her serious allergies required removal of a helper dog and one other on the plane. The woman was unable to provide proof of her allergy. When told to get off, she refused. Staff and the police tried politely to reason with her. Failing that, she was forcibly removed. As the plane wasn't going to leave until this was settled, she's lucky the other passengers didn't throw her off.
• Entitlement lessons - $100 per session. Why so much? Because I'm entitled to it.

RIP Hugh Hefner. We all own the man a debt of gratitude. And a couple cases of tissues. He will be buried in a large, stiff sock.

• A wanted subject from the Dark Web was just apprehended. On the way to a beard contest. Sorry, this is funny in so many ways.

A woman pulled over for erratic driving was found to be drunk, with three syringes and $20 in her vagina. Potentially a very prickly situation, although I wonder why she needed to hide currency there. Unless she normally does, which would be cumbersome in checkout lines.

• If you were in an airport Thursday, odds are the entire computer system was down. Gatwick, Washington DC, Paris Charles De Gaulle, Frankfurt, Sydney, DC, South Africa, and Lufthansa were among the affected. Gatwick said there had been "no delays." A spokesman for Lufthansa said the Amadeus Altea software - used by multiple airlines - was affected. 
• The cause of the problem was unclear.
• What in the universe is wrong with airline software/hardware these days? Are they connected by bag phones? Rest assured planes are safe and the backup systems have backup systems. The systems on the ground seem to be where it's hit or miss.
• If this kind of thing happened at my job repeatedly, I wouldn't have a job. You either.

Latest news in the Injured Rock Star Department: Aerosmith's Steven Tyler collapsed after a show in South America. According to a source close to the band, it was a seizure. Still up in the air is Deep Purple's Glenn Hughes, with no cause for his collapse. Take care, guys, we've lost more than enough lately.

• Watch your emails carefully. More carefully. Some of the dangerous emails have gotten more dangerous. Emails from UPS, Fedex, and sometimes even your own coworkers! My friend received a message from her coworker in accounting and almost clicked on the link. It looked perfectly legit, until she hovered over the link and realized it didn't go where it said it did. This is how the Bad Guys<tm> get into your network to steal data or virus the system. If you have any doubt at all, please ask someone. You don't want to be that person.

The king of Saudi Arabia has ruled, moving them 3 days out of the stone age, that women may drive. But only if a man says so, or else she'll have to be dragged out, stoned, then beheaded. Saudi women are celebrating, very quietly, lest they be dragged out, stoned, then beheaded. Somebody had to alert the king that you have to hang them before you behead them. Meanwhile, in the United States, women (and their men, who do what they're told) are celebrating this great step for Saudi Arabia. Still no word on being dragged out, stoned, then beheaded.

MARSHALL UPDATE: After the first chemptherapy treatment, we were told that side effects, if any, would show up two to three days after. He slept the next day and has been fine! My mom shows up every day and does energy work with him. She says he is really strong and getting stronger. For his part, he loves the attention.

It's a Sign!

It was early in the morning, my body still in a state of shock from being awakened to go to work, when I saw the article: "Boston Red Sox Caught Using Technology to Steal Signs".

Like any decent geek, I asked myself what the hell the Boston Red Sox would need with signs? Would they put them in the parking lot? Make a Sign Museum? Put them on the field to confuse the opposing team?

OH - hand signs between the catcher and the pitcher. Cameras all over the place watch players, figure out the signs, then relay them to the coach via an Apple watch or Fitbit.

Kids- if you ever wonder about the effects of growing up without a father (and being smart but kinda dim), here it is.

• They broke the mold after me. By popular request.

There was an insane amount of football chatter all over the place the other day. By this I divined that there was a lot of football, and the Great Unwashed Sheep were at it again, this time distracted by a ridiculous controversy over sitting, standing, taking someone's knee, or masturbating while the national anthem is playing.

We have real problems in the country and the world, yet we fall for this Divide and Conquer nonsense every time. Bread and circuses.

• Where will you spend eternity? Here's one idea. Mine would be a huge guitar or booby. 

It pains me to say this, but if you have an iDevice, hold off on iOS11. No. wait, it doesn't pain me.. what's that other thing? It amuses the hell out of me. There is an issue if you use the operating system with Outlook 365 that won't allow you to get your mail. Just for fun, the other issue is that the battery drains at twice the normal rate. Aside from that, it's perfectly ok.

• This is a winner: Muslim nurses in the UK refuse to wash hands before medical operations, say it 'compromises religious beliefs'. I wonder if they would prohibit the surgeon operating on them from washing his hands. Oops, sorry, my religious beliefs demand infections. As if that weren't good enough, administrators have granted them an exception. Don't offend them by asking them to wash their hands!

So you're on one of twenty ships in the Black Sea, and your ship seems to be in the sea, then at an airport, then back in the sea, you've probably been the victim of GPS spoofing. Or the Philadelphia Experiment is happening, in which case it's advisable to stay away from walls and hover over the deck. Assuming spoofing, there was a demonstration a number of years ago, in which a briefcase with about $1,000 of equipment performed this experiment, this time it's Real Life<tm>.

In 2015, the US Naval Academy, aware of this spoofing, opted to reinstate instruction in celestial navigation. You know - navigating by the stars, like sailors have been doing since the beginning of time. Of course it's only a matter of time til the Russians hack the stars...

• HEALTH WARNING: Swedish Fish have been known to pull crowns out. That is all.

A thirteen year old Brooklyn boy suffered ruptured testicles after exiting a train via the window and surfing on top of it.  No one could have seen this coming. It's only a matter of days until his parents sue, blaming the train for not having signs that say WARNING: DO NOT EXIT VIA WINDOW AND JUMP ON ROOF. But ruptured testicles.....

• A man accused of robbing a Fresno, CA Starbucks is suing the man who stopped the robbery for 'excessive force.' The thief's mommy said that the man who wrested the knife away didn't have to stab her son so many times to subdue him.  Furthermore, the man is suing the police for calling him a bad name and hurting his feelings. Since this is California, he probably has a chance at a win.

I'm looking for it.

If I find it, I'll let you know.

I've heard the process is more important than finding it.

I have no idea.

Energy Drink for Mondays

If you downloaded the great Windows program CCleaner between August 15 and September 12 (version 5.33), you probably got an 'altered' version, including malware. The malware took an inventory of your system, uploaded it to a server, and included the capability of downloading viruses. There is no evidence that it downloaded anything and the malware only runs on 32 bit versions of Windows. To find out whether you have 32 or 64 bit Windows, hit START, then right click on computer. Halfway down, under System type, it will tell you.

If you got version 5.33, download 5.34, which will detect and clean the system. You would not be infected if you used a previous version and just ran updates. Piriform, which makes CCleaner, was purchased by Avast, which makes antivirus.  The malware was found to have infected a list of corporations only.

• Here's your yearly reminder to NOT let your browser remember your passwords. If it knows your passwords, anyone who sits at your computer knows them too. Unless you live in a bank vault, with no family and no pets smart enough to use the computer, go ahead and type the password in please.

Here's some comforting news: do you know why no one has shot down any of the North Korean test missiles? Because they can't. In spite of $320 billion spent on missile defense systems, it's a coin toss on a good day.

• To no one's surprise, or everyone's surprise, the (good) neighbor's construction project continues. It's interesting to note that nothing coming from that house or yard makes a sound. Not a peep at all.. until the other day, when Loud Construction Company showed up. Today's noise started late in the afternoon.  The best way to describe it is a basketball game, but instead of basketballs, they're bouncing sledgehammers. This was followed in short order by the rotary saw on concrete noise. It sounded almost as good as trying to saw an old Volkswagen Bug (as opposed to a new Volkswagen Bug) in half.  
• An hour later, when the Bug was finally in two pieces, the Industrial Leaf Blower noise began.  The Industrial Leaf Blower noise is similar to a Regular Leaf Blower noise, only when it's running in very close proximity to your ear. As an experiment, get your leaf blower from the garage or the kids' room. Fire it up and put it on the highest setting. Now go into your bathroom and stand in the tub, with the blower going like mad. Try singing, because it sounds great with all the natural reverb. The Industrial Leaf Blower noise is a lot like this, but different.

It's Say Something Nice About Apple Day!  Well, there's not really any such day, but I can only bring myself to say something nice about once a year, largely because Apple only does something nice once a year. That having been said, in the next version of iOS, Apple introduces browser (Safari) technology that disables pervasive tracking by ads. You know, the cookies that tell sites where you've been and put up 'relevant ads.' The main way to do this is to disable third party cookies, but the ad people found a way to do this with first party cookies, from the site itself.

Predictably, the top ad agencies had a heart attack, writing a letter to Apple, complaining that they're breaking the internet. Apple fired back that the technology is invasive, allowing companies to virtually reconstruct browser history.

Color me impressed.

• Word of advice: you might want to avoid watching Russian military technology on anything other than video.  So much to mine here, but my favorite is "the victims were most likely journalists."

According to a New York plastic surgeon, women are dropping $50,000 for surgery to look like Ivanka Trump.  I guess Real Housewives is over for the season.

• If you use WhatsApp, you may be able to breathe a little easier. WhatsApp declined a request from the government for a back door. You know, they needed it because of 'terrorism'. Of course, we use Signal, which also doesn't have back doors. Can you say Pervasive Government Surveillance?

Useless Fact of the Day: Iceland is the only country without mosquitoes. It may also be one of the countries where you can't name your children anything you want, so that's your tradeoff.

• Taco Bell plans three hundred new locations, all without drive-thru. This is because they will be serving alcohol, and apparently you can't buy alcohol in a drive-thru. You have to go inside to buy it, which makes perfect sense, in that it makes no sense at all. Even PA has drive-thru beer distributors.
• We can't have people ordering alcohol in a drive-thru because they might drive drunk. As opposed to going in side, buying alcohol, and driving.
• The good news is that, well, you can buy alcohol. The other news, and you can decide whether it's good or bad, is that you can now be drunk while your intestines are emptying themselves of the poison you just ate with your alcohol.

Colorado Springs police are looking for a woman they call The Mad Pooper. She jogs and defecates on lawns. Personally I'm opposed to both. If you have to clean up after your dog, why not your jogger? Perhaps she ate at one of the Taco Bells that serve alcohol.

• A Phoenix, Arizona man pled guilty to one count of wire fraud, after he refused to hand over credentials to a company's domain. They wanted to update their domain information and he claimed he didn't have the credentials. He did, of course.  First he screwed up the company's email. The he moved their website to a blank page. Finally, in a bold move, he told the company if they didn't pay him $10,000, he'd direct the company's webpage to teen[sexual orientation][body part].com
• The company, wisely or not, refused the ransom, at which point the man made good and for a few days, the company's site was directed to the porn site. The authorities got involved and Tavis Tso took a plea deal, involving $9,145 in restitution.  There was no jail time because the US Attorney referred to the crime as a One Time Lapse.
• So the next time you come to America as an illegal or rob a bank, make sure you specify that this was a One Time Lapse.

The International Standards Organization (ISO) has rejected two NSA encryption algorithms because the NSA is not trusted to put security ahead of surveillance. In plain English, NSA encryption will not be a standard because the NSA can't be trusted not to put in a back door. Finally, some common sense, not to mention a bit of sad, internal laughter.

• As if the Equifax hack weren't fun enough, Equifax sent victims to a fake website. Do you trust this company with most of your important information? That you had no say over?

I got up early this morning, if you want an indicator of how my day's going.

Lastly, I plan to ask Mr. Google why their blogging platform's spellcheck chokes on the word 'internet'.

Harvey Irma Jose

Feeling under the weather, I decided rest was indicated. Anyone with all but the most acute powers of observation will not be able to tell the difference between Rest Mode and Non-Rest Mode. My neighbor felt sorry for me and decided to begin a large, noisy, external home improvement project. The banging was quite accomplished, but the loud machinery really drove the point home. Somehow they even managed to produce a loud noise that sounded like they were hammering chains into my walls, for what seemed like weeks, but in reality was just every hour I was awake.

Next day was much better. They waited til I was awake to start (7am). At certain points I felt my house literally shake, as if they were performing surgery on my house instead of next door. One day I'm likely to look out the window and find out what they're doing.  I have cataloged many separate and delightful noises emanating from this project: the Mowing Noise, the Pick on Concrete Noise, the Sledge into Bricks Noise, the Entire House Shaking Noise, and the Repeated BOOM Noise, which only surfaced when I used the phone.

Just for fun, there's a lot of noise coming from the other next door.  Both of my neighbors are elderly: the one who Marshall trained to feed him treats, and the one Satan crosses the street to avoid.

• Once again, a hurricane brought out the best and worst of humanity. Irma hit Florida with a vengeance and long before it hit, the volunteers were out, manning the help lines and trying to get help from more volunteers in the field.
• While the flood of volunteers manned the lines, an army of trolls did their best to interrupt communications. I have never heard anything like this before- with every request for help was one of these young miscreants, yelling obscenities and racist comments. This was completely unlike Hurricane Harvey communications. Maybe the Troll Alarm was sounded, and all the poisonous examples of subhumanity left their caves.
• All through the communications, there were less toxic examples of humanity, who wanted information on the weather, gas, and store openings in their personal neighborhood. These people were genetically incapable of using a search engine to check the information for themselves.
• Comcast and another local provider opened up their wifi hotspots and brought in mobile hot spots, allowing everyone unlimited access.
• People were posing as the electric company and robbing houses.
• While the storm was in its early stages, the looting started. One must note the can-do American spirit of the looters, who got out there, without consideration for life and limb, in the wind and rain, to steal things from other people. To feed their hungry families by stealing sneakers. To protect large screen tv's by taking them home.

Wife comes down the steps, says, "You're going to think I'm crazy" and disappears into the bathroom.  Ok, I'll play...

• Billions of Bluetooth-enabled devices are vulnerable to attacks across all operating systems. Google and Microsoft have released patches. I got a linux patch already. iOS before 10 is affected. Samsung smart watches, Smart TVs, and refrigerators also... This is Serious Stuff<tm>, people. Best practice is to keep Bluetooth turned off except when you must have it. Antivirus systems are unlikely to catch it. The beauty of this is that it shows us how unprotected we are and how manufacturers are unprepared to patch all their devices. The only positive here is that Bluetooth has a limited range, so it's more difficult to exploit.  Bother your vendors for a patch now.

Over in Afghanistan, three people died as a result of a suicide bomb blast in a cricket stadium. I told you sports are dangerous.

• The entitled are out again, this time demanding statues of people they don't like be taken down. And localities are acquiescing.
• My Demands:
• Being left-handed, I demand all statues of right-handed people be taken down. And that we get proper desk chairs in schools.
• I am also entitled to have statues taken down because I never got a statue taken down and others have.
• I want the Rocky Statue taken down because it's stupid and it's Philly's idea of culture.

Whither Kaprinsky: Kaspersky Antivirus (Kaprinsky or Kasper Sky, according to the Great Minds at my former employer) is up against the wall these days. The government has been ordered to replace it within ninety days because of alleged connections between Kaspersky and the FSB (formerly KGB). While no definitive connection has been established, the fear is that the FSB can request/compel them to provide data on systems 'protected' by it. Kaspersky has been given the opportunity to address the issues.

My natural inclination is to hold the phone until a connection is proven, but in the interests of safety, maybe this is a wise decision. Antivirus has privileged access to your files and operating system, so it would be a good way to obtain (or leave) data or programs. On the other hand, hackers are no doubt already in government (and other) systems. Having worked with quite a number of antivirii on a corporate level, I can safely say the all suck, in terms of deployment and operation. Best Buy will not be carrying it either.

• The new iDevice includes facial recognition, although I'm told it didn't work during the Big Announcement. While The Authorities may have trouble guessing your PIN, holding the phone up to your face is certainly convenient. Rest assured the law will be convoluted to make this work. It requires eyes to be open, so it will be more difficult to use on a dead body (make with that what you will). There is also a panic disable, which requires pressing a switch five times, that will disallow facial recognition unlock. There are other legal complexities around being compelled to give your fingerprint but not your PIN.
• This latest exercise in Apple Excess can be yours for the low low price of $1,000. Start lining up around the block, drooling, wide-eyed, wallet extended, to get yours now! We used to think $150 sneakers were ridiculously expensive.
• One of the latest flagship android phones is expected to hit $1,000 also, bringing up some questions... What the hell do you get for a grand that you didn't get for half that price (or less) on your current phone? 
• You'll certainly get a better camera, but I have not a qualm about my two year old phone's camera - the pictures are wonderful. One device has two cameras with different focuses.
• A faster processor: this would certainly be an incentive, although mine is pretty snappy.
• Better battery life: I hope. This is a huge one for most of us. Removable is a good feature too, so you can keep one charged as a spare. It's a shame you have to.
• Bigger and/or Prettier screen: some people aren't happy with the size of their screen (or much else)... larger or smaller. New layouts, for people who don't use their own launchers (Nova Launcher recommended-free).
• Facial recognition: if I didn't use eyeball tracking, imagine my thrill with facial recognition. Hint: it's probably in use on your driver's license.
• Sleek new case: please.
• Is it worth that price tag for the Latest and Greatest? I say no. In fact, if you wait a few months, there will be bigger and better, or you can purchase a gently used version at a considerable discount.

The most recent episode of South Park set off Google Home and Alexa devices. Go Matt and Trey!




As usual, I was minding my own business online, when things ground to a total halt. No amount of rebooting and troubleshooting turned up a cause. My cable modem indicated everything was fine. In situations like this, I love nothing more than interacting with Comcast (or most anyone else).

The automated service told me that my issue had nothing to do with any outages and actually sent me to a human, after a commercial for the NFL. Let's forget for a moment that I can't stand sports and concentrate on the obvious importance of an NFL commercial that you cannot bypass, while waiting to repair your internet service. The attempt to reset my modem had failed, then tried again and succeded. This was not particularly effective, as the modem did not indicate it was doing anything other than failing to go online, but they told me to wait ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, with no progress at all, I called again. This time the automated voice told me there was an outage in my area and expected restore time was four hours. So messing around with the modem earlier was a total waste of time.

Do you know the sheer hell visited upon you by being without internet for four hours? I'd rather go to the dentist than be sans internet for four hours. Fortunately my cell phone had lots of data, so I could tether my computer to it. Unfortunately, no matter what I tried, I could not get the computer hooked up to the phone. Connecting with a cable failed miserably, as did every single option I tried inside the phone. There is an actual button for wifi hotspot, that failed immediately, as did everything else.

Ever try using all your apps from a huge display on a cell phone? It worked, but not in a particularly useful way. Good thing I had many other things to do (that had absolutely nothing to do with porn).

Upon calling Comcast again, I was shocked beyond belief to speak to an Indian service representative (no I wasn't), but at least this lady spoke really good English and wasn't reading off a script. After re-rebooting the modem, it clearly showed there was an error. Mrs Service helpfully suggested that someone return the modem to Comcast and get a new one.

Because I'm that kind of guy, I had an upgraded modem, which seemed to surprise my rep, as she kept trying to get me to bring the defective modem back. After a bit of reiterating, I finally got her to accept my solution. I had to give her the new modem's MAC address.

At about this point, I discovered that I had a modem but not a manual, power supply, and whatever else came with the device. Mind you, I had the box it came in. This modem has been sitting around for a few weeks, migrating from this spot to the other, but always together. Not now, of course. Stuff just happens in my house. This was followed immediately by screaming. Unfortunately, screaming had to be modified, as I was doing it right into the phone.

One thing I note as I get older is that I cannot read small print. I used to be able to read things written on a grain of rice. Now I need Serious Magnification to read six point type. It's even more difficult after 12am, with very little light in the house.

Having solved the MAC issue, the rep told me to plug the device in, then started asking me questions about my router. Lady, if I had router issues, that would be my problem, not yours. If you get my modem set up and get signal to it, I'll handle any issues post-modem.

Apparently simply hooking a modem up and repeating a MAC address four times is not sufficient to restore internet service. There are things called hooks, put in somewhere to allow the original modem to work, and these need to be removed. Hooks.... somewhere at Comcast, there are a number of fish hanging on a line, each with a hook. They had to remove the fish and the hook so they could hang different kinds of fish, corresponding with my new modem. This is all because the old modem was brown and the new modem white.

Twenty minutes later, the helpful service rep sent what's technically known as The Magic Bullet to my modem, making the lights go all blinky and restoring service. Halleleujah! Only five hours to a solution.

A Malt?

My wife surprised me with a malt from Dairy Queen.
Or rather, she tried to surprise me with a malt from Dairy Queen.
The uber-competent staff did not put it in the bag with Marshall's split (a banana split where he eats most but the banana and wife gets the rest).
She was hurting and I couldn't make her go out again to pick it up (I was working). When she called the store, they said it was right there on the counter and she could come back and pick it up (mmmm... warm malt). I suggested delivery. They implied it was her fault for not picking it up.

I try not to complain about stuff like this. It used to happen to me on a daily basis. It stopped and I'm good with that.  But I wanted a $@&$ing malt.

I ask for nothing. And that's what I get  - my new mantra

Yeah, I know.. don't cry over spilt malt.
It's only a malt, you whiny girl.
I'll give you something to whine about.

While I grumbled, the only one at my pity party, Wife talked on the phone. To the Doggie Oncologist. When she was done, she told me to stop what I was doing and listen.

Uh-oh.

The Incredibly Expensive Test, that supplements the Normally Expensive Test, to confirm exactly the type of cancer, told her that it was not a particularly nasty melanoma... it was a particularly nasty something else. This could not be treated with the shots they were going to use. There were a few choices, none of which were going to stop the disease.

We decided on chemotherapy every few weeks for a few months. He has 6-9 months with the chemo, assuming he tolerates it (which he should).

I like the other cancer better... the one where he had 3 years... his normal lifespan, more or less.

I'm really beside myself here... which is not a pretty sight. When they say Best Friend, he's it. We adopted him after somebody threw him out, at one year old. We bonded like no other rescue. One of the saddest things in life is that our pets have such short lifespans. He is, in effect, our child.

Life is fucking cruel to the poor little guy. And his parents.
I'm supposed to be grateful for the time we had. It just doesn't feel that way now.

Today's Marshall Update

More small blood stains indicated another trip to the vet, just to check. In addition to the lesion they never removed in the first place, the one they did remove has halfway grown back. The cancer is more than aggressive. The Ridiculously Expensive Test to be Absolutely Certain what type of cancer this is has not entirely told us exactly what type of cancer this is. This vet could not read the report and has never seen one before. They're sending it to Onco Vet to read.

Just so we didn't think things were bad enough, Marshall also has a raging ear infection. This is in the good ear, and must be treated immediately with antibiotics. These are different antibiotics than the ones he finished two weeks ago.

Vet said it's a good thing that we can keep him pain-free, although she wonders what happens if things get worse in his mouth and he can't eat. We told her there was no way he would stop eating and everyone laughed.

One of our favorite vet techs looked at us, shook his head, and noted that we have taken more than our share of hits. There is nothing better than validation, especially at times like this.


This is getting to be too much.

lefty Gets Loose

Four million Time Warner (now Spectrum) accounts were left open to the internet, via a third party for about seven years. If you're sending them money, you should probably stop. Or at least give them a ring.

• Uganda is building a porn detector that can look at your computer, detect porn, and delete it. All they had to do was ask me - I'm pretty good at that. Sure is a good thing Uganda has cured cancer and has nothing left to achieve.

FEMA has released guidelines in the event of a hurricane. "Leave immediately when told by local officials" is the first one.  Number two must be "Don't go outside in a hurricane."

• ME: You can tell the boss about my difficulty getting the form. HIM: Well, I still have other forms to collect. What does one have to do with the other? This is daily for me. Men are from Mars, Men are from Uranus.

Wisdom for the ages: Do not set yourself on fire.

• I recently spoke to someone called Moon. That is all.

On National Beer Lovers Day, I shall be sitting at home, sipping a cold Snapple lemon iced tea.

• there is now an electric Jaguar, the #Etype Zero. Now you have to have your batteries calibrated if you go drive up more hilly areas.

A British scientist rode a bike fitted with an ultrasonic distance sensor to see how closely cars would pass him. He found that cars gave him about six inches more space when he was wearing a wig so that drivers passing from behind would think he was a woman.  The lesson here? Never mind the helmet - wear a wig.

• Note to Florida: you are in the midst of one of the top seven storms to ever hit the United States. By all means, get those SUVs out on the roads. You can absolutely drive through a couple feet of water, just like people in northern states can drive through feet of snow or on ice.
• We will need selfies: stand in front of the remains of a house or military vehicles. If you're bored of being inside, get one with a tornado.
• Note to Self: it's NAPLES, not Nipples
• Once the storm has passed, call your electricity provider and ask them repeatedly when power will be back. Call the cable company and bother them too; in fact, call someone and ask when the phones will be up.
• In the midst of the storm, call anyone you can to see how your friends or family are. First responders will be happy to go out in the midst of the hurricane to check for you.
• Wait til the wind starts blowing and inquire about getting some wood for your windows. Also ask where to get batteries and water. Then see people charging twenty dollars for a case of water.
• Make sure to get out and loot early. Ignore the fact that many will be armed and the police are actually out looking for you. If you're hungry, there are many places to steal sneakers.
• Start inquiring about the next storm.
• The inadvertent funniest part of the news coverage was watching some poor fellow's car breaking and being rescued by a van. As if this weren't bad enough, one Fox station broadcast continually from this location. If the owner of this car was watching this station, he saw his broken vehicle in every shot the station took from Naples.

There has been a huge hack of Equifax, potentially affecting 143 million people. Among stolen data is names, social security numbers, birth dates, and addresses. In some cases, credit card numbers and driver's licenses, and other personal information. These brilliant souls have an unbelievable amount of your information. Strangely enough, three managers sold a lot of stock before the breach was disclosed. The breach was not disclosed for over a month. Here's what to do. How did they get breached? A nine year old vulnerability.

• Enjoy and use these privacy and safety tips for Windows 7.

Best Buy and many others have pulled or stopped using Kaspersky products, due to the suspicion that Kaspersky is a little too cozy with the Russian government. At this point, the link has not been established. 

• 9-11 is the anniversary of a terrible event, put together by warmongering neocons, in order to get legislation passed and push more war. There are many theories on how this was pulled off physically, none of which agree with the official story. All one has to do is review some of the video on YouTube to familiarize yourself with some of the actual events which diverge from the official story. It is a national disgrace, causing massive loss of life.

I went out with some friends the other night.
It's never a good thing when they choose the restaurant.  I don't get out much (I'm working on my agorophobe certificate) so when I do, I like good food. Since everyone's version of good food is different, I wind up in strange places. I'm going to be polite here and say that my friends have a 'more highly developed palatte' than me.

Since we aren't brimming with cash and prefer our own cooking anyway, we tend not to eat out a lot. I have a pizza place close by with the best pizza I've ever had. This is confirmed whenever anyone comes to visit. It's so good, it's a shame to put toppings on it. I could eat it most nights. Even considering e-coli, we're fond of Chipotle. No one, including employees, can tell us why there's a wooden behemoth taking up one third of the store. I guess it's one of those questions that will remain unanswered throughout the ages.

So my friends suggest a more upscale restaurant. For me, this means any restaurant with slightly dimmed lights and high prices. As if this weren't enough to put me off going out, the food gets to me. I don't want half cooked duck breast. Four kinds of cheese, two of which I've never heard. I don't want anything braised, garnished with tarragon, put on a plate with swirls and drops of this and that, or anything with sun dried tomatoes. Sun dried tomatoes are an immediate sign that I shouldn't be eating at that restaurant. I am not saying that people shouldn't eat that stuff - just that I don't.  The real Final Straw.. the thing that will send me screaming, out the front door, is rosemary. I can identify one part per million of those disgusting little twigs. I can tell if a dish has been prepared in the vicinity of rosemary. I know when there's rosemary in the same kitchen where my meal is being cooked. It might even be genetic: my entire family doesn't like rosemary. So if I see sun dried tomatoes or rosemary on the menu, it's a sure sign I don't belong there.

So, I don't like rosemary.

Further, I firmly believe that figs belong solely in Newtons and that pepperoni pizza should have red sauce on it - not five different, hand-picked cheeses and an artisinal crust. Locally caught fish has no business on anything called pizza, even with lox and a special Stolichnaya glaze. And nothing in the universe should have blue cheese on it. There is more mold in that foul-smelling cheeselike substance than an entire warehouse of WWII leftovers. Is there a plain old burger on the menu? Why yes there is! It is loving garnished with bourbon and thyme, with a special filling of peaches and goat cheese. How about a bacon cheeseburger? You betcha! Except it's our own special prosciutto limburger vegan burger, with organic ketchup and sage pickles.

This is why I don't get invited to parties. Or dinner. And don't get out much.

I'll admit it - I drink like a girl. And when I say girl, I mean a little girl. I only do it once every few months, and it consists of one drink. It must be sweet; I really like frozen strawberry margaritas with sugar around the rim (just like my breakfast cereal, except it's chocolate).

It's not that I don't get out much - it's more that I don't like the stuff they serve.  I'm a simple man... simple but complex.

Sophie

Sophie


Funny machine learning fails. Cortana: show me why I shouldn't use you.

• Over in the UK, there will be a Gays Against Sharia demonstration. Since it's 2017, there will also be a counter demonstration. By gays. Called "Stand Up Against Racism and Bigotry."
• It does not take a scholar of Sharia to understand Sharia does not like gays, to the effect of throwing them off buildings. This fact is not hidden - there's plenty of video documenting it.
• So in essence, Stand Up Against Racism and Bigotry is advocating their own demise, under the guise of their own stupidity.
• Perhaps Stand Up Against Racism and Bigotry can save everybody some time and effort by holding their counter demonstration on the roof of a nearby building.
• In other news, across town, Jews Against Nazis will be holding a rally. A counter-rally will be held by Jews for Tolerance...

It's no secret I don't like Google, mostly because of their omnipresent tracking. I strongly urge everyone to use duckduckgo.com for their searches - there's no tracking. Another reason not to trust Google is that it deliberately manipulates search results. This story describes how, in an attempt to sell their failed Google+ service, they came right out and admitted, to Forbes, that if they didn't feature their social media button, their search results would be affected. There are many such reports of this happening, but here it's straight from the horse's mouth.

• The Food and Drug Administration has recalled half a million pacemakers over hacking fears.
• What are pacemakers going to do - leap out of the chests of unfortunate patients and fly to the manufacturer for updates?

Samsung will be testing self-driving cars in California. This is a good thing, because when they fail, only Californians will be hurt. It could be a bad thing, if the batteries are of the same variety as their Note 7.  It could be the next "Hunting with Dick Cheney" joke.... "Hey, let me get you a Samsung home..."

• UN Refugee Agency says they want at least 380,000 migrants in Europe per year.  Did you ever shake your head so much and so vigorously that you injured yourself?

It's been a rough time for guitar players. We say RIP to Dave Hlubek, of Molly Hatchett (66), and Walter Becker (67) of Steely Dan. These are two names from my youth and will be missed. Interestingly, Steely Dan played out recently, with Donald Fagen stating that Walter was recovering from an illness. No cause of death was given.

• ISIS has advised their followers to inject poison into food at supermarkets. Just in case you weren't going shopping today.

Just the other day I saw a woman with only two tattoos and no facial piercings.

• There's lots of ransomware about. Avoid it.

Symantec is warning that a series of recent hacker attacks not only compromised energy companies in the US and Europe but also resulted in the intruders gaining hands-on access to power grid operations.  

No, sorry, not tolerable. What's going on here? Some of it entails getting credentials from a user and getting into the system from there. This is why you never give out your login and password. Don't click on emails. If the email wants you to go to a website, go yourself - don't click the link.

• Have you noticed that the usb port in your car charges glacially slowly? Here's the agonizing truth.

There is now a wifi-equipped grill. So your neighbors can control how well done your burgers are.

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