It's the Thing. The THINGY Thing. Over by the Thing!

I hear that a lot at home. Also heard elsewhere.
The bizarre part is that two women know what the other is referring to.

• We've decided to eat healthy. Just the other morning, I noticed a bowl of cut up vegetables. It was right on top of the chocolate cheesecake.

United, America's most bizarre, assaultive, and death-bringing airline, has done it again. After killing a dog by insisting it go in the overhead bin, today's rage-inducer is flying a dog from Kansas to Japan. While United has no comment thus far, we understand they will charge the owner for the return flight from Japan.

SIRI ALERT

I have not verified this but you'll want to read the article, just in case.
How Siri leaks your private iPhone messages, and how to stop her

Slippery Slope Strikes Similarly

YouTube 'conspiracy' videos will get links to Wikipedia and other sources to 'fact check.'  At first, only videos with 'significant debate' will get the text box links. A YouTube spokesman says they're always exploring new ways to battle misinformation. In other words, do not question the established narrative. Google, YouTube's parent, admits to pushing down the 'craziest' content. This has failed, because people like to watch it (if it bleeds, it leads). This is happening with Google search results, as well as YouTube. As one would expect, I have questions:

• Who decides what's crazy?
• Lawmakers and media advocacy groups are pushing this. If I understand things correctly, this directly contravenes the First Amendment.
• Wikipedia's information is crowdsourced - meaning it comes from people. Just like conspiracy theories and fake news and misinformation.
• You will notice that no outlet questions the fake news and legislation proposed by Congress or Mainstream Media. The CIA planted people at the major news organizations - this is fact.
• Conspiracy theories quite often turn out to be true. The term was invented by the CIA to make people look crazy and decrease their credibility. Even if we choose to believe that the government just started looking into UFOs, they were a conspiracy theory.

Faceyspaces and Google have actively pushed down potentially fake content. This failed.

Let's call this what it is: an active effort to start the censorship and suppression of content somebody doesn't like. Irony: people will call this a conspiracy theory but it's right here in the links. The content being affected leans mostly to the right. We've already seen this with Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter.

Again, I'm not right, alt-right, or left; I'm free speech. It starts with the right. Then who is left to protest when they come for the left? Some useful idiots on the left will actually push for this. Some useful idiots on the right too, although it's mostly their content at risk.

And it's happening right here, under our noses, dressed up as combating misinformation and fake news.

Do you disagree? Let me know and I'll give you space.

• Tired of the infuriating popups while browsing? If you have the new Firefox 59, go to Tools > Options > Permissions and check "Block new requests asking to allow notifications” (Windows) or Edit > Preferences > Privacy & Security (linux). It will be similar on Macs. Probably in android too.

Hey, how about that humongous Equifax breach that disappeared from the news, as if it had an anchor tied to it... a former executive has been charged with stock dumping before the breach was disclosed.

• Speaking of Mac malware, it has risen 270 percent. If you're really comfortable with your Mac's security, you might want to think again. I'm not taking a swipe at Macs, like I usually do. I'm warning you not to be complacent in thinking you're immune. Bad People wait til your operating system or software is popular enough to make it worth their while.

Actual Work Conversation. Names changed to protect the guilty...


ME: Why did they schedule Meeting B the same time as Meeting A?
HIM: Yeah, I see 2. Which one are you talking about.
ME: the two that are at the same time: Meeting A and Meeting B. We have Meeting A every week at the same time.
HIM: At 1:00?
ME: yes
HIM: I had Meeting C earlier. Then Meeting D at 3:00. You're not on the invite for Meeting D.
ME: [suppressing rage and violent urges] We have Meeting A every week at 1:00. Today I got an invite for Meeting B.
HIM: Well.... I got the usual one for Meeting A and one for Meeting Q, but that's it.
ME: [I have to put me out of my misery] Ok.
HIM: I do have one at 3:30 for Meeting H.
ME: GOOD GOD, DUDE - DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PROZAC OR HEAVY MUSCLE RELAXERS AT YOUR DESK?

• Darwin Winner Pedro Ruiz III planned a YouTube stunt, wherein his girlfriend, Monalisa Perez, would shoot a .50 cal bullet through an encyclopedia he was holding in front of his chest to see if it would pass through.
• Perhaps Pedro didn't fully consider the implications. As it turned out, the bullet did, in fact, pierce the encyclopedia. Then his heart. Pedro is no more. Perhaps Pedro was suicidal but scared to perform the act himself. Perhaps Pedro did the science and discovered that a .50 would go through an encyclopedia like a fat person through a box of chocolates. Perhaps he was much more intelligent than he appeared. Alas, we will never know.
• Monalisa, the mother of his two children, will serve a modified jail term. She had better come up with an interesting story to tell the kids.

Let's face it... most productions for St Patty's Day involve alcohol and pretending you're Irish. If it were St Hendrix's Day, everybody would pretend to be black. I just saw the best promotion for SPD ever: 20% off green guitars at Eastwood. Finally, a holiday promotion relevant to me.

• Why? 
• Why, Dog the Bounty Hunter?
• Is the same hair stripper right for both of them? His hair is yellow, while hers is more stripped blond.
• Will they change the name to Dog the Fatty Hunter?
• He's about four feet tall. How does he climb over her ample chest?
• Their minions... what kind of self-esteem issues does one need to follow him blindly, unarmed?

Congratulations are not necessary, but China shipped my new laptop keyboard early and I installed it in short order. This is a process that would've caused Major Panic<tm> two years ago. Have you ever operated on a laptop? Even putting memory in the things is a process. Desktops are pretty easy: open the case (if you ever put it back last time - putting cases back on is the major cause of computer issues) and do what you need. The cases are (were?) pretty roomy and you had many slots to install Things. The worst that could happen was ripping your hand open trying to get around some sharp metal structure.

Laptops are a certain kind of Black Magic, requiring a certain temperament. A temperament with which I was not born. Fortunately I am ridiculously brave (stupid). Although any computer repair involves copious amounts of cursing and airborne objects, laptops are their own special hell. Because they're so friggin tiny, everything must be sandwiched into an alloted space and every manufacturer does it differently. Sometimes 15 screws are involved in adding memory. If you've never had to replace the display, God is on your side.

Fortunately for me, this particular keyboard required about 4 screws and sliding this and removing that. The results are spectacular. I can now see every letter on every key. Unfortunately the cursor still wanders a bit on its own, like my wife in a shoe store.  And unfortunately, there were a few parts left over, but in my defense, there was no place to put them. Now most of the errors are operator-induced, or PEBKAC - problem exists between keyboard and chair.

• You may or may not be happy to hear that a judge has taken the death penalty off the table for Mitt Romney and former Gov Christie Todd Whitman. A suit was brought by a New Jersey woman, claiming Romney, Whitman, and four others conspired to blow up downtown Newark (this is another one of the 'you may or may not feel this is a good thing').
• The suit also mentions a county executive and Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, with the death penalty specified for all but Farrakhan. No word on what Islamic punishment was mentioned to the plaintiff to cancel the death request. Perhaps they gave her a free bow tie.
• The judge referred to the suit as "frivolous and malicious." Frivolous and malicious? Isn't blowing up downtown Newark malicious, Your Honor? They have committed the perfect crime. Now they can blow it up without fear of legal ramifications. Double jeopardy: you can't try someone twice for the same crime. I am not a lawyer, but I watched a lot of Night Court.

In case you're still playing along at home, the national debt has hit $21 trillion. With a 'T'. Our presidents and congresses keep blindly adding to it. like they did very recently. As an incredibly large group of See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Watch Tv, we don't really want to be bothered with it. The congresscritters know that they'll be retired or dead so they won't have to deal with the consequences of their actions. And the debt rises. It's great that Trump is giving us a break on income taxes, but the debt still grows. In a bid to appeal to our lack of thought, they're referring to the tax cut as 'costing billions'. Well, no, it doesn't cost anything. It's just less money appropriated from the fruits of our labor.

Sometimes republicans sound vaguely libertarian. They claim to be for small government and less spending. Look around you... is government getting smaller? Are we spending less? Are we revving up for more war? (no, no, yes). What would be wrong with pulling our troops out of most, if not all countries? Cutting the size and cost of government (starting with Dept of Homeland Security). Seriously reducing the debt. Not subsidizing Big Pharma. No more billions in foreign aid.

Don't get me started on the Federal Reserve (oops, too late. I've already gotten myself started). The Federal Reserve is not Federal, nor a Reserve. It is a bunch of private banks that lend money to the US with interest. Somebody's making an unbelievable amount of money on interest and it's not the country. Again, don't take my word for it- do the research. None of this is a secret.

• I have an idea (uh-oh).  For some reason, I wanted to run it by you before letting it loose. I had the moral obligation to go to a birthday party for a child the other night. I know that nothing I do, including chewing my own limbs off (trust me, I tried), will get me out of this duty. It's not so much the children themselves or their appearance... it's their NOISE. If they could come over and not be heard, I'd be better with it (better, but still won't want to go). 
• So as the kids arrive, we explain to them that there's a noise limit. As we're explaining that there will be NO SHOUTING, we're affixing a collar to them. As soon as they go over the limit, the shock collar will let them know. Then they can go back to being the quiet little angels you knew they had inside them.  They say it's safe for dogs with the electric fence system - why not kids? Then the adults will always show up and stay to help clean, amazed that the children are so well-behaved. And quiet.
• Will this one take the market by storm, or shall I budget for legal expenses first?

Let Us Not Keep Up With the Joneses

Bob got married... it happens to the best of us.
He and his bride moved into a really nice place, north of San Francisco.
Being the gregarious sort, he met the Joneses, an older married couple who lived across the street. They became fast friends, despite their difference in age.

Marriage took its natural course and Bob got divorced. As with all divorces, he had to forsake his nice place and find somewhere else to live. I visited Bob, and they'd have to pry me loose from that house. It wasn't particularly large, it wasn't a particularly wonderful or bad neighborhood, but it was a great place.
Being California (or the southwest), people had garages and used them for parking cars, due to damage from direct sunlight. I don't have that worry.

Bob moved closer to work, but kept in touch with the Joneses on a frequent basis.  One cloudy day, Mrs. Jones left, on what one would call a permanent basis. Bob worried for his friend, and how he'd get along. He needn't have worried - Mr. Jones picked right up and continued living, for himself, as there was no family to insist upon it.  Bob drove to see Mr. Jones frequently, roughly an hour in each direction. In California, an hour means you're trying to drive to the next exit on the freeway.

Mr Jones became well known to Bob's family. Even Bob's mother would call out there to chat. They all knew each other. Somehow. Jones did what most people his age do; he kept getting older. He passed ninety, full of health and even some energy.

In casual conversation with Bob, he mentioned coming into into some money recently.  That's nice, if you can do it. Good on him. Because I don't talk to Bob as often as I should, I hadn't heard about his windfall.

"Didn't I tell you?" Bob asked. "It's my inheritance from Jones' will."