Thursday, January 30, 2020

[Guitar Content Only] lefty looks at fly rig floor boxes plus pukeburst

By no means is this an exhaustive look at those tiny little boxes you put on the floor and run direct - a Rig in a Box.

I think these started with Tech 21, which then produced signature models like the Richie Kotzen 'Flyrig'. These are based upon Tech 21's original amp-sim pedals, which won great praise. They just added effects.

In case my verbal description failed to conjure up wtf I'm talking about, here's the Kotzen version.




When I first saw them, I laughed. Like these things will replace my Marshall and Fenders? Ok, d00d, that's not what they're for. It took a brighter fellow than me to define it as 'the thing you carry with you to a gig and use if your rig blows up'.  And let's face it... if these boxes are even halfway decent, they sound better than a broken amp, right?

In Richie's case, he calls it his Flyrig, meaning he uses it on Fly In gigs, which can be quickies or when it's cost-prohibitive to fly your regular rig in. You just plug them into the PA and/or some rented amps, and wheedle away.

While I'm laughing at equipment, I was incredulous that the cab simulator would produce something that sounded anything like a real amp. After all, I've heard these, and they're barely mediocre at best.

Well shut my mouth, Martha, damn if'n these fellers didn't nail it.

The original pedals came in 3 varieties: Brit, Cali, and OMG.  No, wait, those are either condoms or a studio guitarist's trick bag. I'm pretty sure it was Brit (Marshall), Cali (Fender) and some sort of metal emulator (what a great name for a pedal - or a band). Each came with a few effects: Overdrive/Distortion, delay, reverb, cab sim. Other models featured overdrive and distortion, compressor, boost, and Other Secret Stuff<tm>. This is a demo (shootout) of the Brit, Cali, and Kotzen pedals.

I'm really pleasantly surprised at the cab sim to start. The demos were done straight to the board - no external amp. Sounds good. Something else about decent direct guitar pedals: some fit really nicely in a mix, especially at 2 am, when your family and your neighbors are asleep. But also when you're looking for a good fit for your song and it's too difficult to get what you're looking for with your amps. They also have pedals for bass (Geddy Lee signature!) and acoustic.

What do they get for these fun little emergency amplifiers? Sweetwater has em starting at $299 - more for the signature units. Amazon is in that same range. BUT WAIT!!!!  Every great idea spawns mountains of cheap offshore copies, and Fly Rigs are no exception. They started to appear from a few different manufacturers, at significantly lower prices... I haven't seen any shootouts between the 2m so I can't speak for similarities, but they sound decent by themselves. Today I found what might be the 3rd generation - the SONICAKE pedals, which come in a few varieties. The Classic Rock is about $87. Listen to this and this. Their heavier tone units sound pretty good too, like this, which does 80's metal tones. I love the guy's reasoning for using his Very Expensive PRS... he says it's on topic because it's like a Strat. Ummmm.... why not use a Strat? His reviews are good, so I'm not slagging him off. Donner is another brand at the same price point, but they're more like several effects in one box and don't have the cab sim (be warned).


One of the tricks here is precisely opposite to a complaint concerning naked pictures on the net: "The closer your ass is to the camera, the bigger it looks." These pedals look awesome in ads and demos, but they're friggin tiny. Yes, the guy with the Marshall is having a size-ist fit. Well, no... the klutz with the Marshall is having a size fit. These things are around a foot wide (from memory). Imagine a 12" wide pedal with 4 or 5 buttons on it. How in the universe are you going to avoid hitting more than one at a time? And how are you going to see them on a dark stage? And heaven forbid you need to make a knob adjustment, because they're even tinier than the switches, albeit lit when selected. As funny as it may be to watch me trip over wires or even my wireless, this one would provide nonstop entertainment.


Conclusions

Let's say you're doing video reviews for YouTube on various pedals, perhaps the cheap versions. Your signal chain is a one-off Custom Shop Suhr guitar costing $5509, a couple of boutique pedals that cost $500 each, including the one Hendrix signed himself, and you're going into your Fender Custom Shop Clapton Tweed Deluxe amp. From there, you have a Neumann U67 tube microphone, into your commercial studio quality Pro Tools setup, with more effects than The Edge uses onstage.

This will not replace them.

Ok, let's say you're recording with a Fender Mustang or Line 6 or other $99 modeling amp and a Fender Affinity Strat, into your cell phone.

This might sound better.

Let's say your Marshall or modeler onstage experiences a hiccup and blows a fuse. Like most guitar players, you haven't brought spares, and the spike took out your speaker.

Whip this bad boy out, ask the sound guy for a direct feed (or warn him in advance), and you're back wheedly-ing away before the next song.

Might be a cool thing for practice too, although I haven't seen a headphone jack on them.



WTF is Pukeburst?


We all know the sunburst finish: the 2 or 3 color finish where a dark color fades into a lighter color. More rare is Fender's antigua. It's incredibly difficult to describe, so I dubbed it Pukeburst. It's one of the most disgusting finishes ever put on a guitar. If you lived through or know the 70s, you know that appliances came in 2 colors: harvest gold and avocado green.  Picture a sunburst with avocado green on the outside, fading into harvest gold. It's so ugly, it's attractive. Fender produced it originally between 1977 and 1981. There have been reissues. The Fender Coronado (a semi-hollow) had antigua before 77.




This is pukeburst (antigua).
Well, it's my pukeburst. It's a 77, and my #1. As you see, it has weathered many years of abuse (most call my playing abuse). My phone came with a camera that was Best in Breed. If you consider adding a brown tinge Best, it fulfilled its mission. The finish is lighter in reality, and somewhat darker and more  pronounced than others of its age.

Pukeburst is a very special color, as you see.
The reproductions have been total shit.
It was never a good time for Pukeburst past 1981, but I'm writing this because it's starting to be a good time for it. If you check ebay, you'll find a number of them, which really surprised me. There are 2 varieties - original and repro. The reissues come from Japan and, to be polite, don't look anything like the original - the green is partially gray. Take a look for yourself. If you're a Pukeburst Purist, you wouldn't touch them with someone else's pick. Looking for a term to describe them, I came up with 'uglier than pukeburst' but that wasn't sufficient. The colors are so muted, it's Pedestrian Pukeburst-like. We'll go with that.

Telecasters and J/P basses also came in antigua, but Teles are harder to find than honest people in D.C. They're pure unobtainium; moreso left handed.

As with anything older than 10/15/20 years, guitars are considered 'vintage', which naturally entitles the sellers to demand completely unreasonable prices for them. Don't even ask about lefties.  So the originals, being vintage, are being sold for $3k and over. As to whether they are selling at that price, I have no idea. The Pedestrian Pukeburst-like Japanese Fenders are just under a grand. Given the choice, I'd pay a premium for an original.

The whole 'vintage' thing is off-putting to me. I grew up buying late 70s guitars used, and all of the sudden, mine are 'vintage'. That's enough to make a man feel old. Fortunately I'm a guitar player: we never get old, much to the dismay of everyone around us. When I took it in for neck work, the entire store gathered round, chanting the Vintage Guitar Chant, as if it were a special ancient guitar with a certain mojo. It was pretty funny to watch. I kept looking around for what they were talking about. Put a '58 in front of me and I'll do the chanting.

Having said that, there are caveats... late 70s Strats are considered real dogs. Many have the Micro-Tilt (micro-slip) neck, which literally moves around in the pocket when you play. Some weigh more than Les Pauls. The finish on another of mine is so thick, mosquitos avoid it because they could never get that far for blood. The neck size and shape varied by day, and the pickups almost universally sucked. However, some really great examples slipped by QC, perhaps after a liquid lunch, and are really a pleasure to play. Mine is like that: great neck shape and radius (7.25") and I replaced the pickups. It's still heavy and was converted before I got it to 4 bolt neck, but I love it to death. It weighs almost as much as my car, but I use a really wide strap. It weighs almost as much as my Les Paul (R8 plaintop historic reissue). It's not that the top is plain, it's just that I've seen cardboard with more grain. Great guitar, though. Buy one if you find one. The people who recommended it to me said they'd buy it from me if I didn't like it (if it wasn't a lefty... snort).

Let's return Pukeburst to its former glory!

Welcome to Silicone Valley

Are you short on details about the Boeing 737 MAX fiasco?
Let me help: I will attempt to describe the Boeing 737 MAX situation to you via the Argument Sketch.



737s have been falling out of the sky.

No they haven't.

Yes, they have.

No they haven't.  I'm sorry, are you here for the the FAA version or the NTSB version?

Oh, sorry... the FAA version.

Anyway, no they haven't.

Yes they bloody well have. They fail at the relatively simple act of remaining in the air.

No they don't.

Yes they do. My cousin had a friend that was squashed by one.

No he didn't.

No he didn't what?

Your cousin. He didn't have a friend.

Yes he does.

No he doesn't.

Yes he does.

DING - time's up

Look, the FAA allows more time than this.

I'm sorry, I am not allowed to talk about the FAA, or even the NTSB until Boeing puts out a new aircraft. Wait - Boeing has a new aircraft!

No they don't..

Look here, matey, here's a picture.

That's not a 738 MAX, that's a 737 MAX with the 7 crossed out and an 8 sticker over it.

No it isn't.  Oh, alright, here's $10 billion in loans.

Thank you, but they definitely didn't.

Didn't what?

Change the firmware. In fact, they found another really nasty bug over the weekend.

No they didn't.

Yes they did.

Look, I don't want you to argue about this.

Yes you do.

An argument is a discussion of whether the airlines will require a federal bailout.

No it isn't. An argument decides whether the FAA will bless the 737 MAX with the Flyable Award. Judging from present performance, they won't.

Yes they will.

No they won't. We both know they'll bankrupt the entire company, fire everyone, take away huge bonuses, and magically open up a new airline called Roeing.

No they won't.

Yes they will. And I will further mention that the pilots' association said their membership will not set foot in a 737 MAX until all the problems are worked out (except the French, who have scheduled a riot for it next week).

No they won't. It's going to take more than the demise of a very reliable (til now) plane to bankrupt Boeing.

Aha - I got you: the plane division is not the same as the military contract division, which will never go broke.

No it isn't. Boeing is Boeing.

Further, the NTSB backs the pilots.

No they don't.

Look, if I want to bring the NTSB into this, I bloody well will.

No you won't.

Boeing is working diligently on resolving the issue.

No they're not.

Ok, you got me there.




  • Twitter just announced emojis available in DMs
  • NO. JUST NO




It's so cold outside....
HOW COLD IS IT?
It's so cold that we have to drink a Coke from the fridge to warm us up.


Augmented Reality is the next big thing, says Apple CEO Tim Cook.
We're guessing that it will not be encrypted.



  • Cruise's first driverless car doesn't have a steering wheel or pedals.
  • So if there's a problem, at least you're sure you're going to die.





I'm nothing if not unfair. Thus I must apologize to Philly for calling it a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly. Today we discovered a $25 parking garage that charges you $5 if you're there under 2 hours and have a restaurant receipt.

What I meant to say is it's a bottomless pit that only a large fire could improve, that thinks Center City is New York and prices everything accordingly, except one really considerate garage. And the gay males stare at me like they haven't had food in 2 weeks and I'm a steak.

UPDATE: just hours after I typed this, I had to drive to Center City. I don't like to drive to Center City, because it involves the worst of every type of automotive bad experience: traffic stopped dead for no apparent reason at 8pm, random lane closures, downtown stupid drivers, highway stupid drivers, random stoppages in lanes so some malnourished rich idiot can run into a restaurant and get something... I can't imagine why anyone would find this fun (and I used to work there).

The city never fails to disappoint and last night was no exception. The new thing seems to be random street closures. They closed every 3rd street, for no reason. Unless the 3rd street was an even-numbered street, in which case they closed every other street. Just to keep you from correctly guessing which street you could use, they closed every street in certain sections. They changed the Welcome sign to "Welcome to Philadelphia - You Can't Get There from Here." After this debacle I foolishly attempted to go home. Oops - the new Neighborhood Beautification Project took all those ugly street signs down, and it was anybody's guess how to get to a large highway. I found more or less where I needed to be, but too bad, 3 lanes going straight had turned into 3 lanes turning right because of... you guessed it... another police lane closure. Because not even in Philly is there room for 3 lanes to turn right, I got thrown onto the highway I wanted, but of course in the opposite direction. I had barely made a noise the entire night, but being downtown always has this effect on me - I screamed like a loon for several minutes, causing William Penn's statue to cover its ears and his bones to rattle in their grave. If you listened closely, you would have heard Mr. Penn saying, "Don't blame me for this shithole."



  • Dr. Phil annoys me. Does that put me in the majority for once?



NASA is getting ready to name its Mars 2020 Rover.
The first suggestion rejected was Mars 2020 Rover.
Maybe ThermionicEmissions can help name it...

  • It Cost How Much Rover
  • Zero to 20 in 10 Minutes Rover
  • The Second Rover
  • Rover II - this time it's personal
  • The Aliens are Messing with Us Rover
  • No Fossil Fuels Rover (because we can't find any fossils)
  • Bob (my personal favorite)


Speaking of which....

  • Mars Rover frozen in place following software error
  • Microsoft force-updated it to Win 10 





Boeing, a recent favorite target, for killing 346 people, is in even deeper today. The software fix to make it flyable won't happen in the near future and due to certification, may be several more months. Their new slogan: Boeing - Failed to Fly. The company has officially stopped building the plane until it gets the OK.




  • a brothel owner was detained for pouring Viagra in the water of his town.
  • Oddly, no local women were available for comment.


The first chocolate chip cookies in space took 2 hours to bake.
No offense, but people with Alzheimers don't take that long.




I went to a new doctor the other day.
He seemed surprised that I hadn't seen a doctor in 10 years.
I seemed surprised that he didn't have a lot of really attractive nurses.
He said I needed a colonoscopy and prostate exam.
He put a finer point on it by disagreeing that every 10 years was a fine space between prostate exams.
"What is your focus on the butt?" I asked. "May I recommend a mental health professional?"
He suggested bloodwork. More than suggested - he gave me a paper the size of War and Peace, that the techs told me would require blood draws every week or so because they need so much of it.
I told him I passed out at the sight of blood. He felt sorry for me and scratched off 1 test.
I recommended the best pizza in the area. He grew up down the street from it.
I finally won when I lectured him on the importance of left-handed ergonomic mice and proper ergonomic posture to avoid carpal tunnel and various other infirmities (none affecting the butt).




  • How much longer will we trust Google's search results?
  • Do we trust them now? 





I want to warn you in advance about this next subject. It will shock you to your very soul. If you insist upon reading it, at least sit down in a comfortable chair, so there's less room to fall to the floor:

The surveillance video taken from outside Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell on the day of his first apparent suicide attempt has been permanently deleted, federal prosecutors said. Epstein, the disgraced financier who was facing federal sex-trafficking charges, was found semiconscious in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center, or MCC, in New York around 1:27 a.m. on July 23. But that video is now gone because MCC officials mistakenly saved video from a different floor of the federal detention facility. The FBI made the discovery last week while reviewing a copy of the video provided by MCC officials. "After reviewing the video, it appeared to the government that the footage contained on the preserved video was for the correct date and time, but captured a different tier than the one where [the cell housing Epstein and his cellmate] was located.” The filing was made in a case involving Nicholas Tartaglione ... who was Epstein's cellmate on the day of the incident. The July incident was investigated as a possible suicide attempt, assault or ruse by Epstein to get himself transferred to a different facility. Tartaglione's attorney, as part of an effort to exonerate his client, asked the jail to preserve video from outside the cell. The MCC agreed, but "the MCC computer system listed a different, incorrect cell for Tartaglione," prosecutors said in the court filing. A backup video system was in place, but the requested video wasn't available because of unspecified "technical errors," the court filing says

I am sorry to be the one to bring this to you, but I thought it would be less startling coming from ThermionicEmissions.



  • Scientists discover why stress turns hair white.
  • Voting.


London police to deploy facial recognition cameras across the city.
NO.
C'mon, is this sort of thing acceptable? In addition to their already ubiquitous surveillance? Don't forget - England and Australia are test beds for things to come....



Heroes of the Stupid

On a paranormal discussion show, a reader called in and asked how she could get in touch with the aliens. The host asked why. She said the aliens could help her out with her teeth.   Ok.

Bernie Sanders' Deputy Digital Communications Director locked her Twitter account.



SJW Statistics

"trad wives" are white supremacist women who devote themselves to domestic duties in the service of perpetuating the white race. It is a dog whistle to sound less white supremacist than it is.     Twitter -  @beccalew

A delightful frequent-flyer, Jessica Yaniv (WAX MY BALLS!) has been arrested and charged with assault. The same day, she (falsely) accused a journalist of sexual assault. As Canadian justice goes, Yaniv was "released back into the community," with a Friday court appearance.  I hope her balls are waxed by that time.

Elizabeth Warren (D-Uranus) promises her cabinet will be "at least 50% filled by women and non binary people."  They don't even have to have any qualifications - just woman and non binary! What a great step forward for Indiankind.

Taking and tweeting a picture of a woman breastfeeding is the foundation of fascism: stigmatizing basic care and empathy and promoting (species/cis/white) supremacy.







Monday, January 27, 2020

Luscious Pole Licking in Summer

Our good friend, AOC, says facial recognition is nasty.
You cannot argue with the truth.
And even a broken clock is right twice a day


The many faces of AOC


I'm sorry - sometimes the intra-cranial pressure builds up...

if Trump doesn't win in 2020, I'll have nothing to do!

let me guess - I left home without my makeup again. 
this is my lovey-dovey face, for my honey.

Don't tell them I'm only a little pissed today.

if I have to tell you one more time....

Hillary taught me to eat babies. Do you really want that on your conscience?

They caught me smiling. I'm ruined! They cannot know I'm actually pretty.

you take-uh da cheese, you put it onna capicola - capeesh?

I will not smile. I will not smile...

I see you taking this picture and I will kill you in your sleep

They're not watching.. I can rest my face now...

Good morning, people. I love you all.





  • It's 23 outside. With the Wind Chill Factor, it's 15.
  • Yearly rant: WTF is this - a new method of making you feel worse in the winter? 23 isn't cold enough, no sir, it's 15.  In Alaska, when it's zero degrees, the Wind Chill Factor says it's -40. 
  • And they're wrong most of the time.




Remember the GirlsDoPorn scandal I wrote about a week back?
The website just went offline.
The owner fled to New Zealand and is still there.
He's also charged with child porn, after flying a 16 year old to California.

Today's item to ponder: is child porn with a 16 year old the same as child porn with a 5 year old? They're both illegal, as they should be, but is it the same thing?



  • Ya know those beeps in astronaut audio? They're there for a reason.



Remember that Major League Baseball regulations prohibit the use of electronic equipment... ??

This only applies to you. They can and are using it against you.




  • Dear Ebay: when I do a search for lefty guitars, "other things you might be interested in" probably shouldn't include righty guitars. Just a thought.



"Richard Nixon got kicked out of Washington for tapping one hotel suite. Today we're tapping every American citizen in the country, and no one has been put on trial for it or even investigated. We don't even have an inquiry into it." - Edward Snowden



  • US Congresswoman reveals alopecia diagnosis
  • That brave, courageous woman, telling the world she has hair loss.
  • I told everybody about Male Pattern Baldness years ago.


IT NEWS
I'm (almost) sorry about including IT news today, but it's relevant to all readers.

With a spare 3 minutes, I decided to have a computer race: Win 10 laptop against linux laptop. It wasn't exactly fair... the Win laptop was brand new, with 16G RAM and current i7 snappy processor; the linux laptop was well over 6 years old, with 8G RAM and an obviously much slower processor. They would both boot from power off.

Off the line, linux in first, entering the first turn. Win10 coming up on the left. Coming up to the 2nd turn, we have definite activity, with the brand new Win10 machine having something on the screen. Turn 3 and we've selected which boot system we'd like on linux. Ladies and gentlemen, at the finish line, it's linux, reading its email, while the Win10 machine has yet to even put up one of its goofy pictures or a login prompt. Linux is drinking its coffee, when it's interrupted by a Win10 login prompt. This is exactly how it happened, except I drank the coffee, not the laptop.

New facial database used by the police. It's beyond creepy and disgusting.


Google and Microsoft weigh in on facial recognition technology and laws concerning it. Strangely enough, Google is finally on the right side of something. Microsoft, naturally, is on the wrong side.



  • Apple is genuinely concerned about your privacy. Except if the FBI asks.


Over 1,000 devices went missing from London councils last year.
Now for some Real News<tm>: prosecutions of people who say 'fuck' and use 'racial language' are up! Prosecutions of people who say bad things online are also up. 1,337 people a week are thrown in the pokey, the most ever, for saying, "Not tea - I'll have coffee, please."


The final Win 7 update includes black wallpaper on some systems.
Good thing I'm not at my last job... I'd have the entire team spending the entire day changing backgrounds. The ticket system would die from volume alone. You'd think the entire company had gone down. The FBI would be brought in to investigate this cyberhack.


  • Why Win 7 users should switch to linux
  • they list some good reasons...
  • Win 10 should have started a stampede to other OSes


Above is a positive.
Now here's my negative: the announcement that Xubuntu 20.04 will include a dark theme. Absent actual vision problems, this is what we have as an announcement? Not 'it's faster and safer?'  We, as people, are way too focused on looks and blinky lights. In the earlier days of cell phones, there was great excitement over the ability to put a different startup automation on your phone.

Related: watch car commercials (like you have a choice). Very little about the actual car. Very much about the colors, On-Star or similar systems, how many cameras in it, and how you can make the driver's side door open with just your genitals. This bothers me (like most things).


Small Business Matters: Boeing seeks $10 billion in loans as 737 MAX crisis continues.  Good thing they have those huge military contracts....

But WAIT!  If you lend now, you get up to the minute news of 737 MAX issues, of which they just found another....



Today's Game: you're running for president. Your slogan is [name] 2020: [last thing you said to your dog]. I'll start..

lefty 2020: Ok, stay in bed with your mommy


It's 7am. Mrs lefty is in the bathroom, Penny is demonstrating her "I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE" dance. Then she tries it on me. Being a dog, she's not entirely talkative, but she jumps up a lot when she wants something. No problem, I'll take her out. Penny, let's go outside.  PENNY - OUTSIDE (both of us). Finally get her to the door and she turns and runs. Apparently I don't take her out well enough. Mom leaves the house. An hour later, Penny appears, telling me she wants something. Yes, she wants to go outside. This time I'll be sufficient to let her out. An hour after we first asked.

I get my validation from the dog.


Speaking of dog, when her mommy got back home, she went out back to smoke. Penny did her traditional thing: came running to me, insistent on me taking her to find mommy. Penny fails completely in the recognition that I might be doing something. So she walks in on me and sits down, waiting for me to say something. Whoever had her before us (she was a stray) must've gone over manners with her.. if I don't see her, she hops up and gently touches my leg with her nose. Then she does it 4 more times until I do what she wants. She sits there, looking at me with those huge, sad brown eyes, deliberately being a spaniel.

When mom comes back and goes into the bathroom, she stands at the bathroom door and whines. But she whines softly.  It's definitely the house - she wasn't like that when she first got here. The house turns cockers neurotic. Yeah, that's it - it's the house.



People can be identified by the way they dance.
Kill me now.
Mood, level of empathy, how extroverted or neurotic can point to identification.



Every election cycle I get asked to participate in “get out the vote” public service announcements. But I figure if a TV game show host has to convince people to vote, they probably shouldn’t.   - Pat Sajak




Heroes of the Stupid


  • PornHub sued by deaf man over lack of closed captioning in videos
  • Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: mrnmmmmph  Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.  Man: I'm gonna explode   Woman: ooooh. yeah. baby.


SJW Symptoms  

Trinity College removes ad for 'Campus Reform Early Responder'
They wanted someone to monitor a 'right wing' website. Job ad pulled.





I saw this absolutely bizarre, hysterical show on public television. I was glued.
Some guy was standing there in a dress, and some other guy was on his knees, looking up the dress.

The dress was a kilt.
The show was Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I was young.
I was hooked.
Every week I had to wait for the night Python was on.
It was the Most Important Thing Ever, for most of my life. It completely corrupted my sense of humor, rendering me an honorary Brit and forcing me to seek out other British comedy.
I met other, similarly smitten, people who agreed: Life is Python - Python is life. No, we weren't deranged fanboys - we just noticed how inappropriate they were and used Python Quotes a lot. To this day, I still speak in Python. We all saw the movies when they came out. We bought anything Python. I have a t-shirt from the final live appearance at the 02 Center in England. We saw John Cleese a few months back.

We were sad when Graham Chapman died.
We are now sad that Terry Jones (77) died (of a rare dementia that first took his speech). The other Pythons are more worried than a parrot going to a pet shop in Ipswitch.

There is some bad footage of Graham Chapman's funeral that's really funny - an appropriate sendoff. Maybe there will be some Terry Jones footage too.

This dying stuff has to stop.







Friday, January 24, 2020

The 2020 Prolapse Awards Are Here!

There are way too many videos online.
Most of them are ill-advised.
You can talk at them and tell them and advise them, but POOF - up they go.
Learn from these misguided ballfaces.
Ask yourself one question: "Will I be proud of this when I'm somebody's grandparent?"

So, kids, take your penis out of that woman (or man), put it back in your pants, and sing or something. That will be a lot less difficult to explain to the grandkids than sodomy. If you don't care, wait 5 years and ask yourself again.


Bob: Bill! Howya doin?
Bill: Oh great, man. How are you?
Bob: Couldn't be better. How's the family?
Bill: Well, Susan's fine. You remember my daughter, Wendy?
Bob: Sure - how's she?
Bill: Great. She's an escort.
Bob: You must be very proud.

And they say *I* have no filters....



It took the better part of a year to figure out the dog's smarter than me.
Penny - wanna go outside?  POOF - to the door.
Penny - let's go nite nite.  POOF - up the steps, into bed.
Penny - wanna go for a ride in the car?  POOF - to the door.
Penny - take out the trash, please - [dumb look]



Oldest material on Earth discovered
Unrelated: Nancy Pelosi strongly objects to her baby rattle on display.



  • Cut undersea cable plunges Yemen into days-long internet outage
  • Last time there were 2 cut, a letter agency's ships were in the area


The military is building long-range facial recognition that works in the dark.
Of course they are.



Google plans to drop tracking cookie support by 2022.
Since this amounts to shooting themself in the foot, wait for the other shoe to drop.

Verizon offers no-tracking search engine - promises to protect your privacy.
Kick the ball, Charlie Brown.


Want to try linux? Check out Linux Lite  
Should you use linux?

Microsoft's new Edge browser released - what you need to know
Don't use it.



US may subsidize Huawei alternatives with $1.25 billion fund
Oh look - reps and dems came together and it's going to cost you. Every time they come together it's going to cost you. Like the recent budget bill....



European lawmakers want all phones to have same charger
Apple wet its pants laughing.


Bose is closing all of its retail stores in North America, Europe, Japan, and Australia
Requires closing 8 countries and a special adapter for full fidelity




I'm at work, on a conference call. The audio is LOUD, and the volume control won't turn it down. *$(#ing Windows 10, I say to myself. After some examination, I figure it out: Bluetooth managed to connect one machine's audio to another machine's speakers. By itself.



Today I identify as   large crud cottage cheese with anchovies



Alex Winter (Bill and Ted's Great Adventure) has finally finished his documentary on Frank Zappa. Alex had unprecedented access to all the music, interviews, and family documents. This was a labor of love and backed by fans (I contributed to the Kickstarter). It will premiere at the South by Southwest Festival in Austin, Texas. I won't exactly be able to fly there, but can't wait for it to go national.

Speaking of the great Frank Zappa, he often cited Edgar Varese as an influence. I listened to some Varese recently, and there's absolutely no doubt about his influence. This is not the influence that made it to Catholic Girls or Titties and Beer; it's the one that led to what I've heard called 'cartoon music'. Orchestral music plus binging and bonging and percussion. Give him a listen if you like the Zappa stuff.


  • Google researchers used neural networks to make weather forecasts
  • They had to be more accurate than the guys on tv


The president wants Apple to unlock the phone of a shooter.
Meh- it's only the Constitution.




Dating and fertility apps among those snitching to 'out of control' ad tech
  • Text alerts: Time to Fuck!
  • Text alerts: Call her, dammit
  • ads from diaper companies
  • ads for pregnancy tests
  • ads for maternity bras
  • ads for lacy bras


DING: text message
Welcome to Bob's Health System appointment reminders.

DING: reality
Why yes, I have an appointment, but my welcome did not remind me of it.




  • A Komodo dragon destroyed a BBC camera by trying to have sex with it
  • You know you're doing it right when your partner can no longer move!




How digital sleuths unravelled the mystery of Iran's plane crash.
Iran had to admit they shot it down. "In error".



  • Parasite that makes mice unafraid of cats may quash other fears
  • Dentist?






Heroes of the Stupid

"Nasal Ranger" nasal smell-amplifier to crack down on marijuana
I keep looking for the April Fools date.  
The war on drugs is a dismal failure. The only people who benefit are the people hired for it, plus the contracts, like above.




SJW Snottiness

Associate dean at University of Illinois came out in defense of mandatory diversity statements in university hiring practices... because "traditional markers of mathematical excellence" get in the way of diversity."

In other words, smart people are disrupting the cause of diversity.







Tuesday, January 21, 2020

National Women's Underwear Day

Yes, that's right - you heard right - it's National Women's Underwear Day!
Everyone put on some women's underwear and wear it with pride.
C'mon guys - who can honestly say they don't wear women's underwear?

Oh.
Never mind.



If you have an Idevice XS or XR battery case, you could be due a free replacement from Apple.

I broke Giant's handheld scanner system by only buying 2 things.
Never mind the title... it's an app for your phone, that scans items for checkout. This is another privacy nightmare. It connects to store wifi, meaning you're at risk for whatever's going on there. It's on your phone, so it probably accesses things it shouldn't. If nothing else, your purchasing is delightfully passed to the store, not to mention whoever else, like the author of the program and various ad agencies. Look beyond the headline.

Ready to start trying out a different operating system? Tired of Win 10 sending all your information to Microsoft?  Here are the 5 best linux distributions for Win 7 users. They mention Ubuntu, which is my choice. However, I recommend Xubuntu, which is Ubuntu with a more customizeable desktop. With this, you can make your desktop look any way you want, including just like Windows, so you're already familiar with it. All linuxes are the same, with different visual components and updating.


  • Mrs lefty is calling her doctor and getting a busy signal. Penny comes in from the back yard, steps on REDIAL, and the doctor's office answers.
  • I need to have her around when I have to call someone.



Mrs lefty tunes around tv a lot. Last night she watched The Office.
I was sitting next to her, surfing, and caught parts of it.
To call it cringy is to give it more credit than it deserves. It's smarmy, stupid, unfunny, and so bad, I want to run from the room and hide in the attic during a thunderstorm. Nah - didn't like it.



In national social media news, Cardio B, who just said she's getting citizenship in a different country, is considering US politics. I'm trying to decide if she'd do any better than the installed buggers. Meanwhile, here's a random thought from Cardio:







Artificial Intelligence gains traction because Native Intelligence is scarce.



Dear lefty

  • Am I better off going into network security or vertical markets?
  • Ask the penguins - they're usually pretty good with advice.



Scientists use stem cells from frogs to build first living robots.
Ok, guys, hop to it!



"I have often wondered why the sounds of the beating drums do not make the marching soldiers shoot their officers and go home." - Albert J. Nock



  • How to be anonymous in the age of surveillance
  • Warning: contains the word 'Juggalo', but not in a bad way



My 70s progressive rock station played a little gem I haven't heard before. This isn't odd at all, except for this particular little ditty. It isn't often I have to check to make sure I'm not hearing 2 stations at the same time, playing the same song, 1/10 of a second apart. Using the power of multiplicative reasoning, I deduced that the vocals were ok - it was just the music that was completely f'd up. I listened, stunned.

The artist's name is Kevin Ayers. The song is called Lady Rachel.
The title sounds all medieval, about some mythical damsel, locked away in a castle, in a closet, of ancient England's budding first serial killer. It was romantic.

Continuing to be stunned, I listened through the last 30 minutes of the song (I kid - it was only 25 minutes). Counting my blessings that my radio app lists the artist and song, I went off to play Stump YouTube. That failed; there were several different listings for the song, of which I chose the live one.

To say the song is bad is to elevate it to heights it could never dream of attaining. I have to mention that the fellow playing the left handed SG is Ollie Halsall, a formidable player. Kevin is apparently a Big Man on the English music scene. Unfortunately he died in 2013, after which I believe they filmed this clip.

This isn't the exact version I heard, but it will serve to help you understand my distress and question your life choices. As a musician, I wouldn't want anyone to crap on my creation, but as a satirist (or whatever I am), this is a huge red blinking target. The bio states he was a Big Deal, but Wikipedia lets anyone put anything they like into it.

This looked like a band rehearsal. The kids were in 6th grade and their parents were so proud. Kevin had even written his own song(!) and they were practicing it for the Big Show in the school auditorium. Excitement filled the air, as most of them left the basement and ate the cookies that Mom just put out. When they got back to their instruments, they noodled around, as musicians do, each playing some little piece of something they played all the time, guaranteed to piss off the rest of the band. This went on for 20 minutes, after which Mom yelled down the steps, "You boys sound great! Was that the new song?"  I don't know whether they recorded it on Mom's brand new 8 track console stereo or they went into the studio later, but it has that rough quality that really makes them sound serious (I'm lying through my teeth).

So when you look at the video, it's not actually a performance - it's a bunch of kids noodling around. The only one involved in the song is little Kevin; the rest of them are off somewhere else. It's a good thing, too, as Jimmy, the drummer, is mentally playing with the band down the street. Watch them wander about, as Kevin emotes. Every now and then, Ollie makes a supporting noise or two, just to upset Kevin, who ordered him not to make supporting noises.  Kevin apparently just got a new guitar, and the salesman promised to tune it for him to make the sale. Salesmen being what they are, he never tuned it, so Kevin went onstage with an untuned guitar, only he didn't know it (the audience did). Kevin was Dead Serious about his new song. The keyboard player was a guy who asked if he could join the band. They said yes (keyboardists are impossible to find) and threw him right onstage. Unfortunately he had to sit there, waiting for a key or a cue, because he had never heard any of Kevin's songs. This worked out to the audience's benefit, as he played very little. He brought his nifty little echo box, that looked like a little tape player, but it was new and he had no idea how to work it.

The 'experimental' section was added as they went onstage, only Kevin forgot to tell the rest of the band about it. So they continued to wander around, lost, while Kevin took on the experimental section all by himself... plinking.. tapping.. playing with knobs, and plinking again. The band continued to do what it did best, largely standing around and playing random stuff til it was time to actually play a song. They decided on Jumping Jack Flash, but the joke was on them: they knew it in 2 different keys, which they played it in at once. The audience's collective jaws were on the floor, as if they had just witnessed a baby stabbing its kitty and wearing its entrails.

The band kept looking over, expectantly, at Kevin, waiting for him to break the sad news that the experimental section was finally done, like children of alcoholics, coming out from behind the sofa because Mommy and Daddy had stopped screaming and throwing things. Unfortunately the throwing and screaming continued because Kevin was In The Zone. The band was losing patience, so they wandered around the stage, lighting cigarettes and doing their math homework, except little Jimmy, the drummer. He was still playing with the imaginary band down the street. Kevin later told Jimmy his performance was above and beyond. Kevin and the band continued on, undaunted. This, unfortunately, daunted the audience (all the band members' families and their captive classmates).

After they finished the song, the band made sure to watch Kevin so they knew they were all finished with the song. Their families clapped, their classmates made a noise intended to mimic certain bodily functions.

This was played on a progressive 70s rock station. I still don't know why.
It also mirrors most of my band experience, only my bands didn't get to play on stage a lot. Let's say we were intimately familiar with various band members' basements.

RIP Kevin, 2013, died in his sleep.




  • As the Oscars 2020 nominations are all lined up, the hard work begins: writing out your 10 minute social screed no one wants to hear.




Another idiot 'professional', telling us that Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personality disorder) 'doesn't exist'. I don't have enough time to refute this person's ideas one-by-one. Suffice it to say he's wrong across the board. I don't know where these alleged professionals get their concepts from (cereal box?), but anyone familiar with the topic can refute everything he says, line by line. Our suggestion is that he live with someone with the disorder that doesn't exist for a month or so. He's likely to change his mind. Professionals who spout this nonsense are frequently put up to it by large organizations that would prefer to have you think they're not doing what they're doing. You know - the people Jeffrey Epstein was about to expose....  Don't forget - Mrs lefty has DID.




Warning:   POLITICS

Sam Robb is a libertarian, running for president. Check out his site, specifically "Issues" - see if any of it speaks to you.
He is *a* libertarian, but not the only libertarian, and I am not endorsing anybody.



Today I identify as   rubber



  • Music copyright lawsuits are scaring away new hits, argues Rolling Stone.
  • Rolling Stone is right twice a decade, and I don't think this is one of them.
  • The thing that is scaring away new hits is listening to the radio.



I don't normally post anything about movies, largely as I don't see a lot of movies. And when I seen them, it's usually years after they've come out. If you haven't seen it already, see Yesterday. Without giving anything away, a guy finds himself in a different reality, where the Beatles never existed. It's well written and well acted, featuring the music of Jimi Hendrix.  No, wait......     Also of interest was his staunch supporter/manager. I was kinda smitten the moment I saw her. Mrs lefty said she was kinda normal. This was a great improvement over what she normally says ("She looks like a porn star"). I don't like anything, so if I give a recommendation, it's probably pretty good. Either that, or you know to avoid it.



There are at least 2 cities whose names require changing: Terre Haute and Puget Sound. Terre Haute sounds like something someone borrowed from another language and they forgot to translate it. Puget Sound sounds like something your cat hacks up. It also has nothing to do with sound. It's those weird people in the Northeast, with more money than they can actually count (although they have people to count money for them).







Saturday, January 18, 2020

Lighthouses Don't Fly

The above is an answer to people who say the Rendlesham ufo incident was just people seeing a lighthouse. This is per someone involved.



New York City is considering its own digital currency.
Unfortunately your purchases will be limited to $16 because $32 is too much to spend and the local government wants to protect you from it.



Speaking of Rendlesham, I just heard (KGRA) a show called Phenomenon Radio. John Burroughs was one of the military people who went outside the base and saw the UFO, 2 nights in a row, in December 1980.

Right after the sighting, he was diagnosed with health problems (atrial fibrillation, mitral valve prolapse, cataract). He got sick and was fixed to some degree. Years later, he got sick again, with congestive heart failure. The doctor was confused about what was happening and said it would be helpful to see his medical records from the Air Force.

When they tried to get the records from the VA, they were told no - the records were classified. They could have the records from before and after Rendlesham, but not during.

Burroughs went to his senator, John Kyle, to help get the records. He was told that Burroughs was not in the Air Force during those years. The VA lied to a senator. Burrows has paperwork and pay records for the time he 'wasn't in the Air Force.' (DD214 form, which the Air Force tried to alter).

Burrows went to long time senator John McCain, whose office did a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request for the records. It went unanswered. They could not get any information to show he was in the Air Force at that time.

Some information was released; enough to allow John to get surgery.
Burrows called the VA and was told he was being lied to - there was plenty of paperwork on him being in the Air Force during those years.

Burroughs' lawyer said he wasn't going to take the case because it looked like the VA was going to settle with him. Cheryl Bennett, of McCain's office, continued to fight, providing all sorts of documentation that he was injured at Rendlesham, during a ufo sighting. The records were finally sent to McCain's office, admitting that he was in the Air Force at that time.

Eventually the VA admitted he was at Rendlesham, and that the health issues were caused by exposure to a UFO.  Burroughs was given full medical disability.

DISCLOSURE! The government just acknowledged the presence of UFOs.



  • I don't know what to do, but I need to not get it done in a hurry.



All this nonsense about the Royal Family has produced some openings.
I was offered a spot and I get to choose my title.
I'm going with what everybody calls me anyway: Royal Asshole



  • I think the president unilaterally deciding to surgically bomb Iran was a good thing. By doing this, he drastically reduced the number of assholes involved in the decision.


Charmin has a 'pooptime robot' that will bring you a new toilet paper roll.
The next version will make a reservation for a seat, set your phone to Do Not Disturb, and warm the seat for you.


No way the cops are using SiriusXM to find criminals.
They're using SiriusXM Guardian.
This On-Star-like service tracks you and can give your info to police.
Rip this shit out of your car, along with any other connected feature.


Apple's scanning iCloud photos for child abuse images.
Yay - fighting child abuse is great!
Uh-oh.. Apple is looking at your pictures. Child abuse now. What's next?
Get yer frickin pictures out of iCloud. Look for a non-cloud solution, or something encrypted that the host can't see.


Google voice assistant acquires an 'undo' command.
Because you're upset that everything you say is listened to by Google, Google gives you an unrelated command to erase something you just said. So considerate and responsive.


Ring employees have been fired for 'improperly accessing Ring users' video data.'  Translated, this means they watched your videos. Note that this is not ONE employee.

[TOLD YOU SO graphic] 
Hey, I can see who's at my door!  
Wait - the police are endorsing these and want my video? 
Ring employees watch my video?



Alex Trebek has his farewell speech planned. There is no word on when he will give it. He's been fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer since March 2019 and has shared the news with his fans.

Stop for a second and think about what it must be like, choosing to work under a death sentence.

“People all over America and abroad have decided they want to let me know now, while I'm alive, about the impact that I've been having on their existence," he said. 

This is your several-times-a-year reminder to appreciate and cherish the important people in your life. Resolve your differences, because you never know when you won't see them again. Tell people you appreciate them and what they do.



Cosmologists have no idea why the universe seems to be expanding more rapidly than expected.

They should've ask me: it's because the universe is in a hurry to get away from Earth.



A Pentagon official told Newsweek, off the record, than an Iranian anti-aircraft missile shot down the Ukranian 737-800 over Iran by mistake.

They thought it was a 737 MAX and didn't want it crashing into a school.

Speaking of which, the BBC quotes a worker as saying the plane was 'designed by clowns'

Internal emails from Boeing were released.
"Would you put your family on a Max simulator trained aircraft? I wouldn't."

Remember this next time you send email at work. Everything you type can be seen and can be released to the public.


I’m sick of hearing how we celebrities are in some kind of bubble and we don’t understand real life. When I’m out in public and people approach me, I’m always interested in what they have to say to my security detail.        - Pat Sajak



  • I'm just not ready for this. "Ordinary Man" from Ozzy, featuring Elton John.
  • Yes, anything is better than Cardi B, but still....



If you're still using Win 7 for some reason, this is what happens when support ends (1/14). Hint: there are other operating systems. Avoid Win 10 like the plague.





Dear lefty

  • How is 2020 for you so far?
  • Well, 18 days into it and nobody died, so I've got that going for me.




Today I identify as  an illegal incandescent bulb. I'm a outlaw.



Heroes of the Stupid

A state senator from Vermont introduced a new bill that would ban cellphone use by anyone under 21.  "Young people are too immature to use cellphones."
Don't stop at 21.


Army veteran has prosthetic legs repossessed after VA refuses to pay for them.
Who thought there would be negative press about this?


Not all queer people believe in astrology — and those who don't often feel alienated from the LGBTQ+ community at large. Read the author's name.








Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Battleships Confide in Me and Tell Me Where You Are

Don't blame me... it's a Yes lyric, from Yours is no Disgrace.



  • Airbnb claims its AI can predict whether guests are psychopaths.
  • I can't speak for the technology, but it would explain why there's never an available reservation for me.
  • Among other things, it mines your social media posts. Think abut that for a moment.


5 steps to protect your privacy in 2020, courtesy of Duckduckgo.com and Spreadprivacy.com



  • I hate like hell to do this, but I try to be helpful... you can still downgrade to Win 10. Here's the method. No idea how long this will last.
  • If you've decided to join the stampede to a different operating system, ANY operating system, there's always MAC and linux. Neither has a huge learning curve, they're both more stable, they're not advertising platforms, and no one spies on you (that's an assumption with MAC). You can try linux out without altering your system in any way, using a USB stick. You can also dual-boot Win and lin. Ask if you have questions or need tips.





Since I'm ranting anyway, and since I'm a glutton for punishment, we went out for breakfast the other day. Things have been much better since the days when my order would be forgotten or messed up. No one asks me to sit at a different table so their order will come out. We went to Ihop. There's an Ihop right around the corner, so we drive to the one 20 minutes away. The local one has incompetent waitresses and clientele better suited for a schoolyard, except for the guns (I hope).

I figured 2pm was good for breakfast, plus it wouldn't be crowded.
I was wrong.
Apparently church lets out and most of the parishioners go to Ihop after. That's ok, at least they're well-behaved (and color-coordinated).
SURPRISE! We got seated next to a child who was being LOUD.
When I say seated next to, I mean 3' away. The only way I could've been closer to him was to be seated at his table. He continued to explode into fits of Loud, at odd intervals, causing the other rug rats at the table to sound off too. He looked old enough to know better. I did hear his mom explain this was not acceptable (her words), but the child apparently thought it was perfectly acceptable. I would never hurt a child, so I suggested slapping the parents. We had made the cardinal mistake of eating out: eating out. We had also forgotten to ask for the No Screaming Children Section. The waitress heartily agreed. And you know, for a fact, that this little noisemaker was at the table for the entirety of our meal, until 5 minutes before we left.

I don't want to be That Guy<tm>, or sound like some cantankerous Old Dude<tm>, who eats dinner at 4pm and complains about everything. We don't eat out a lot, so it would be nice not to be disturbed when we do. The last time it was a screaming infant all the way across the restaurant (aspiring opera diva), plus 4 extremely chatty, very annoying early teens, who all talked at the same time, even when their table threatened to disintegrate from the noise and vibration produced by their flapping lips. Mrs lefty is trying to calm me down, so I didn't make an even larger spectacle, like last time, when I got hold of the soda hoses and sprayed down the entire noisemaking table, then swing around the room like Tarzan, reveling in the applause from the rest of the diners. I have no idea what Mrs lefty's problem is, but some of the church ladies said they'd pray for her.

I told Mrs lefty that this level of noise was unacceptable, unless there was a small nuclear event. When I pointed out that when we were kids, we were well-behaved, she said times have changed. This is true, but not screeching and disturbing the entire restaurant has never gone out of style.

Dear Abbie Ann:
We need help (desperately). Whenever we go out, there are children screaming and many restaurants don't have screaming children-free seating. What is the polite thing to do in this circumstance?
Puzzled in Pittsburgh.

Dear Putzled:
From the list of things you tried, I would highly recommend avoiding the ones involving hoses, bananas, body parts that aren't typically exposed, and service elephants with pet anvils.  Instead, I would have the waitress use hoses, bananas, body parts that aren't typically exposed, and service elephants with pet anvils. One must always do the right thing in the right way.
-Abbie Ann



  • Samsung is coming out with a 43" display that automatically rotates for vertical content. If you think that's neat, you should see what it does for dance videos.



AT&T et al are fighting against higher upload speeds.
Other countries continue laughing at us.



  • Our good friends at Faceyspaces are introducing a privacy tool at the 2020 CES show. 
  • Because they were hauled in front of Congress, this tool completely ignores the items Congress addressed.
  • A privacy tool. From Faceyspaces. This is like a tax-saving tool from the government.


New drinking game: set out your beverage of choice. Turn on the tv. Take a shot every time you hear "game changer."  Warning: You could be dead within an hour.




  • New York is proposing a statewide virtual currency.
  • You will only be able to spend 16 virtual dollars at once, because spending 32 is unhealthy and the state will protect them from it.




I have an idea.  [uh-oh]
No, it's barely even weird.
I think we should all have a Live Funeral.
A funeral is held for you, but you're there to watch it. You hear what people really think of you. I think we'd be pleasantly surprised.

Nobody was surprised to find me missing at important family gatherings. They all say, "That lefty - he's his own man."  That's some of what I think I'll hear at my live funeral. I want everyone to tell their best lefty story - the funniest thing they saw me do or the most awkward thing they saw me do. My funeral will have people rolling in the aisles.


Speaking of saying nice things, my old boss accepted a job in another state and we held a going away party for him. My responsibility was always a roast of whoever was leaving. He came up to me later and said it was the most uncomfortable few minutes of his life. I had done my job.

I'm sorry.
No, I'm not.
What you see is what you get. I'm like this on paper and in person.
Sometimes *I* can't believe some of the stuff I say... it just kinda comes out (did I really say that? oof!). They say I have no filters. I bought one last year, so at least I don't say FUCK too much in public. Well, I don't say FUCK near as much as I used to in public. I've cut it out almost totally at work. Almost.



Mahdokht Shaibani at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia, developed a lithium-sulphur battery with a capacity 5x higher than lithium-ion. It could keep a phone charged for 5 days. By the end of the day, she will have the test results on flame resistance.

  • Gay Grindr date murders man, forgets to disclose he's a cannibal.


The city of Oakland, California, is creating the Department of Violence Prevention to help crack down on violence.

Well, let's see. There are laws. Then there's the Department of Violence Punishment, aka The Police. What is violence prevention - pre crime? Going to schools and telling the children not to steal? Just say no to shooting?


  • Some people aren't people people.


Linksys routers, already able to sense movement, will soon be able to monitor your breathing.  I feel queasy.  Naturally this means they will sell millions to well-meaning idiots, who will then complain when their health info gets into the hands of the insurance industry and hackers.


  • Faceyspaces has banned deepfake videos. 
  • If they can identify them.



The FBI can't unlock the Pensacola gunman's 2 iPhones, so they want Apple to.
Damn you, America.... if there were a backdoor, like the govt wants, this wouldn't be an issue. Stupid privacy people.




Today I identify as   pork.



  • You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.
  • Uh-oh.




Heroes of the Stupid

Florida woman threatened to rob McDonalds if she didn't get enough dipping sauce.




SJW Stuff

This summer, you'll be able to buy Trans salmon.
Ok, transgenic salmon, with spliced genes to make it grow faster indoors.
The trans salmon must be at least 25% of your total salmon purchase and demands you use its preferred pronouns: it, that, and wtf.







Monday, January 13, 2020

Too Many RIP

We're absolutely stunned by the loss of Neil Peart, drummer and lyricist of Rush.

It's rare to find a drummer who is also a lyricist, as most of them can't write their name, no less songs.

Neil was, as the rest of the band, Canadian. Fortunately, none of them had any of the comical Canadian accents(eh?).

To be completely honest, I wasn't a Rush fan... just an occasional listener. However I grew up with them as a background, as my brother played them all the time, forming what some would call a religion. Since my brother was a drummer, it all made sense: all drummers kneeled at the altar of Neil.

The man sure was talented, both in his inventive drumming, and his lyrics, influenced by Ayn Rand.

Rush called it quits in 2018, due to Neil's health.
Neil died of glioblastoma, which is essentially brain cancer, which he had been fighting for a few years. He was also fighting arthritis, which was just cruel.

Watch any documentary on Rush and see what a nice person he seemed to be. He liked to tour on his motorcycle, both personally and professionally. None of the band seemed to deal with fame all that well, least of all Neil.

Neil actually took lessons, learning what he could. Randy Rhodes (Ozzy) used to do this too. Neil was a huge fan of Master Drummer Buddy Rich, famous jazz drummer and bandleader.

My brother was inconsolable when he heard the news.


Didn't we like it better when rock icons died of drug overdoses instead of cancer?


RIP Neil.

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Playing Hopscotch on the Telephone Pole

There is an issue with Chrome-based browsers (Chrome, Opera, Vivaldi, Brave and most that aren't Firefox). If you're especially concerned about your privacy and rely on blocker add-ons like uBlock, Chrome screws the way they work and your info could get past them and/or you'll get ads. This does not happen in Firefox, so I'll continue to recommend it as a safer browser, even though it needs some de-googling.



OnePlus' smartphone has a 'disappearing' camera.
Let's take it one step further and have a disappearing phone, for when people talk too loudly in public.


MIT scientists made a shape-shifting material that morphs into a human face.
  • ALIEN TECHNOLOGY! Aliens! Maybe Reptilians. Or maybe MIT scientists. They're a pretty smart bunch, those aliens scientists. But I kid.



A father took his son to Mongolia just to get him off his phone.
Child went through detox so bad, he had to be airlifted out of the country.



  • Mariah Carey's Twitter account was hacked.
  • Nobody noticed until she started making sense.


60 Minutes is investigating the death of Jeffrey Epstein. That's funny.
Since you're a ThermionicEmissions reader (even if by force), you know that he was murdered. You knew this before any photos came out. Having seen a photo, it's obvious he didn't hang himself with bedsheets, at the same time the security camera failed and the guards forgot to look in on him.

I believe Epstein was sacrificed to send a warning: this is what will happen if you tell. Dat's a nize neck you got theyah. It would be a shame for anyting t' happen to it, capeesh?



  • Remember the Cambridge Analytics disaster, where it misappropriated 87 million Faceyspaces profiles? It's worse than you thought. The manipulation was obscene.




Troubleshooting follows a logical path: check one element at a time until you locate the bad one. The other day, my laptop went POOF and powered off: this is not normal. Laptop batteries can fail and prevent the machine from powering up. So I pulled the battery and ran off the power supply. And the machine failed to power up. Soooo, the battery AND power are bad?  After a bit more testing, the battery WAS bad, plus Penny had turned off a power strip that controlled the laptop. Troubleshooting should not include the results of dog.

Sooooo.... I needed a laptop battery - off to Ebay.
For obvious reasons, sellers of laptop batteries and memory are plentiful and really easy to find. You don't even have to know what battery or memory your machine takes: just search for "[machine brand and model] battery" and you have 400 listings. 

Unfortunately, to purchase a battery on Ebay, you have to log into Ebay. This, naturally, was an issue. As you've read, online purchases are one of my most reliable triggers. Simply buying a battery, which anyone can do almost instantly and without a fuss, is like negotiating world peace for me; only I get much angrier.  Typically the process involves discovering that the site doesn't like locked-down browsers or linux browsers. This time it was more insidious...

It wanted my phone number.
It already has my phone number.
But it wanted it again.
I tried clicking, making up phone numbers, and hitting escape - no luck.
If I don't want to give you my phone number, why are you bothering me?
Finally I found a set of numbers that worked.
Joyous at my login, the next screen wanted me to get through a CAPTCHA. 
I hate CAPTCHAs. My browsers hate CAPTCHAs. The industry hates CAPTCHAs. This one was particularly evil, involving putting a puzzle piece in place. Normally this would've been easy, but I couldn't see the puzzle piece.
NEXT BROWSER, please.
Ok, now I can see the puzzle piece and move it to the slot. Such joy in accomplishment.
But Wait!!!!  Now it wants me to pick security questions!

Wife knew I was making an online purchase because the house was shaking, there was high level screaming, and the dog was in panic mode.

Listen, Pig Fuckers.... I've been on Ebay for lots of years. Never hacked, never a fraud. LEAVE ME ALONE. Plus you already have my security questions - I document this stuff.

Total time: 20 minutes to log in, 2 minutes to purchase.
If Ebay gave a care in the world about their customers, I'd drop them a line to tell them about my feelings



  • Blinded by the Light was a huge cover hit for Manfred Mann's Earth Band. Don't let that be your only impression of them - they have some pretty cool music. Check them out.


If you're looking for some interesting online radio, I found 2:

Radio Rock is a British station that plays what can be described as 70s progressive, with bands like Yes, Camel, Cream, and the occasional Jeff Beck or Peter Frampton. It's pretty interesting listening, even for background music. I can guarantee you've never heard radio like this, for better or worse.

https://kgraradio.com/
KGRA is a really interesting conspiracy-ish station. It features shows all day and night dealing with all the typical topics: ufo, paranormal, news, etc. It's a good place to pick up some knowledge, handed down by good people in their fields. Use your discretion as to whether it's good information or not.

They can be listened to in your browser, your audio player, and your cell phone, via browser, player, or one of the net radio players, like Online Radio Box (android, not sure about iDevices). There are bunches of free net radio players available on all platforms. All of them go to Faceyspaces and other ad networks first.



  • A startup called Byton is producing a small electric SUV. They got tongues wagging because the 'infotainment system' will feature a 48" screen. From pictures, it doesn't look like it could transport a 48" screen home from the electronics store. When phones and displays started making it into cars, the worry was that drivers would get distracted. How could anyone possibly be distracted by an infotainment system that is literally the dashboard, stretching across the windshield...  We won't even discuss the voice recognition and privacy implications.



22 young women were tricked into doing porn by GirlsDoPorn, and were awarded $13 million by a judge. In legalese, this means the girls will get to split $3 million, and the lawyers the rest. I am not a lawyer, but I have seen commercials for lawyers, so I feel qualified to comment. The girls answered ads for clothed modeling. When they showed up, it was porn. But they were assured it wouldn't wind up on the net; only recorded to DVD, for collectors in Australia and New Zealand.

So naturally it wound up on the net, and lawyers are claiming "severe harassment, emotional and psychological trauma, and reputational harm." I am not unsympathetic to their plight, and believe GirlsDoPorn is on the hook for damages, but I think this went too far. Yes, this clear misrepresentation, but at no point were the ladies held against their will and prevented from leaving the building. In fact, they were lured with the promise of making $5,000 per day shooting. At that point, the women agreed to the shooting. The naked shooting. Their own greed assisted the shooter (a con man). Since the trial, the con man disappeared from the country and shifted assets overseas. This doesn't sound shady at all, does it? Good luck collecting the award.

The defense used my argument, which was rejected due to the coercion tactics of the con man and company. I think seeing lawyers in commercials really helped me in this instance. Unfortunately I won't be entitled to any of the proceeds.



  • A man's cleverly-hidden 5.5" horn delayed his cancer diagnosis for years. Yeah, that huge horn growing out of his back must've hidden from him and his doctors.

Whoever you are, whatever your values, recognize the historic importance of this: it is second time the US government's retaliation against *the same whistleblower* has been found equivalent to torture. Telling the truth has become the greatest of crimes.  - Edward Snowden


  • the sex toy banned from CES last year is unlike anything ever seen....
  • it won an award from CES, then they banned it. Good group, those folks.


More sad news: RIP Neil Innes. Neil did the music for a lot of Monty Python bits and starred in Holy Grail as one of the minstrels. He was also in the aforementioned Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. He died of natural causes at 75.

The man was just plain FUNNY. He wrote funny songs, very well, so he was dear to me. If you haven't seen The Rutles - All You Need is Cash, you should get your posterior to wherever you can find it and see it now. The whole thing is a sendup of the Beatles, including the band members, Barry, Stig, Nasty, and Ron. Aside from being funny, the creation was pure genius. Listen to the songs and if you ignore the words, they could damn well be Beatles songs. That takes some doing (I know).


Today I identify as  the slightly worn "A" key from my keyboard.