Shoot me, beat me, run me over, but don't TAX me

Yes, it's April 15, a day that lives in infamy. For non-US readers, it's Tax day. This is the day your tax return has to be mailed by. The 11pm news will have video of people standing in line at the post offices to get their envelope stamped before midnight.

It's legalized highway robbery. The Internal Revenue Service is anything but a service, and strikes fear into anyone who hears its name. They can seize your bank account, take your house, and take parts of your salary, all without your input. Trump borrowed from the libertarian platform when he said it should be closed. If you have a problem with closing the IRS, pick up your W2 and see how much money was appropriated/stolen from you in just the federal box. We are being sucked dry. And politicians want to spend more, raising the debt every single time. The same politicians who pledged to reduce debt and stop spending. Btw, think about the total of everybody's federal taxes.... who sees that money?

We had a situation with the IRS. I called for an explanation and was not pleased. Wife called later and the rep said I was not pleased.

President Giveaway just gave the IRS $80 billion. How did he get into office again? 

The military industrial complex had a 30 day orgasm after Iran fired on Israel. Just think of the profits!

I have been on the phone for over a month with the IRS. When I say on the phone, I mean on hold for an hour, then transferred and on hold for another hour. These legal demons from hell LOST a tax return. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE THE TAX RETURN FOR THAT YEAR? I sent it via TurboTax, so it was filed electronically. So I had to fax a copy, which required a Sherlock Holmes hat, a shovel, and 48 hours straight of digging everywhere to find the document. I don't have a fax machine, so I went to a store that rhymes with Maples and paid to fax. It didn't go through twice, and on the third time, my 12 page fax cost me $27. I could buy my own fax machine for 2 or 3 faxes. This was the same Maples that charged me $110 to ship a laptop via ground service, and I had to tell them how to pack it so it would survive. Yes, I know... it's my own fault for not having a fax machine or running a shipping shop, with all the right boxes and bubble-pak.

Today was the nicest day of the year so far.

You know what that means, right?

MOWING.

I think I was bitten by a mower when I was little. I just HATE mowing.

Even my high performance 250 volt mower kept stalling. It also refused to chew up and spit out metal fragments on the ground. Last year I fragged 2 of the neighbors. Neighbors' houses, I mean. I would never hurt my neighbors (they have bigger mowers).

In fact, when they heard I got a 48v mower, they got 100v mowers. The batteries were bigger than truck batteries. This year I got the 250v auto-powered! I don't even have to push-it goes up hills and over small children by itself.

My greatest desire, after being a minor rock star, would be to have all my grass removed, never to grow again. I already checked and I'm not allowed to cement it in. More government bulldookey. However, I noticed the area my dog hangs out in only grew little spurts of grass. Halleleujah! I could collect half of her urine and distribute it over the rest of the lawn! But then I'd have to collect half of her urine. It's a sticky wicket, however you look at it.

Wife's doctor sent 2 prescriptions to the pharmacy. They got 1. How does this happen?

I hope they're not using their own medicines. Again. 

 

Sleeping more flushes junk out of the brain

Until next month, when it will be discovered that more sleep just makes you tired.

Elizabeth Warren, famous Indian Chief and African American, believes TurboTax should be reported to the FTC because of their infernal selling and upselling and hiding the free options. Having just used TurboTax, I am in the very uncomfortable position of agreeing with Rabbi Warren.

When I say in agreement, I mean that everything she says about it is true. I do not, however, want to run off and tell Big Brother to make them stop doing it. All we need is more government interference. If you don't like it, don't use it... let the market decide.

But it really bites the big one. Every time it asks you a question, you have to think carefully and look around the screen for other options. It has you fill out your state form, then wants to charge you $69 to electronically file it. Your choices are to file or delete. Time wasted. Then it wants to sign you up for other things Intuit owns. It tried to get you to sign up for more expensive plans. It's almost like constant commercials. A little while back, I had an article about many tax preparers sending info to Faceyspaces. I believe H&R Block did but TurboTax didn't. Pick your poison.

Do Snakes Fart?

Yes.

It's been a rough time in the old state..... first an earthquake, then an eclipse.

All brought to you by the letter E.

I was nonplussed by both, although it's always weird to have an earthquake here because by the time you figure out it was an earthquake, it's already over. It's not like we get many of them. It was a 4.8, which means the Planet of California is laughing at us. I had an earthquake at work, many years ago. I had the good fortune to be on the potty at the time. It started shaking and moving toward the wall and back for a while.  I figured that one out pretty quickly after dispatching the idea that the lunatics that ran that place put in vibrating commodes, or made an amusement park ride out of the bathroom. I must have been beta testing it because I had no tickets.

I saw the eclipse without glasses. Wife said blindness would only improve my outlook.

Little did she know I watched on tv. People got really excited. I didn't. All we got was brown skies, like there was going to be a tornado or something. If we want crappy weather, we don't need an eclipse - our weather is mostly crappy.

Mrs. lefty's body parts are not cooperating, meaning she's recuperating in bed all day. This means the dog is also in the bed all day. It also means I get stuck with the shopping. I suppose I should be happy I don't have to go to CostCo. But I'm not. In fact I'm not happy in general, especially when it involves doing stuff.

I knew it was going to be worse than I thought when I hit the inside glass doors and a guy on a motorized cart was completely in the way of the open doors. Why? He was rubbing down the cart, perhaps for germs. Completely blocking the entrance. Maybe he was protecting himself from snakes by using snake repellent. Perhaps he needed to block the entire entrance because that helped him with his voodoo, although I didn't see any dead chickens. Or snakes.

Soda was on sale. If you buy 2, the price is only twice what it was before the Flying AIDS. Wife laughs at me... actually she laughs at me a lot... because I don't know what things cost. This is part of a plot on my part. If I keep expressing surprise and anger, she'll leave me at home. See the magic here?

There. Was. No. Dog. Food.

Well, actually there was an entire aisle of dog food; just not our brand.

Because she's a tuna-seeking missile, we get her seafood-flavor food. The store had any flavor I wanted, so long as it was chicken and rice. In addition to seafood being her favorite, I used the price as a Flying AIDS price control: it started at $14 and went over $20 the last time they had it.

At least they had English Toffee Oreos. They're like crack (but more expensive). Nabisco will put absolutely anything in Oreos; dark chocolate, mega-stuff, oregano, etc.

Speaking of prices, by the time I checked out, it was more than the mortgage payment. In order to get the discount, I had to put in a phone number (that I haven't had for 20 years). I can remember that but don't ask me to finish a sentence with the correct word.... "That's a really nice.... dammit.... elephant? No. Parade? No. Parking job - that's it."  I asked the doctors about this and they put my mind at ease. They said I didn't have dementia or diseases.... it's normal for aging persons. Yeah, I'm really at ease now. They said forgetting where your car keys are is normal. Forgetting what they do isn't.

Privacy is ‘virtually impossible’ on iPhones, experts warn

Just another reason (of many) not to use Apple devices. Do not compute with fruit.

 

Varicose Veins as Fashion Statement

I began to notice something was wrong when I looked over at the tv and some Australian dude was fishing. He caught a large something or other and admired the hell out of it, saying it was the most beautiful animal (as he killed it). That aside, why was there fishing on my tv? What's next - golf?

Schleswig-Holstein, Germany's most northern state, is starting its switch from Microsoft Office to LibreOffice, and is planning to move from Windows to Linux on the 30,000 PCs it uses for local government functions.

You can too. For free. And you'll be free from Microsoft's spying and prices.

Sam Ash, the chain musical instrument store, is closing 18 of its 44 stores. This prompted a visit. At this point, the discount is only 5%, so waiting and watching is in order. The funny part was looking in the bag on the way out: she, the non-musician, got stuff to bang on, cord holders, and a bunch of other stuff. I got a rag and guitar polish.

Guitar polish is a long-standing sore subject for me. If you polish, it will take the dirt away. My guitars have vintage dust, which helps the sound. In order to approximate this, you can buy imitation vintage dust, but it's not even close. So if I clean my guitars, my vintage cred will go to hell. The last neck repair I had done meant telling the tech not to touch anything. He must have thought I was a complete nut, but at least I was a paying complete nut, so he kept his mouth shut. I tried the polish out on one guitar, which was so grimy, it could pick things up by touching them. The cloth wound up completely black (it started yellow). It was ok to clean this guitar as it had no vintage dust.

New Jersey got sued for giving cops access to newborns' DNA. They were previously sued, which explains why they're doing it again.

My dog is a tuna-seeking missile. She's a fish head. Even her food is seafood flavor.

The other day I gave her a burger. She looked at it, sniffed once, then asked, "Why is this not tuna?" Yes, a dog that wasn't interested in meat. Having just run out of her food, I gave her a burger, trying to figure out how to get her to eat it. I asked if she wanted it barbecued or cooked in the pan with the lines, but she remained mum. So I dumped some garlic on it. She again looked at it as if it were a late April Fools joke. The next time I went by, the bowl was empty. I guess it was the garlic.

We've recently had to admit to ourselves that she wasn't ever going to grok gravity. It bedevils her constantly. She jumps up on the couch with a toy to disembowel, which promptly falls off the couch. I get it for her the first time, but after that, she's on her own. Every time - right to ground. She's about 11, so there's little hope.

After having her for 5 years, she finally figured out how to open bi-fold doors. Every other dog and cat we adopted had it figured out in short order; not her. Unfortunately the only bi-fold door we have is attached to the bathroom. She has become an expert at interrupting. This should be fun the next time we have company.

I've seen videos of helper dogs going to the fridge, opening it, getting a drink, and bringing it to their people. It's fascinating. More fascinating to me is watching them close the fridge. My dog never puts anything away. She takes her small box of toys (90), removes the toys one-by-one, then leaves them all over the place. Naturally I get to pick them up. Worse is the shredding. No, I don't shred on guitar, but she shreds tissues and paper towels. Into small pieces. And I have to pick them up. In recognition for my efforts, the next day there's another batch of shredded paper for me. Let's face it - who likes to clean? Certainly not me. And certainly not the day after I just did it. Wife doesn't understand, but I think this might have something to do with me having to pick it up... her job is to order it picked up.

I think my dog is being influenced by animal videos. She thinks she's a cat sometimes. She herds me from in front, knowing exactly where I'm going to step and being there. Fortunately she doesn't knock stuff off tables or try to claw me for no particular reason.

Eavesdropping on fish could help us keep better tabs on underwater worlds

• That flounder said something about your mother
• The dolphins were laughing at how they trained people to feed them treats by jumping out of the water
• Crabs are working on a secret plan to walk forward
• Cuttlefish are tired of being food for dead parrots in British comedy sketches

Faceyspaces let Netflix see your DMs.

Do you think I rant for no reason? 

China has a big problem with super gonorrhea, study finds

Yes, it's Super Gonorrhea!

Faster than a 2am pickup...

More powerful than antibiotics....

Able to leap genitalia in a single bound!