Monday, January 25, 2016

Marvin the Martian is Real

Nancy Drew is coming back to television. This is because there are absolutely no new ideas in Hollywood. CBS pledges she won't be white. Oh wait, there's their original idea! Furthermore, Speed Racer will be Chinese, Dudley Do-Right (famous Canadian mountie) will be South African, and Charlie Brown will come from New Jersey.

  • Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett Smith will be boycotting the Oscars due to black actors being shut out of the nominations. No word yet on boycotting the NBA due to lack of diversity.

A university professor will not have kids because they'll be white and have white privilege.  Do colleges and universities get drugs we cannot?

  • Here are the 25 worst passwords of 2015 - of course no ThermionicEmissions readers use them, but we do our best to educate others:
  1. 123456
  2. password
  3. 12345678
  4. qwerty
  5. 12345
  6. 123456789
  7. football
  8. 1234
  9. 1234567
  10. baseball
  11. welcome
  12. 1234567890
  13. abc123
  14. 111111
  15. 1qaz2wsx
  16. dragon
  17. master
  18. monkey
  19. letmein
  20. login
  21. princess
  22. qwertyuiop
  23. solo
  24. passw0rd
  25. starwars

Don't forget to head over to and sign the petition to knight Ozzy Osbourne. Sir Ozzy. Has a nice ring to it.

  • Friendly warning to early grade school students: Please learn to spell correctly, especially if you're Muslim and spell "terraced house" as "terrorist house". The UK police have absolutely no sense of humor.

Congrats to us.. we just paid off the car! I got the title two weeks ago. Yesterday the driver's side door handle fell off. Fortunately that's just a coincidence.

  • A new prison inmate has no idea how drugs got into her vagina. This may well be Patient Zero of the Vagina Drug Stasher epidemic! Call the CDC. Call her primary doctor and see why she has no nerve endings in her vagina and how someone could have got up there without her noticing.

A Norweigan man in his underwear stopped a thief from stealing his car by clinging to the roof in a hair-raising ride at -17C (that's 2.357 degrees Farenheit). Norweigan authorities considering distributing undies to citizens, just in case.

  • A tiger at Steve Irwin's Australian zoo has attacked one of its keepers. Tigers, alligators, and many other wild animals, with huge, pointy teeth, biting their keepers. Who could have seen this coming?

Killer Healine: Buddhist monk goes on 162 car tire-slashing rampage after he accidently steps on an insect.

  • Let this serve as notice that I will be boycotting the Rock+Roll Hall of Fame ceremony this year, as they have no lefty guitarists up for induction. Will Smith and I will be partying privately that night.

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