Thursday, June 23, 2016

Filibustering Democracy

The democrats interrupted a moment of silence for the victims of the Orlando shooting to filibuster to advance their anti-gun agenda.

  • Taylor Swift News: Word has reached our ears that Taylor Swift's last boyfriend has been replaced by a new boyfriend. As we know, I have worked tirelessly to figure out why I am not fond of her; she's attractive, which is generally enough. Maybe it's because her music sucks eggs. Regardless, I must go with results and congratulate Ms. Swift: she has advanced equality light years by going through men just like male stars go through women. She's like Slash but taller, female, blonde haired, and seemingly without much instrumental talent.

Searchers have found the black box of EgyptAir 804. Meanwhile, Flight MH370 still successful in remaining missing.

  • Know those round caramel candies with the white cream in the middle? Yesterday we discovered that spaniels really like them. We'd be shocked but we're too busy not being shocked.

At least they flush the toilet: At the work kitchenette, someone left the water running. Not to be outdone, someone else blew up a soda can in the freezer. There are bits of frozen soda all over the shelf, as well as a shredded soda can.

  • There is an Islamic text on the right way to beat your wife. Just in case you were doing it wrong.

Three New York police commissioners have been arrested on corruption charges. They gave their people sodas that were larger than 16 ounces.

  • Why is there no label on forks that says, "WARNING: do NOT poke yourself in eyes with this"?

Bernie Sanders has admitted 'it doesn't appear' that he'll be the nominee. Marilyn Manson still campaigning for Nobel Peace Prize.

  • The Democrats have started a House sit-in on the floor for gun control. They need to show they're serious by holding their breath while they jump up and down during their fit. In other news, the old folks in the party needed to have their legs amputated after their circulation stopped from sitting on the floor.

No comments:

Post a Comment