JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

Just when you thought you had had enough of Google and their pervasive tracking, they introduce a feature that will track you outside of Google. This means that when you do a search, watch a YouTube video, or play with your android phone, Google can track you further 'to show you more tailored ads'. The only positive to this is that the service is opt-in, meaning you have to set your controls to allow it. This is as opposed to Faceyspaces, where it's opt-out, meaning you have to turn it off. I have to give Google credit for this one piece.

• Speaking of Faceyspaces, it either does or does not use your location to suggest friends. One guy noticed people he had never heard of popping up in his suggestions. He traced it down to people who lived in or near his building. Is this ok with you? It's not with me, but as we know, I don't use Faceyspaces.

I can't imagine why people are so upset about ISIS. So they shoot random people in the US. So they blow themselves up at airports. So they throw gays off buildings. It's a peaceful religion.

• Paul Simon said that he was ready to give up music. You don't hear that often.

A study found that for boys and girls, higher (Disney) princess involvement was associated with higher levels of stereotypically female behavior. Who knew that boys shouldn't necessarily play with some girls' toys?

• This week we bid a fond farewell to Scotty Moore (84), Elvis Presley's original guitarist.

A smartphone is set to launch in India next week. The cost? Less than 3 pounds (47.59 and a half in dollars). Your $600 iDevice snickers in superiority then wilts a little.

1. Why is Hillary so often with the word "bitch"? If the shoe fits, shove it up their noses.
2. How offensive is it? Do you think she cares? Donald has been called all sorts of names.

Ikea has recalled 27 million (top-heavy) Malm chests of drawers in North America because of six child deaths. North America only? Birth control is savage these days.

• A Michigan prosecutor is considering whether the squawkings of a foul-mouthed parrot can be used as evidence in a murder trial. Polly wanna DON'T SHOOT DON'T SHOOT FUCKER..

The Grief Brigade carries on: Marshall misses his brother Ren. We thought they just tolerated each other but since Ren left us, Marshall has developed new, weird, and annoying habits. He wants to be physically attached to us most of the time. The only rescue cocker we ever had without separation anxiety, he now barks and howls when we leave the house. He has become fond of drinking some water, the playing with it, then dumping it on the floor and taking his wet paws with him onto the couch. Since we're no longer paying ridiculous amount of money to the vet for a sometimes diabetic cat, Marshall has stepped up to the plate and required biweekly trips himself. And this morning, he tripped my wife down the steps by running through her legs - a cat trick if there ever was one.

Hmmm... yesterday he kept bumping his head into my wife's leg for attention... just like the cat used to do. Has the cat possessed the dog?

Last week, he located a large zippered freezer bag, tried chewing through three sides of it, then somehow managed to get the zipper open and eat a Whole Lotta Steaks. This was followed, in short order, by diarrhea in the house (he always goes outside) and French Painting (Vomet) on the rug. Say what you will, Marshall is a really smart dog and a hell of a problem-solver.

We consulted the vet, who recommended another cat. NO.
Then she recommended a puppy. NO.
Then I suggested we get him a dog. Wife said NO.
After the fall, she might change her mind.
Marshall's an American Cocker. I think we should get him an English Cocker.