Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Taylor Swift News

My relationship with Taylor Swift has been complex. No, not complex enough to wind up in one of her songs, nor to have John Mayer hanging out and commiserating (although if he wants to hang out, we can talk guitar).

Aside from her music, there seems to be no reason not to like her. She's attractive, tall and leggy, smiles a lot, seems to be a really nice person, and occasionally has nice hair.

Her music.. well... I'm not a teen/tween, so I'm waaay out of her target market. I've heard a tiny sampling of her songs and immediately requested their termination, as they screamed "You're Too Old" at anyone over sixteen.

But there's something... an unidentified something, lurking in the background. Something I cannot describe or put my finger on. Something odd. And when I have these intuitions, they're usually correct... sometimes it just takes a while to make it to the conscious level.

After much time, I think I've figured it out: she's a fembot.
Stay with me a moment.... there is a rush to design and market the first lifelike sex doll (which will cause a huge corresponding drop in internet traffic, as geeks and nerds swear off being teased by online women who do not exist). On the way to a final product, proof of concept and demo versions must be put together. I think Taylor is a prototype sex doll, only without the working parts for sex. They wanted to experiment and achieve a working human likeness first, before attaching Lifelike Female Plumbing.

I am not sure if her boobies contain machine guns, like the fembots in the Austin Powers movies, but eventually we'll see. Or we can check John Mayer for healed bullet holes.

Her fans aren't right either.

I bring you this information because I care.

  • If you downloaded HandBrake for Mac over the weekend, there's a 50/50 chance you have a remote access trojan. Since we don't use Macs, this isn't an issue, fortunately.

I think this might be the ultimate bath accessory...

  • A Wellsley college student has created a public database of professors who commit "ableist microaggressions" or fail to "respect" students' pronoun preferences.  It started out well and immediately degerated. These snowflakes are gonna be in for a rude awakening when they discover McDonalds will not allow a public database of managers who don't respect their pronoun preferences.

An Indian state has launched a cow ambulance service.  Because they're tired of the Muslims getting all the headlines.

  • Faceyspaces is doing the lord's work: if you're in Thailand, FB will block your ability to see a picture of the king, in a crop top, with his tattoos visible.  I may sign up because of this.

North Carolina has passed a bill protecting drivers who hit protesters on the road.  It's open season, folks- mow em down!

  • BULLETIN: WINDOWS - There's a pretty nasty bug, which was discovered, sent to Microsoft, and fixed within 3 days. Details at the link. A patch will be sent to your PC ahead of schedule.

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