An employee of spyware maker NSO Group 'allegedly' stole government spyware and hid it under his bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have entered a new era in spyware and security: Mattress Net. No matter how benign or destructive the software is, it is perfectly safe, stored under the mattress. Unless you flipped your lid and installed an Internet of Things Connected Bed, the mattress has no connection to the Internet, thus cannot be hacked by traditional means. It's so simple and brilliant, no government or spyware company could come up with it.
We all know no system is infallible or 100% hack-proof. Mattress Net is vulnerable to an old hack called Sneaker Net, whereby the software is moved from here to there by someone wearing sneakers. Possibly loafers, but that is beyond the scope of this missive. Also possible is Putin Net, where a very attractive female spy sleeps with you because she just wants to get under your mattress. Lastly there's Parent Net, a very crude hack, wherein your parents clean your room and check under the mattress.
"Simon... I found this USB under your mattress. Are you looking at code porn again? I told you that will make you go blind AND give you Repetitive Stress Injuries! You zero out that drive RIGHT NOW, young man."
- Hey - do you have a Sony, Sharp, TCL, or Phillips smart tv? A feature called Samba TV is probably tracking you, for the purposes of serving more targeted ads. The claim is that you have to opt-in. Samba can identify other devices in the home.
- Don't hook your friggin' tv to the internet. Or your fridge. Or mattress.
Today's question: What's something that seems obvious within your profession, but the general public seems to misunderstand? (twitter, question via @Mantia)
- Facebook is foul, evil, and ever-invasive
- Google's new motto is Do An Awful Lot of Evil
- Privacy is not possible. You only have as much as you work to claw back
- People are stupid
- If you're looking to date hot chicks, IT is not the field for you
- If you're looking to date hot guys, IT is not the field for you
One way to retain some privacy is to use a safer provider; perhaps one that doesn't read your emails (like Google/Gmail does). You might want to have a look at Protonmail. Protonmail is encrypted. Protonmail doesn't care about the content of your email, provided it's not illegal. You can encrypt your emails directly to your intended recipient, even if they don't use encryption. There are two levels: Free and Not Free. Free gives you what you'd expect: an account and some storage. Not Free gives you a lot more, including IMAP, so your Thunderbird or Outlook can fetch your email. Free accounts must use the web interface or android/iOS apps. Your email cannot be read while encrypted.
I highly recommend Protonmail, especially if you have a gmail account. I know one reader of ThermionicEmissions looked into it and moved all their gmail over, closing that account. Very smart move. Go on over and have a look.
- For some reason, I am not frequently called upon to speak for the gay community.
Just saw a commercial for a Citroen. After 30 seconds, all I got was that it's available in 32 colors. Not that American car commercials are any better.. look at the stereo...and the usb plugs!
MISSING FASHION
Anybody who has shopped for bathing suits or lingerie knows the Inverse Law of Material: the less fabric, the more it costs. Make yourself a Big Dude or Dudette at parties by telling everyone you know Victoria's Secret: how to get so many to pay so much for so little.
This year, the Inverse Law of Material seems to be showing up in women's fashion like never before. Women can (some say have to) buy shirts that are missing the shoulders. There's a big old hole where the shoulder material used to be. You might be used to it from seeing it everywhere, but for a person seeing it for the first time, it looks like it came back from one of the Mars expeditions. Let me get this straight: you have a perfectly good shirt. Yes. But some Fashion Expert cut out the shoulders. Yes. What happens when it gets cold outside?
Funny you should ask... my wife, who all of the sudden knows everything about jewelry and clothing, probably from watching HSN until she becomes indistinguishable from the couch, refers to this as Cold Shoulder.
Taking great advantage of this concept, the women's shoe industry has this thing called Cold Ankle, where the material around the ankle is cut out, sometimes with the toe area. This is called Ankle Toe and isn't what you think it is.
Thinking it would save even more money, women's shoes are now required to look like they've been through a shredder. Take what looks like a pretty decent walkable shoe and put it through a shredder, so you have bits and pieces hanging about and can see many areas of the foot, depending on what angle it was put through the shredder. The joke was on the shoe manufacturers, as this did not save money: it cost a lot of money because they had to purchase industrial shredders, through which to run the shoes. This came with industrial shredder consultants to oversee the operation, and eventually, shredder repair technicians, because they were built in America, in union shops. American unions insist on 10 minutes of break per hour. They also insist on 7 hours per day breaks.
The fashion industry has gone berserk, trying to keep up with the shredding pace. DKNY is selling designer shredded t-shirts, where everything is shredded (except the logo). JeanesCo, the jeans company so fashionable, you've never heard of them, will offer shredded jeans, right next to their pre-holed jeans (neither of which you'll see because you're not important enough and don't know any Kardashians).
Hoping to cash in on the shredding craze, Hanes will soon offer shredded underwear. This will fail miserably, based upon the Holey Principle of Underwear. In their rush to sell millions of Y-fronts, they forgot to beta test the shredded shorts, resulting in all kinds of embarrassing moments, most captured on hilarious and very stupid Hey Look At This video shows.
Shredded bras, meanwhile, stuck out (so to speak) for their incredible popularity with men. They were heartily endorsed by the Free the Nipple and Burn Your Bra crowd. They were also popular with the I'm Liberated But I Still Have to Work career women.
- I sit here, destroyed. Down to my soul. I fear there is no escaping this level of hell. The kid who mowed our lawn last year can't do it this year. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I'm on suicide watch.
Silicon Valley: located just north of Silicone Valley
Because this is a multi-service blog, and because this is another sign I have too much time on my hands, here's a recipe. Recipe, you say? Yes, recipe. Now that we're done with the confirmations, let's get into it. We'll call it
lefty's Real Imitation Mexican-like Food Substance
On nights I'm too tired to stand, I can make this in no time.
Refried beans. One can or more of any size.
Packets of Garlic or Spanish Quinoa you get at CostCo
Salsa. Any kind.
Onion.
beef, chicken, pork - fresh or leftovers.
spice - whatever works for you. garlic at minimum.
Dice a few slices of onion. Dump into pot.
Dump refried beans into pot.
Dump meat into pot.
Dump garlic and whatever other spices into pot. I love chipotle powder for its medium heat and smoky flavor.
Heat. Be careful - it heats quickly and boils and blurps - use low heat and stir frequently.
Make the quinoa in the microwave (it takes 90 seconds). Let it sit for a minute and dump into pot.
If your salsa is cold, dump some into pot, to taste. Otherwise put in after.
Dump the glop onto plates. Eat.
It's surprisingly good.
If you're one of those vegetable people, omit the meat (duh) and don't tell me you're one of those vegetable people. I don't care. No one does, unless they're cooking for you.
The staff of ThermionicEmissions is proud to announce they procured good seats for Jeff Beck/Paul Rogers/Ann Wilson. Further, the staff wants you to know that if they EVER get hold of the evil entity that put together the websites and payment methods, they will not be responsible for their actions. Two operating systems and four browsers later....
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