Happy Turkey Day, Merkuns. Happy Whatever Day, non-Merkuns. I'm not thankful for too much, but I'm thankful for you coming by and reading. Then coming back. For telling your friends (that you want to piss off) to come by. For people from other countries who come by and understand the idioms (or whatever they're called - sometimes they get loose and wreak havoc).
Your love is like peanut butter shrimp
If you have Outlook at work and need to leave an out of office message, add the words "due to supply chain issues." You will have the best out of office message, even if you get fired.
Today I identify as Gweneth Paltrow, whose new candle scent is Brad Pitt's penis
Clams are classified as bivalves, because they have two engines. A clam presumed extinct for 40,000 years has been found alive. It's older than the president, but in better shape mentally. The government initially kept this a secret, because his retroactive Medicare payments would bankrupt the country (further).
I finally chose my use-or-lose vacation days, since they won't just pay me anyway. Since I got to this too late, but not later than last year, I don't have to take the entire month of December off. Just most of it. In an effort to not shaft my coworkers, who would shaft me in half a second, I made sure I was in at least one day per week. And at most, one day per week. With my need for constant stimulation and constant direction, it should be interesting. With unlimited funds, I could just run around and buy stuff. I'm sure there are a lot of my readers with unlimited funds, but I am not one of them (a reader or with unlimited funds). I only blog because I like the money. That turned out to be a regrettable decision after I realized I turned off all the ads and haven't made a penny for over 12 years. So now I only blog.,... ummmm...
- because it makes the dog proud of me?
- my wife likes the way it keeps me out of her hair
- my wife likes the way it keeps me out of her pants
it keeps me from making household repairs, which wind up costing twice as much when we have to call in the professionals (and the fire department)
just kidding - imagine what would happen if I applied my luck to plumbing.. the Dark Figures would have their way and a swimming pool would appear where the roof once was
So I have a bunch of days to fill with activities so I don't get up to things. I notified the police, fire, and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. And the guitar stores. It turns out these aren't a problem, as they're just more things I cannot afford. I don't decorate the new black tree, except for a few vacuum tubes and some sex toys. TV is out because I can't stand Medicare commercials. Neighbors don't work from home, so loud guitar playing isn't any fun (nor is organizing Naked Banana Races). Competitive sleeping requires more practice than you think, and cooking is out, due to my oven's perfect 45 degree angle. I can't stand the razzing I get when I show up to a family function with a cake. There are only so many gallons of buttercream icing one can eat before the ambulance parks out front for entire days.
[ring ring]
Hello?
I have to call you back. click.
I'm happily typing away on my last backup laptop, from I dunno, 12 years ago? It works, absolutely. But it's the one that can't be updated because it's 32 bit and there's little 32 bit software. I'll live. The only significant problem is that it's old and slow and bereft of memory (like me). With 4 programs up, I have to wait til a while after a mouse click before anything happens. Firefox is demanding a week's notice if I want to browse somewhere.
Google is a bitch too. Most of the browsers don't want to log into it. While this is a good policy in general, Blogspot is a Google product. The browser that WILL log in is small, but if you don't pay attention over a day or 3, it gets up to things. The memory use goes up faster than soda prices. It starts inserting things in the blog (so if there's anything you don't like, it was the browser, ok?). If you have lots of tabs open and don't pay attention to it, it makes confidential calls to the FBI about some of the activities you may or may not participate in. Due to a hilarious 'misunderstanding' about 9-11, I was advised not to grow a long beard or take any trips outside the country.
So I watch the browser carefully.
Dontcha hate it when you get a voicemail from your doctor that goes, "Gee, sorry, we've closed the practice. It's been a real hoot and you should probably find another doctor, ok? If you need any medicine, good fscking luck. If you need any psych meds, walk around the street, naked and barking like a chicken. Eventually you'll get all the meds you ever wanted. And a warm bed. On a locked ward."
Social Media 2022
Running to Faceyspaces to complain about Twitter and say we're leaving.
Last year, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) released datashowing that it received overwhelmingly more reports of child sexual abuse materials (CSAM) from Facebook than any other web service it tracked
Aw, isn't that sweet?
Now that Musk heard from the people of Twitter, he reinstated Trump. For his part, Trump is not returning, preferring his own social network. Let me guess.... his ego is running the show. Why turn down a huge opportunity to address people?
Your tax dollars at work
Biden administration earmarks $13 billion to modernize electric grid.
What form of government is it when the government subsidizes certain industries with taxpayer money? It's called America.
Biden administration grants $1.1 billion to keep Diablo Canyon nuke plant open
President Giveaway rides again!!!!!!!!!!!
Meh - it's only your money. Won't have any effect on the deficit either. 51% of you put him in office. 51% of you should be taxed accordingly.
---------> don't blame me - I vote libertarian
Tax filing websites have been sending users' financial information to Faceyspaces!
The guilty parties are TaxAct, TaxSlayer, and H&R Block.
You need to read this. You need to contact the companies and stop doing business with them if they continue (which they will). Contact your congresspersons.
The only surefire way to block this is to fill out your return on paper [yikes!]. The way to do it electronically is through a HOSTS file. This goes on your computer (don't do your tax returns on a phone) and blocks any info going to advertising and spy domains (Faceyspaces, Google, ads). Wikipedia has information on hosts files on all operating systems. This site has a list of HOSTS files which can block ads, gambling, pr0n, social stuff, and combinations. I use the first one. Through the combination of a HOSTS file and ad-blockers on my browsers, I never see ads. Never. This file will stop your computer from being able to send data to ad domains.
The pixels are also embedded in email. You're not going to like this, but turn off 'automatic image loading' in Outlook or whatever you use to read mail on your computer (and the web). The HOSTS file will stop this on your computer, but it's difficult to do on a phone. Try Firefox with an ad-blocker. If you use an iDevice, you're screwed. You can install any browser you like, but it all goes through Safari anyway.
Thanksgiving Sheep
It's Turkey Time again!
This usually means a trip to family. It's a nice time for the local folks to get together. Everybody brings something and this year we volunteered (get ready) a turkey and a ham.
WHY did we volunteer a turkey on Thanksgiving? Because our host is a little off. Last year it was 2 different lamb roasts. This year there's a choice: lamb roast or lamb chops. Are you starting to see a theme here?
We volunteered a turkey long in advance, because we like to help out, and because I have a lamb allergy (I'm not allergic - I just don't like it). We were kept on hold for weeks til the hostess made her decision. It's not that she's a control freak, but we're given a time to arrive, with only a few minutes plus or minus. It's not that she has OCD, but the dishes are laid out alphabetically. You dare not touch them until you have the go-ahead, least you leave early with some silverware embedded somewhere the emergency room hasn't seen for a while.
So with a 2 day til Thanksgiving advance time, we were told turkey and ham weren't needed - just bring apple pie. The irony here is that I am allergic to apples. No problem - I just won't eat any pie. The extreme lack of notice is screwing with our food-bringing plans.... imagine having to get a turkey on 2 days' notice. But I'd rather do that than eat lamb.
Let's take a moment to point fingers, shall we? I might have dropped a hint at some point that I don't like lamb. If I were a host, I'd accommodate someone who doesn't like something. On the other foot, I'd have to figure there would be lamb. On the third foot, screw the guests if they don't like what I'm making - they can go to McDonald's. If it's open - ha ha.
I'm just not a nice or polite enough person to suck it up and not eat, so Hijinks are in order. Please help me out if you have any ideas....
- bring a day-old McDonald's order
- have a pizza delivered
- bring a couple of pounds of ground beef and make burgers
- one of those 2' diameter chocolate chip cookie cakes (with extra icing, of course)
- bring my pet lamb, Chops
- screw it: bring a half gallon of ice cream and just eat that
This might be why I don't get invited a lot....
- 2.6 ozzes of garlic powder, $9.99 - the Supply Chain has taken a serious dump
It's so cold outside
HOW COLD IS IT?
It's so cold, we have to put our hands in the refrigerator to warm up.
STANDARD HOLIDAY DISCLAIMER
The holidays are generally a joyous time. Unfortunately, for some, it's the absolute worst time of the year. You are not alone; reach out. Friends, family, religious leaders, hotlines, doctors, hospitals, city/county/state resources, more resources through your state congresspersons. It's very important that you reach out. You don't have to feel this way - help is available. If anything happens to you, that's one less ThermionicEmissions reader, and I can't afford that.
[funny image of turkey]
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