Thursday, April 12, 2012

WHAT Time Again - Asketh the AntiSports

My esteemed blogging colleague, the Nocturnal Slacker, notes that `it's that time again', in reference to baseball.  I started to answer his post but decided to keep it here at ThermionicEmissions, where no one will see it.

Right you are, Eric, it's that time.

It's definitely politics time.  I barely watch tv and can recite political commercials verbatim, including the schmaltzy Oven Mitt commercial about saving someone's daughter.  One wonders if further commercials will feature the Marvelous Mormon walking on water or some such nonsense.  [side question: do Mormons walk on water?]

But really, it's Sports Time too.  I can tell because the news is so full of news about Dem Fills (the Phillies in English) that it's positively nauseating.  It's not any particular network; they all suck.  When they get through being commercials for Americans Idle or Dancing with the Stars, they become commercials for the sports teams, including the actual places where the teams play.  There was a multi-day story recently, covering the new food at the stadium.

But that's not all, no sir.  You can't even watch the weather without constant reminders that Dem Fills are playing.  Every day on the onscreen calendar there's a little Phillies logo when the team is going to play.  It's not a weather forecast, it's a Phillies Forecast.  They even tell you what the temperature is likely to be for the first pitch.  I am nauseous.   They never mention what the weather will be for the polls, concerts, or much of anything else.  Not that they are capable of accurately forecasting that it will be light during the day, with continuing periods of dark at night.

After all this unending entertainment, we're usually treated to a shot of Dem Fills Fans; the semi-toothless, inebriated masses, complete with unintelligible accents and clad in Full Fills Regalia, yearning to hand over a week's salary for the chance to watch their team lose.  Everyone hates a hopeless optimist.

The only thing I love more than sports is Corporate Welfare, when the city or state kicks in money so the poor owners don't have to build their own stadiums.  Then charge twenty bucks to park.

Lots of our work reps offer us sports tickets.  Not one has ever offered anything interesting.

But that's why I'm the AntiSports.

{NOTE: this blog is unlikely to go viral in Philthydelphia}


  1. What really gets me is how all these guys can (or why they'd WANT to?) remember the names of all these team, all the names of the players AND a bunch of useless statistics about 'em!!! WTF???
    Why would anyone even CARE about - let alone commit to memory, all that rubbish?
    The ironic part is that most of these cats can't even climb a flight of stairs w/o getting winded, yet they choose to live vicariously (I assume?) through their "idols".
    Who wants to watch a bunch of men run back and forth with a ball, adhering to some arbitrary, nonsensical rules? Seems gay to me!!
    I prefer to watch chics!

  2. AHEM! Unfortunately, I cannot agree with friend Buffet's synopsis of baseball. It is the one and only sport that I follow. I'm definitely no living room recliner sports fanatic.

    To me, there's a beauty and symmetry to the game of baseball. Trivia, useless stats from 3/4s of a century ago are a big part of the game, too. I don't have them committed to memory, but I do appreciate the commentary from those who do.

    Ah... but to each their own. That's the way of the world.

    And about those poor, starving sports team owners being assisted by tax payer funds... reminds me of the pols running around here in Tampa few years back trying to convince everyone that we should pay and extra penny in tax so that we could build this really nice stadium for bazillionaire Malcolm Glazer (owner of the Tampa Bay Suckaneers NFL franchise).

    There was all this talk, as there always is for shit like this, that it was going to bring billions into the local economy. Yeah. I've yet to meet anyone who has received penny one from that stadium. I sure as hell haven't and I can actually see the lights on top of that damned white elephant as I look out my window while typing this.

    Have I ever been to a Bucs game at the new stadium, you might ask? HA! Well, once. A pal of mine had an extra ticket. Buy a ticket myself? I don't think so. Even the nose bleed tickets are out of my price range. At least I can afford to see a Tampa Bay Rays baseball game. Their prices aren't so ridiculous as the Glazers' price for me to get into that stadium I paid for.

    OK. Good rant. I'm outta' here...