HP 8760w Unboxing

I just received my HP EliteBook 8760w.  This thing has the biggest power supply adapter I have ever seen.  It's over twice the size of every other adapter.  It can be used as a weapon (and probably will, but more on that later).

I like a manly laptop.  Thus far, it is a very manly laptop, largely as it is very large.  Incredibly large.  About the size of my Hyundai large.  It's the land yacht of laptops (no, HP, you can't use that as an ad slogan).  Although it does weigh slightly less than my Hyundai, most people would say it is very heavy.  That's what makes it manly (that and the humongous 17" screen).  I mentioned it was a bit heavy: my wife tried to lift it, failed, and stared wide-eyed in agreement.  Again, this is a desktop replacement laptop, not a litebook.

Since the laptop is so bloody wide, they managed to put in a keypad and a really interesting backlit keyboard.  Of course I'd prefer the keypad on the left but that's because I'm a lefty (I do have an external USB number pad).   There is a laptop bag on order but I don't anticipate a lot of travel with this computer.

As you well know, I like things done a certain way, which makes ordering a laptop an exercise in frustration (but hopefully an exercise in hilarity for you).  All I really wanted was a large, manly linux laptop.  This, of course, was strictly impossible.  The success of ordering linux on a computer is approximately slightly less than the success of a voting a libertarian into the White House.  And even if you succeed, it's the wrong distribution of linux (although Dell will preinstall Ubuntu on certain models).   So I had no choice but to pay the Microsoft Tax and get Windows 7.  Yes, regardless of whether you are going to use Windows or not, you pay for it.

Since I occasionally have to use Windows for work, I figured I'd leave it installed and dual-boot with a real operating system (Xubuntu 12.04).  In the past I have just run Win XP virtually under linux, where it is more stable.

I started the task by booting into Win 7 and setting up the laptop for Windows use.  I was immediately reminded of why I hate new computers by HP's painful (and offensive) setup routine.  I realize HP needs to make everything as Idiot-Proof as possible, but apparently HP isn't aware of Murphy's Corollary which states "If you make something idiot-proof, they'll just make a better idiot."  In fact, at work we refer to ourselves as The Home of the Better Idiot.  Perhaps they should have a selection for Live Brain Cell Install, which would cut out the BS.

And speaking of BS, do you have any idea how much crapware comes with an HP laptop?  To be fair, the great amount of it is HP crapware, but still....  one of my favorite utilities, Revo Uninstaller, got put to work for the better part of an hour.  I removed such things as HP QuickWeb, HP Setup, HP Wallpaper, HP Defaults, HP Connection Manager, HP Client Automation Agent Preload, File Sanitizer for HP ProtectTools, MS Silverlight, Office 2010, and the ubiquitous Bing Bar (go Bing yourself).  I began to wonder if blowing out the entire laptop and reinstalling Win 7 would take less time.

Dear HP:  We aren't idiots.  We don't need our installs managed.  Some of us don't even need our security, tools, or internet connections managed.  Really.

Once that crap was out of the way, another software favorite from the past came in handy: Hijack This. Hijack finds all the startup crap, browser crap, and services, allowing you to select what really starts up.  Normally this barely fills a page.... the HP list filled three pages.  Three pages of crap that didn't really need to be started up with the computer.  I'll bet Windows starts up much faster now....

Prominently figured on the list of people who need to be seriously punished is the Microsoft guy who decided that sound must be enabled by default.  If I want to hear a DING every time I do something, I'll stay at work all day.  XP didn't even allow you to turn sound off until it was completely installed, which drove many a technician up a tree.

Making Win 7 usable for me involves another long stretch of hard labor.  It's not so much an operating system as a virus.  Sometimes for fun, I bring up Services and randomly turn stuff off.  It's just that there are so damn many of them... starting with Firewall.  And Themes.

Apropos of nothing, Firefox just updated on my desktop and informed me that it was incompatible with ZoneAlarm so it was shutting it down.  WTF?  I don't have these issues on linux.


At this point, it was time to play with the hard drive partitions and install linux.  I booted the Xubuntu cd into live mode and opened Gparted.  I wound up with Win7, HOME, and linux system partitions.  I told it to install linux and a few minutes later, I had a dual boot laptop.

What I neglected to specify was that I wanted a functional dual boot laptop.  When I went to go into linux, I got all sorts of screen scrambling, which got fixed in recovery mode.  Once in Xubuntu, I saw the notice indicating I had 267 updates to download and that it had discovered some proprietary drivers (ATI/AMD FGLRX).  During the live cd boot, it discovered the webcam.  No word yet on what's going to happen with the fingerprint reader.

Bravo for linux: the OS had discovered not only my video card, but bluetooth and the wireless chip.  This wasn't always the case, requiring lots of jumping through hoops to get things to cooperate.

True to form, I'm having trouble with the touchpad.  Every laptop I have had recently has discovered the touchpad ok but the cursor jumps around like mad.  I know there are a few solutions for this so it's time to go looking.  The first solution is to (as root) type `syndaemon -t -d'.   Seems to be helping.

At this point, the laptop was fully functional with both OSes.   More as I find it.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The screen is beautiful.  And large.  The audio seems plenty loud and of good quality, although I still need to test it with some decent input.  So far it's been streaming stuff.

I don't expect to use the battery too much, if at all.  And good thing, as 20 minutes of low-quality streaming video ate about a third of the battery.

Honey, the Dog's Acting Like a Dog Again

I'm warning you: this one's going right over the top.  Those of you with weak constitutions or a questionable stomach had better get out while the getting's good.  In fact, if you have eaten within the past twelve hours, it may be a good idea to avoid this post (some would say this entire blog).

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I love my dog.  Most people who have met Marshall love him too.  He's got his own fan club at work.  If I could attract the women he can, I'd have no time to type (or eat).

Marshall is the most dangerous of animals - a smart cocker.  If even a small fraction of humanity put the same effort into eliminating poverty that Marshall puts into locating and shredding used tissues, the planet would be a much better place.   He will watch you carefully.  If you do not get up and throw out the tissue immediately, he sees where it is.  If you stand up and happen to forget it, it's his.  Even after you throw it out there's a fair probability he will locate and shred it to pieces all over the carpet.  We had to purchase trash cans with lids so he couldn't get into them.  This worked incredibly well until he figured how to pop the lid.  As far as we know, there's no such thing as a cocker-proof trash can (except perhaps the ones outside of the house).

All cockers are crazy; it's in the breed standard.  Every rescue cocker (Marshall is our third) has had abandonment issues.  His latest trick is to form a spaniel seat belt across your midsection so you cannot get up.  He loves the car and sticks his snout out the window.  My wife has to lock the window to keep him from rolling it down all the way.  I keep reminding her to never leave him in the car with the keys, lest he drive off.

Another of Marshall's recent favorites is kettle corn.  He has gone through about four huge bags of the stuff.  He waits for one of the humans to put the bag down and leave the room.  Faster than you can say you're screwed, Marshall has the bag ripped open and is sinking his entire head into the popcorny goodness.  You have to get up pretty early in the morning to outsmart this dog.

I have previously mentioned Marshall's otherworldly drive for cat food.  It is his favorite substance in the entire universe - even more than tissues.  He will spend hours at the kitchen door, waiting for the cat to open it so he can lick out the tiniest morsel of left-over cat food in the bowl.  Then it's the trash can.

Marshall does not do a ton of really doggy things, aside from the obvious, so we occasionally have to remind ourselves that he is, in fact, still a dog.  So imagine my surprise when I had to walk in the kitchen, normally to drag him away from the cat bowl or trash, but found him chomping away happily. He was enjoying cat food but in the pre-processed sense of the term.  I yelled, he ignored me.

My relationship with the cat is more of an adversarial one.  As the wife explains it, he's a tremendously good cat but when he goes evil, watch out.  He has decided to start peeing around the litter box, as opposed to inside it, for no apparent reason.  At one point this was traced to an infection but he's fine now - he is just being a f-er.  Now the bugger has two litter boxes, which is starting to turn into two snack boxes if we're not watching Marshall closely.

I am simply not interested in pulling used tissues out of my dog's mouth, nor am I thrilled with having to drag the little monster out of the cat box.

His new nickname:  Poop Dog.
Rejected names: Poop Doggie Dog, Shit Hound, Defecation Dog, Cat Box Crook, and of course, Shit Head.

It's not that we don't feed the little so and so: he gets exactly what the vet said to feed him, plus tissues, plus trash, plus small bits of cat food left in the bowl.  The last time we took the vet a stool sample, she wondered about the large amount of shredded tissue included....

It would be much easier to simply go with the flow than to chase Marshall away.  If we move the cat box up, he'd only figure out a way to get it, possibly further defiling the carpets.  Perhaps we should just surrender to the inevitable and help the Cat Poop Industry try to market this new delight....

Tired of your dog stealing cat food?  Try new Poop Treats - the Canine Delight!
Concerned about the dangers of pet food?  Feed it to Rover pre-processed!
Fido Fudge - Straight from the Cat's Ass.
Spot Snacks 
Brown Eye Treats
AssSnacks
Pre-Processed Purina
Poopy Chow
Poop Tarts


Please submit your suggestions - Poop Marketing is a brand new industry that needs your help desperately.

The War on War

War on everything is getting boring, deadly, and horribly expensive.  I propose the War on War.

-----------------------------------

Just in case you don't think your tax dollars aren't being properly transferred to the Military Industrial Complex, let's take a run over to Afghanistan, where the troops we're training to take over after we leave are killing each other.  You know, if they just stayed there and we just stayed here, they could keep killing each other forever, as they have been doing for longer than we have been a country.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Marcus Banwell got caught shoplifting in a rather painful way - right after throwing up some Scotch Bonnet peppers (arguably the hottest available).  These peppers are so hot you need to cut them with gloves on.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

There was another shooting, this time in New York.  Before the gun-grabbers continue their insane wailing, I'd like to point out that Mayor "Please Protect Us from Soda" Bloomberg stated that some of the shooting victims were shot by the police.

Perhaps we need a War on Police.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

According to a study, full-frontal nudity on television is up 6300% this year.   Well, that's news to me.  I don't recall ever seeing full-frontal nudity on television, unless I was watching porn.    The key to the story is yet another group trying to save us from the evils of the semi-naked body.  Yes, they're referring to pixellated naked people, not real naked people.  By this logic, everyone on tv is naked - their clothes are in place of the pixellation.

Heaven help us from people helping us into heaven.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The yahoos with whom I toil daily are having a fantasy football draft today.  If I hear one more word about sports today, I'm going to perform the Emesis Dance upon the lot of them.

People call me nerdy, yet they're spending hours arguing over sports teams that aren't real.  Perhaps when they're done (if they ever get done), we'll argue about whose god is better.

Meanwhile, I'm having my own fantasy porn star draft.  Who's winning now?

Night Court!

Harry Anderson wasn't there but we were.

To more fully explain, the wife and I went to a guitar show at a large expo center.  When we came out, there was a ticket on the car for parking in a handicapped spot without a placard.  As the placard was visibly hanging from the mirror, we were a bit confused as to the reason for the ticket.  Apparently someone saw this as a revenue generator (at $250+ a pop).

We chose to fight the ticket.  This was driven home by a loud pounding on the door early one morning.  The tiny little township with the big tickets sent a county marshall to my door to ask me what I wanted to do about the ticket.  He was left-handed and had a rather intimidating gun.  We paid $55+ for a court date and got it in short order.  The wife told me he was rather sheepish after being told I love to watch COPS.

Although we're all in the same county, the courthouse is about an hour away from my little township.  Our first mistake (after going to the show) was to get directions online.   Oh yes, the first few were accurate.  But this is how they reel you in.  As we got closer, the directions got increasingly inaccurate. We left an hour early just in case, which turned out to be a really smart move.   Suffice it to say that when Mapquest says 6 miles, they mean 4 and when they say .8 miles, they mean 3 miles.  No amount of obtaining directions online is ever complete without an additional stop on the way to ask directions.  It's an unwritten law.

The other unwritten law has to do with getting any information at all out of a *%&@ing smart phone when you really need it.  The optometrist told me that when one hits forty, bifocals are generally warranted.  I have what must be the largest and nicest screen on a cell phone these days, but Mapquest was no help here.  I pulled up a map of the area and found the destination but nowhere could I locate where we were at that moment.  I panned, zoomed, cursed, squinted, screamed, and made the device airborne, all to no avail.  Yes, I could have fired up the phone's GPS but I have it locked down for security and have never used it before.

We arrived at the courthouse with ten minutes to spare.  The sign-in/waiting area was mobbed.  After signing in, I started to become aware of some sort of howling coming from the direction of the courtroom.  The din got louder.  And louder.

#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone in the waiting room looked up.


#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The waiting room started sporting raised eyebrows and smiles.

#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It became obvious that a lady with a thick foreign accent was taking exception to the Judge's ruling.

NONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judge:] Mrs Smith, please calm down.

NONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judge:] Mrs. Smith, I have made my ruling.

NONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judge:] Mrs Smith, please leave the policemen alone and leave the courtroom.

GODOHMYGONONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judge:] Mrs Smith, I'm trying to be patient but you're about to be charged with disturbing the peace.

GODOHMYGONONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judge:] Mrs Smith, please leave or the policemen will take you into custody.

GODOHMYGONONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GODOHMYGONONONONO#*(#$&@@@$))))%$#@! it's not FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point, Mrs Smith comes wailing through the corridor, screaming about how it's NOT FAIR, and requiring two policemen and a phalanx of lawyers to escort/carry her from the building.  One lawyer tried to intervene because it was the decent thing to do.  She wailed and hit him.

What, to my wandering eyes, did appear but Her Honor, resplendent in judicial robes.  She called the 6:00 sitting.  It was extremely difficult to ignore the fact that Her Honor could have been referred to, under different circumstances, as Her Hotness.

Her Hotness, I mean Her Honor, was interrupted while calling out names by none other than Mrs Smith, who had re-entered the building and was in the process of being re-escorted out by the police.  The police, for their part, deserved medals.  This crazy person all but assaulted their chests in the parking lot and they just stood there, politely urging her to just get in her car and drive home.

The 6:00 seating began with a Welcome to Night Court from the judge.  She added that this entire brouhaha was over a ticket for driving without lights.  Apparently the policeman who pulled her over was going to give her a warning and she started the histrionics on the spot.  I suppose it was a harbinger of things to come.  From her tone, you would have thought they were trying to take away her baby (or worse, her puppy).  Apparently this was Standard Operating Procedure for Night Court.  I mentioned to the wife that I'd like to throw myself upon the court's mercy and she laughed, as did the attorney behind us.

We had no idea what to expect.  It's not like either of us spend a lot of time in court for any reason.  We drive by a few.  The entire event was fascinating.  My wife said she could sit there all night and watch the proceedings.   The judge was engaging, intelligent, and impartial.  Every case except ours was speed-related and to watch her work with them was interesting.  She really sought to educate and give them one break.  Apparently in the country and her area specifically, males 25 and under are the most dangerous on the road (I though it was people with cell phones; people at work tell me it's African American women in large, dark SUVs).

When my turn came, I gave a brief summary and the judge immediately said, "Dismissed."

Those were two very sweet syllables.  My wife, who is professionally nervous, finally started breathing again.  That was three-hundred dollars that could go to other trivialities, like food.

My wife, the wise woman, noted that the judge was `expensive', by which she meant her shoes were in the several hundred dollar category.  I added that hitting on the judge probably wouldn't have helped our case either.  She agreed.  My wife has to put up with a lot, being married to me.

Bravo to this part of the county's judicial system.

However, someone should probably question giving expensive tickets to people coming to the county's huge expo hall, then sending a county marshall out to enforce them.

Why?

Why does the National Weather Service (or the NOAA Fisheries Office of Law Enforcement) require huge quantities of hollow-point ammunition?  Oddly enough, the Social Security Administration wants a quote on 174,000 hollow-points also.  Funny, the government keeps asking why people need certain weapons, yet has no problem arming itself over-the-top.


Why does the army require a 7 story flying football field-sized blimp?
I wonder what will happen the first time someone fires a projectile at this $172 million blimp?


How much did Facebook have to pay the FTC for their failed privacy promises?
Nothing, of course.

How long until these Facebook facial recognition cameras are more ubiquitous than spy cameras?
Yes, they are opt-in for now...

Hey, Where's Joe?

Many years back, I interviewed and was eventually hired by Joe.  He told me later that the tipping point to his decision to hire me (aside from my meager salary requirement) was signing my email Geekus Maximus.

Joe (not his real name, but then again, it might be) was a great boss.  His sense of humor and job knowledge were superb.  He knew sarcasm but wasn't as accomplished as me so we traded skills.  Every department he walked through waved and snickered.  He was an unholy terror with sexual harassment, moreso than me, but knew what he could get away with.

Joe also schooled me on learning to speak to vice presidents and other assorted vermin up the corporate chain.  He told me to just think about what I would be like with about ninety percent of my brain removed and phrase things accordingly.

It turned out that Joe was inaccurate: it was closer to ninety-five percent.

That aside, we were a small, closely-knit band of IT operatives.  We were the lowest of the low.  One day we heard an overhead announcement for the IT Password Committee.  I turned to Joe and asked him what that was about.  He looked and me and offered that he had no idea.  No one had thought to consult the IT people about the IT Password Committee.  So it was in the Twilight Zone (and so it shall always be).

Joe had chronic pain from a back injury.  He also liked certain substances to help with the pain, as the prescribed medicine didn't work very well.  In fact, Joe liked certain substances on general principles.  People who had been to his parties all testified to this (although not in court, thankfully).

The work atmosphere got even more interesting when Rob joined our merry little band.  Rob was a classic underachiever: he would whine for three days about going on the road in order to build up the steam to actually go on the road and do his job.   Rob also enjoyed certain substances, including certain other substances.  He would show up for work in sunglasses and sit at his desk, mostly asleep, after his many nights of amusement.  He was our departmental DUI champ with a total of one.

As Joe's pain got worse, he became absent a bit.  Then a bit more.  Then a lot.  He began actively seeking certain substances for the pain.  It actually got to the point where he could be missing for an entire week.  Needless to say, work became interesting.

Manglement grew weary of absences and started making unreasonable demands like `come to work a few days per week' and `please bring a doctor's note'.  This did not work for Joe.

At about this point I started being defacto manager, as there was no one else.  One day I was minding my business, driving myself to work, when the phone rang.  It was Rob, calling to let me know he got popped for his second DUI (a new departmental record), and btw, he had an eight-ball with him at the time, so it looked like he wasn't going to be coming to work for about eighteen months.

I pride myself on my ability to go with the flow.  I'd simply figure out a way to accomplish more with less of us.  The next call, which I debated upon answering, was Joe.  He said he was going away for treatment for a few weeks; he was addicted to medicine.  And wasn't I proud of him for admitting it?

Wow.

After that, I decided to drive to work with the phone off.  At very least I would never receive any more bad news.

Unfortunately for all of us, Joe kinda lost touch.  We'd call and he wouldn't get back to us.  His employer called and he wouldn't get back to them.  Eventually they grew tired of the routine and terminated his employment.

The building was in shock, as were the denizens.  Everybody loved Joe.  We heard he was a proud man - too proud to return.  It was not like he couldn't return, even socially, yet he disappeared.  No matter how people tried to contact him, he did not respond.  We obviously had to respect his decision (even though we knew where he lived).

Every now and then people would ask "Hey, have you heard from Joe?"

Rob never returned either and the company moved on.  It's been over five years.  If Joe walked in the front door today, he'd still be stampeded by his friends, running up for a hug.  We often lamented his absence.

Today I discovered through the grapevine that Joe died last month or so.   He became a victim of his addiction.  ThermionicEmissions sends out best wishes to Joe, his wife, and his sons.

Joe, you stupid mf-er.

The Wisdom of the Original Americans

Today, ThermionicEmissions is proud to bring you a special guest, Chief Running Water, of the Whaddadafuk tribe.

Good morning, Chief.

Good morning and may the Great White Spirit not do anything on your parade.  We hear you've been really busy lately.

Blessings upon your teepee, Chief.  These are indeed trying times.  I was wondering if you'd grace my readers with a bit of that old fashioned wisdom which you seem to possess in droves.

Fire your arrows when ready.

First of all, why do they call you Chief Running Water?

Damned if I know.  People are always going to the bathroom after I arrive.  It's a mystery to me.

I understand that there are many omens showing up that concern the Indians.

Absolutely.  Lady Gaga, reality tv, five-legged buffalo, porn stars voting republican and Dancin' with the Stars have all been foretold by the Great Spirit.  Interesting times lay ahead.  And you know the ancient Chinese curse, right?  "May you live in interesting times."

I think I may have it tattooed on my body here somewhere....  
What many people don't know is that you were kind enough to give my pets genuine Indian names.  Marshall the Cocker is "Smells Like Cat Food" and Ren the Cat is "Hair on Pants".  Could you favor us with a few more?

Yes.

Barack Obama?

Smells Like Bush.

Mitt Romney?

Chief with Many Squaw.

Mrs. leftystrat?

Large Internal Tribe.

Dick Cheney?

Flys into Buildings.

Roseanne Barr?

No.

Penn State University?

Hooked on Preschool.

Joe Paterno?

Pedobear.  (Yes, that's originally Indian)

Joan Rivers?

Melts Near Fire.

Kanye West?

Why?

Indeed.
Steve Jobs?

Rotten Apple.

Bill Gates?

Do No Right.

George Bush?

Hunts with Dull Spear.

Nancy Pelosi?

Frightens Small Animals.

Fred Willard?

Right Paw Sore.

Congress?

Candles Lit but No Bears in Cave.



I would like to thank Chief Running Water for spending a little time with us.   Until next, time, I am Writes with Wrong Hand.

The Modern Day Composer Refuses to Get Up and Pee

Or something like that.

On the way to work today, I saw a greatly ceremonialized outhouse, way out back behind a local historic property.  My wife told me stories about her family's mountain house, which was bereft of indoor plumbing.  I am still shaking from that thought.

When I consider what it takes to get my bloated frame removed from the bed and to the completely heated/air-conditioned bathroom in the morning (or afternoon), I cannot fathom what our forefathers (and foremothers) had to endure.

That aside, the presidential accusation-fest is starting to heat up.  I'm sure you're all thinking what I'm thinking: who do the porn stars want to see in office?  [These links are probably NOT SAFE FOR WORK so click accordingly.]

"I don't often volunteer my political opinion, but in the past few days I've been asked many times, so I'll say this—there are many reasons to support President Obama's campaign for reelection. When he first took office, one of his first acts as commander in chief was to sign the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act into law. This important bill has served to break down wage-discrimination barriers for women and eradicate workplace inequality on many levels. Economically, he has pushed for New Deal-style initiatives geared to create jobs and get Americans working. He has eliminated "don't ask, don't tell," defended LGBT rights and officially supported the rights of same-sex couples to marry. I am pleased with what he has done so far, and I think it's important to remember that our nation did not arrive at its current condition overnight—it will take some time to truly mend and heal, and I am proud to endorse Obama as the best person to facilitate the necessary changes."

While I'm a huge fan of Jessica Drake's work, I can't say we agree politically.
On the other hand, Jenna Jameson just came out for Romney.  I can't say we agree either.
The closest the porn crowd gets to me is Sarah Shevon, who prefers Dennis Kucinich, because she thinks he's liberal.  Since he's the closest to libertarian, Sarah is invited to my house to, ahem, discuss this further.

I used to think that asking for a porn star with no tattoos was too much.  Now I need to find a libertarian porn star with no tattoos.  It's like looking for an honest politician.

BUT WAIT.....  a Yahoo search for `libertarian porn star' reveals:

Stormy Daniels is a libertarian-turned republican.

Sonny Landham ran for office but he's a guy, so he only counts as a statistic.

Marilyn Chambers (the Ivory Snow baby) ran for VP but her status as dead precludes a visit.

John Stagliano is a big libertarian supporter.



Don't get me started on tattoos...