I don't want you to stop using Faceyspaces because I say so. Do the research. Watch the video and become truly upset - it's how deep the data collection and profiling goes.
- The House has voted to renew mass surveillance. If you think these people have your back, you're sadly mistaken. Talk to your senators NOW.
- Irony: hacking group Fancy Bear is targeting Senate emails. The senate would be subject to mass surveillance. Yeah, right.
According to Kaspersky, a whopping 88% of employees know little about their company's IT security policies. Only 88% ? Good thing they didn't measure how many care.
- OOPSIE: Nuclear weapons systems are vulnerable to cyber-attacks, which could at worst lead to compromise and inadvertent launches. Unfortunately, they were designed pre-digital. Wasn't it recently that we discovered they use floppies?
- President Trump today apologized, in a phone call, to Putin for the inadvertent destruction of the Kremlin.
Microsoft is adding end-to-end encryption to Skype for secure and private conversations. This is what we call irony, as Microsoft has backdoors to itself and the NSA.
- It's not that the weather is weird, but we've had three weeks of sub-freezing temperatures. The other day, it was so warm, we shut down the second heater. Today, there are no heaters, because we have to run the fan. Not to worry, though; it's been raining or sleeting for the majority of the time. I'm renewing the call for a telethon for the purpose of getting us a climate.
I want to advise my people to be very careful in purchasing or using their sex robots, because a hacker with a warped sense of humor can weaponize them to kill you. Do you really want this kind of headline upon your passing?
- In Ireland, there's a town with a little sign that says Welcome to Muff. I think I'd like to eat there.
Despite taking in record individual-income-tax revenues, the federal government ran a deficit of approximately $225 billion during the quarter. Once they get their hands in your pocket, they will never come out. Stop re-electing them - they couldn't organize a sock drawer.
- Next year's self-driving Chevrolet Bolt will have no pedals or steering wheel; leaving the driving entirely to the car. What could possibly go wrong?
Ultrarunner accused of winning races by hiding in Port-a-Potty.
I've finally found my exercise plan. Wife says this is a shitty job.
- President Trump had a physical, which revealed he's in excellent health. House democrats have subpoenaed records, claiming there was no physical. Salon wants to know why Melania didn't have one. Hillary said that physicals are for mortals. Rachel Maddow voted for cancer. CBS wants the exam gown. CNN put together a six-part series on how he could get away with this, called Physical-Gate: Shock and Outrage.
- While all of this was going on, Trump sent another volley of troops and who knows what else to Afghanistan. Endless war, you know.
NOTE TO WIFE: Putting those healthy snacks in a bag that looks just like my bag-o-junk is not going to make me eat them. Dried chips of this and that have all the appeal of liver smoothies.
- My spiritual friends from Free the Nipple are taking their case to the New Hampshire Supreme Court. After being told to cease their topless bathing, the women refused, got ticketed, and are now suing for the right to go topless. They claim their rights are being violated and that it is discriminatory that men are allowed to walk around with their nipples exposed. Further, there are no laws against being topless.
- This is the kind of legal wrangling I like to get my hands on. So to speak.
If you have any reason to be in Turkey, I'd recommend not being in Turkey. Or at very least, not getting near the airport. This plane found a very inappropriate parking spot. Apparently the pilot was going for a water landing when the copilot suggested the airport instead. They compromised.
What I Learned At The Mall
I like to get out of the house once every month or so on a non-work expedition.
This is usually made difficult by weather, scheduling conflicts, aches, fibromyalgia, pains, and/or just plain inability to be up and functional before three. Today we overcame many obstacles and ventured forth.
Since it has been so warm, it was somehow necessary to go down to the teens today. You have to wear several layers of clothing because if your nipples get hard and freeze, they may break off (it's ok, I am a doctor).
I remember when malls were malls.
(then what are they now?)
We wanted to see the Disney Store because it was closing and might have some must-have Eeyore merchandise. Silly humans... there wasn't so much as a mug and they no longer carry adult t-shirts (or Eeyore merchandise of any type). Small wonder they're going out of business.
For a Saturday at the mall, it was suspiciously free of customers, not that we minded. Wife found a Vietnamese place in the food court. Wife is not from there, nor does she know anyone from there, so naturally she wanted the food. I can't tell you if it's the same with all Vietnamese people, but these particular examples had an interesting method of running a business: either not showing up or hiding in the back to get away from those pesky customers. Like idiots, we stood there. I strongly suggested she pick up a metal chair and BANG IT REPEATEDLY on the metal counter to test their hearing. As you might have guessed, I'm the funny one in the family. Several other ... what do you call them.... yeah - customers.. several other potential customers had less patience and walked away. While it is physically possible that there are people who have less patience than me, I don't really believe there are any. So she wound up at the Generic Chinese Place with the nice Chinese lady out front, giving out samples. Apparently they had many different varieties of grease, most of which she purchased. For a person trying to be nice to her stomach, this was puzzling.
We located a Fruity Fresh Smoothie-type place and took a look. For a place that had a lot of fruit, it looked good. Fortunately, hidden over to one side, was the ice cream menu. We can't let the hippies win, people. I have to admit, strawberry banana yogurt sounded halfway decent, but I'm a clever type and got them to substitute vanilla ice cream for that tasteless probiotic yogurt crap. So I ate my first fruit of the year; possibly my last.
There are few people on the planet who will deny Carlos Santana is one serious guitar mofo. Turns out he designs guitar straps, paints, and has a shoe line for women. Strangely enough, they're pretty nice. When Wife wanted a pair, I told her only if the purchase included the ability to play like Carlos. Naturally she got them anyway.
Speaking of shoes, I don't get some of the ideas on display. Everybody gets hooker shoes and hooker boots - they're cool and vaguely normal these days. I want to know why some of the women's shoes look like they've been through a shredder. There are many slices actually missing from these shoes. Continuing the theme, other shoes seem to be missing their front or back, sometimes both. So you're either walking around with shredded shoes or shoes that expose your toes or heel. Any way you go, you better wear them at night because sun exposure is gonna look weird on your feet.
What's really weird is that the Disney store is not the only one closing. There appeared to be about four in a row, closing within a few days. Someone suggested high rent. Another said people are only buying online. I thought kids liked malls, online aside. Plus even I have to leave the house once in a while, and it's not going to be playing outside in ten degree weather (with a wind chill of minus 8). We found a nice pet accessory store, where we discussed the relative merits of chicken parmesan versus sweet potato flavored treats. We could tell that this was a good pet store, as they had cocker coasters with an actual black cocker (almost all accessories have a light colored dog). We went with the chicken and he sort of looked at them, sniffed, and walked away. This is a dog that eats raw Brussels sprouts. We also got him one of those military bomb proof snake things with the squeakers in it. He attacks and disembowels them, removing the squeaker for the safety of himself and his family. Tonight he watched Mommy throw it and went elsewhere. Picky bastard, ain't he?
I will never forgive this mall for letting Cinnabon go. I don't want to suggest that this was the genesis of mall failure to thrive, but it sure is coincidental. And like most malls, you could buy as many cell phones as you wanted, along with women's shoes and women's clothing. One shoe store had four aisles of women's shoes and some small shelf in the back with men's. Every now and then I let my wife buy me some white socks, but what is this telling us? The mall is in a decent area with some upscale stores and a few magnets (JC Penney, Sears, etc).
Speaking of location, there's an adult store around the corner. I used to joke about it with my parents. One day Mom called to let me know they had added another floor to the store. She is a model for moms everywhere. Well, most of the time. She sometimes travels to get things, like spices. She found a Spice Shop around the corner and went in to check things out. After a very short look around, she discovered that Spice did not refer to smelly things in little bottles. In fact, it looked spicy, like that adult store she told us about. Yes, Mom walked right into the lingerie portion of the store. I don't want to think about what would have happened had she wandered further back. The Big Gay Bob doll with the twelve inch vibrating penis wouldn't look right in her closet. And if it did, I sure as hell don't want to know about it.
My local mall has four levels of shoe stores. They too allowed Cinnabon to escape. Now there are four levels of shoe stores and one level of cell phones and cell phone accessories. And pocketbooks that routinely cost more than my first few cars. Combined. Last year we got warning notices that they were opening an Apple store in the mall. This is because any store carrying more than ten percent Apple products is required to warn the surrounding area (5 mile radius). It's a good thing they did, so I can stay off that level. If I really need to get to that level, I have to put on a flameproof suit and cling tightly to the store on the other side. Sometimes I still hear the lights and sirens, as well as my skin starting to burn, which is really bad when you're in a closed astronaut suit. When I die and go to hell, it will look like a Chuck E Cheese. Either that or a left-handed guitar store right next to an Apple store.
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