Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Armageddon Not Scheduled for This Year - Rest Easy

Some exercise equipment commercial referenced all the benefits to using their latest Wonder Instrument of Torture. First, you'd look like or get their really hot model. Your shapely 310lb frame will fit into a size two when you're done. And it will benefit your core.

I'm sorry, but even with the sad state of public school anatomy curriculum, I don't have a core. Car radiators have a core. Apples have a core. You can core a fruit. We're reaching the core of the matter. You can core more, as well as coring less, but you have no core.

And exercise causes cancer.




  • The CIA's "Vault 7" leak was an inside job, according to the FBI. The DIA begs to differ. In keeping with their mission, the TSA has no clue. The DHS isn't commenting because they're still trying to find Vault 6. Very quietly, the NSA is over there in the corner, snickering.



Securus Technologies gives the police the ability to track cell phone locations without a warrant.  Isn't that great? If they can't get your information from a court, they just get in touch with Securus. RIP Fourth Amendment.




  • Remember that stupid window cleaner commercial where the birds kept crashing into the windows because they're so clean? Yup, it happens here. You're minding your own business, then BAM - another birdprint on the window. This enrages the woodpecker that pecks on the aluminum siding once a year.




What is it about my phone that causes loud noises and the laws of physics to rearrange themselves?

On a late phone meeting the other night, one of the kids walks in, speaking at the top of her lungs; "HEY LEFTY GUESS WHAT I WAS IN THE YARD AND.." I'm waving my hands and making the universal gesture for STFU - NOW! She waved her hands (loudly) and said she was sorry.

Ten minutes later, someone decided they needed a candle or seven lit, for a calm atmosphere.  Who can argue with a calm atmosphere? Even if there has never been one in the entire time in the house? She started by tripping over some imaginary object - BANG!  The dog BARKED to be let out, because there's something about my boss' voice that starts his bladder talking to him.

Back at table, the phone rings.
Back at the candles, they are getting lit, except for Number Three, which falls over with a SMASH of glass. BANG BANG BANG went the feet as more tripping ensued.

I snicker at the pointlessness and impossibility of getting anything done at home.
At this point I'm incredibly impressed by a glass candle holder whizzing past my head, on the way to a window. And finally, in a futile attempt to continue lighting candles, my wife knocked over a perfect split in bowling, where two candles are on the extreme left and one candle on the extreme right. It might actually be quieter to install a bowling alley in the living room.



  • After about three years of consulting, I'm proud to have been offered a job at the company for which I'm consulting. As a full time employee, I'll have to attend orientation, where they'll teach me how to fill in forms, get very little done, and how to nap without snoring. No word on an attitude or whether it's self-developed. The difficult part will be the class in not communicating with my team or other teams.
  • About 16 years ago, when I got my last big job, I called my grandmother first, to let her know. She was thrilled. I wish I could call her today. Hopefully they read this blog.



Google AdSense sent out an email about new Terms of Service. You'll get these from various online services because of GDPR-QRSTUV, over in the EU. It's a privacy platform that says advertisers must keep your information secure before they sell it to others. There are occasional ads on this blog, which is how bloggers earn a few pennies per year. In the past eight years or so, I've earned approximately... more or less.... just about... Nothing. This is one of the benefits of having fifteen readers (up from ten). Many years ago, when I was with a Large Network, I made money from blogging. Not guitar money, but a few bucks. When they got unpleasant, I moved here. That really showed them!  Which goes to show you that I do this for nothing. And why shouldn't I?  I appreciate you coming by to see what's going on in leftyWorld.  If you like it, please tell your friends, your parents, and your kids. If you don't like it, please tell your enemies and in-laws (and me).




  • London's database of gang members is 87% BAME (Black, Asian, minority, ethnic) and is accused of being "racially discriminatory". It has been suggested that they add some white people to the list to balance things out.




Dave Fullarton was cleaning out a house belonging to a friend who had died, when he came across Army Captain Larry Casey's ashes. As Baltimore National Cemetery made arrangements for a full military burial, Dave put out an invitation on social media for people to attend the veteran's funeral.  Some played Internet Detective and located Casey's widow and daughter, who flew out on one day's notice.

The history goes like this: some of Casey's ashes were spread in a memorial service and the rest were given to his best friend, many years earlier.

Approximately 300 people, including veterans and police, turned out for the funeral.                              I think I've got something in my eye.




  • in the Alternate Universe Department, this time it's not me! My wife noticed that when she called her mother, it went right to voicemail. And Mom never noticed. No one else in the entire huge family has this problem. Mom is stymied.
  • In order to call her mom, she has to call another family member to call Mom first, then have Mom call her. This should be fun if she needs to get in touch quickly.



Hell truly has frozen over. The pope told a gay man that God made him like this and God loves him. Well, Mr. Pope, from what I understand, that's a very Catholic thing to say - good on ya!  Don't they say love the sinner, hate the sin? Because this is so interesting, let me add that the remarks were made to a victim of clerical sexual abuse. A cynic might say that the insurance company made him say it.




Hoarders has refused to do a show on our house, as we have walkways and nothing's piled higher than anyone's head, Marshall excluded. I'm not sure whether to feel happy or excluded. In that spirit, we're house cleaning.

I have a computer room. Rather, I had a computer room. It's still physically there, but might have blipped into an alternate universe. When I opened the door, it had returned to our universe and I got nostalgic for the times my wife yelled at me because I spent all my time in there computing and building Stuff. So I started the front end loader and got enough things out so I could enter. Then more stuff. Then I remembered I forgot or refused to throw things out, so I went lighter, using a snow shovel. Having carved out enough space to work at the desk, I figured I could clean as I went along.

Perhaps I was a bit too ambitious.

But no experience is without learning, so I learned a few things...

  • as little as 1/2" of dust on a keyboard can impair typing
  • just because it's a huge outlet strip, with all sorts of things plugged into it, doesn't mean there's actually power there, or to all of the outlets. Fortunately I figured this out before the laptop laughed and shut itself down.
  • Old square displays confuse the hell out of laptops, rendering at least one of the screens useless.
  • mice with balls still work, people with them, not so much
  • I had forgotten about the sensual experience of using a gel mousepad that's leaking gel. Amazon will benefit like mad.
  • anything I want to use will be plugged into something else
  • I have an odd number of speakers
  • it's 20 degrees hotter than the rest of the house and to open the window is going to take some sort of gymnastics that might get me into the Olympics
  • like fixing computers, there will be some amount of screaming and cursing involved
  • I missed my ergonomic keyboards like mad








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