Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Is That A Real Poncho or a Sears Poncho?

Back to the solid sarcasm and joy that I do, for better or worse.

Apple has reported its first sales drop. Unfortunately there is no plan to close shop.

  • RIP Prince. I seem to be the only person not paying tribute. In related news, his old band, The Revolution, is reuniting (for one last cash grab).

Also RIP pro wrestler Chyna. I vividly recall Howard Stern administering a genetic gender test. The results were predictable.

  • Why are we making a fuss about changing the person on the $20 bill? Why are we (and politicians) not discussing the unimaginable national debt?
  • But since we're changing faces, why not Jimi Hendrix? Charlie Sheen? The guy driving the towtruck who always saves me? 

Some new cars have a 'safety' feature that auto-brakes for you when something is in the way. The problem here is that this feature stops me from running people over.

  • An Australian man rushed himself to the hospital after being bitten on the penis by a venemous spider. They sure are kinky Down Under

Research shows that bedbugs are repulsed by certain colors. Just like the KKK. Seriously, they prefer black and red but not yellow and green. My color is blue, but apparently the scientists on this gig couldn't be bothered to test it.

  • People laugh when I say tube computers. People laugh at a lot of things I say. Well, smartypants, someone just came out with a Raspberry Pi computer with a vacuum tube on it (it's for the audio preamp).

A lot of people come to me with this question and I want to set the record straight: yes, dermatologic is a word.

  • Hundreds of passengers on a British cruise ship docked in the US suffer vomiting bug. What's worse - a vomiting bug or a dung beetle?

A Florida (of course) information security professional found a vulnerability in the Lee County Elections Office. After three months, they fixed the vulnerability by jailing the security professional. This is a new and exciting approach to information security in the 2000s.

  • All weddings and funerals have been banned in North Korea. Grim reaper unavailable for comment.

Experts warn that self-driving features could lead to more sex in moving cars. More sex?

not crazy about her husband but isn't it time we put beauty in the White House?

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