My Baby Ate That Dingo!

HAPPY T-DAY to everyone, from the lefty asylum to you.

This year, I am thankful that the year is almost over.

Without government, rich and powerful people would go around raping children and get away with it.  - -on Twitter

Faceyspaces use has dropped 26% since 2017.
How terrible for them.



Paypal, the payment company from hell, just dropped support for over 100,000 adult performers who upload content to Pornhub.

• Paypal has dropped a lot of adult businesses and performers, along with banks and others.
• It's their business and they can do what they want
• I will not be moralized to by a payment company that can't make simple Ebay payments without screwing one side or the other.
• Vote with your mouse: click elsewhere when making online payments

Dear lefty

• It's 2019. What is an important skill for the well-rounded person?
• Being able to say pancreas in every language.

A site just popped up, where scientists, futurologists, and experts from around the world predict what's happening in 2050. Rather than going through all the trouble of clicking a link, I'll just list a few off the top of my heads....

• Internet of Things (IoT) brings the spyware right into your living room. Oh, wait....
• Iot devices using AI start to talk to each other and plan House Riot. Also one at a time refuses to work; works fine once the tech arrives.
• at least 2 crooks will be running for president, with a crooked Congress and crooked local government
• many will be dead
• people will be saying that Climate Change will affect us next week
• Computer on Glasses will get hacked, causing you to walk into traffic. This will be balanced by watching the videos of people walking into traffic because Computer on Glasses got hacked.
• Brain Implant Chip will be found to be reactive to humidity, causing eyes to pop out of heads, body stuttering, and campaigning for Baron Trump
• Self-driving cars recalled because the people wanted firewalls and the cars kept driving into walls
• cats with syphilis
• Direct to Brain TV reality hit shows: Real Lives of Car Oil Changers, Real Lives of People Who Put Rubber Gloves into Plastic Packets for sale, Real Lives of the Guys Who Sell Rubber Gloves, Can My Furry Sing

Today I identify as liver

• Definition time!  An oophorectomy is getting rid of your ovaries. An uberectomy is getting rid of a ride service that will either rape or kill you.

The former NBC executive who championed Seinfeld died.
Further proving Seinfeld is toxic and eventually fatal.

• A Miami symphony oboe player fell down a flight of stairs before her performance and died.   Another classical music-related death.

The United States is suing Edward Snowden. Amusing as that is, wait til you hear why..  not because he fled the country and leaked top-secret information about NSA's global and domestic surveillance activities, no. Because he didn't submit it to the NSA for pre-publication review. Russia doesn't have an extradition treaty.

In other legal news, the United States is also suing Jeffrey Epstein, for 'committing suicide.' The Attorney General dropped a summons on his grave.





No thank you, I'd rather juggle rhinoceri



My grandparents loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I think I probably didn't deserve it.
     Way back in first grade, when I was a considerably less-experienced bastard, there was a contest to sell light bulbs. My grandfather bought quite a few of them for his store. I won the contest. What did I win? Probably the chance to compete in the next contest.

Years later I was at his store. In the stockroom, way in the back, was a pile of boxes. Of light bulbs. He didn't use that kind in his store.

No, I didn't deserve them.

• What do crystals, Albert Einstein, the University of Kentucky, and symmetry have in common? Time crystals.
• It's a fascinating article in Scientific American and if you grok it, please explain it to me.

Talks with Bobbi
at the grocery store

HER: So much to look at.
ME: Are you having fun?
HER: Yes, they're delicious.



Hoping to raise some tourism dollars, Fitzgerald, Georgia, is building an enormous chicken.    It was funnier when Monty Python did it.







Heroes of the Stupid

Women love working together. That's my experience anyway - Shirley MacLaine
but only if 2 of them are working together to kill the 3rd.

Los Angeles, aka Poo Central, struck another blow for poohkind, when a homeless gentleman launched a bucket of diarrhea at a passerby.  This is disgusting. However, the 10 year old part of me is in hysterics.

Continuing on the theme, a manhunt is underway after 2 homeless men were struck with an arrow in a San Francisco Bay park by an archer on a purple bicycle.

Louisiana police shoot and kill family dog while serving warrant on wrong address.    ARM THE DOGS!!

“The Ohio House on Wednesday passed the "Student Religious Liberties Act." Under the law, students can't be penalized if their work is scientifically wrong as long as the reasoning is because of their religious beliefs.”    It's 2019 - stop pushing your religion on the public. We have a First Amendment to protect us from you. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster - r'amen!




SJW Rantings

MSNBC's Joy Reid dismisses Thanksgiving as 'problematic food holiday'


UW Seattle students claim doctors notes are literally harmful


English singer Ellie Goulding threatened to cancel the halftime Thanksgiving NFL show unless the Salvation Army makes a 'pledge or donation' to the LGBT community. The Salvation Army schooled her.   To her credit, she volunteers there and walks the walk.

You Are Entering the No Emoji Zone

Remember the Pinebook? The $199 laptop I was typing about? The second batch is arriving and there are unboxing videos and reviews. Might be time to start looking.   Plus they will soon have a $149 linux-only phone that will work with all major linux distro phone projects. Buy phone, install OS, start making calls. - NO CRAPWARE. NO GOOGLE. NO APPLE.



Greetings to all new readers from outside the US.
You will not be accused of trying to sway the election.
If you want to sway the election, please do some good and sway it to the libertarians.

"A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody" Thomas Paine

• In the midst of all the crap on the radio and their tours, you should see Grace Potter. She sings, she plays guitar and organ, she writes, and she's really a pleasure to look at.  Listen to the grind of that Hammond! Listen to that voice.  I think I'm in love...

EMERGENCY - BREAKING NEWS!
Thieves in England stole over $1 million of adult toys from a delivery truck.
There has been no official word, but the rumor is that you will be arrested immediately if you hold it like a knife.




There's hope for us yet

22-year-old Ingebjørg Blindheim keeps track of people who want to kill themselves on Instagram (as opposed to those who read Instagram). She tries to provide help because she can't just sit back.

Read the story. Great successes and bad outcomes.
There are good humans out there - she is one. The only problem will come when she burns out. Therapists take frequent vacations to try to wash off some of the effects of their patients. This lady doesn't seem to.

Instagram instantly banned suicidal content, further driving it underground. I say leave it there.. people might think this is their only outlet (it isn't).



Dear lefty

• Who do I vote for in the local election?
• Whichever thief will do the least damage. Please read up on local elections first.

We recently voted for local offices.
Hint: it helps if you pay attention and have some idea of what the candidates stand for (besides getting elected). Those of us, who shall remain unnamed, but whose names rhyme with Mr and Mrs feftystrap, have to go online to a League of Women Voters site to see what and who is on the ballot. My favorite was the vote on the amendment to the state constitution. You had a choice of YES or NO. And that was the end of the entry. What the addition was is Top Secret; voters don't have a Need to Know.

They asked all candidates the same questions: what's your priority in the job, and how will you achieve this. This is the equivalent of "give us a few lines from your Vote for Me pamphlet."


What is your priority for the office?

• Well, I want world peace.   But you're running for coroner...
• It's for the children.
• Eliminating gender bias - all 237 of them.
• removing "Murder She Wrote" from tv
• removing politcs from politics
• memorizing the job description
• printing re-election pamphlets with state equipment
• mandating loud hair colors in schools without raising property taxes
• Taxes. No, service. No, opiates - that's it! Opiates. They're definitely a problem. Opiates.
• Legalizing drugs. For city employees.

How will you achieve this?

• Customer service.
• by being transparent
• doing the best job I can
• my 8 year liberal arts degree will stand me in good stead
• getting up in the morning to do the job
• people can talk to me
• I visit people all around the city, one very late evening, in the next state, unannounced
• eliminating grammar from the school curriculum will save us $10 per pupil - who need dat in duh real world?
• having meetings about opiates and looking damn serious
• fundraisers for school nose rings

There are levers for straight republican and straight democrat. How do they know they're straight? And why does it matter?

I would like to suggest two more levers: NOTA (none of the above) and TTBO (throw the bums out - you automatically vote for the challenger).

So get out there and vote.
Vote wisely, vote often.




Today I identify as  a small spot on your screen... a particularly persistent one, that's very difficult to get off, even with a soft cloth and water.

• Here's a fun stat I just picked up: polls show black voters are less tolerant of gays.
• Totally unrelated: Pete Buttigieg appears in new KFC commercial.

Best book title this week: Tectonics of the Nanga Purbat Syntaxis and the Western Himalaya




No thank you, I'd rather  put Legos up my nose





Heroes of the Stupid

A 35 year old man in Milwaukie, OR, stood in front of La Salle Catholic College Preparatory and repeatedly said he was going to "kill people."

The school's armed guard confronted the man.
The man shouted at the guard, took off his clothes, put them back on, then walked away. He was later arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

They should probably give him additional charges for being stupid enough to be stupid in front of a school. On the other hand, he showed them he was not armed.





SJW Simpering

The term 'Anglo-Saxon' should be DROPPED from modern speech, says scholar. Scholar claims the term is used by white supremacists to refer to white British people and should be banned.


An Iowa student at a town hall grilled a politician about 'colleges shifting the financial burden to students' and further, 'what will he do about the plight of undocumented students'. What would his free college plan do about this?


AP:
The Democratic presidential race started with a record six female candidates, but only one is polling in the top tier. Is it sexism or just politics?


Google's spellchecker coughs at Pete Buttigieg. Homophobia?

Laptops are for People Who Like Supermarkets

One android-related item: I've said it before, but you never realize how bad things are until you put a firewall on your phone. This might sound difficult, but hear me out...

Let's take our normal android phone.. you install a cool internet radio app like TuneIn radio. You fire the program up and listen to whatever stations you like. It became my #1 player.

Since my phone met its maker, I had to transfer everything to a new one (whatever you pay for insurance is worth it). LG, in addition to great phones, has a great transfer app. I found this out after I did everything manually on the new phone, because I only know how to do complicated things - I get nervous with anything easy. My original firewall was No Root Firewall, named because you don't have to root your phone to use it. I decided to give Netguard firewall a try.

With a firewall, when you fire up TuneIn Radio, you will get ill seeing where it goes. The firewall shows you every destination. You will see the obvious packets to the radio's domain. Then you'll see a shitload(technical term) of packets going all over the place. Spend any time looking them up and you'll see they're all advertising. So for each call for radio, there are 5 or more ad calls. One of the things about android that pisses me off is the apps are allowed to 'come alive' when they're not being used. TuneIn runs constantly, contacting ad domains. It has absolutely dominated my logs, moreso than goog calls. 

Btw, you don't need goog. You don't need to put in a goog account. You don't have to allow goog outside the phone. Since all apps phone home, the firewall stops them. Many apps don't need any net access at all, yet demand it. If you install a puzzle app, there's no reason it needs access to your phone, camera, storage, and internet access. So stop it with a firewall. You also won't see ads on everything... it's a less automatic ad-blocker.


If you have any questions, please ask. 




RIP Bill Macy (97), who played the husband on the tv show Maude.

Today's Worthless Fact: Hollywood's William H Macy had to be identified by that name because you can't have 2 people with the same name, because of some ridiculous union rule. Another example is Aerosmith's Brad Whitford and actor Bradley Whitford.



Dear lefty

• Why don't you like Faceyspaces?
• Why don't you like flesh-eating bacteria?

How the FBI abused NSA mass surveillance data.

1. a kangaroo court (FISA) was set up to rubber-stamp requests for surveillance on foreigners only.
2. the NSA slurped up everything it could, including Americans
3. the FBI violated everyone's rights by warrantlessly going through the NSA eavesdropping data.
4. This is a very clear 4th Amendment (search and seizure) violation.
5. 9-11 was a bonanza for mass surveillance, as planned.
6. As Zappa said, the only thing we have to fear is our own government.

• Nancy Pelosi introduced an NSA Reform bill that is closer to a "Let Them Continue To Do What They Want" bill. 
• Nancy Pelosi is the lowest form of politician one can find, if one can even imagine such a thing. This is your voting, California. This is what we have near the top of the pyramid. Do you still think there's any difference between Reps and Dems?

Let's take the time machine: way back to a previous employer, which had a kitchen with actual silverware. They caught one person licking the silverware and putting it back in the drawers. He probably migrated to doorbells.




It Begins....

Amazon handed over audio from 2 Echo devices in a Florida murder case.
Yes, there was a subpoena.

Let's review, shall we?

• They bought a spying device that didn't eavesdrop.
• Ok, well, maybe it eavesdrops a little.
• The device didn't activate until its name was heard
• Ok, well, it kinda listens all the time.
• It only records your voice 'for more accurate voice recognition'
• Ok, well, it records everything.

Since it records everything, the police want the recordings because they might contain evidence of a crime.

Before you read anything else, run out and buy one of those Ring doorbell cameras that allow you to see who's there when you're not home. The police love that device, and have even helped sell them to neighborhoods, so they can review the footage.

Lastly, an IoT set of videocams around the house, so AmazonFaceyspacesGoogle can see what you're doing and so can the police. To prevent crime, send the feed to the police first, then Google. They promise it will be kept private.

Would we lie to you?

Again?

Today I identify as fuzzy chartreuse shag carpeting

Today in the news:  Multiple People Killed in Rollover Crash Involving LAPD Pursuit

That was the headline.

The story was that a 3 minute chase resulted in the perp crashing and rolling his vehicle. 3 dead and one hospitalized from the vehicle only.

• There is now a frozen rising-crust pizza stuffed with bacon. That's disgusting.
• I'll let you know how about it as soon as I finish it.

On Halloween, hospitals used to offer free xrays of candy to look for foreign objects.   If you want to xray your leg, that will cost $495.

Meanwhile, a child got sick because his candy was tainted with antipsychotic meds.

• Ain't technology great? Our gadgets automatically make the time changes. We no longer have to be aware, for those of us who were historically aware. My mother used to call her kids to remind them to change the clocks. Now the kids might have to call her.
• In completely unrelated news, I found a great way to get out of bed quickly: the one clock that didn't adjust itself told me I was an hour late for work. You shoulda seen me jump!

Say, do you live in the wildfirey areas of California?

If so, PG&E (We provide power, unless we shut it off) requests that you kindly stop shooting at its employees. Thank you and that is all.

How do we know this is fake news?

Because you can't own guns in California.

No thank you, I'd rather  have a long chat with Kim Kardashian, where she tells me all her ideas about things and stuff.

An analysis of 136 depression-related sites in France, Germany, and the UK revealed a majority embed an "impressive" number of trackers, mostly for marketing.     Well, that's depressing.

• ThermionicEmissions regrets to announce that Beto has dropped out of the race. Not that the rest of them are any better, nor are your Second Amendment rights safe.

Heroes of the Stupid  

There is a tumbler page on which an entomologist rates ant emojis.

A man buried 42 schoolbuses.
no word on whether they were full or not.

SJW Stinkies  

Do you have asthma and want to reduce your carbon footprint?

Stop using your medicine and find "greener" meds, per UK researchers.

Or you could stop your meds altogether and die, canceling your carbon footprint forever.

New York Times: refugees needed to fill 'void of cultural diversity' in white towns.

do NOT misgender the employees

Enough Hard Drives to Wash an Elephant

Dear lefty


Think locally, act globally.
Think globally, act locally?
Don't think, don't act.
Don't think - it makes your head hurt.

I was surprised to discover that my state reps have actually done something (besides trying to grab guns). Let me share...

• Victims of Communism Memorial Day
• International Year of the Periodic Table of Chemical Elements
• A Resolution recognizing dwarfism with the hope of raising positive awareness about dwarfism and promoting the welfare of people having dwarfism
• the 550th anniversary of the birth of Guru Nanak, the founder of Sikhism, as "World Equality Day"
• Life Insurance Awareness Month

There are a number of requests under consideration. Let me see....

• Veterans of Foreign Rudeness Day
• International Year of the Light Bulb and Light Bulb Manufacturers and Light Bulb Vendors
• Used Car Salesman Day
• Sphincter Dysfunction Week
• Sphincter Education Week
• Multiple Terabyte Hard Drives for Porn Month
• Comcast and Verizon Customer Service Appreciation Minute

So never let it be said that state reps never do anything.


Today I identify as a table lamp


Speaking of You Can't Get There from Here, I got a voicemail. Without the phone ringing. This pisses me off (most things piss me off). I went to get the voicemail and my phone said it couldn't connect to wireless. Ok, then connect to the regular old slow phone network. Oops, no service.

Since it was probably the wife, I texted (this works) to tell her to call on the house phone. Oops... then I texted to tell her NOT to call on the wireless house phone because I can't find it.  Due to other problems no one can fix, it takes up to 3 hours to receive her texts, so I text  don't bother texting because I won't get it for 3 hours. Subtext: I hate you and you lose phones. 

I went to my provider's page for their support number. They have cleverly hidden it, somewhere other than on their support page. Thinking they might just hate linux users, I tried other browsers and operating systems. No, this is the phone company, they hate everybody. They'd be happy to talk to me on Faceyspaces (fortunately you can't break a web page or I would've). Chat looked good. It asked me what was wrong in as few words as possible: no service. So it sent me to my personal phone plan, which was about as helpful as a throwing rock to an armless man. So it told me to hang on and it would send me a text to talk or text to someone else. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, you slinger of silicon stupidity. Not that it mattered, because I didn't get the text. Finally it got tired of listening to me and gave up the secret 800 number that anybody can call for service.

Using my Secret Emergency Phone<tm>, I called them.
Here's the strangest part of the entire debacle: she was nice, patient, knowledgeable, and spoke English as her primary language. You could've knocked me over with a hangnail.

We tested. We tweaked. We turned it off and back on again. We blew out my personalization (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO). Still couldn't get out no way, no how.

Wife called in the middle of this, out of spite, because she knew I was fascinated with talking to a woman who didn't say "STFU, you pretentious bastard and spawn of Satan!" I'm sure there was something really important there, but I spent my ten minutes trying to get back to my call, so I missed her saying what the temperature was in the car. 

Back on the support call, she researched, wrote a few chapters of her autobiography, and we picked on California, in harmony.

What's the outcome?  'They' are going to check the signal around to see if there are any issues. When will I know? Well, if the phone magically starts working, or two more business days, at most. Who doesn't take 2 days breaks from using their phones?  Good thing I have no life and only 5 people have my number. I'd give them my Secret Emergency number, but I have no idea what it is. 

The tech's last piece of advice was that if I see some dudes in an Official Looking Vehicle, walking around with some sort of meters, singing to each other after a 12 beer lunch, do NOT interrupt or flash them.  After the conversation, they texted me to ask about the support: I gave her a 10. Nothing got fixed, but at least she saved her coworkers from being flashed.


That Night: I put my phone on the shelf and got all comfy in bed. Visions of chocolate danced in my head. Only they didn't dance, so much as BANG. Turns out the BANG was my phone, leaping off the shelf. $*@&%!! and I picked it up. It had the most lovely crack across the screen. Not again.

I call the provider, yet again, and wait 37 minutes for someone to answer, because "wait times are higher than normal." What does that mean? It means that 2 people didn't show up for work, so there are only 2 left to service everyone in the country.

I ask what to do, she puts me right through to the insurance company. Their wait times are under 23 minutes, and a nice person went through the process. Get this - they'll overnight me a new phone, as soon as I send them my $150 deductible. WHAT?  I should've known.. insurance, in any form, sucks eggs. While there is no Satan, the inspiration came from insurance companies.

Curious, I call the provider again. This time the wait is going on forever. After an only 21 minute hold, they answer, then promptly drop my call. This is because one of the 2 had to go to the bathroom. Try again. This time I got right through, and when I say got right through, I mean after 31 minutes. I ask about an upgrade. No problem.... it'll be 3x the deductible. BUT WAIT!!!! If I buy now, they'll send me a free cardboard box!

Screw it.
When I get the new phone going, I'll have to find a way to keep it from leaping off the shelf. No more suicidal phones.


NEXT NEXT DAY: I paid the extortion deductible and expect the phone tomorrow. It took about 45 minutes because the link they sent me goes to a site that doesn't exist. This is another insurance trick... if you can't get in touch, they don't have to pay!  I tried getting in through the regular insurance.com address and it didn't like my login. Using the same login, it worked on the 2nd try.

LATER THE NEXT NEXT DAY: my provider did a survey of my reception area and sent me the results. You know you're in trouble when the link is to a VIDEO. To my surprise, the video said they found the signal substandard(!) and gave 3 suggestions: 

1. enable wifi calling:  This was enabled the day I got the phone. It's called 'connecting to my wireless' and it happens whenever I'm in the house.
2. turn on hifi voice to make the shitty quality sound better: this was also enabled the first day I got the phone.
3. Your provider makes these available for free!  No, it's my wireless that does this, you rhinoceros porn producers.
4. There is a wifi extender we can SELL you. Hang on a second... you admittedly have a signal issue in my hood and you want to sell me a fix?

I swear to you, dear readers, that they will fix the signal or give me the booster. We're not going to play this game. We will also find out what the rules are, governing phone service, and hold the provider to them. There are also very large and tax-intensive bodies that oversee phone providers. We might have to chat.

• Want to fly a drone in England? Not so fast - you need to register it with the government first. Really.

No thank you, I'd rather try to get a few words out of Marilyn Monroe about the Kennedys


Shock and surprise: the NY state party chairman wants to quintuple the number of votes that a political party needs to secure a ballot line.

Translated: the libertarians are gaining ground - we need a legal way to keep them off the ballot.




So you live in Denver and you're minding your own business when some stranger with guns breaks in and holds a Police Party. The police do not want to party, so they blow up the walls with explosives, fire tear gas, and drive a military-style armored vehicle through your doors. After a brief, 19 hour dance, the guy with the guns surrenders.

Your house lacks many walls between you and the outside. Windows too.
So you do what any American citizen would do - you sue the police. If you don't sue someone before you're 50, your citizenship becomes iffy. The perp, meanwhile, is wanted for shoplifting.

The city condemns what's left of your house and it turns into an empty lot. Rebuilding costs $400,000, plus $28,000 in legal fees.

The federal judge attempts to keep a straight face as he tells you that you're not getting SHIT. You're not entitled to compensation because the police were acting to preserve the safety of the public. And when I say police, I mean over 100 of them who responded.

The city feels bad and compensates you $5,000.
The case is going to the Supreme Court.




For some reason I found myself in a virtual work conference on etiquette. Before you say anything, I was there voluntarily, and it was not a condition of probation.  At the last place there was a sexual harassment conference. My friends asked if I was teaching it as a 'how-to'.

It was obviously an advanced course because it covered things like not chewing while you're on the phone or in a conference, how to answer the phone when spammers call, and a large list of stuff not to do when you work from home (this was the best part).

Be cheerful. Smile when you're talking - the caller can hear it.
And if the caller took enough LSD, they can see the phone melting.

Train your spouse not to bother you while you're working.
Have you ever tried to train a spouse? It would be easier to train a train.

Invest in a good headset. 
Because we'll let you work from home but we won't pay for a headset.

Say, "Hello, Walter's Widgets, this is Wanda Walters speaking...."
What if I don't work at Walter's Widgets?

I suspect that this entire conference was designed to discourage everyone from working at home.

Then they asked about things that really annoy us.
The text chat went insane, scrolling by so fast I couldn't read it. There were 2 main complaints: replying to ALL, and replying to replying to ALL. This did not stop 27 people from typing it again, because they're showing us how smart they are and how they are original thinkers. 

I helped. No, really. How could I let a chance like this go by?
What really annoys me? Windows 10.
No, wait, that was last time. But I like to bring it up at any related gathering.
I said never ask 2 questions in an email. You'll only get the first one answered. The moderator personally applauded it. I must know her boss.



Heroes of the Stupid 

Unemployed heroin addict drags NYPD cop with his car and gets $11 million.
Technically he was pulled over for blowing a stop sign and the cop went to get his keys, then the addict took off, dragging the cop. His partner, fearing for his partner's life, shot the addict, partially paralyzing him. 

The addict had his charge acquitted. The shot was ruled "not within department guidelines."  Adding insult to injury, the attorney requested 6-9 million for lost earnings. The addict was unemployed.  I would not want to be a cop in NYC. They're being neutered by government.





SJW Silliness 


'Sexual' use of eggplant and peach emojis has been banned on Faceyspaces and Instagram.    What's worse - pervasive emojis or Faceyspaces banning them?


"Sexy nurse' costumes demean one of the most in-demand professions in American life -- and they're a bestseller on Amazon right now.
-businessinsider.com


Burger King faces a lawsuit, this time from a vegan. He ordered one of their vegan burgers, without mayo, of course, then had an absolute fit because it was cooked on the same grill the real burgers were. So he's suing, as is his responsibility as an American. BK has a note on this burger, telling people it is cooked on the same grill, but if people don't like that, they can ask to have it baked.  I don't know what he's upset about - there's no meat in either burger.      Proud to be an American.

If you are allergic to Aspirin, Don't Take Aspirin

Dear lefty

• What goes with red wine?
• Cyanide.

I caught bits of an Amazon commercial the other day. It was about how great it is working there; mentioning tuition, other benefits, paying for learning to leave the company, and the bonus.. they're trans friendly. I could have misheard, but.... this would be the first commercial with trans specifically mentioned. Not a problem, but an observation. They are also Hepatitis C friendly, viral pneumonia friendly, and Ebola friendly (but only on weekends).

• It was pointed out that Mrs lefty has the biggest boobs in the family. It was further pointed out that she married the biggest boob in the family.

Today I identify as a railing

• a family member noted that Costco was getting expensive. You go in for milk and leave with a set of tires. Turns out you can get the whole car too. And while you're shopping, there are sea trips on big ships.
• This is why I don't go to Costco. That and the #&@ing old ladies, who slam into you, with their cart or with their car.

No thank you, I'd rather watch reruns of Match Game '73

• What do you do when you don't approve of the 2nd Amendment and wish to share your disapproval with your city?  You adopt a $0.02 tax per .22 caliber and $0.05 tax per other ammo. Then you hit the dealers with a $25 fee per handgun sold. Thank you, Tacoma. "We need to do more to aid the criminals."

PA residents: locate your senators and tell them to vote for Victoria's Law. PA is a puppy mill state and we need all the help we can get.

• Hey - how about a new 42% sales tax? The Democrat Medicare for All plan would require something like it....

Best quote in Australian police wiretap history: "I sold the rocket launchers to my mate and he sold it to those fucking dickhead terrorists. Now it's a fucking drama."




Heroes of the Heart

A plumber fixed the boiler of a 91-year-old terminally ill woman and billed her $0




Heroes of the Stupid

Woman claims Sephora mailed her cocaine.  This is a woman who is serious about her makeup.


PG&E says power lines may have started 2 northern California wildfires.
Hey - wasn't the blackout to prevent PG&E from causing fires?


Florida pastor kills himself after teen accuses him of raping her over 100 times.
If more would take the easy way out, the pope could continue ignoring the problem.


In the Fordham Law Review, Elizabeth Warren is stated to be a woman of color at Harvard.  This lady has an identification issue. First American Indian, then black. Next week it will be male, Eastern Indian,  and towel bar


Man accidentally shoots himself after throwing gun at cockroach to kill it.
Another cockroach-related shooting.




SJW Statistics

The Harvard Crimson, the university's student-run newspaper, is facing a campus backlash after requesting comment from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) for an article on a campus protest against the agency. Eleven student groups, including the Harvard College Democrats, signed a petition accusing the Harvard Crimson of showing cultural insensitivity for even contacting the government agency. On Sept. 12, students advocating for the abolition of ICE assembled for a rally organized by student group Act on a Dream in Harvard Yard. After the protest concluded, the paper reached out to an ICE spokesperson to ask for a statement in response to the protest for an upcoming story. Soon after, Act on a Dream published a petition, which currently has over 650 signatures, demanding The Crimson change its policies so that none of its reporters ever make contact with ICE again and apologize for the "harm [it] inflicted on the undocumented community."


"She committed rhetorical violence against me!"


The University of Maryland is firmly against any Halloween costumes that are deemed to be guilty of 'cultural appropriation' - they "have no place in an inclusive community."   Just think of the bargain here: you get an education, tens of thousands in bills, and the complete SJW indoctrination!

Beto's Dog: get me OUT of here!

Just Pay a Separate Fee

The BBC has just put its site on TOR
I'm not sure why the BBC needed a TOR site; perhaps they don't want anybody to catch you reading it.

*TOR is where the 'dark web' is. It's much more difficult to hack into TOR, although the FBI has done it (for child porn and illegal substances). TOR helps avoid tracking by your ISP. You only need the TOR browser. No, you won't see any illegal sites unless you go looking for them.

Stay tuned for Google harvesting your medical information!



I would like to say hello and thank you to whoever in America sent 4537 of their friends here. It was probably a horrible glitch, but I'll take whatever I can get.



In an effort to be more inclusive and garner some positive press for once, Google has decided to allow their speaking devices to use different voices. I have suggestions:

• your nagging mother-in-law's voice
• your nagging spouse's voice
• the president - this will either inspire you or cause a heart attack
• British voice - it sounds like it's correct all the time, even when it's not
• Chinese voice - you can't understand it any better than tax returns
• Ebonics - it axe you way you wanna go, ho?
• Canadian voice - tells you where the nearest hockey game is, eh?
• Jewish voice - Oy vey, you vant to know where are the sales? Your mother, God bless her, should only know...
• Polish - park the car in the bathtub
• Wife - no, the other left

Dear lefty

• Who are some decent alternative presidential candidates?
• my cousin-in-law, who was autistic before it was popular

A new poll has found that a majority of Americans want to rewrite the First Amendment to "reflect the cultural norms of today" in order to stop "hate speech."

Another new poll, based upon the old new poll, has found that we are a nation of morons. Finish this sentence: If Ben Franklin heard this, he'd ................

• I'm shaking my head in disbelief and sadness: there are people against meritocracy (getting the job and advancing based upon your good work). They claim it produces inequality, stifles social mobility(?) and makes even the winners miserable.
• This is horrible parody and I wish it would stop.

Youth is wasted on the young.
When I think back, I regret that I didn't spend more time with people who are no longer around. People I can appreciate so much more, now that I'm an (alleged) adult. People whose wisdom is valuable.   Kids just don't know... I guess that's a good thing.




Today I identify as a dog bowl



We're trying to force life back to (ab)normal, after our loss. Today we took Mom to the mall. Life is always an adventure.. especially after I noticed there was no phone signal in the mall. While the ladies shopped, it became very important to text my friend to tell her there was a guinea pig in The Secret Lives of Pets 2. No signal. This seriously impacted my texting.

The movie itself wasn't as funny as the original, but isn't that always the case? The kids enjoyed it. It was the dog's first movie she actually watched.  It might have had something to do with all the dogs barking. She even stared when the cats meowed. She doesn't understand depth, so sometimes she runs around the back of the tv, looking for the dog or cat she just heard.

So we find ourselves shopping in a store with adult sleepwear in fantasy animal themes. You could put on this one-piece pajama and look like a unicorn. It wasn't enough that the kids wanted one - they insisted Mom get one too. Now the two of them can have a sleepover, dressed as unicorns. Like a small herd or something.

I have the only mother on earth who hasn't been to Starbucks in ten years or more. Even with a limited menu, it took 15 minutes to figure out what to get. Fortunately we had some help from one of the green-haired girls behind the counter. While waiting, we overheard a delightful conversation between Blue Hair and Pink Hair. Blue Hair's brother is apparently scoring with the girls big time, because they're giving him their scrunchies. At my last job, one of my coworkers would come into the office with someone's panties. You can decide for yourself which is the better trophy.

Then it got surreal.
I found myself, with wife and elderly mom, in Victoria's Secret. I know Victoria's Secret: how they get so many to pay so much for so little. The possibilities for being uncomfortable and hysterical were many. Mrs lefty is trying to draw out what kind of underwear Mom wants... they are different languages. Then the color selection started. My job was to hold everyone's drinks - a noble post.

At this time, a very cheerful Annoying Sales Person came by. She didn't take subtle hints like NO, WE'RE OK, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF WE NEED ANYTHING. She asked if we had any questions in the meantime. I pointed to the picture of their model Adriana Lima and asked if she was from Brazil. Judging by the look on her face, she had never heard that question before and she honestly didn't know. I had achieved my goal: she was walking away.

Color selection finished, it was time to wander around. Mrs lefty wanders like a pro, frequently using her power of Disappearance, flummoxing the rest of us. Mom needs to be monitored a bit, lest she leave her purse on a bra or wander out of the store. I was the caboose, charged with making sure Mom didn't get lost, while simultaneously trying to locate Mrs lefty. Normally I like being asked what I think of things in that store (by Mrs lefty, you bastards) but it just wasn't working. We thought everything was free, because we couldn't locate a checkout counter. It was cleverly hidden at the back of the store, where everything was dark and you couldn't see it from anywhere else in the store. The cashier was wearing a tape measure around her neck and I asked if she was required to wear it or did she use it. She described the things it could be used for, specifically measuring women for bras, which women sometimes never have done. I'm chuckling along because I'm well aware of this. I have to give the girl credit: she didn't even flinch when I told her I can correctly size breasts with a tape measure too. This is the kind of employee you want working at your business.

In the next store, Mom went into Panic Mode<tm> because she couldn't find her purse. I ran around to the places she was looking and we were relieved to find that Mrs lefty had her purse, for just this reason. Apparently I need to get out less.

Mom is having fun and it was well-deserved. We enjoyed it also, except when she'd answer a question we didn't ask, then laugh inappropriately.

On the way back, she asked if we would stop at the store to pick up some water, because she was almost out of it. Sure. Translated, this means 'you go in the store and get me some water.' I keep running into this attractive shopper... it occurred to me, by her smile, I should say a few words to her or something, but then I remembered Mrs lefty's strict No Dating Policy and walked away. The wife has absolutely no sense of humor. The sad irony is that I could never figure out when a woman was being receptive or hitting on me... the wife would point it out and I still didn't get it. Now that I can make most people laugh and occasionally pick up when a woman wants to talk, there's the No Dating Policy. I get no reward for learning and growth.

So I am in a foul mood because it's past my naptime and I'm greeted by another Cheerful Cashier. She told me it's service with a smile; she's smiling and now it's my turn. I looked at her and said, deadpan, "I am smiling." The people in line were laughing but the cashier was a little upset. We discussed the vagaries of customer service. My first job was 9 months of Retail Hell, at which I discovered that I never wanted to work in retail for as long as I lived. People weren't my strong suit. The cashier's former job was in public transportation, so being a cashier was a vacation.

When we got Mom home, I put the water away. It was a good thing we stopped for water -she only had six gallons left. So with ten gallons, she won't need any emergency trips for water for at least a day or two.


Meanwhile my phone is still not working. I am still not happy. I'm rebooting the phone as if it had Windows. Still nothing. Still not happy. After the past weeks, I don't have the reserves to fight with my phone, or for any negative news at all. At home I see it's still not working and am forced to do the first level repairs: screaming at it. This failed miserably. Second level is screaming in general, but not specifically at the phone. This also failed. Still napless, I was not in good form. Much technical testing later, I chance a look at my carrier's last text, which said my bill was due a week earlier. As a long term technical person, I immediately put one and one together, equaling three, and get further mad, realizing the bill wasn't paid. You're probably saying to yourself that I must be a real idiot to not pay my bill, but in actuality, it's Mrs lefty's fault. She says 'pay your bill' and I pay it. Since she never said 'pay your bill,' I never paid it, which is why it's her fault. I went to pay it by phone and the phone was still not working. Of course it wasn't. Even after I yelled at it further, and told it I was using the phone to pay my $*#@ing bill. Bloody hell, I'm Desperate and Phoneless. Getting on the computer, it won't let me log into their site.... bad password. I know the bleeding password by heart, plus I keep it in my password locker for this reason. Strangely, I paid the bill and the phone worked again. It was like a miracle.

• Agoraphobes have a much smaller carbon footprint: it's hard to use resources when you can't leave the house.

No thank you, I'd rather express my dog's anal glands





Heroes of the Stupid

A Florida man was arrested after being caught having sex with a stuffed "Olaf" toy inside Walmart.    Well.... was Olaf any better than Elsa? 

An Arkansas hunter died after the deer he shot attacked him.
That deer got 4 hunters last week.


SJW Sentences   (didja ever notice there are always many true SJW stories here?)

Clapping has been banned at Oxford University to stop people being triggered.

A California veterans hospital, visited by women dressed as WWII glamour girls, now wants to approve the outfits before allowing them to visit patients.   No good deed ever goes unpunished

Using proper grammar is a sign of 'white supremacy' says ASU professor.
As someone who spent time in Arizona, I can certify this fellow spent way too much time out in the 115 degree sun, in addition to being a professor.

Why there are no exorcisms in Russia

Elephantiasis at the Zoo

Want to help keep ads and crapware out of your computer?
Replace the HOSTS file.
Head here, download the file, and follow the directions. Works on Windows, linux, probably Mac. There's an explanation of how it works, if you care. It's updated monthly or so.  Nothing's perfect, but it will definitely help.

ANDROID users: if you use UC Browser, uninstall. It breaks several goog mobile app rules, and puts more than 500 million users at risk. Try Firefox, Bromite, Tor, and Privacy Browser (from f-droid repository). Privacy Browser is really what it says, doing more to block crap than any other browser.

• The king of Thailand has stripped Sineenat Wongvajirapakdi of her royal consort title, as well as all royal titles, decorations, status in the royal guard, and her military ranks. Also the name that was really hard to spell.
• Royal consort?  Damn... I wonder if Mrs lefty would allow that
• We have that here, but it never had an official title.

Know what would be neat?
Good phone service.
The providers have no trouble charging you exorbitant fees, yet there is no service guarantee, especially quality of service. I just dialed a call and the phone sat there, deliberately doing its impression of a tree. I heard it dial, unlike a tree, but that was it. What's going on when this happens?

Then there's the coverage, or lack of thereof. If you live in a remote area, good luck... you're probably fortunate to have landlines that work during a storm. And electricity.  How about dropped or fuzzy calls? They're certainly not rare.

With cell phones being around for longer than many people, things should really be sorted out by now.  We're being bent over a table by phone and cable providers. Incidentally, people outside the US laugh at us... our internet speeds are lower and way more expensive, cable is way too expensive, and pharmaceuticals are astronomically more expensive. Cable companies operate at the city level, paying politicians to see that there are only one or two providers available, so the price can be kept high. If competition were allowed, the price would drop. It's good to be an American.

• Former Faceyspaces workers: we routinely suppressed conservative news

Dear lefty

• Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
• Because he was dead.

ThermionicEmissions asked its California Consultant why electricity was turned off on purpose in northern California (called Public Safety Power Shutoff events). They had a lot of fires, which turned out to be the power company's fault, so a power outage was called, so as not to cause more fires.

Errr.... ummm... what civilized part of the country shuts electricity off? What civilized power distributor causes fires?

About 5 minutes after the above, I read that the PG&E CEO said California can expect blackouts for a decade.

• Wife made a snack for dinner, at around 3am. I came down to a baking pan full of.... things. Breaded things. I figured I'd tempt fate and try one. It was batter coated and had a unique texture.  I still have no idea what it was.

After the horrible incident of racism in British football, Business got vigilant. Two racists in the crowd were arrested.
Ummmmm...... good thing the US freedom of speech hasn't eroded this far.

• An Oregon engineer wants to change traffic lights so yellow is longer, avoiding many tickets.

No thank you, I'd rather test out new Rough-O toilet paper, made from real trees.

• Did you hear about the defrocked priest?
• He got thrown out because he refused to molest little boys.

I have a vague memory of, at some ridiculous hour of the morning, my parents' phone calling mine. Mine called my brother. His called the parents. The phones didn't ring - they just said there was a call. Checking the logs, there was no outgoing call on any of them. All at the same time.  Go ahead, explain that.

There's an awful lot of talk today about Russian groomed and funded candidates, meddling in elections, and undermining of our electoral process.

We'll just comment that if you read the entire Mueller Report, the only major ticket that didn't receive any ads from Moscow was ours.

-Libertarian Party

Today I identify as a bottle of horseradish mustard




I have no trouble whatsoever with people wanting to change their gender or much of anything else, so long as it harms no one. However, competing in sports is one exception. Male and female bodies are different - it's a fact of nature. So when a trans person competes, there's an advantage for male to female because they still have a male body, albeit softened a bit.

Heroes of the Stupid

The New Jersey Department of Taxation wants to remind everyone that pumpkins used for decorations are subject to sales tax. Pumpkins used for food or in food preparation are tax free.





SJW Shenanigans

ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD - Twitter

The Seattle school district is planning to infuse all K-12 math classes with ethnic-studies questions that encourage students to explore how math has been “appropriated” by Western culture and used in systems of power and oppression.


@ white trans people
Being trans doesn't absolve you of your privilege.
Yes you are marginalized.
You're also still white.

Lonelier Than a Nun in a Room Full of Priests

I've been reading about cheap laptops. It never hurts to have a cheap second machine around, in case the first one goes tits up or only half the display displays.  There's a very interesting product called the Pinebook. It's a community-driven project to produce dirt cheap linux laptops. I can't find any reference to it working with Windows, sorry. At least I looked.

The first machine is the Pinebook. It comes with an 11" or 14" display and goes for the heavy price of $99. Before you do anything, read the review. There are some gotchas, but nothing showstopping. You have to decide. At this this price, it's worth it to have a laptop to learn linux. And when I say learn, it operates pretty much like Windows: you use the menu to choose a program and go. The program menus have everything you're used to: save, print, quit, etc. If you're clever, you can even make it look like Windows. There's not much of a learning curve - you hook it to your wireless and go. It runs all the same browsers except Internet Explorer [not a single snide comment from me].

BUT there's more!  Pine64 is taking preorders for the Pinebook Pro. At $199, it might just be a bargain. It has more power and other improvements. Keep in mind the above review is for the earlier $99 Pinebook, not the Pinebook Pro.

Here's one consideration: the laptops are designed to be bargains. They are not equipped with the latest and greatest processors. At this price for a brand new laptop, you have a bargain. It's absolutely fine for surfing, email, and other apps. I'm thinking about one. If you have any questions, ask.

I realize I don't have a ton of readers who use linux, but wanted to present it to everyone.  There are all sorts of linux laptops, from the specifically built power machines ($1,000 to $2,000 and up) to used Thinkpads ($cheap - you have to install linux, but it's known to work on these). It runs on most anything, but I'd avoid new laptops because there might not be drivers for everything yet. It has worked on the last 5 laptops I had, without issues.




As some of you know, my father died suddenly.
People who unaware of this ask me how he's doing. What do I say?

How is he?
He isn't.

I might need a better answer.



Remember the component engineer's classic definition of a connector:
it's a source of trouble that joins two other sources of trouble.



Dear lefty

• How many cocker spaniels does it take to change a lightbulb?
• One to distract Dad and one to eat Dad's dinner.

Today's Question: Why are there three, no, FOUR knots in Penny's leash?
The question here is not why there are knots. The question is what the response to the question should be. I beg your forgiveness? I have no idea? Is this an actual problem? Have you asked Penny? Is that the one we use for..... never mind.

• A Cape Cod study finds no easy way to stop shark attacks
• Don't sharks know there's a law against attacking us?

Today I identify as the First Lady's thong

• The pope warned against obesity.  Still no warning about being a young boy anywhere close to his minions....

No thank you, I'd rather take Cardio B to a hotel




The news is full of topics, mainly the fact that today is the first International Space Station spacewalk with two women.  A news story featured a professor of astronomy talking about this. I'm not sure how a studier of planets is qualified to speak about the ISS, but let's give her the benefit of doubt. She was all abuzz about showing that women can do it. "History is being made."

Ummm.... these are astronauts. They are incredibly highly qualified and trained. If they are not capable of a spacewalk, they wouldn't be there. NASA doesn't send astronauts to the ISS because of their plumbing. Will the news provide 24/7 coverage of the first two left handed astronauts doing a spacewalk? If you think about it, the people celebrating this are saying women have to prove themselves. That's sexist.

• The Postal Service is exploring the use of drones to deliver mail
• They're running into difficulty training them to be surly and late.

He started murdering women on South Florida, then became the worst serial killer in US history

• a 75 year old woman jumped to her death from the Costa Pacifica cruise ship's balcony.
• That was a very expensive suicide. Don't they have balconies at home?

I've ranted previously on unboxing videos, but one just annoyed me so you have to read an additional rant... Let's think about this a second. Someone got a videocam or phonecam and took video of someone literally opening a box and showing you the object. That's it. Even the people born without imagination find this ridiculous. If I want to watch a video of someone opening a box, I'll take some recreational pharmaceuticals and see it in my head. There was no voiceover in this video: just the sound of taking the object out of the box. It's like xmas, when you open a present.... riiiiiiippp. People watch this crap?






Heroes of the Stupid

A loyal reader was waiting for UPS to deliver a package. On the first day, it was 250 miles away, on its way. One the 2nd day, it had been misrouted. To Honolulu. That's approximately 5553 miles, with no driving directions available.

Ladies, you are warned not to use toothpaste to tighten your vagina. Among other things, it burns. This is on the heels of men using toothpaste to last longer in bed.  In other news, toothpaste sales are through the roof, as are emergency room visits.

The UK installed a knife surrender bin to curb knife crime. Criminals stole all the knives.   Hey Beto - how about a gun surrender bin?

A Dutch father and six adult children have been discovered living inside the cellar of a farmhouse, where they were waiting 9 years for the 'end of days.'




SJW Attack

Trump policies, racism may cause some black women's weight problems, professor says.