Thursday, June 15, 2023

Get Checked for Colon Cancer - Shove it Up Your...


Your love is like    chocolate covered cream cheese?


Oldest most complete Hebrew Bible sells for $38m at auction

asked for comment, the ADL declared it antisemitic.

 

Today I identify as   a toddler, too young to remember his gender reveal party


Florida Professor Breaks Record For Time Spent Living Underwater

Nobody knows why.

  • trying to avoid the summons
  • got the results of the STD test
  • Mario and Luigi want to chat with him about a 'loan payment'

Microsoft is scanning the inside of password-protected zip files for malware

You have to give them credit: they stay up late every night, thinking of how to be more evil.


  • In their quest to piss off millions and millions of android users, Google introduced 'like' buttons for text messages. Millions and millions of android users were sick to their stomachs that their operating system attempted to be every bit as foo-foo as Apple's. Meanwhile, millions and millions of iDevice users were sick to their stomachs, because they could no longer say, "Yes, WE have it, but YOU don't."
  • Quite frankly, I don't care whether you liked my text or not. Most of humanity went to texts because they're short and involve no interaction with people. You're just adding more time and effort to something you chose because it was brief. And pissing off most of your friends and family. You are the kind of people who couldn't send texts without emojis if you were on fire.
  • Your kind makes me sick - you toffee-nosed, vacuous, malodorous PERVERTS
 
As Wireless Carriers 'Rip and Replace' Chinese-Made Telecom Equipment, Who Pays?

This is a rhetorical question, right?
The answer is always The Taxpayers.

Congress gave the FCC $1.9 billion (of your money) to replace Huawei equipment. Ask yourself why we need to pay for new equipment. If your gas station's toilet blows up, should your tax money pay for it? If their lift jack dumps a Toyota on a customer, do you pay for the new one (lift jack or customer)? Surprising to no one is the fact that this latest giveaway has grown to over $5 billion, with no additional funding (yet). However, Republicans have already come up with a bill, bless their pointy little heads. I'm sure the Dems are following on their heels. Congress has never met a thing that couldn't be made worse with your money.

Side note: humongous businesses have used Chinese junk instead of paying more for American equipment. This is not an argument about countries, it's about quality. A Cisco switch can be thousands of dollars, while a Huawei can be a lot less. Businesses who know it's important to have quality gear go with Cisco. It's a cost of doing business. This hit the fan after somebody woke up to the security implications of gear from 'the enemy.'  I wouldn't put that crap on my network - you shouldn't either. I wouldn't pay for the cable company's new routers and neither should you. Talk to your congresscritter.

Make no mistake - if taxpayer money didn't fund this, you'd still pay, but through your cable or phone bills, not another President Giveaway giveaway.  Have I mentioned the $52 billion giveaway to chip manufacturers lately? College loan forgiveness? Funding the vaccine for the Flying AIDS? Bank bailout? Auto bailout? Trillions in financial and arms aid for foreign countries? 


  • Beware of people who spell Dennis 'Denis'

Saw an old friend the other day, who asked if I had observed the mandatory 6 month mourning period for Jeff Beck

This is why I have friends. Both of them.


It's inevitable that your workplace will hit you (painfully) over sexual harassment and discrimination, offering (mandatory) training. Just remember that sexual harassment applies to unwanted sexual words or touches. Unwanted. So if your target smiles, it's not harassment.

If you're accused of any of these terrible acts, you need to immediately throw a monkeywrench in the process. Start by calling your accuser RACIST. This is usually the way to make even the most mighty fall to their knees. If this fails (because you managed to screw it up - it never fails by itself) you need to go with a reliable backup - the Americans with Disabilities Act. People with disabilities rank second only to cries of RACIST. Business stop everything they're doing and pay strict attention to ADA claims.  One person in a wheelchair out front can cause irreparable harm. Pay careful attention: tell your employer your disability is that you're crazy. You have a mental problem. The ADA covers people who have mental problems, even if it's just that you have no filters or Tourette's Syndrome. 

-you're welcome


We're all out here, dead in the water
We  got a leak in the boat
We're up shit's' creek, without any paddle
Just tryin' to stay afloat

  -- Joe Walsh  The Band Played On 



Today's News  

Police arrested a Person of Color today, for robbing a bank.

SJW Chorus:  RACIST!

Elon Musk: George Soros hates humanity    (he said this)

SJW Chorus:  ANTISEMITE!   (they said that)

Today Donald Trump..

SJW Chorus:   RACIST. HATER. FASCIST!

Dianne Feinstein stepped down today because of dementia

SJW Chorus:  SEXIST! AGEIST! ABLEIST!

Rear Admiral Jackie Harkness, a gay advocate, was fined for hitting counterprotesters with his stick.

SJW Chorus:  HOMOPHOBES!

The entire Bible Belt wants to ban Drag Shows

SJW Chorus:  GENDERIST!  HATER!  GAY BASHER!

I give up. I'm just going to shoot myself.

SJW Chorus:  GUN NUT! LIFE-IST! ANTI-NEWSIST! BOYCOTT CNNSNBC!! WE WOKE!



Going on at every company at the moment:

[filling out trouble ticket]

[tech calls later] Following up on your ticket.

Thank you.

What is the serial number and our inventory number?

The same one I put on the trouble ticket...

Was the error message for the same serial number?

Errr.... no. I selected the Q32 Explosive Space Modulator because it's the exact model. No idea where the different serial number came from.

What is the error message?

"The network can't see the Q32 Explosive Space Modulator." 
Funny - *I* can. It's right here on my desk. It says it's on the network. Perhaps the network needs glasses. Or aliens. Or Upper Manglement got rid of the network because it costs too much money, instead giving us cups and string.

TICKET CLOSED 



Small Books   
  • Asian Giants of the NBA and NHL
  • The Girls of the Brazilian Small Butt Bikini Team


We regret to inform you Earth will not be destroyed by an asteroid within 1,000 years

it's even money on aliens, though.

Actually, Earth has been quarantined by the aliens, so we don't spread through the cosmos like a virus. War, space junk, pollution, war, militarized land/sea/air/space, reality tv, politicians...... 


 




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