If You Think About it, it's Not Worth Thinking About

Your love is like   a sink continually full of dirty dishes

A 45-year-old man has been accused of deliberately driving his pick-up truck into the lobby of the Grand Junction Police Department in Colorado

Police said he appeared to be upset about something.

Today I identify as  pudding

 I joked about President Giveaway shipping Abrams tanks to Ukraine at the rate of 2.5 per Ukrainian. Here's some official news showing I was right on target:

The 31 U.S. M1 Abrams tanks headed to Ukraine will need to be in a unique export configuration. This is in large part due to the highly classified armor packages found specifically on U.S. military versions of the tank, which contain depleted uranium not readily exportable even to major allies. Concerns have also been raised over how the complex electronic components, and especially the gas turbine propulsion systems, of the tanks could make them particularly difficult to maintain in Ukraine. President Joe Biden formally announced plans to send the 31 M1 Abrams tanks to Ukraine on January 25 – it still remains unclear what specific variant of the Abrams Ukraine's military is set to receive from the U.S.

Now Biden has to send in 457 Abrams tank technicians, all with nuclear-resistant overalls.

What is our fascination with depleted uranium weapons?

A British man who planned to have a "robot lawyer" help a defendant fight a traffic ticket has dropped the effort after receiving threats of possible prosecution and jail time.

Where did the fire and brimstone come from? Multiple state bar associations. Do the math.

Cell phone manufacturers had the worst quarter ever, in 2022 Q4. 

Please stand with me, as we send our deepest sympathies and blow them a Thermionic Raspberry

Pbthllllllllt.

I gotcher $1,500 phones right here.

Laura Winham: Surrey woman lay dead in flat for three years, say family

Fascinating article. The health program, NHS, is having lots of problems. The family lays this square at the NHS' door. They've got a tremendous point. My only question is why the family didn't check up on her for 3 years?

Her sister Nicky said the family were unable to maintain contact with her after years of schizophrenia caused her to believe they would harm her.

Unfortunately Surrey has no working phone system. Or cell phone system. The police found her body after a welfare check was requested.

What have we learned?

1. have a few friends, invite them over for pizza; this way your body will be found faster
2. everyone dropped the ball (apologies for the sports metaphor) - it's beyond horrible
3. America's health system is suffering too but not this badly. Unfortunately things have changed from how we knew them. A patient has to be their own advocate. If they're not capable, someone else must advocate for them; like a family member. When the system makes a promise, it has to be followed up. Even if you have to be an asshole, you're being an asshole in service of someone you love. You have to go as far as to check with your doctor after blood work, because there's no guarantee he read the results and will contact you to come back. Better safe than sorry, right? Fighting the bureaucracy is extremely difficult, but for that reason, it must be done. Ask the question until you're satisfied you understand the answer (and it's ok with you).

Unfortunately, I know from experience. If I weren't a tenacious asshole, they might be dead.

Yellen warns of debt ceiling "catastrophe" for U.S. and beyond

• Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen told Axios she is “nervous” about the U.S. defaulting on its debt and cautioned that Americans likely will face a scary and spiraling recession if Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling this summer. 

Notice that a problem and solution were put forth. Notice that nowhere is it mentioned that we should lower the debt. Notice that every time this comes up, the debt ceiling gets raised. It's theater. Congress whines about the government having to close down, then votes to raise the ceiling. And we stand for it. Every time.

At Theme Parks, You Must Be This Tall—and This Thin—to Ride
A new Mario Kart attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood warns that visitors with large waistlines might not be allowed on board

How could this possibly create a problem?

 Appliance makers sad that 50% of customers won’t connect smart appliances

Every now and then I think there might be some hope for humanity.

 Then I realize it's because they don't know how to connect them.

Procrastination may harm your health. Here’s what you can do

Good idea - I'll do it tomorrow.

Amazon to close charitable program AmazonSmile
Amazon strikes: Workers claim their toilet breaks are timed

Bezos: Look. this is a bad economy. America is going to default on the debt unless it raises its debt ceiling. I can't raise my debt ceiling, so I have to trim the fat where I can. Do you realize I only have two solid gold toilets at my mansions? I sacrifice like anybody else.  Other ideas:

1. double the caffeine in their coffee - they'll get more work done
2. there will be NO company timing of bathroom breaks. Employees will be required to time themselves, and report it on Form 9997-PP.
3. if bathroom breaks are found to take up too much time, we will dig a trough and everybody can use it while they work. No need for time off or timing bathroom breaks.
4. about that vacation time we promised you.....
5. if you work the weekend, you can make up for the pay cut
6. limit space shuttles to one celebrity per month
7. if we fire enough low-paid workers, we can afford bonuses for upper manglement
8. Work songs - they make everybody happier and more productive. Start with "Back on the Chain Gang", then "Workin' in a Coal Mine"
9. Hire more divorced people: they have no lives anyway, so they'll come in more often.
10. Perhaps working from home wasn't the best idea for the warehouse people...

• Johnny, have you no couth? Wait til you get home to play with your sister's hoo-ha.

     A Federal Judge has blocked California law that would punish doctors for providing treatment or advice that promotes COVID "misinformation." Bill Gates, one of the leading investors in mRNA technology who made millions off of the COVID vaccine, recently admitted that the COVID vaccine is ineffective against preventing transmission, providing long-term protection, and aligning with rapidly developing variants.

     Nearly half of Americans believe Covid vaccines have probably caused a significant number of unexplained deaths, according to a Rasmussen Reports survey. Rasmussen reported that a near equal proportion worry that Covid vaccines may have major side effects (57%) as believe they are effective (56%). The mRNA vaccines ... were authorized by the Food and Drug Administration on an emergency basis after only 10 months of testing. Vaccine trials usually take about 10 years. The FDA in December 2020 decided it couldn’t wait for an exhaustive study and authorized the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines after two large randomized controlled trials showed they were nearly 95% effective against symptomatic infection. But patients had been tracked for only a few months.

Bolded text is mine. I brought this up at the beginning of vaccine availability.

Once again, I am not anti-vax; I am for full testing, no Bill Gates, no Big Pharma swindling, and no mandates.

It was an average morning. The sun was in its usual spot, completely hidden by the omnipresent cloud layer. As I turned on my computer, it mocked me by giving me grief about having 2 monitors. Off to get coffee, I slid on a magazine - I swear it reached out for me. As I took my vitamin, I picked it up and it went flying onto some sticky paper. I have picked up vitamins successfully for most of my life, so I just watched in horror.  

Sick with being home, I had to actually go into the premises where I used to physically sit to do an upgrade. 3 minutes out, there was a train. 5 minutes out, there was another train. The speed indicator on the side of the street said you should be going 30mph, but you are going XXmph. Just to be sure, everybody was driving 23mph. I got ready to get on the main road to work, when, you guessed it, the road was closed and there were detour signs. Lovely. I followed the signs until I came back to the road that was closed, with the detour signs. I felt lucky because there were no more trains and I even got a parking spot at work. Isn't that sad?

The receiving department had the parts I needed, so I trudged across the tundra, to the other side of the building. You know what's coming, right? The sign said they'd be back in 2 hours. I emailed one of them and went in search of drinking fountains and old coworkers. The fountains were blocked off by orange construction cones. Nobody I used to work with was in the office. They're probably smart and were working from home, where I should have been at that moment. Especially Betty's home. Then the most bizarre thing happened.... the receiving guy came after me with my package. If his boss finds out, he won't have a job anymore. I thanked him and promised not to let his boss know. 

The server I was operating on was very well-hidden, probably on purpose. I'm not positive, but I thought I heard it snicker when I finally found it. Because they can be stacked high in racks, they're made to be easy to work on. Pop the hood and pop in the part. Reconnect and we're off. The company sent 2 of the parts, in case 1 was bad. How did they know? Re-pull, re-open, reseat, go.

What have we learned? Don't get anywhere near me - you wouldn't want my day to rub off on you.

The vitamin? It's stuck to a police scanner on my desk, to make it go faster.

Pr0n or Mainstream? 

This is the fun blogging game where I give you 2 titles and you tell me which is the pr0n and which is the mainstream. 

• Elf Sex Farm
• Decomposition analysis method in linear and nonlinear differential equations

Think carefully - it's not always as obvious as it appears.

Conversations with my dog  

Me: Why do you bark at stuff that isn't there? 

Her: My sight is 1,000 times better than yours, my nose 5,000 times better than yours, and my ears 2,000 times better than yours. YOU are the one who can't see things, not me.

Me: What do you see?

Her: I see dead people.

Me: Can you tell them to stop breaking stuff and go haunt someone else's house?

I attended a security conference recently. They used Zoom.

Why does a high-level security organization use Zoom? Zoom is a mess, with a terrible track record for safety. Nobody should use Zoom. There are other services, like Wire.

The weather has modified slightly. Instead of complete gloom in one of 247 shades of gray, we have shade #247 with rain. Who says we have no variety? 

No... wait... now it's snowing. Naturally it wasn't in the forecast.

Former Vice President Pence is the latest politician to join the Classified Documents at Home crowd.

He joins Joe "What's a Classified Document?" Biden and Donald "Stand in line to sue me" Trump.

I don't know what the big deal is. How many of us don't have top secret documents in a box in the garage? Or email servers in the bathroom? Besides - the people have to Do What We Say and Not What We Do. We understand security like we understand the life-cycle of the slug, which we tend to closely resemble. So I tell you - don't let the findings of classified documents in unsecured places have any effect on your support of the politician. We all do it. 

P.S. Will the person who has the Top Secret documents on Roswell please return them? We can't keep our lies story straight.

Debt ceiling anyone? 

UC Berkeley believes there are many more instances of Top Secret documents in the wild, specifically among Jews, who are still not allowed on campus, along with Zionists and people who don't accept the fact that there are over 307 genders.

‘Turgid’ Penises and ‘Anal Clefts’: New Bill Seeks to Outlaw Adult Businesses in West Virginia

The authors of the bill want you to know that they're in no way rabid religionoids or even republicans. They have no desire to legislate their own morals, nor do they want to control what people can see and do. They will absolutely not be caught with little boys or sheep at any time.

They should spend some time making incest illegal.

This idiocy is clearly against the 1st Amendment; the ACLU has already weighed in. The only chance the citizens have is that the legislation was introduced at the end of the session, which expires in a couple of weeks. There are over 1,000 pieces of legislation introduced, so we hope it will get lost in the numbers. West Virginians: you really need to contact these people. They have no business legislating morality and this is anti 1st Amendment. Even if you don't avail yourself of adult entertainment, these people cannot be allowed to decide what businesses are allowed and not allowed to operate. Next time it might be your business.

Smart ovens do really dumb stuff to check for Wi-Fi

You know of my great love for 'smart' devices. This one searches for a wifi connection and 'phones home,' including to China. You should really read the article and be upset. Let it inform your buying decisions on all smart devices.

Tip: there are a number of 'dumb' tv's available. It's worth researching.

Pr0n legend Ron Jeremy was to be on trial for sexual assault. Unfortunately he was found incompetent to stand trial, due to sever mental deterioration. He is currently in a facility, and thinks he's making pr0n movies. What a shame.. he was a real pistol. With a real pistol. Although this whole circus would be hysterical to him (if he didn't orchestrate it). If he did, he fooled the professionals. Jeremy took to doing comedy after his pr0n career also developed dementia.

Yet another taken by dementia. Like cancer, the incidence has gone through the roof. 

UC Berkeley will not view pr0n of the 1970s-80s because there were a lot of Jews in the movies, Jeremy included. 

Overheard

I can't use my oven, it's winter

The Musk Files

Elon Musk, who has taken an almost Trumpian beating on Twitter, wants to get back to what is important; Teslas. And Tesla is in the headlines once again, when Sacramento firefighters had to use 6,000 gallons of water to put out a Tesla that had spontaneously combusted.

Fortunately the driver was able to pull over and was not injured.

Teslas now come with fire extinguishers and fire insurance, as well as an optional fireproof suit, like race car drivers wear. When someone suggested that this is too much work to simply drive a car, he was torn a new one on Twitter.

In Philly, a Tesla driver burned to death when his car spontaneously combusted and no one would allow him to pull over to the shoulder. In fact, some sped up so he couldn't cut them off. Another 25 drivers almost caused a chain reaction crash because they were taking video. 3 drivers shot at him. Nobody bothered to call the police or fire, but all 25 videos made it to TikTok and Faceyspaces. This was how the driver's wife learned about her husband's death.

Musk is also pissed because of a flight-tracking service that knows where his plane is. It's completely legitimate, as all planes transmit this info. Musk believes he's immune and has threatened the owner of the service with a lawsuit. One such service is Flightaware. You can even check the timing of your plane arriving. You can tell a lot from this information.

More Cigarettes in the Fridge

 

Your love is like  making love to a poisonous jellyfish

There is a house on the block with a large flag that reads TRUMP 2024.

In my hood, it's as easy to get a republican into office as it is to get a libertarian.

Of course we're all voting for the green pen, right?

Today I identify as  anything but a football fan

Michigan is Banning Inmates From Reading Totally Normal Books

The state's prisons have banned almost 1,000 titles, claiming over half of them pose a “threat to the order and security of the institution.”

ThermionicEmissions has obtained the banned books list:

1. Dungeons and Dragons rule-making books
2. Grant Writing for Dummies  [definitely a threat to order]
3. German in 32 Lessons
4. Horton Hears an Escape Plan
5. The History of Shivs and How to Make them from Everyday Items
6. Where to Hit an Armed Guard to Temporarily Disable Him
7. English as a First Language
8. Prison Blueprints Throughout History
9. What Happens When You're the Bitch?
10. Mama Said not to Forget Your Rubbers

Scientists Determine Best Place to Stand In Your House When a Nuke Hits

lefty Tip: right on the roof, so the blast doesn't have to go looking for you. There will be nothing left worth living for, and you can get it over with painlessly. If you manage to hide out in your house, your death will be slow and painful. Ain't nobody comin' to help you. You won't even be able to get on Faceyspaces, so you'll wish you were dead anyway.

The little blue pill really is magic! Men with erectile dysfunction who take Viagra are 25% less likely to suffer an early death than those who don't, study suggests

Further study concludes that Viagra has very little to do with it. What do you do after you take Viagra? Theoretically you have sex. This is the key. People who have sex want to stay around, so they don't bother dying. 

Makers of all erectile dysfunction medicines want you to know that, based upon this study, you should take the pills even if you don't have erectile dysfunction. You will live longer.  Side effects include a very happy wife or a very pissed off wife. Don't take Viagra if you're allergic to Viagra (you idiot).

We have bags of it round the back 

Let me start by saying that they're not attack bags. So that's a load off your mind already. We have bags. So what - everybody has bags. Well, sure, everybody has trash bags and paper bags, but we have bags. It's difficult to describe them because I'm a guy, but I'll make the attempt: when you go to a non-supermarket type store and buy a bunch of stuff, you get a bag to take it home in. It's darn fine and darn large; twice the size of your average paper bag (27 milk cartons large, 5.7 kilometres Canadian). It has fine handles on it, that won't break when you're hauling your Stuff home. It's made out of something that isn't cheap plastic that will break if you try to do something stupid, like lift it. It might even be woven. Men don't generally say words like woven. Woody. Wainscotting. Divan. Valance. Window Treatments. Guar gum. Guam.

So we have these bags. I don't know how many is enough, but we have more than that. I lump this into "things I don't understand and don't care about because my brain can only hold so much information and this is a complete waste."  SHE knows. What's even stranger is that her family knows. Well, the women anyway. They're absolutely fascinated with them. Apparently when we give gifts, we give them in these bags, and people (ladies) love them. I try as best I can to just let this pass by, but my analytical mind, which keeps me awake at night wondering if gravity is real, wants to know why. It's like a bunch of hens after feed. They want to know where Wife got them. They're so nice. 

To make matters worse, and they always are, Wife has taken to buying many bags when we're out, so she can give them out to everybody who thinks they're so wonderful. So you see, we now have more bags. When we go to the cashier, we have a pair of shoes, a silver thing for display on a table somewhere, a tiny screwdriver set, a pair of jeans, and 25 bags with the store's name on them. The cashier looks at her strangely about the jeans bags, after which Wife explains. Cashier says what a great idea this is. Wife says to just put our purchases in these bags. Cashier is happy and her life is complete. My part in this? I carry the bags to the car.

I'm waiting for someone to call Wife "Bag Lady." That will be the last thing they remember saying when they wake up in the hospital.

Police Contractor That Promised to Track Homeless People Hacked

Yes, they were tacking the homeless through facial recognition.

lefty's laws: if it can be done, it will  

Madison Square Garden has facial recognition that has already barred people from entering. Walmart and other retail giants use facial recognition. You need to contact these entities and tell them this is not acceptable. Let your representatives know. It's coming and sometimes already here, whether you like it or not. Look at your drivers license and weep.

Musk testifies in fraud trial, points out that not everyone believes what he says

He's great entertainment, whether he's trolling people on Twitter, not paying rent, or his cars spontaneously combust. Much like Howard Stern, you listen to hear what he's going to say or do next, like him or not.

A bird with a T-rex head may help reveal how dinosaurs became birds

An oyster with Dick Cheney's head may help reveal why oysters eat their young.

We're just shouting into the void, says US watchdog offering cybersecurity advice

Federal depts ignore almost 60% of IT defense recommendations

It's ok, they're still keeping us safe. You trust them, right? Be a PATRIOT.

 A fifth of passwords used by federal agency cracked in security audit

Inexcusable, but to be fair, it's probably worse where you work.... 

Americans Rank Congressmen Lower Than Journalists and Car Salesmen for Honesty and Ethical Standards

And this is a surprise? Congressmen ranked 17 out of 18, just ahead of telemarketers.

• Severe weather bombarded Texas yesterday, as somebody looked up and noticed a cloud.

Former president Donald Trump will be allowed back on to Faceyspaces and Instagram. The howling was heard across the world. Faceyspaces said there will be guidelines for Trump: nothing he posts will appear. Ever. They said this is to avoid misinformation. Meanwhile, the NSA has an account, and the CIA controls tv and radio. President Biden will be allowed to post without interference, but only if he talks about giving incredible amounts of money away. Biden's handlers high-fived each other due to the 'coincidence.'

Hey... Do You Still Have That Ointment? I Itch.

 

Your love is like  a date with Niki Manaj

Scientists identify rare lead compounds in Rembrandt’s The Night Watch

So don't let your kids eat it.

Today I identify as   certainly not Lisa Marie Presley, that's for sure.

Afghanistan: Freezing weather kills at least 124 people

Aid is hampered because of the Taliban edict banning women from working in aid agencies.

Brilliant! Way to cut off that nose to spite your face. 

Brendan Fraser: We need to stop bias against those with obesity

We need to stop the abuse against the majority of  people, who must listen to an unending glut of demands to stop the abuse against whatever group it is today. Seriously?

Pretty soon we won't be able to pick on anybody. Comedy clubs, already in danger, will shutter their doors. All speech will be monitored. Wrongthink will not be tolerated.  We have completely turned things upside down, from the concept of free speech, to having to look around to see who's listening or monitoring for speech infractions. Don't believe me? In the UK, you can be fined for saying something 'nasty or hurtful 'online. The police aren't too happy with you saying certain words in person either,

Do we want to be that kind of world? Once again, the 2% are pushing around the 98%. The squeaky wheel needs hydrocloric acid to be ignored-they have a right to free speech too. Let me clue Mr. Fraser in: it's human nature to point out differences and go from there. Is it nice? Hell no. Is it funny in comedy clubs and satire? Hell yes-that's where we make fun of society.  

Cut it out already.

My daily weather post: It's almost redundant to say it's gray. The other night, Mother Nature, who should be heading to celebrity rehab for more than a passing familiarity with crack, mixed things up and it sleeted instead of raining. Today we have 5 minutes of snow. I'm holding out for raining toads or small foreign cars. 

Speaking of doctors, I have a new doctor.

Things have not gone well since before my first visit, but it has nothing to do with the doctor - it's the staff and electronic portals. They want me to log in to their patient portal. I don't want to. Logging into anything becomes a huge rectal pain about 99.5% of the time. Plus I trust the security like I trust Congress.  I explained during my first visit and they were kind enough to give me a huge stack of papers to fill out. The joke was on them - my handwriting is only somewhat worse than a 90 year old man with Parkinsons. I type all the time - why write? Then they wanted a copy of my license. No. Why on Earth would they need that? It's obvious who I am. I wonder if I should ask for a copy of the doctor's drivers license and license to practice. And his ATM card.

On the day of my 2nd appointment, I got an email reminding me I had a virtual appointment. Ummmm.. no. I like sitting across from the doctor, looking around the office and getting distracted. Virtual appointments don't work well for me. I don't like them and the software always causes problems. I called the office and they told me the doc only does virtual appointments on Wednesdays. I'm thinking "Gee, wouldn't it be nice if he had told me this?"   They also demanded I set up the user portal. While speaking, I'm told my phone is low in volume and full of static. Of course it is - the wireless is literally 3 feet from the phone. But we all have to be patient with cell phones. It's only been a bit over 25 years - there are a few things to be worked out and we don't want to rush the phone companies. 

You know, of course, that this did not go well. And to say it didn't go well means that it took hours and an incredible amount of screaming and launching things. New patients log into the portal and are immediately told to change their password. Unless, of course, it's me. So I asked for the FORGOT Password option. It asked me for things like my name. Then it told me I was wrong. As far as I can remember, I've always had the same name and birthdate. Even after the FBI offered to put me into Witness Protection, I refused to change it. So... forgot password doesn't work, nor does the original. I'm already cursing, because I know this is going to continue ad nauseam. On the 11th try it agreed to let me in, but it was going to send me an email with a one time password. This is a more secure login, but mostly it's designed to piss customers off and make them wait longer. Only then does it allow me a new password. I love this because the requirements are usually weird, plus most only allow 8 or 12 characters and mine are long. I tried 4 browsers to get in and it errored on each one. I think I confused it. 

Then I made the mistake of reading the entire privacy policy. This shitty software wants to market to patients! If I have to use this crap, I don't have to be marketed to. Plus they can use all my information to buy a house in Cancun. If I put anything neat in the chat board, they own it. What kind of rinky dink software do we have here?

As if this weren't enough fun, the portal URGENTLY advised me that I had 2 forms to URGENTLY fill in. Strange - these were forms I already filled out in the office, in a slightly less URGENT manner. You know we're not even near done, right? They want all the same info I filled out manually so I just wrote SAME. I'm actually a decent, personable guy when I go to offices. I just seem like a real asshole because I care about safety and privacy. I know it's only a matter of time until the portal gets hacked. It's only as safe as the company hosting it, their friends, their friends' pets, and any other parts of someone else's software they used. 

But wait - there's more! After the Great Portal Nightmare of 2023, I get an email stating we're meeting over Zoom. Zoom is a piece of excrement, originally put together by a marketing company, trying to be a chat company. Customers were treated like information to be stolen, like in Windows. They got caught lying and being insecure a number of times. No one should use Zoom; not even your friends' pets. 'Wire" is at least encrypted. Signal can do a few people at once, and it's an encrypted text program for your phone.  I let the good doctor know about all of this via Portal Email (the single helpful feature). I'm waiting to hear that either we're going to just use phones or they recommend I see the doctor down the street. I'm going to ask the doctor for something for my nerves. It would seem the practice is generating its own patients.

You're still asking yourself "Why doesn't he like filling out stuff online?"

ExxonMobil: Oil giant predicted climate change in 1970s - scientists

We had no idea that smoking causes cancer

ThermionicEmissions warns you about Bad Stuff 

• Hey, if you have one of those guaranteed, impenetrable Lifelock accounts, you may be one of 925,000 whose information was accessed. In theory, you'll receive notification. If not, get in touch with them.
• US authorities release asylum seekers after leaking their data online Where were the democrats that day?
• But wait!! Also accessed was the No-Fly list! It was left on an unprotected server.  Feel safe now? Do ya? 
• Samsung Galaxy store app found vulnerable to sneaky app installs and fraud
• Gonorrhea is becoming unstoppable; highly resistant cases found in US.  WARNING: Married people should avoid getting this. Spouses have a notoriously bad sense of humor

Microsoft is checking everyone's bags for unsupported Office installs

They will send you an update to check, whether you like it or not. They'll probably try to sell you Office 365. Don't do it.  Remember the good old days, when we owned our operating systems and they didn't monitor us, sell to us, or forward our info to the NSA?  Use linux.

Microsoft is also phasing out Windows 10 and stopping the sale of it at the end of the month. I was all excited when I heard Win 10 was going down, but then I heard you had to downgrade to Windows 11.  Use linux.

The partisan politics game is just rolling along, stampeding all common sense and your rights. In Wyoming, republicans want to ban electric cars. Now this would be ok if they're doing it because the planet of California is mandating them, but no.... they want production ramped down because of its gas and oil industry. Wyoming also has a state senator called Brian Boner. That must have been a rough childhood.

speaking of stupid....

Former Republican candidate held over shootings targeting Democrats' homes

School prepared me for very little, but I know for a fact that shooting up the 'opposition' was never mentioned. The republican fellow lost an election then took shots at the dems' houses. No matter what your political views, you are not allowed to shoot your opponents.

On the other hand, we might have the beginnings of Honesty Through Fear. It's worth studying. In fact, President Giveaway has forwarded $25 billion to the University of California, Uranus, for said study. UC Berkeley commented that they will let the study go forward so long as none of the politicians are Jewish.

There's a lot of noise about Section 230, and the government holding social media responsible. 

People are carrying pitchforks and torches, demanding the heads of social media. 

Before you light that torch for a day out, consider this: you're grocery shopping and on the bulletin board is a note for lawn mowing. You call Bob's lawn mowing and they come out. Hours later you notice Bob cut your grass strangely, with weird patches. Later, as you're flying over your house in your private jet, you notice that your lawn now reads "Welcome to Detroit - turn around!"  Bob won't answer your calls so you blame the store for having a bulletin board.

Huh?

That's Section 230. Social Media companies would be responsible for what their posters say.  Sorry - this is just silly. You can't hold the store or social media responsible. Anybody who has been on the cesspool that is social media knows how toxic it is. That's the fault of the radioactive sludge that posts there. It is not sane to expect the Word Police in social media or at the store. There may be more to 230, but this is the biggie. "But it's for the children" 

As I'm almost waking up, getting ready for the day, Wife is looking at me and laughing. This is not a strange event.  I just stand there, mutely, waiting for today's bomb to drop. 

"You should have seen it last night. In bed, the dog pops up out of nowhere, and starts to lick your forehead."

Nothing new about that. She does that before we go to sleep. I have to literally pry her off me.

"She did it 3 times. Blah..ack...ooh... disgusting."

You're just jealous your forehead isn't good enough to lick.

"It got better."

Uh-oh.

"We were downstairs by the fridge and a piece of salami fell. She swooped in, faster than a Stealth jet, and ran off with it. I followed her."

Uh-oh.

"She jumped right on the bed and sat on you, proceeding to eat her salami while you slept. You are now a table too."

I have a very active life while I sleep. It's a shame waking hours are so boring.

Alec Baldwin is being charged for the shooting on the set of his recent movie.

I think Alec Baldwin is a complete asshole, but he shouldn't be charged. The person in charge of props should have handed him a gun that was safe to use. Another question is why the sets would need live ammunition. Unless Standard Operating Procedure requires the actors to examine the props, I can't see why it's his fault. The irony is that Alec is an anti-gunner. I can't see why they should expect actors to know what live ammo looks like and how to check for it. Maybe before the actors get the part, they should prove their ability to disassemble a gun, clean it, and put it back together. 

That said, if Baldwin is found guilty, he should be shot.

70% of drugs advertised on TV are of “low therapeutic value,” study finds

Oh, that's an easy one. After a number of years (7?), the patents expire. When patents expire, any company at all can produce a generic version. The original patent holder will have none of this, so they move a single molecule around and rename the drug, guaranteeing income for another 7 years, protected by patent (and endless agonizing commercials). While we're exercising our skepticism, note that after the patent expires, the original patent holder also makes a generic version of its own drug. The difference in price between patent version and generic version can be staggering, hence some insurers' preference for generic.

And if you're not careful. you might learn something.

-Bill Cosby, back before his dates got fun, 20 minutes after the roofies 

 

 

Just Quit While You're Behind

Your love is like   juggling scalpels

Nancy Pelosi reportedly summons priests to exorcise home of evil spirits

Then where will she live?

Today I identify as  both sexes - now I can finally go fsck myself

Priest says he went to Hell, wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy

He had a Near Death Experience. But instead of seeing deceased family, he went to hell. What does that tell you?

  Maybe there IS a place for priests in the afterlife.  

When Students Change Gender Identity, and Parents Don’t Know

We have seen a lot of abdication of responsibility on the part of parents, to 'teach their children well.' They prefer to give it over to the Nanny State.  It seems to have backfired, after 15 year old Roseann started calling herself Johnny (names have been changed for no reason at all). The school ate it up, the teachers all called her Johnny, and Roseann/Johnny get to use the boys' room. The only small problem was that Johnny 'forgot' to tell his parents. 

Those must be some parents. Perhaps they didn't notice the huge bulge in her pants (her vibrator is there so she gets used to having a penis), and the breasts that weren't as bouncy or evident as last year. They didn't even notice the cursing at them, the expanded use of the middle finger, and the new phrase "Blow me." The one item of relief is that due to her looking longingly at women, they now know she isn't a lesbian. This is a double positive: in Southern California (where else?) it's much more fashionable to have a transgendered child than a lesbian. Lesbian children are so 2010s.

\

Conversations with my dog 

Me: when you go outside, why do you bark at other dogs?

Her: to protect you.

Me: from what? Them barking at me? They're not going to attack me.

Her: how do you know? 

---------------------------------------- 

Me: why do you keep barking at them after they stop?

Her: I have to have the last bark.

If you are a Twitter user and you prefer non-Twitter programs to get access, you're already screwed, or you will be soon. I don't know where the order came from (guess) but it was claimed that 3rd party apps were violating terms of service (the terms of service were so secret. they wouldn't say what they were). Finally the developer agreement was released, which said you cannot connect if your software is intended to reproduce something like Twitter.  So all 3rd party software is NFG. If yours hasn't died yet, it will soon. This is all part of Elon Musk's clever plan to drive everybody away from Twitter.

Bringing cakes into the office is killing your colleagues, says UK food watchdog boss

Our wacky friends in UK government are at it again, this time making it safe to work. Did you know you're killing your coworkers? Can you live with the guilt? How long have you wanted to kill them? Did you think you could do it with a simple cake?

Professor Susan Jebb believes that people cannot rely on their personal willpower alone when society is constantly bombarding us with junk food.

So we, the government, need to step in to protect them from this fatal form of coworker kindness. It would do us no good to tell the potentially dead to keep their fat friggin' hands off the cake, no way. 

Surely you can't be serious: Airbus close to landing fully automated passenger jets

Getting on back of a motorcycle has one small advantage: you'll never see the vehicle that is going to kill you.

Getting in a fully-automated car would be sheer terror, the first 137 times. Especially if you like to drive from the passenger or back seat, using your mouth. "I'd turn on Market Street if I were you." [Silence. No turn].  SLOW DOWN!  [Silence. Not slowing.]   Ok, so it would be fun for the other passengers. But I couldn't just sit there with nothing sitting at the wheel (if there were a wheel at all). It requires more trust than I have in my body. And the bodies of my extended family. And all the illegal aliens.

All you have to do is read the headlines (or this blog) lately for news of how well fully automated cars are doing (good, if you like crashes and death) and how safe they are (very much so, as long as you're not IN the car).  Now.... let's think about PLANES.

Much like cars, you have to take a serious leap of faith, and I'm not so good with faith. You also want to avoid taking a leap from 20,000 feet  (3 grams Canadian). Call me old fashioned, but I really really require a minimum of two people in the cockpit at all times. Any fewer tends to lower my confidence in the integrity of the flight. It would still be safe if there were only 1 in the cockpit. I watched all 21 seasons of Air Crash Investigation and I can fly planes, as well as tell you why they crashed. But I'd rather stay in my tiny little airplane seat and let the professionals take care of the flying. And when I say professionals, I mean male and female meat machines of the human variety. We The People have had waaay too many problems with computers to trust them to fly a plane. I alone have had so many computer issues that my mere presence on the plane would cripple it. Heaven forbid if the plane were run by Windows; you'd have to reboot in mid-air! Or it would insist you're getting an update, so don't use the computer for anything else.

It might be funny, though, to record a tv show around people coming into the cockpit to talk with the captain...

[passenger, sloshed]  Hey.... hey.... you... are you cap... cap..hic... captain? Oh, you don't don't wannnna tawk to me? You too goofer me? Well SHCREW YOU. And YOU. And You.

[little Billy] Hey Captain, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

[crazy shrieking lady] HEY - THERE'S NOBODY FLYING THE PLANE...HEY.... ARE THEY ALL MISSING? ARE WE GOING TO DIE WHEN THE PLANE HITS THE GROUND? DON'T PANIC!

[air marshall] I heard we are being hijacked. THERE you are! [shoots] [over p.a.] Uhh, is there anybody here who knows how to fly a plane? I just shot the auto-pilot.

It pains me to inject reality into my postings, but planes can already pretty much fly themselves and land. But the pilots tell the computer when it's allowed to. Kinda like being married.

Boston Dynamics’ Atlas robot grows a set of hands, attempts construction work

Fails when it refuses to whistle or harass women walking by.

 The US has given Ukraine billions and billions of dollars in financial and military aid. Recently their president visited the US to ask for more. NATO is now sending aid, meaning Ukraine will get even more US military aid. After NATO's announcement, their president came back to America and asked Congress to please stop. While they appreciate the money, the military aid is getting out of hand. There are now 2.5 Abrams tanks per citizen. Aside from training, the largest problem is having nowhere to park them. The citizens are complaining that they don't fit in a standard parking space. After building a wall of tanks, the military isn't sure what to do with them. They have appealed to Putin for space to park them.

On the bright side, the tanks have 'inadvertently'mowed down all the parking meters in the city, ending the reign of the Ukraine Parking Authority (if you think Putin is evil....).  The tanks have created jobs, because they tear up the streets and somebody has to rebuild them. Independent contractors see a boom in business, widening parking spaces. The Corps of Engineers have been tasked with rebuilding multi-level parking garages, to allow the extra weight of tanks. You haven't lived til you've been crushed by a falling tank. Auto customization is taking off, putting comfortable seats and 5.2 stereo sound in the tanks, as well as custom paint jobs. The army thought it was going to do well, removing the .50 caliber machine guns, rocket launchers, and ICBMs, but Ukranians are keeping them.  The effect on global warming will be swift and severe, with all tanks using diesel fuel. The people are thrilled with their new tanks, and replied "Fsck the climate - we have tanks!" The joke will be on them when they discover the Abrams tanks only get 1.7 mpg.  Then they'll riot in the streets, burning American flags.

I complain about the weather. Often. If you lived here, you would too (unless you were a vampire or a toad).  My weather app wasn't kidding when it told me it would be 3 weeks til we saw sun. We've taken to not bothering to open the curtains. Why watch the gloom? Perhaps I can pay somebody to draw a nice sunny scene on the curtains, so we can pretend we have sun. But its not all the same 246 individual shades of gray; last night it threw us a curveball and sleeted. Today it's shade 237 of gray, with more than adequate rain.   If I didn't have family here.....

Florida, God's waiting room, has just as much humidity, plus hurricanes. So does Texas. It's cold in the northeast and there's a high suicide rate in the northwest because the weather is like here.  Southern California is nice, but we can't live on the planet of California; the governor is not in his right mind, and people had to vote him in, so neither are they. Since our main pizza place changed owners, the pizza sucks, so we're almost ready to move. Damn pizza was like a religion. People came from all around the city (and country) to sample it. Now we're left religionless.... But if you brave the Planet of California and happen to be in Davis at the college, go to Woodstock's Pizza. Try to forget they have a whole wheat pizza.

Being married, there is not a lot of.... 

let me try again

Being married, I don't get...

no, that's not it

THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BOOM BOOM IN THE HOUSE. Or out of the house. Of course I'd say that - I'm a guy. So how lucky did I think I was when she walked up to me and pulled her pants down. I thought my entire month was made. 

And then she said....

Then she said...

Does this black and blue mark look better than before?

Don't laugh - now I have to go change my underwear.

Is it safe to play Jeff Beck music now? My mind still plays it all the time, but I haven't listened to it on purpose, outside my mind. The initial shock has worn off; now there's just a hole. Don't you hate it when people 'share their feelings' with you? 

The truly sad part of this, even if you don't know who Jeff Beck is, is that he is one of the originals, from the 1960s. This was the beginning of rock, brought along by the 4 Liverpudlians. 60 years later, the originals are dropping off. Our heroes are in their 70s. I used to joke that we had to get Jeff Beck a security team, to make sure nothing happens to him. They're probably not all that effective against bacterial meningitis. So our favorites are getting up there. And dropping off. You've been watching it for a while. It ain't gonna get any better.

Walker, Texas Rug

Your love is like  the sport that's sweeping the nation - Kidney Toss!

A Texas school football coach is on leave after the students were forced to do 400 pushups: some wound up in the hospital.  Football is dangerous even before you hit the field. You are warned about the dangers of alcohol and tobacco, but not of sports.

Today I identify as   Chuck Norris' rug - it's very securely attached.

A televised British 'football' game got hacked, sorta, and people heard sex noises during the game. Now THIS could actually get me to watch sports. Nah, the game would still occupy the screen,

Netflix is advertising for a flight attendant for its corporate jets. They're willing to pay up to $385,000, mentioning the person must be capable of discretion. To hell with discretion, the person must be capable of concealing a wireless camera. Those flights must be interesting.

• Here's one I never thought I'd see - Radio Shack is back. The site seems a little weird and there aren't as many items, especially parts. But you can buy a mixer that sorta looks like a KitchenAid. There are stores, but spread pretty far apart and I get the impression they're not full Radio Shacks - more multi-brand. If you see one, please let us know. 

Why aren't the cold cold really frozen case police working on the Jon Benet Ramsey murder? This is a tragic case and the poor little girl got no justice. I remember evidence tampering, a typewriter, and at least 1 parent who seemed shady. The autopsy showed repeated abuse in her rectum. This points to at least one of the parents (or someone they knew or a group they belonged to). The fact that the investigation failed and stopped is suspicious. Police and the FBI are pretty good at this stuff.

I'm not crazy about children, but this is beyond unacceptable. You don't hurt children. Ever.

The father (the mother is dead) was on tv the other night. Since I was doing something else, I only heard things in the background. 

1. he sounds frighteningly like Dabney Coleman
2. he blames the police and others for dropping the ball. He cites the firing of the police chief, among other things.

Speaking of the Flying AIDS, since it's on the wane, the Superbowl parties are back!

Coworkers tell me nobody really watches the game - just commercials and the halftime show.

Ah, yes, I remember... drunken contests for who can eat the most wings with vinegar hot sauce. And a bunch of alleged musicians, miming their greatest hit(s). I have no idea how I managed to stay away all my life.

A friend invites me to his parties, a Wife drags me to them. Knowing me, he has to email me an invite, because I'm not on Faceyspaces. Some people treat me really well. Or one could say they manage to tolerate my peculiarities transparently. It's pretty funny because I'm the Anti-sports: I don't like any of them. Being an introvert, I'm not crazy about parties either, so I make sure the phone is loaded up with things to do. I know some of his neighbors better than I know some of my neighbors.

Drinking is another favorite activity at these parties. The host is a wonderful soul, who makes sure there's always Coke for me, because the 90 other people are drinking beer or DIET Coke. Ack. Diet soda. Diet soda is proof that God hates you, and because of the artificial sweeteners, he'll see you much sooner. 

Q. What's the only thing worse than Pepsi?

A. Diet Pepsi

Q. What's the only thing worse than Diet Coke

A. Diet Pepsi

Q. What's the only thing worse than Diet Pepsi?

A1. Nothing

A2. a new hit rap tune, played on a TOP HITS station. Every 15 minutes.

A3. paying 10% to 25% more for a left handed guitar

I'm kidding. I'd still rather pay 25% more for a lefty guitar than drink Diet Pepsi. 

Hey, I understand if you have diabetes. I'm glad you have something to drink. But if you tell me there's little to no difference in taste, I will rip out your pancreas and beat you with it. I can tell if there is artificial sweetener in anything, no matter how little. I can tell if somebody walked past soda with a packet of artificial sweetener. 

They. Don't. Taste. Right.  None of them. Even the latest, Truvia, from the Stevia Ray Vaughan plant. Look, I've never seen a plant that grows artificial sweetener. If it did, they'd call it natural. Wait - they already do. Nothing natural tastes like that. I will admit it's the least horrid of the artificial sweeteners, but that's like trying to pick the best way to be executed. "Well, shooting looks painful, and it's bloody. Electricity is just nasty, especially if they have to do it a few times to get it right. I guess lethal injection is the best.  And for my final wish, I want a Diet Pepsi."

[Superbowl commercial]  Diet Pepsi and execution - perfect together! 

I was minding my own business, which is a bad thing, as this is when Stuff happens. Mrs. lefty accidentally broke her glasses. She's really tough on things (especially me). There are no dainty gold chains, as they wouldn't last 15 seconds. After thinking about this, I must have missed the clues: the welder's helmet, the sledgehammer, and the plastic stuff with the trigger thingies. It's not so much the glasses broke as the glasses don't stand up well to falling or repeatedly being run over by the car. 

New prescriptions are always fun. You know you're in for a good time when the doctor takes the measurement, stops, takes the measurement again, frowns, and tried to figure out how to tell you something. Sometimes she offers to sign one of those legally blind forms. They're especially handy for driving. The cops love to see it when they pull you over because the inside light near your mirror doesn't work. The police are a special breed: to be able to tell that light doesn't work when it's off is a real talent. They look at you with a strange expression when you hand them the Blind Certificate.

Glasses are like shoes: ugly never goes out of style. Hundreds of pairs of frames.... nothing that's less than Frightening. I even asked for a set for me.... she laughed. All I said was "I want a pair of Big MFing Aviators." She took me over to the men's section, located in a tiny corner of the store (just like clothing stores), and pulled out a pair. I'm sure you'll agree with me that aviators are roundish/oblong-ish. She pulls out hexagonal. Even the legally blind know that hexagonal isn't oblong(-ish). She was not a dumb bunny. In case you can't picture what I mean, go to any store and look at the Cheap Sunglasses rack. There will be tons of pairs of huge sunglasses with tiny rims. They're everywhere, except in Vision Centers.

But enough about me. Let's talk about my reaction to the women's frames. They might as well rename the place to Ugly Frames, Inc. Of course this wouldn't distinguish them from any other store, but let's go with it for purposes of blogging. Out of hundreds of frames, they all appeared to be variations on square or cat's eye (think 50's, where the ends sweep up, ugh). To confuse people even more, they're hundreds of dollars. Compare the $49.95 frames to the $300 frames. They're the same material. It must be the lable. Apparently Jenny McCarthy has a frames line. I was assured that, no, they do not come with a set of implants. The Sophia Lorens don't make you look beautiful (like **** makeup), and the Shaq frames don't make you rich and use your name to shill anything at all. So with 3 different same-shaped frames, there are 3 different but equally shocking prices. She tried every one of them. It was good practice for me, coming up with different ways of saying "God, they're ugly." 

• Well, you have to wear them, not me
• Maybe that color is a little over the top
• Try again
• I think they don't fit your face well
• They don't go with your skin tone
• ACK. Oh, I'm sorry. I was shocked there for a minute
• [backing away slowly]
• I have to be honest: I wouldn't put them on a hedgehog, no less you

There was a pair of turquoise frames. They were so hideous, she almost bought them. She likes to make an entrance, and those certainly would. Then she looked at some more muted shades of Ugly. I was getting tired of the show. I think the saleslady was too, because she came over and said she'd give us a woman's impression. She was dead on too. She picked a few hideous frames that went with Wife's skin tone. As the paperwork was being done, she mentioned all the frames she had. She was a Frame Whore<tm>. She had frames more expensive than some of my guitars. I sat there, open-mouthed, as I've never met a Frame Whore<tm>. In fact I've never heard of a Frame Whore<tm>. I mean good for her - it wasn't my business if she had a collection of designer excrement. Although it would be a great story.

They had to put on extra nose padding so the glasses wouldn't slip because the lenses weigh 10 pounds each. Have I mentioned her vision is horrible? She ordered the scratch-proof lenses, as well as the welding torch-proof frames. This is not protection so much as a challenge for her.  If a welding torch won't 'accidentally' break them, she'll find something that will. It's good she has a hobby... it's not safe if she doesn't have a hobby. Actually it's not safe when she DOES have a hobby. They put a rush on the lenses, so they should be back in about 4 weeks.  And now I have to scour every vision place in a 25 mile radius for some Big MFing Aviators.

aviators - is it that difficult?

cat's eye - missing gaudy little diamonds up top

I just discovered I can't tell the difference between a wrinkle and a 'pull' on pants.

It was after I got over the shock of Wife asking me if she looked presentable. This is a question that I've never heard in my life. Asking me if you look presentable is like asking a drunk in an alley if you look sober. I told her she didn't look right because her pants were wrinkled. She told me that was ok - they're supposed to be there - they're called a pull. "Oh.  Then you look fine."  [phew... I escaped certain death]. Once every few years, I ask her if I look ok. She gets That Look and says I haven't changed since high school. A t-shirt is a t-shirt, unless I picked it up from the hamper and it's as wrinkled as the 118 year old lady who just died. So she'll tell me the shirt is too wrinkled and I'll tell her it's not a wrinkle, it's a pull.

Best medicine for curing depression and anxiety? Kindness, study suggests

 we're fscked 

Fukushima nuclear disaster: Japan to release radioactive water into sea this year

At least this time they're announcing it, unlike when it first happened.

Ransomware gang steals data from KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut brand owner

That's not ransomware, that's doing something good for America.

Youth in Asia

Your love is like   pickled Brussels sprouts

Mr. President, what's happening with these Top Secret files at 2 of your places?

Top Secret? They told me I could color with my Top Secret Presidential Crayons. Wow, that was a whopper, wasn't it? What's the name of that memory pill - I forget.

Today I identify as  dust (in the wind)

Chuck E. Cheese still uses floppy disks in 2023, but not for long

Won't it change the flavor of the pizza?

When I die and go to hell, it will be a Check E. Cheese. Screaming children and inedible pizza. They won't even have to change anything.

• Ok, so I was young once. Naturally curious, I wanted to know what Youth in Asia was.
• To this day I get in trouble when I ask about a massive Christian burial.

Conversations with my dog 

Me: Why do you always sit on my lap?

Her: Well, the sofa's more comfortable than the floor, and your lap is more comfortable than the sofa. And I have abandonment issues.

Me: I see. Why do you always lock radar on Mommy when she's eating?

Her: She drops stuff and doesn't pay attention. When she gets distracted, it's MINE. When it drops, it's MINE.

Everybody has their famous crush. I have too many. My current one is Julie Grant, of Court TV. She's so sweet, even Mrs. lefty likes her. I'm trying to set things up so when Wife goes to visit people overnight, Julie will be my babysitter. 

Speaking of CourtTV, I walked by myTV and heard a judge saying something about not going over the penis issue. STOP. Reverse. Large banner across the bottom of the screen says "The penis issue." It must be ratings week.

If you're feeling down and think the universe has it in for you, it could be worse; you could have an unexploded grenade in your chest. Poor Ukranian soldier found he had a parasite. He figures maybe he should go to the hospital, for a more informed opinion.

Hi, what seems to be the problem?

Unexploded grenade in my chest.

[yells at someone we can't see] Great. ANOTHER unexploded grenade. Ok, Sir, take a seat.

Ummm.... I have a grenade in my chest. It could go off any minute.

I understand. What you need to understand is that we have 8 chest grenades, 3 rocket propelled grenades, and 2 rectal grenades in front of you. Now if you'll sit over there in the waiting room, we'll get to you as soon as we can. The seats on the left have extra padding - but don't just drop yourself into one. 

[to self] Wow, this healthcare system is even worse than England's.

Sergeant Midviev, the doctor will see you now.

Thank you.

Hmmmm.... what do we have here?

Well, Russians were shooting at me and I seem to have a grenade in my chest. 

Hang on, hang on. You can't just walk in here and tell me you have a grenade in your chest. I went through 17 years of medical school, and I'll make the diagnosis, thank you.  Let's see..... hmmmm.... ahhhhh... oh. Sergeant Midviev, it seems you have an unexploded grenade in your chest. Say, don't you guys have field medics? I think it would be more appropriate to have one of them take care of this. Besides... my bomb-proof operating gown is at the cleaners. Nothing turns patients off like a bloody bomb-proof operating gown.

Doctor, this is above their pay grade.

Are these the same medics who sent me the rectal grenades? Are you sure you don't have a rectal grenade?

Pretty certain, yes. Why don't you try an xray?

Hey hey hey now... do I stand next to you and fire guns at Russians? No? Then don't tell me how to do doctor stuff.  NURSE - get this man a chest xray. Try not to jiggle the gurney or go over any bumps in the floor, ok? After that, get a psych consult. I think he has Explosive Personality Disorder. Sergeant, put this gown on. It has no back, and very little front. You can only wear these in the hospital. If you wear this near a school, you'll go to jail, which will make you long for a mere unexploded grenade in your chest.

lefty's tips for the day 

• Do not point anything at the police. In fact, do not carry anything that you can point at the police - let's say nothing smaller than a car. If you're black, stay inside. This does not mean your door won't be broken down because someone can't read a warrant and they're in the wrong house; but if this happens, do not point so much as a spoon at them. Also, put your body over the dog. They shoot dogs. 

• If you have an urge for a 'deal' on a 16TB SSD, stop right now. There are a bunch on Amazon, with a ton of fake reviews. They've been tested to be 64GB microSD cards and some code that fools the computer into thinking it's 16TB. Amazon doesn't seem to care about the fake reviews.

It was late. I was tired and hungry. My patience, such as it was, was already in the negative numbers. So obviously, there was nothing to do but go to Walmart. I don't go to that place for many reasons, among them facial recognition, surveillance everywhere including the parking lot, and their steadfast refusal to hire cashiers. I haven't been there in a while, so I was surprised to see all the other businesses inside.. it was like its own city. Creepy surveillance city. With poorly-dressed (if dressed) customers. We had only gone for one errand, so I naturally headed for the car once it was over. Hahaha. very funny. Wife wanted to shop. This was not good. My back was already starting to complain, using short, very nasty words. I had to work hard to keep those words inside. It was then I noticed, after all these years, that Wife does not just shop. Wife runs a narrative.

Do you need any of these?

[a kind, fair question]

No.

[a succinct answer, not inviting further discussion, so we can MOVE ON to the next item]

I was thinking of getting some for my mom, who always complains she can't find them but maybe I'll wait til I go to CostCo. Yeah, Mom uses them a lot. My sister uses a lot of them too, but she lives kinda far away and has her own stores at which she can shop. Do you know what you want for dinner?

Look up. Do you see that huge display and sign "You're being watched"? This really annoys me. The condoms are locked behind glass, as is the shaving cream. My back is really starting to hurt. Can you just........ SHOP? I don't want to be rude, but this will all be over much faster if you shop with your hands and not your mouth. Not being stupid, I said this from the next row over.

Walmart also subscribes to lefty's Rules of Shopping: if I want it, they don't have it. Is Raisin Bran so incredibly popular they can't keep it in stock? Supply chain issues? Oh wait - here it is! Oops, that's Raisin Bran crunch. What kinda crap is this? If I wanted my Raisin Bran crunchy, I'd throw some potato chips in it. Whose brilliant idea was this. Wait - I think I see a box of real Raisin Bran in the back, behind the 40 cases of Crunch. I'm overdue for a box of Chocolate Frosted Flakes - nope. I knew not to bother trying to find Chocolate Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows from Lucky Charms. Or perhaps that particular variety only lasted the 2 weeks I bought it. It was damn fine cereal. Certainly better than Deep Fried Chocolate Sugar Bits, my usual breakfast.

My back is getting worse by this time. I'm emitting sighs and moans, mostly of the unintentional variety. I attempted to make my point known a little better: "GODAMMIT, can we get out of this hell hole? If we don't leave soon, I'll have to go out on a stretcher." I didn't succeed in shopping faster, but it kept the narrative down to 5 minutes per aisle.

Then, the worst happened. We had to check out.

I hadn't seen their new setup. They took the 37 checkout aisles, left 2 checkers, and installed 123 self-checkout machines. I guess the Walton family couldn't afford to pay the humans. I refuse to use self-check; it's time consuming, broken, and I'd rather see a human (or whatever they hire to run the registers). Since there were exactly 2 checker lanes, both were backed up 27 people. I still would've waited, but Wife gave up and went to self-check. By the end, there was a stack of things the machine would not recognize. We left them there. I was already in the car, praying for ibuprofen, soda, or the sweet relief of death. 

So yeah, it wasn't a good night to go to Walmart, as if there were such a thing. Wife, being a bright lady, made a Command Decision: whenever there is shopping to be done, make sure I'm on the couch, with a beverage and snacks, laptop plugged in. If she's lucky, I won't even notice she's gone. She can then shop unmolested. She can carry on a complete conversation with the canned vegetables and they won't utter a word of complaint. On the bright side, it keeps other shoppers from interacting with her in any way. Sometimes, just to torture me, she calls while she's shopping, claiming she's calling to see if I need anything. The truth is that she just runs the narrative on the phone, so I still get stuck with it. Thank goodness phones have a speaker function, so I can put it down somewhere and do important stuff. I don't have to say much... just wait for any pauses and say "Um hmm. Great. Thanks." until she hangs up. It's a very subtle form of torture that even the United Nations won't talk about. 

I tried. Really. I behaved pretty well (for me) for the first hour or two. I just forgot that picking up 'a few things' usually takes hours and requires a front-end loader rental from U-Haul. 

Tesla staged 2016 self-driving demo, says senior Autopilot engineer

I like, or at least appreciate Musk. I don't know if he has psych issues, but I know I couldn't release a car that could kill people. The video was heavily edited. Once again: Not Ready for Prime Time. And like most of what I type, nobody listens. And now, back to The Cloud.

The UK wants to jail executives of companies who fail to protect kids online.

On its face, it looks good. You can pass any law you want if you say "It's for the children." One layer deeper, it becomes ridiculous. They go far out of their way to Nanny their citizens. Watching children is the job of the parents, not the state. We're big boys and girls. Nobody - NOBODY should censor the net. I'm sure the UK has a KILL switch for the net. I know the US does. If our friends in DC decide you don't need to know anything in an 'emergency', they hit the switch.

 On the other hand, it would be hilarious to see Lord Zuck hauled off to prison.

While we're on the UK's Nanny State, let's go to Canada!

In Canada, it should be Dry January all year round, according to new national recommendations that say zero alcohol is the only risk-free approach..

 Ok, they're technically correct and it's only a recommendation, but look how well it's working in the US. They claim any alcohol at all is bad for your health. I remember hearing that wine has (tanins?) something that's really good for you. Fortunately I don't live in Canada. I live in the good old USA, where alcohol, tobacco, and Big Pharma run things.

Stabbed to Death with a Plastic Spoon

Your love is like  sudden spurts of blood from any place on your body

There's a square blue packet, about 2" by 2", sitting next to me on the sofa. My heart skips a few thumps. That looks like a condom wrapper!  Same color!

Reminder: call the vision place and ask them to change the wrapper for their Lens Wipes. We don't need a problem here, plus you don't want to go putting that on your junk.

Today I identify as  a warrantless phone tap from AT&T's feed to the NSA

FBI reveals it uses CIA and NSA to spy on Americans         

Read it again. 

Clearly unconstitutional. Warrantless. This came from an FBI handbook

Surveillance against people not accused of any crimes.

Remember.... way back... 9-11... we were told the letter agencies weren't communicating.... 

It must've been a good night last night.

To start, Wife hurt the concrete in the basement, by hitting it with her head. I'm getting pretty good at patching concrete, but you can definitely see the places where I operated on it.  I explained that she needed to do something about this, as I don't have the time to keep mixing and patching; I'm a very busy guy, and my sofa gets upset if I'm not sitting on it. Then the dog gets upset if she's not sitting on me. As Head of Household, I have to see to it that everyone's needs get met.

I told Wife that the concrete should go to the hospital, to make sure there's no serious damage. She might want to go too, for fun. We haven't been there since the Great Pneumonia Party of 2022 and they miss us. In fact, the hospital and the shoe stores call to see how she's doing and when she'll come by again. The problem here is that I suggested going. Marital Theory dictates that The Husband is Always Wrong. It's automatic.

I think maybe we should go to the E/R.

Why?

Because of your failed attempt to fly down the steps and your inconsiderate attack on the concrete.

I'm ok.

I'm sure you are, but just in case.....

NO. I'm fine. Thick monkeys live in the Saharan Tropical Playground.

Huh?

I didn't say anything. I'm going to bed.

Hang on a sec - I'm not a doctor, but I've watched all the doctor shows on tv: you don't let a head wound person sleep.

Then I'll stay up.

Maybe just a CAT scan. The dog can come and we'll get a DOG scan.

I'M FINE.

Just one question: why are there cold cuts and soda in the oven?

I'M FINE!

Get some stuff together, we're going to the hospital.

NO. I just want to rest. I promise I won't go to sleep. Can you find my glasses?

Ah, here they are. Or parts of them. Look on the bright side - I found both of the lenses. Unfortunately, only half the frames. You can just hold them up, like opera glasses, and affect a snooty attitude. Pretend you have an iPhone.

I need to clean. I have a lot of chores.

Let me make sure I have this... you had to use 2 canes to get to bed, but you have chores. 

I feel better now.

Maybe you should wash all the blood off your head. I can't tell where it's coming from. The blood on the side seems to have coagulated into letters. Let me see.....  FSCK YOU. Ah, appropriate.

It's 9am, the next morning. I'm awakened by someone coming into the room and getting into bed. Ah, I think to myself... at least she's not dead and she remembers where the bedroom is.

------------------------------------------

She and I both know that, while I was politely insisting on a trip to the E/R, she thought it might be a good idea. Unfortunately because I am Husband, the answer is NO. I need to find a way past the marital mess. Perhaps next time it might go like this:

Are you ok?

Yeah, I hurt the basement again.

I only ask because you're dripping blood all over the floor.

Have you seen my glasses?

You're not going to like this, but I forbid you to go to the E/R.

Who TF do you think you are?

You cannot go and that's final.

Fsck you - I'm leaving NOW.

---------------------------------------------

Or maybe she calls her mother.....

It's 2 in the morning... are you ok?

Yeah, I just fell down the steps and hit my head.

That's terrible - what can I do?

You can give me the recipe for those delicious chocolate chip cookies you make.

Maybe you should go to the hospital.

Yeah, you're probably right. Bye.

Completely unrelated to concrete, I hope, is that Wife moved the trash bins around. Now I can't tell which is for trash and which is for recyclables. I have to stand there and think about it for a while, then hope I got the right one. If I ask her to put them back, I'll get The Look. Maybe I'll suggest we grab a crayon and label them.

Completely unrelated to trash, I hope, is garlic. We live on the stuff. Just the other day Wife was kind enough to reheat some pizza for me. I put on some garlic and, regardless of the fact that I didn't start eating and stopped to make her a sandwich, I could literally taste garlic. That's a new one, I thought. Wife said yes, she put garlic on the pizza when she heated it. Oh. Now there are two large applications of garlic on the pizza, which explains how I could taste it without taking a bite. After I almost finished the pizza, I brushed my teeth 4 times, drank a bottle of bourbon then a bottle of mouthwash, brushed my teeth again, showered twice, and in the morning I could still taste garlic. 

Where was I?

Oh yeah. I was heating up the last of the pizza and went to get the garlic. It wasn't with the spices. Then I looked where the other spices were. No luck. I tried by the front door. Nope. I finally gave up and asked her where the garlic was this week. On top of the fridge, of course. How could I be so dumb as to not look there for the garlic? 

It turns out I wasn't the only one aggravated by the Sudden Garlic Repositioning. As she walked by the fridge, both the garlic and the duck sauce (don't ask) jumped off the fridge right at her. She was, as they say in France, not amused.

Bless her, though... she never knows where her phone is, but she frequently remembers where the new location of Stuff is. She can lose entire days, but can shop without a list. She just has this ... need(?) to move or rearrange stuff. Thankfully we bought a car large enough that she can't park it in the house. Plus the 74 Camaro in the dining room takes up all the space.

I.R.S. Backlogs Continue as Republicans Mount Offensive

This has so many layers to it.

President Giveaway gave them $80 billion (under the Inflation Reduction Act). Billion, with a B. The republicans want to gut the funding. Interestingly, the article mentioned the cost to the deficit for rescinding the funding, but not the cost of the $80 billion. The IRS is a mess, and way behind. Their power is frightening. Libertarians want them shut down - it says so on the platform. The Fair Tax Act would abolish the IRS. Gee, the republicans seem to have borrowed something from the libertarians. Also remember that legislation names are the exact opposite: Fair Tax Act? Patriot Act? Inflation Reduction Act?

Lastly, the article has some interesting points on income-based discrimination. Let's just say that people with more zeroes in their income get audited less frequently.

The U.S. Can't Make Enough Plutonium Triggers for Its Nuclear Warheads

This is some Serious Stuff<tm>.  You caint blow stuff up if'n ya don't got no plunoneeyum. I'm sure that good ole boy from Delaware will send them some pocket money to git er dun. Maybe a few trillion fer the industry to make itself biggur. Imagine Murica without no plunoneeyum. The Russians and the Chinese are hiding under our beds!

Let's ignore the fact that we have enough stockpiled to obliterate the planet and send its remains hurtling into the sun. Ah kinda lahks thuh plainet round and in that there orbit.

Something like 20 years ago, I got tickets to a dual-headlining show with Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jeff Beck. They did their sets and came out at the end to jam. That night Jeff was under the weather and there was no jam. Sad, but I got to see my heroes. Now, 20 years later, one could say they're touring again. What's worse - dying from bacterial meningitis or driving a helicopter into a mountain? These and other questions perplex me. They sometimes keep me awake at night. Wife is tired of the 4am "GODDAMMIT - turn the chopper around and don't fly into that mountain!"

Women can be prosecuted for taking abortion pills, says Alabama attorney general

Saw this coming, but didn't think they were this stupid. Stupid me. But I feel this is ceaseless bluster; how would anyone know, unless your neighbors 'turned you in.' Alabama will soon lead the nation in women falling down steps. And incest.

We should send busloads of  illegal aliens to Alabama. No, wait, that's something else. We could send busloads of pregnant illegal aliens...

You. Own. You.  :repeat

My weather app... well.... I guess I check it because I'm either a eternally hopeful or a masochist. Or an idiot. It had clouds for the next day. And the next day. Wait - the next week. And rain. After swiping rapidly, we are not scheduled for sun for over 2 weeks.  I don't remember this from my childhood. I have to call the police and tell them to get ready, plus double the SWAT teams. Whereas extreme heat causes problems, so does the lack of sun. Oh yeah, if you don't already, take vitamin D, which, strangely, helps with not getting enough sun. Possibly with depression too. And it makes your pancreas jump up and down and sing. Ok, I made that up (about vitamin D and the sun). No, wait.... pancreas.

FDA vaccine advisers ‘disappointed’ and ‘angry’ that early data about new Covid-19 booster shot wasn’t presented for review last year

Hey, we're Big Pharma and if the government can't be bothered to give us lots of money, we can't be responsible for 'forgetting' to send the data to the FDA. We're very busy here. Covid, you know. COVID. PANIC! SHUT DOWN BUSINESSES! Don't worry about the man behind the curtain. COVID!

XBB.1.5: Still more questions than answers on risk of latest omicron subvariant

If nothing else, the CDC is consistent: we didn't know squat then, and we don't know squat now.