RIP Davy Jones

DEVELOPING:
Davy Jones (The Monkees) died today at 66 from a heart attack.

$*#@

Dammit.
I love the Monkees.  They might be partially responsible for me playing guitar.  I love the show and recently started watching it again in reruns on broadcast tv.  The tunes and the humor still stand.

LINKS

My local NBC affiliate has a piece from 2009.

Antenna TV will be running a Monkees marathon on Saturday, featuring their movie Head, as well as each episode of the television show.

CNN

FOX

E! Online

Wikipedia

The Monkees should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

USA Today

Rolling Stone - the Cute One

From the other Monkees:

Band mate *Peter Tork* said on Facebook, "It is with great sadness that I reflect on the sudden passing of my long-time friend and fellow-adventurer, David Jones. His talent will be much missed; his gifts will be with us always. My deepest sympathy to *Jessica *and the rest of his family. Adios, to the Manchester Cowboy. Peace and love, Peter T."

"I am in a state of shock," band mate *Micky Dolenz *said in a statement. "Davy and I grew up together and shared in the unique success of what became The Monkees phenomena. The time we worked together and had together is something I'll never forget. He was the brother I never had and this leaves a gigantic hole in my heart. The memories have and will last a lifetime. My condolences go out to his family."



FROM MIKE:

All the lovely people. Where do they all come from?

So many lovely and heartfelt messages of condolence and

sympathy, I don't know what to say, except my sincere thank

you to all. I share and appreciate your feelings.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

While it is jarring, and sometimes seems unjust, or strange,

this transition we call dying and death is a constant in the

mortal experience that we know almost nothing about. I am of

the mind that it is a transition and I carry with me a

certainty of the continuity of existence. While I don't

exactly know what happens in these times, there is an

ongoing sense of life that reaches in my mind out far beyond

the near horizons of mortality and into the reaches of infinity.

That David has stepped beyond my view causes me the sadness

that it does many of you. I will miss him, but I won't

abandon him to mortality. I will think of him as existing

within the animating life that insures existence. I will

think of him and his family with that gentle regard in spite

of all the contrary appearances on the mortal plane.

David's spirit and soul live well in my heart, among all the

lovely people, who remember with me the good times, and the

healing times, that were created for so many, including us.

I have fond memories. I wish him safe travels.

Perhaps now Davy can share a laugh with Hendrix about their ill-fated tour.

More Stuff from Work

I haven't done an update about the Twilight Zone<tm> lately, so I thought I'd fill you all in on what's up.

Firstly, although I am not a member of the Helpdesk Team, I'm on their Funny List.  Here are some genuine subject lines from my friends at the Helpdesk:

• I am a pc in the Bethlehem office.
• We have a computer that lost its email.
• ..cannot get on her internet.
• unable to get cursor back to normal static
• I have getting regular messages
• every other day my outlook get corrupted..
• I deleted my icon for Outlook and I need it back
• Updating Windows to 8 or 9
• I had a phone that their email yesterday
• I am have issue with my Outlook.
• needs 3 pc's builded
• My laptops has a few virus on it
• We've been using an old Microsoft Access program for over twelve years...
• I fix it by myself.
• one of are computer is having a problem with the screen
• It is making a loud blowing sound.
• I am continuously have this box....
• My anti-vial software is out of date....
• I just purchased and I phone....
• Will be possible if I get bigger monitor
• I think I just deleted all my files...
• Are internet is down.

See - I don't have to make this stuff up; my coworkers are that good.

While warning a new hire to duck when the Nerf Wars start or the dart guns came out, I discovered that another of my number does not approve of the blowdarts.  He didn't exactly explain why but was quite adamant in his position that he'd call the police the next time they came out.

Call the police?

What's wrong with a friendly stress-buster blowdart game?  Even if you suck them, they don't fly backwards; so his complaint, while severe (and stupid) has no merit.


But let us wade from the cool, still waters of Helpdesk and Blowdarts to an area close to my heart: Security.
Several years ago, with management's blessing, I put together a desktop security policy.  Just the other day I discovered that the CEO saw the policy, ripped it up, and to make matters that much more silly, told no one.

I'm guessing the corporate security policy is going to take a bit longer in committee than I thought.

No, the OTHER Thing I Said

I notice things.  Different things than others.  In fact, if I made any money from blogging, I could say I got paid to notice things.  Since I make preciously close to zero via blogging, I will state that one of my interests is noticing things then writing about them.

Man, that's a lot of words for nothing.

Further, I do not get paid by the word.  In fact, we've already established I don't get paid much, if at all.

More words.

Speaking of words, here's something I've noticed...  if I send an email like this:

1. I need that TPS report.


2. How do you make them look so nice?

I'll get the following response:

On their way.


You will notice that the second question never got answered.  Odds are it never got read.
Makes one wonder what would happen with this email:

1. How have you been?


2. I'm discussing eliminating your position with your boss.

The reply would probably be thus:

Things are good.


Dave Barry once noted that there's a similar phenomenon with phones, wherein the first five seconds of every phone call does not register:

Hello?


Hi, I'm going to kill your children, how are you, Bob?


Fine!


And I thought I was the one with the attention-deficit.  So how do we convince people to read the entire email?

The answer is you can't.  You have to send a separate email with each request.

Could you send me the quarterly report?


and


Could you send the quarterly report by snail mail?


In these attention-addled times, one must wonder what happens in case of emergency:

Mr Smith, your child has Dengue Fever.  He will need to be picked up immediately.

The answer, of course:

That's terrible.  Where is he?

Why You Shouldn't Speak in Paragraphs

My wife answered the door last night.  It was my brother.

brother: I hope I didn't interrupt anything.
wife: No, we're done and I have pictures for you...
brother: ummm..... no thanks.
wife: but your mom sent pictures for you.
brother:  OH.

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Why is it that forecasters can accurately predict the price gas is going to rise to at a certain time in the future but never when it is going to go back down?

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Rick Santorum knows the private agenda of Satan, who has his sights set on the USA.

The only thing more amusing and sad is that people are voting for him.

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There was a march on the White House yesterday.  You didn't hear about it because it was military in support of Ron Paul.  Four hundred military, in fact.  Go ahead, say Ron Paul's foreign policy is weak; even the military knows he's correct.

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Are you refusing to be body-scanned by the TSA?  That's suspicious behavior, son...

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Today in musical news:  Wolfgang's Vault is featuring 1983 footage of Joe Cocker singing `A White Shade of Pale'.  The Vault is a tremendous musical destination on the web.  Sign up for a free membership and see/listen to incredible classic rock content.

Who Are You and What Have You Done with my Band?

It was getting dark and just started raining.  Of course it just started raining - I had just loaded the car and we were on the way to the club where the band was performing.  The optimists will say `at least it wasn't snowing.' I hate optimists.  Optimists weren't at this place last time when it was raining cats and frogs.  Cars and small houses were washing by the window as we were playing.  We had to wait for a ferry to the front door.

As any non-optimist would predict, the rain stopped after we loaded our gear into the place.  At the risk of sounding like an optimist, at least it would be nicer for the people coming to see us.

After three grueling years, we managed to agree on a name [Wolfe Blitzer].  And when I say agree, I mean no one objected, which is the best we could manage.  I remain convinced that Male Pattern Baldness would have been a much better name, but got voted down. [as George Bush said, `things would have been easier if this were a dictatorship and I was the dictator'].

In related news, the bar still had old information about our name.  We're used to this, as we sometimes change our name three or four times a night.

The core of the band has been together for about three years.  Recently we added a new bassist, percussionist and keyboardist, which really seemed to fill things out (as well as taking up much more space onstage).  And when I say onstage, I mean `the area in front of the pool table, which wasn't moving and upon which we were instructed not to place anything.'  As that was our single instruction, we complied.

SPATIAL DYNAMICS

Spatial dynamics is the science of how things fit, given a certain space (and I'm only making up a tiny bit of this).  Within any group (or marriage), there will be people who get it and people who don't.  The band is somewhat gifted, in that two thirds of us get it.  Unfortunately it's the ones who don't get it who cause all the trouble.  See if you can pick them out:

Bob brings in his equipment and sets it up where it doesn't interfere with everyone else.
Sue brings in her equipment and plops it down in the middle of the stage then goes to talk to people.

Julie sets up the p.a. system because the band needs to start on time.
Stan watches the p.a. be carried by then starts drinking heavily.

George tunes his guitar and sets his amps.
Roger excels at finding the most annoying noises imaginable.  Over and over again.

We've all got them.

THE CROWD

lefty's First Axiom of Performing is that if the band starts, roughly at the same time, and finishes, roughly at the same time and in roughly the same key, people will enjoy themselves.  I'm not certain the band believed me at first but it bore itself out in the first set.  The crowd went nuts.

lefty's Second Axiom of Performing is that if you bring the crowd, it doesn't matter how poorly you perform. This also proved true (it was axiomatic).

We are the kind of band who brings new meaning to the phrase `Drink up - we sound (and look) much better the more you drink'.    We had a band meeting last week, during which we discussed our appearance.  I made sure to mention that since we're onstage, we have to look as LARGE and LOUD as possible.  As a result, everyone came in jeans and black t-shirts.  Our lighting consisted of four or six red and blue spotlights, which succeeded in making us look darker, as if that were possible, not to mention the fact that no retinas were spared.  We went blind before the second song.  So much for DIY lighting.

The place was packed.  We were standing room only (SRO).  There were people actually dancing.  It's been so long since we've seen happy audience members that we became concerned and wanted to call an ambulance.

It probably doesn't happen at every show but people actually cheered when we played Jimi Hendrix.  It probably didn't hurt that after the songs, I set the drummer on fire.  This might also have something to do with my wife's comment that we held the Geritol crowd enthralled.  It was, however, a bit sad when we realized that these people were our contemporaries.

Due to the spectacular lighting, I had to look down at my guitar a lot.  I also `go away' sometimes when I play.  It flipped me out to look up and have women going crazy in front of me.  But I am a true musician<tm>.  And what is a true musician<tm>?  The one who marvels at the women staring at him.  Then one steps up to the mic.  She sings out of key.  And POOF - she's no longer desirable.

It's a sickness, I assure you.

No,. really, it was an incredible experience, especially for a first time band outing.  I'm older than most of the people out playing these days.  My goals are not all that lofty:

• to play enjoyable classic rock in dive (and nice) bars
• to make people happy
• to stroke my ego with attractive women
• playing is the best therapy there is - I want lots of it

For clarification, I'm married, so all stroking is strictly visual (and imaginary).  It seems that I met my goals.  This does not happen often and was a welcome surprise.  I spent the next few days smiling (and sore, but that's a different story entirely).

My friends `caught' me playing a Springsteen song and asked if Madonna was next.
The reactions were mixed and hysterical:

"When are they playing somewhere with a real stage?"
"Why aren't they playing originals?"
"They should play song parodies."
"How come only one of them moves?"
"I"m sorry, I had to stay home and do my hair."

EVIDENCE

I saw a lot of flashes and cell phone cameras, in addition to a video camera or two.  As a result, there are almost no pictures and absolutely no video of the event.  Should this change, I will post it here.

I did see one light in the darkness after we were done.  It was my best friend, holding up his iPhone, on which was an animation of a lighter.  I told him I would have recognized it earlier if it were an Android phone.

Friends don't let friends use iDevices.
Don't be an iHole.

TECHNICAL DETAILS

The band had its first outing with the brand new p.a. system.  The system included a Peavey 8600 powered mixer and a pair of Peavey two way speakers (15" and compression driver).  The percussionist promised me he had Marshall decals to cover the Peaveys because I was embarrassed but he never produced them (he was subsequently fired).

I will say this once and if you quote me I will deny it emphatically: the system absolutely rocked.  It did exactly what it had to with plenty of headroom to spare.  We had to jigger up a monitor system because we don't have any and wound up using guitar amps, which worked fine.

guitar: lefty `77 Strat, `59 reissue Les Paul --> Voodo Vibe, Dano compressor, CTO-1 overdrive, RV-3 reverb, original Fender Blues Deluxe amp.

guitar: backwards (righty) recent Strat, Fender Blues Jr amp

bass: custom Rick 400x, SVT stack

keys: Nord, Sony(?)

drums: round bangy things with a strategically-placed vibra-slap.  The evening could not have gone as well without the vibra-slap (the thing that sounds like a rattlesnake in All Along the Watchtower and Feelin' Alright).

percussion: more round bangy things with a few plastic bangy things (and lots of callouses)

Reflections on a Three Day Weekend (and Nineteen Years)

I took Monday off to celebrate Valentine's Day, which some people might find odd, as today is Valentine's Day.  I prefer less fuss and the roses are cheaper.  Wife agrees, so be it.

But V-Day also happens to be our anniversary.  You see, we were married by Blue Cross of Pennsylvania, after I learned that my work plan would cover her.  We sent email to the families, mentioning that we were married.  It took almost five years before some of the relatives began to suspect we weren't making this up.

So this year makes nineteen.  The woman deserves a medal for putting up with me that long.

Saturday my band practiced for the last time before this weekend's show.  They pleasantly surprised me by learning to play certain songs correctly.  It's the little things with me.

Sunday we went to visit a friend.  Since it was positively frigid here in the frozen tundra of PA, we got some hot drinks for the ride.   There's a Starbucks in a supermarket: beggars can't be choosers.  I ordered a carmel macchiato and a white chocolate mocha.  My wife and I each tasted both and we were unable to tell which was carmel and which was white chocolate.  Kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Monday found us at Barnes&Noble, dodging Kindle displays.  I didn't want anything to drink but that particular Starbucks advertised smoothies made with a banana.  I opted for chocolate.  My wife came back with a chocolate frappucino.  Why?  Because they were out of bananas.  Seems silly to advertise the drink on every flat surface (that doesn't already have a Kindle display) when you cannot produce it.  Maybe it's just me.  I've kinda had it with Starbucks.

Our main fun activity was a trip to the Camden Aquarium.  Camden is a study in extremes.  One one hand you have the waterfront area, with its stadium and aquarium.  On the other hand, you have the city with the most murders in the country, as well as the smallest amount of police.

New Jersey came up with some interesting ideas lately.  For instance, all bridges between PA and NJ are free going to NJ but you have to pay coming back.  I firmly believe that this is because after you've seen New Jersey, you'd pay anything to get back to PA and not bitch about the cost.  Very shrewd.

Along those lines, the signage coming off the bridges is pretty good.  It's when you're trying to get back that things get interesting.  Tiny little signs say TO THE BRIDGE and usually point in the wrong direction.  You're not going to get out of your car to ask directions either.  To their credit, the radically understaffed Camden Police Department maintains high visibility on what passes for roads in New Jersey.  They're probably there to ticket you after you attempt to follow their street signs.

My wife was most complimentary about Camden.  She stated that, for an armpit, the place was really clean.  It showed pride in the neighborhood(s).  Oddly enough, this is not the first time my wife made this observation.  We were on vacation in Los Angeles and took an unfortunate turn.  The map indicated we were in Compton.  She commented on how nice Compton looked.  The people there really took care of their homes and surrounding areas.  [Take note, Philthydelphia]

After locating the aquarium, we were less than enthused at having to pay ten dollars to park our car.  Institutionalized robbery, in its finest form.  The admission had gone up from seventeen to twenty five dollars - also less than impressive.  A review today at work prompted coworkers to tell their favorite aquarium stories.  Tales of being accosted for change in the parking lot, while trying to get children out of the car.

Speaking of robbery, the sodas were two-fifty.

But nothing prepared me for the three buses full of ill-behaved, screaming children that unloaded just as we were walking to the gate.  This used to be a running joke with us.  When we went to a restaurant, I always requested the no screaming children section.  On planes too.  A friend recently told me of her trip to a bookstore with a section of screaming children, officially referred to as the leftystrat section of the store.

The first attraction was a small pool with a rather ragged-looking shark of some sort that you could touch.  My heart went out to the poor lady talking over the p.a. about the shark and telling people to only touch with two fingers, as the shark was sensitive.  The conglomeration of little bastards and bastardettes, all seemingly without parental supervision of any kind, were doing everything but leaping in with the poor shark (whose length barely exceeded a foot).  This might be the first time anyone has ever felt sorry for a shark, but that's the kind of people we are.  I made an off-mic suggestion to the employee (valium lollypops), who seemed to approve vigorously.

No trip to New Jersey would be complete without genuine stereotypes; in this case, Housewives of New Jersey.  They probably weren't the actual housewives but perhaps their good friends.  You could tell as their casual outfits cost more than my car.  Ever see a BMW stroller?  I think I did.

We saw Mike the alligator.  He was the largest alligator we have ever seen.  The employees at the aquarium are extremely helpful and friendly.  When I asked if Mike tasted like chicken, she indicated that he probably did, as that was all he ate.  She proceeded to tell us about when she ate alligator.  Ten points for sense of humor.

We like penguins.  I like them because of Tux, the Linux Penguin.  My wife just thinks they're cute.  These penguins, however, seemed rather lethargic.  They were way more interested in the door backstage than in their exhibit, which I found oddly amusing.

We saw a pair of hippos.  I can't see a hippo without thinking of my cousin Betty, the rude, obnoxious slug of a woman with the social grace of Genghis Kahn.  After she discovers your name, she asks you what you do and how much you make.  My wife thought we were kidding when we prepped her for the inquisition but had to admit we prepped her well.  When my wife asked why the water was brown, I told her because this was Philly/New Jersey, where all water is brown.  Most people won't drink it.  Smart people won't even put their boats into it.  The locals refer to is a Schuylkyll Punch (SKOO-kill).

There's a really cool tube-shaped section that makes it appear as though you're walking through water.  The wildlife is swimming all around you.  We saw some sharks plus what can only be described as a Hedge-Trimmer Shark.  Just don't plug him in while he's in the water, ok?

A cynic like yours truly can't help noticing that the all exits lead through the gift shop.  More clever Jersey marketing, no doubt.

All that aside, we really like the aquarium.  It could be bigger but there's still a decent amount to see.  It is very easy to navigate, even for people with some physical handicaps.  If they can let us know when there will be no busloads of children, we might go back.  More than likely we'll take the drive to Baltimore, where I hear incredible things about their aquarium.  And it's twenty bucks to park.

Better Bathroom Strategies in the Workplace

Today's topic is the bathroom, or loo, for my UK guests.

More specifically, it's the continuing circus that seems to have set itself up around the bathrooms where I work. Being the Twilight Zone, it simply couldn't be normal.

I'm going to take it on faith that the greater majority of bathrooms in the greater majority of workplaces are managed reasonably well, and by that I mean the fixtures are generally adhered to the walls and one doesn't have to swim to the urinal.

You probably think I'm kidding.

Work has introduced yet another great move forward in Bathroom Husbandry this week with its brand new Temperature Initiative.  If you were to go into the bathroom, you would notice that the heat was sufficient, that is to say it's so hot and dry there that you could hang laundry.  As most of the employees do not do laundry at work (one of the few things they don't do, in fact), the heat is somewhat of a puzzle.

At first I suspected Manglement wanted to make the area so inhospitable that mortals wouldn't want to spend any time there, thus cutting down bathroom breaks.  This was until someone reminded me of what the bathrooms are like normally.  Ok, there's one theory shot.

The remaining theory is that the bathroom is just getting all of the heat that's missing from other unimportant areas of the building, like employees' desks.

Then there's the continuing saga of Business Lake.   There is no official lake by that name but it is the name I've chosen to give to the lake in the bathroom.  It's a body of water that just seems to be there, on the floor, regardless of what else is happening.  We thought it might be the result of a stall overflowing or the urinal that drenches its user, but no.

Recently the lake disappeared, triggering a visit from the Bureau of Land Management as well as Clean Water Act volunteers.  Homeland Security can't be far behind but we're lower on their priorities as there's simply nothing to grope.

We had a urinal.

Ok, to be fair, we have a urinal.  As mentioned previously, it had a tendency to splash water up on whoever was using it.  Perhaps for that reason (but by no means definitely), it was removed from service.  The sign and the plastic bag over it did nothing to dissuade the hardcore bathroom enthusiasts from using the urinal.  Perhaps as a result (but by no means definitely), the urinal was removed.  From the wall and the bathroom.

For a month.

I want to qualify my statements: I have absolutely no knowledge of plumbing.  That said, this must have been some urinal replacement.   When I need something done in the bathroom, I call the local expert (my wife).  When the job exceeds my wife's expertise, we do what everyone else does and call the plumber.  The plumber does what he does to everyone else and doesn't call us back.

We have what appears to be a fully-staffed maintenance department so it shakes the foundation of my being to imagine the urinal issue that could not have been solved in under thirty days.  My head is starting to throb, so I'll drop this line of inquiry immediately.

And I'll head right over to the stall.  The stall holds within its walls a standard-issue toilet (or so it would seem).  It was fairly prone to flooding, which led us to believe that it fed Business Lake.  So at some point, the ubiquitous They closed the stall.  The stall didn't work but the lake was still there.

The stall, much like the urinal, stayed closed for close to thirty days.  We actually got a call from In Search Of, who wanted to do a show on the errant toilet.  Eventually, without ceremony, it reopened.

BUT - GERMS!

I work with an incredibly large population of germphobes.  I noticed antibacterial waterless soap dispensers appearing all over the building with frightening frequency.  It was only after I asked for some desk cleaner and my neighbor brought out this eighteen inch tall can of aerosol antibacterial spray that I knew what was happening: the building is full of people with undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Naturally it wasn't long before the bathroom soap dispensers were replaced.  Not only was the soap antibacterial, the dispensers were automatic.  You only had to put your hand under them to get a premeasured dosage of that lovely and comforting antibacterial goodness.

And when you are done with all this antibacterial madness, you can dry your hands on the paper towels.  You know, the paper towels provided by the automatic paper towel dispenser.  Just put your wet hands under the dispenser and you get a premeasured (for your convenience and safety) piece of paper towel.  There is no word on whether the towel is antibacterial or not.

The white paper towels were ok but in order to save money, they went to the brown paper towels.  Shortly after this point it was discovered that the automatic paper towel dispensers weren't all that automatic.  The towels would get shorter and shorter.  You had to `swipe' repeatedly to get enough towel to dry your antibacterial hands.  Shortly thereafter the dispensers simply stopped working entirely, with an unsatisfying BEEP.

While we were waiting for the paper towel dispensers to be put back into service (hopefully under the thirty day minimum), the antibacterial soap dispensers ran out of soap.

For three days.

So to sum things up, we have urinals and stalls out of service for thirty days and now there are dispensers that require daily maintenance or refilling.  How successful do you think this program is going to be?  Perhaps the evil plot is to stop everyone from using the bathrooms in the first place, in which case Manglement is in for a rather rude surprise.

But don't worry - even if you have to wipe your hands on your pants, you can walk out the bathroom door and use the antibacterial waterless soap on the post outside the door.  And again halfway down the hall.

Samsung Galaxy 10 - Initial Impressions

I started my tablet life a while back, when my work carrier gave me a Xoom to evaluate.  It was large enough but heavy and not particularly ready for prime time, or at very least, not ready to be put into the hands of the public.

The next unit was a Samsung 7 tablet.  I have had the 7 for many months and it follows me everywhere.  It is supercharged with a 32g card, rooted, tweaked and forced to do my bidding [insert evil laughter].  I had a feeling what my main complaint was going to be right off the bat: it was too small.  Actually it was too small and just a little too old.

In spite of these shortcomings, the 7 served me well.  It started to accompany me to meetings, where the bottom fell out, kinda.  It was simply too small to be effective.  Taking notes was a PITA.  Aside from that, there's nothing really wrong with the unit.

So I decided it was time to check into ten inch tablets.  Much to my dismay, the field had not changed at all from before.  I told my friendly T-Mobile rep that, like all men, size was important, so I wanted to upgrade to a ten inch tablet.  She gave me the choice of the Samsung Galaxy 10 or nothing so I wisely chose the 10.

As any reader of the blog knows, I hate iDevices, so that was out even if it was a choice.  It astounds me that with the success of the iPad, there aren't tons of worthy competitors, even with T-Mobile.

T-Mobile got the 10 to me with blazing speed, as in the next day.

OPENER UP!


The Galaxy 10 is one sleek, slim device.  There were all sorts of OOHs and AAHs as I unboxed it and my coworkers checked it out.  The Galaxy 7 is a rather bulky affair.  The Galaxy 10 is just a shade heavier but the weight is better distributed.

First up is inserting the SIM card and charging the beast.  The included USB to Galaxy cable appears to be the same as the Galaxy 7 but colored differently.  There was a charger in the box also, plus a few small meaningless booklets.  It was a pretty short learning curve and the getting started booklet handled things well.

LAYOUT

When held in landscape mode, the speakers are on the sides.  The main connector is on the bottom. The power switch and volume rocker are on top, as is the SIM slot.  There is no place for an additional SD card, which is disappointing, but there is an adapter available that allows an SD card and USB access.  I don't believe we should have to pay an additional thirty dollars to use SD and USB but I'm funny that way.

Onscreen keyboards are an acquired taste.  They're fairly useless on a cell phone.  On a Galaxy 7 only the landscape keyboard is usable.  On the 10, both keyboards are good, as one would expect with more screen real estate.  And the screen real estate is nice.  The display is bright and sharp.  There is a ton of room to put shortcuts or widgets (or not).

ARE THERE CAMERAS?


You betcha there are cameras.  There are two: one facing you (lower resolution for video chatting) and one facing away (higher resolution for pictures and video).  I didn't bother checking the specs but they're not a secret.  I seem to remember 5 megapixels 720 video for the picture-taking side.

As things seem to go these days, there is no case.  In scouting the available cases I noticed some variety, including cases with built-in bluetooth keyboards.  The case is not optional: you need one to protect the device.  A side benefit to some is a stand that adjusts.  You don't want to type on a flat tablet, external keyboard or not.  Be aware that you will need a special case if you want to keep the device plugged in.  Look for an opening on the bottom, through which you will put the cord.

MORE FEATURES

A pleasant surprise was the available volume.  There was plenty of it, unlike my Sensation phone.

The onscreen layout is a little different from the 7.  There are no dedicated buttons on the bottom.  Instead the app button is up top (why?) and there are soft buttons at the bottom for the main functions.  There is even a screenshot button (complete with annoying shutter noise).  In fact, one of my first duties was to kill all the noises and blinkies.  I'm a big boy and don't need a noise every time I hit a button or a program comes up.  Nor do I need the haptic (vibrating) feedback with every key press.

There are five screens by default.  You should never run out of space or screens.   Like most android devices, you can populate the screen with shortcuts, widgets, wallpaper, live wallpaper, and presumably dead wallpaper.

There are the usual rotating effects but also a new tilt function, which can control screen size or brightness.  I haven't had a chance to mess with this yet; I have brightness on AUTO for now.  There is a button to allow apps designed for smaller screens to fill the available space or pan in.

APPS

The Galaxy 10 comes with Alarm, Asphalt 6, Blio, Books, browser, calculator, calendar, contacts, Dropbox, ebook, email, files, gallery, Gmail, Google Search, Latitude, maps, Market, media hub, memo, messaging, MobileLife, Google Music, music player, navigation, pen memo, photo editor, places, Pulse, Qello, Quickoffice, security, Slacker, social hub, talk, TegraZone, video chat, video player, voice search, world clock, YouTube, and Zinio.  Your mileage will vary by provider.

Quite frankly, I'd love to be able to remove most of the included apps but I can't.  I suspect this will require rooting, which I haven't considered or checked on yet.  You cannot remove Slacker, Zinio, or any of the social apps.  While I like Slacker, I stopped installing it because it seems to turn itself on all of the time, regardless of whether I'm listening to it or not.  And I have as much need for social apps as I do for female plumbing.

As android people know, installing your own favorites is a matter of going to the Market, finding the programs and pressing INSTALL.   Here are some of the apps that make my life easier:

• gStrings - guitar tuner
• Premier Guitar, TabApp Pro, Guitar Squid - guitar goodies
• Drudgereport, World Newspapers, Sparse RSS - news
• ES File Explorer
• WiFi and Airplane Mode widgets
• QuickPic - superior to included Gallery
• Opera Mini - browser
• ConnectBot, AndFTP, Remote VNC - remote access tools
• Wolfgang's Vault, XiaaLive Lite - streaming radio
• Scanner Radio - listen to police and fire scanners worldwide
• and 3 versions of Angry Birds for my nephews

Your mileage will vary.


SECURITY

As with all phones and tablets, there is a plethora of features that might look nice but ultimately will suck the small amount of privacy you have left from your device faster than you can say Illegal Wiretapping.  Do yourself a favor and turn off the location tracking features.  There is no significant reason for anyone to know exactly where you are, either via satellite tracking or wifi/cellular tracking.  If you absolutely must let the entire universe know what you're doing and where, this is what Faceyspaces is for.  Or Twitter.  Log in and let everyone know that it's 5:15 and you've just had a terrific potty experience at Barnes&Noble.

Don't forget to go into the camera app and turn off geotagging.

OVERALL

I've only had the device for a few hours but I can tell I'm going to seriously enjoy it.  The larger screen will make all the difference for viewing anything and note-taking.   The nephews will love the look of Angry Birds and the wife will love some of the games I loaded for her.

More as it comes to me....

Sad Pennsylvania News - February 2

Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, who pops out every February 2 to determine the weather for the next six weeks, has been found dead outside of his hole.

Punxsutawney Police publicity proctor Paul Pango described the injury as a single gunshot-inflicted wound to the head.   According to witnesses, Phil popped out and saw his shadow this morning.  Traditionally this means six more weeks of winter.

Further investigation indicates foul play, as we all know one cannot see shadows without sunshine.  The Pennsylvania area is famous for its 265 out of 365 days of rain and/or gloom.  In fact, London called and it wants its weather back.  Meanwhile, Pennsylvania is slated to pass Seattle, Washington, as the suicide capital of the United States.

Interviews with Phil's family state that he had grown despondent over the pervasive lack of sunshine in the area lately, combined with worry over the state of the economy and fears of more of the same from whoever gets elected president next.

Phil's doctor confirms he was suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is usually suffered during the winter months.  Treatment for SAD includes light therapy and time in the sun, which is virtually impossible in Punxsutawney, as well as most of Pennsylvania.

In other news, Pennsylvania's governor, Tom Corbett, declared that auto manufacturers must retroactively provide refunds to owners who purchased cars with a sunroof.  Furthermore, all solar-powered lawn lights will be returnable for a full refund.  The governor referred to these are cruel jokes and an example of the anti-Pennsylvania bias in the media.


If you have any questions, please visit the National Alliance for Mental Health or Groundhog study.

Fun News from the World of Music

From the Unlikely Suspects department, did you know that Hulk Hogan almost played bass for Metallica?

George Harrison's son, Dhani, discovered what sounds like a sketch for a lead on the original Here Comes the Sun tracks.  He is shown with Sir George Martin and his son.

For reasons upon which I would rather not speculate, Ozzy Osbourne is giving away a free colonoscopy.

Since it's borderline illegal for the mainstream media to mention Ron Paul, here's a bit from non-mainstream media about celebrity endorsements. [hint: he's got them]  The question remains what to do with off-center endorsees like Snoop Dog (or worse, Gene Simmons)


I just discovered Brad Pitt is roughly my age.  Yet he continues to be very good-looking.

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Bevilacqua and Paterno took the easy way out.
Discuss.