DNC in PA, PDQ NOW

Twitter has been throwing (only) conservative members off the service. Yesterday, Faceyspaces admitted it blocked certain tags critical of the DNC. Not that there's an agenda or anything.

Make America Great Again: get off Faceyspaces.

• I may have to take out a restraining order against Kaley Cuoco. She keeps calling.

Don't forget to vote. Vote wisely, vote often. Remember - you're competing with dead people. And the voting machines are owned by the parties.

• The FBI, the organization that refused to prosecute Hillary Clinton for fear of convenient death, is now very interested in pursuing the source of the DNC email links. They may actually succeed here, as it's in the Clintons' best interests to have this info.

Those nice folks over at ISIS have beheaded a priest. It's a peaceful religion. They peacefully beheaded him.

• Birthday week wishes to Sir Michael Philip Jagger.

Be careful about making your own adult movies: you may regret it when the one with her driving gets out.

• Remember Miss Cleo, from the tv psychic commercials? RIP - cancer.

If you're a bored Australian Fur Seal, you fall asleep in a Tasmanian public toile.

If you're a bored ISIS member, you behead a priest.

• A while back, my mother told me I was a mistake. Since then, I have made it my destiny.

The saddest thing I've seen in a long time: the dog with his head resting on his missing cat's carrier.

Let's Convention This Bitch Up

I feel sorry for Philthydelphia. It's not bad enough they're in a public transportation crisis because they bought poorly-made cars (that they knew about a year in advance); now there's the Democratic National Convention. It's so huge they're holding parts of it at a giant sports stadium. Wait til they find out parking is fifty dollars.  Traffic is murder at any time of the day or night, so imagine how bad it will be when portions of the city's two main arteries are to be closed. The worst will be borne by the poor commuters and people forced to live and work downtown. Good luck there, folks.

Now imagine the arriving politicans. First they land at an airport with striking workers, incompetent TSA empolyees (be fair, this could be any airport in the nation), then they see the parking three-deep at the curb, right next to the No Parking signs. Driving on the always gridlocked I-95 North, they immediately pass the waste recycling plant.. Philly smells like shit for many reasons. Heaven forbid they try to get around via public transportation or worse, by car. It's like New York but without the accent.

As if this fun couldn't be superceded, the security will be insane, especially when Hillary the Prevaricator arrives. I'm all for having it moved at the last minute. To any old state (or country) at all.  I'm not partisan - I feel sorry for Clevelanders too. Just to make things more interesting, you can open-carry guns there. Thus far it has been peaceful, or at least the gun-carriers have.

• A year and a half after I became gainfully employed, I'm still receiving job notices, some for jobs I applied for a year and a half ago. As per warning, the worst are the Indian recruiters, for some unknown reason. Today I received one from some Indian guy, saying he thinks I'd be interested in a one year contract in Toronto, Canada. Well, there's nothing like an eight hour commute to a different country to get the old metabolism going. WTF is wrong with these people?

A young immigrant has attacked people on a German train. With an axe, while shouting "Allahu Ackbar," which means "Oops, I did it again" in Swahili. Germany and President Obama say the motive isn't clear, even after ISIS claimed responsibility.

Meanwhile the Social Justice Warriors have exclaimed that no normal citizen should have an axe and sensible axe control must be enacted. Star Trek's Wil Wheaton, now famous for his "Fuck the NRA" outbursts, when reached for comment, said, "Fuck the National Axe Association!"

• I think we need a party that guarantees inclusion of another minority group: The Attractive Wingnut Party. Members will include Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman, Michelle Malkin and others to be named later.

The Pokemon Go craze is perfect for us... people have been stopping traffic and walking/driving off cliffs. That sound you hear is Charles Darwin laughing.

• I heard some of Chris Christie's RNC speech on the radio this morning. Regardless of how you vote, the guy was entertaining and nailed it.

BREAKING: sources deep within the RNC have discovered that Bill Clinton plans to vote for Trump. Because he wants a chance at Malenia.

• Baltimore police have footage of a driver playing Pokemon Go plowing into a police car. No word on whether the driver was taking a selfie at the same time.

There is now a Krispy Kreme donut-flavored soda. Is this a good thing? Is it the sign of some sort of Kardashian apocalypse?

• A study, using Real Science, shows that Harry Potter fans are more likely to dislike Donald Trump. This is a shame, as Donald was really counting on the Hogwarts Vote.

Muppet Paws Strikes Again

An Ikea museum has opened in Sweden, celebrating the firm's history. Next month, K-Mart is opening a similar museum. In a restroom somewhere in Detroit.

• Been thinking of a new pet for Marshall. The idea of a sloth is interesting. Even if you go to sleep for the night, he'll only get ten feet total from the bed.

During a planned active shooter drill at Andrews Joint Base, an real life active shooter alert was called. The base reported it. The press reported it. The Secretary of Defense reported it. And hour later, the alert was called off, stating it was a planned active shooter drill. Because the base, the press and the Secretary of Defense don't know and can't tell the difference. Nothing to see here - move along.

• According to a Baltimore professor, white people need to give all their money to black people. You can't even write parody as good as real life anymore.

Although we know that Faceyspaces is inherently evil, statistics dictate that some of the people here use it. I won't call you out by name (because I don't know it) but I'd like to share with you this guide to FB security settings.

• Over 100 women posed naked against Trump in front of the Republican National Convention. This is a short-term goal for me that's close to my heart.
• Speaking of the RNC, as we'd expect, it started with a prayer. Yeah, separation at its finest. Also, one of the featured speakers is from Duck Dynasty. That's putting your best foot forward, guys.

Did you know that your plane cannot take off until they're sure the coffee maker works?
I suspect they fear armed insurrection if it doesn't.

• I was told a long time ago that guitar players got all the girls. And I hear that women love a sense of humor. I should be doing better than Leo DiCaprio at this point...

A man shot at two teens playing Pokemon, mistaking them for intruders. I say he didn't mistake them, which makes it a service to the neighborhood.

• In the oasis of Afghanistan, a pregnant fourteen year old girl was burned to death in an 'honor killing'.  What other religion has these advantages... you can impregnate an underage girl then kill her for having sex and being pregnant?

Exercise, they said...the doc told me it would be a good idea. So I bought a stepper, assembled it with a lot of screaming, and proceeded to go against everything I stood for. It was horrible.

Back at the doctor's, he asked how it was coming. I told him exactly how it was going: I got on the stepper and watched every second go by, calculating how long it would take til I could stop. The doctor, bless his soul, said that if exercise caused me this kind of grief, I shouldn't do it.

I now have Doctor's Advice not to exercise. My life is complete.

Go outside, they said.. feeling brave, I took the dog out back. Smelling the air, post heatwave, I looked around at my back yard (that I hate because I have to mow it). There sure were a lot of trees that I didn't know existed. They provided needed shade. I began to think that maybe I could spend a few minutes out there, maybe with a laptop (there's no helping me). 

Feeling positive, we went back inside, to the air conditioning... where I noticed the itching, where several bugs bit my legs. Up and down. 

Now I need a doctor's note to keep me inside, on my glorious couch.  

Now With Twice the Gluten of Normal Blogs!

Here comes the greatest morning news... the EU has launched a controversial deal with the US aimed at curbing government spying on the internet information of European citizens. Aside from the laughable content and enforcement of this deal, the EU has petitioned for more than US citizens get from their very own spy agency.

• Here's a completely non-helpful hint from Thermionic: don't use Chrome-based browsers. They're absolute memory pigs. If you want confirmation, check your total available memory before you start the browser and a few hours later - you'll be shocked. I don't use Chrome because it's Google but apparently a few of the browsers I use are built on Chrome. After a few hours, they suck up ridiculous amounts of memory. Under linux, I'm speaking of Opera and an Opera spinoff called Vivaldi. Chrome, obviously, and Iron also.

BEWARE of Pokemon. Not only because it's stupid, but if you have a (God forbid) iDevice, you could be allowing the program full access, which it may take advantage of. Here's more information and a solution but make sure to do the research.

I first became aware of Pokemon Go online, where it took me a while to figure out (I'm not always the rapid-fire pundit you read here). It was described on the news as groups of people, staring at their phones, completely absorbed. In other words, completely indistinguishable from any other day and any other group of people.  My conclusion? Mow them down.

• Speaking of apps, do you know what's at the top of the iDevice store ranking? An app to hack cars. Think about that when you get a new/used car. 

Is your cell phone constantly running out of juice? It's the price you pay for a smartphone with a large, bright screen and Serious Cell Use, Get one of the gee-whiz external charger/batteries. You can find them at local stores or Amazon for a better deal. When your phone is about to go dead, plug it into the battery and it will continue working and charging simultaneously. They come in every size from tiny (with small charging capacity) to bricks. We use them here and are very satisfied.

• Know what I hate?
• Everything.

Marshall update: he's getting worse. We may have to medicate him (for grief over losing his cat). It's only a matter of time until we're all on the same medicine.

• Disney has outlawed selfie sticks. Yes, folks, it's another step in my plan for World Domination.

We have become a very uncivilized society, partly because of barriers that we feel shield us from responsibility for what we say and do. When we're driving, we say and do things we'd never do when walking. When we're online, we say and do things we'd never do in-person. People are calling for executions of police, journalists and politicians. People are threatening society and promoting lawless behavior. We have to learn to use the system, regardless of perceived wrongs. Don't shoot police. Don't shoot each other. Don't shoot people pulled over unless necessary. Don't declare open season on police.

We gotta learn to live together.  I believe most people are decent and want peace and normalcy. Rallies and hugs and handshakes (and funerals) reinforce this. Unfortunately, rallies are not going to convince the bad element. How to deal with them? I have no idea, but at the rate things are escalating, it's going to involve bullets. None of us want to see that.

Looked at in the larger sense, this is Divide and Conquer. Trump vs Clinton. Black vs White. Meanwhile we're not coming together and we're no good when divided. 

In the Sixties, it was protest songs. In the 2000s, it's Pokemon Go.

• Check out this early review for Jeff Beck's latest album. I have only heard one track and I have to be honest - I don't like the female singer. Hopefully the rest of the release provides normal Jeff fare.

During the police shooting in Dallas, a robot was used to deliver a bomb, blowing up the shooter. Not sure I'm ok with this but just imagine what will happen when Obama ordered drones...

• Check: How to secure your router and home network

The Great Unveiling

FBI's James Comey: "While Hillary's actions clearly rise to the level of prosection, I decline to do so. The example of Vince Foster looms large to anyone who would try."

I am not a Conspiracy Theorist, I'm a futurist.
Once again I am forced to repeat this. If, after the FBI non-Prosecution Fiasco, you have any doubts that the fix is in, you might need to seek professional help. After all the woman said and did, she has been protected by the Powers That Be (PTB). The veil is off and it should be painfully apparent that laws are for you and they don't apply to Them. Too big to jail,

They're terrified of Trump because he's not owned, so all the stops are being pulled out for Hillary.
Just in case you think justice is still imminent, they own the voting machines too.

I'm still voting for Gary Johnson, whose poll numbers keep rising, for obvious reasons.

• Philly Strikes Again: Transit officials found cracks in more than a hundred new rail cars, pulling them out of service only weeks before the Democratic National Convention. Some of the ancient cars aren't stopping at farther stations because they're full. People are having trouble getting around. In some cases, there are 30 minutes between trains during rush hours.
• Meanwhile, the mayor wants illegal aliens to be free to roam in his sanctuary city.

A New Zealand couple found a human head on a beach in Fiji. Come to Fiji - where you're sure to get a-head.

• The 20 year old Briton who tried to grab a policeman's gun and assassinate Donald Trump has denied the charges. He didn't mean to assassinate Donald, he just wanted to look at the policeman's shiny new gun and shoot it where Donald was standing. Since there was no clear intent, the FBI's James Coney has declined to prosecute him.

In another move for common sense, the next Iron Man will be a 15 year old female. I guess the Iron Man suit will have to be redesigned to accommodate boobies.

• Some bright fella set a Google car on fire because he believed Google was watching him. Well, he was correct in his assessment but went a bit far in his actions. Turning off cookies would have been a better start.

In the past week, two Teslas have crashed while in Autopilot Mode. This would normally be an item of concern, but none of us here can afford one.

• The US House passed legislation prohibiting employees from viewing pron or explicit sites. Only the goons in the US need this law. Next up: a law to stop federal employees from killing their coworkers.

Temporal Anomalies

Just a quick note to let you know that we hit TEN views today! It's almost a record.
That was sarcasm: one day we high eighteen.

I've been messing around on Twitter lately. I do roughly as well as I do here.
Hmmm.... I wonder what the common element is....


I went to the Sacramento Zoo a long time ago. It being Sacramento, I knew no one.
We came to a mud pit containing two hippos.
"Look-it's cousin Blanche," I observed to my wife.
The people behind me started to laugh.
"Oh - you know her too?"
True story.

• I remain confused by my boss, who constantly asks me to try thinking inside the box for once. What do you suppose he means?

I bought my wife a pair of those stilleto heels. She said she can't walk in them. 

I told her she didn't have to.

• What is the definition of Zen? Pulling one-ply toilet paper off the roll at work without tearing it.

When she was a bit younger, my wife entered a pageant and won Miss Personalities.

• Q. Which bathroom should Michael Jackson use?
• A. Neither - he's dead.

I can promise you, Loyal Readers, that for your viewing pleasure, I will never post a picture of myself.

• A California bill would outlaw the use of ransomware. They're so damn progressive, those Californians. With this law, all ransomware will stop. As will bad feelings and all computer hacking and handguns.