Orange Vanilla Coke

They'd have a better chance of selling Orange Vanilla cocaine.
This is positively brilliant, in that no functioning human being could seriously come up with this. The person's boss apparently took them seriously and someone is getting a hell of a snicker out of it.

"Yeah, Orange Vanilla Coke - that was mine!"
"I've never been so stoned at work in my life."




Dear lefty:

• Are you kidding me?
• Are you organically this stupid or do you have to work at it?

Please don't encourage them.
Brit Floyd, the Pink Floyd tribute band, will be playing on the same stage where I saw Jeff Beck and Buddy Guy.

As if that's not enough to make your week, there is a ninth Madea movie. At this point, we have to stop blaming Tyler Perry and start tracking down people who see these modern-day tragedies.

• The eyes are the key to the soul. A talented mouth never hurts.

I say this because I haven't in at least 5 minutes: I HATE WINDOWS.

I turned my singular Windows machine off, but it made me wait forever because it wanted to install THIRTY SEVEN updates. The problem here is that I have updates set to download, but NOT install. Windows thinks it knows better. Just one reason to hate Windows, out of soooo many.

Windows: it's not an operating system: it's a virus

• You Can Tune A Piano but You Can't Tuna Fish  - REO Speedwagon
• I can (almost) tune a guitar but get that cello out of here - lefty

Someone said they needed to take their cello to the teacher to get it tuned.

Ridiculous, I said. I can tune my guitar and there are two more strings - a cello should be easy, especially with my phone's tuner app (g-strings). As it turns out, I should have let him take it to the teacher. Who knew a cello would be so difficult to tune? No matter what I did, the note would be spot on, then take a rapid nosedive to the LOW ZONE. I gave up quickly because that's what I do.

At least we got a decent phrase from it: keep the dog off the cello!

• In either a heartwarming or horrifying development, we have another of those most dangerous creatures: a smart cocker. It took Marshall no time at all to figure out you can have all sorts of treats when you drop them and eat around the medicines they have in them. As of moments ago, Penny figured it out. Marshall is somewhere, laughing.

Happy International Women's Month!

To those of us who pay attention, every month is Women's Month.

To those who are paying attention to the online whining, we are apparently on a mission to get more girls into Science/Tech and to hire them. 

Let me make this short and somewhat sweet: hire the right person for the job, regardless of plumbing, level of melatin in their skin, hair consistency (or lack of), religion (or lack of), or length of their nose hair.

I'll get pilloried but I'd prefer not to hire people who have trouble with English, foreign or native. Customers should always be able to understand their service person.



Dear lefty:

• Why does my penis hurt like this?
• Take it out of the pencil sharpener.

There are a number of tv shows featuring a motley crew of people talking into microphones. Radio hosts talk into microphones. What we have is radio on the air. Unoriginal radio. Social radio. And we see the real reason why dj's are behind a mic.

• Over in Beautiful Downtown Sri Lanka, eighteen 5th graders were hospitalized after an assault by their teacher, who didn't feel they completed their homework to his standards.
• How does one teacher assault and hospitalize eighteen kids?
• Would this sort of thing help American children take their education seriously?