Why can't I fly with my Comfort Elephant?

A small town in Oregon is experiencing cougar sightings.
People are afraid and are being warned to avoid them (here, kitty).

No word on the whereabouts of the Real Housewives of Oregon.

• One of the airlines has decreed that comfort animals can only be dogs or cats. I'm going to complain under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

The president has set up a GoFundMe for private contributions to building The Wall. In two days, the donations total about $20 million. 

Sorry, Mr President, but the government gets way too much of my money already. Bring all of our troops home and take it out of the defense budget. With the invasion of the illegals, we have a real defense security issue, unlike Iran or Afghanistan.

Dear lefty:

• Why do I have so many headaches in the morning?
• Mixing beer and wine, and hitting yourself on the head with a shovel.

• I can't go an hour without hearing someone say 'Mongolian gynecologist'. You?

Politics

A Danish politician put an ad on Pornhub, seeking votes. He explained that 'you have to be where your voters are.'

A bright light in the cesspool of politics.

The Texas state House has introduced a bill that would fine men $100 for masturbating. Hopefully they mean outside.

Ever try finding a news station?
CNN: Trump sucks
Fox: Trump rules
NPR: We've convened a panel of experts to tell you what Trump did wrong today
NBC: Hi, we're the propaganda wing of the DNC
RT: We have an interesting mix of actual news and propaganda
Local news: varies, some more interested in social media than news, less overt bias than the nationals.

"We read what we're told, right from the script."

• With the final episode of Game of Thrones comes news that 10 million people are expected to call out sick from work. We are a nation of morons. But wait!!!! At least one website is offering counseling. But there's always someone working to take advantage - it's the American Way.

So we're minding our own businesses, as we do, when we hear a loud CRASH. The two of us and the dog are on the couch. In the kitchen, an iron skillet, placed safely on a counter, tried to commit suicide by launching itself to the floor. By itself.

• South Korea's government is switching to linux.
• If North Korea does, we're in trouble.