Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Post Title So Secret, We Cannot Tell You

Your love is like  getting up for work on a Monday


When I'm late for work, my coworkers understand. I'm never really late for work, so it's the Windows Virus. It decided to update by itself. It's rebooting. It's Monday. This morning I hit the wrong key and it started talking to me. There is nothing more distracting when you're entering your credentials than the computer repeating them, as you type much faster than it can read. So I turned this off and it continued to be on. Wow, this is a helpful operating system. It's also a welcoming operating system - it says Welcome and stays there for a while. Maybe it thinks if it's polite, I won't notice it taking forever to come up to a usable screen. I'm onto you, Windows.

And then, Surprise!, there's a news icon in my taskbar. I certainly didn't ask for a news icon. This is more Microsoft data collection. You don't own Windows, Windows owns you. 

And Outlook continues to come up full screen. I've researched and tried the solutions, all for naught. It's mind-numbingly frustrating. It's part of the reason I don't run Windows in my house.

My work computer feels the same way as I do about Mondays. It just can't establish a Monday Rhythm<tm>. It's always much slower on Mondays, like me. The people who know about these sorts of things tell me it's virus scanning. Well, yeah, but it doesn't get functional til afternoon, kinda like me. It can't possibly take that long to virus scan. You bring up Word and you can hear the machine groaning.

"Oh no. Please don't ask me to run a program on a Monday morning. It will hurt."

Let me show you the many ways it will hurt.


  • I got one of those Amber Alerts a few days ago. They're obnoxious and intrusive. Do you think it would be rude to ask how to stop them?


I'm tracking a package from California.

Pacoima --> Daggett --> Holbrook --> White Deer --> Kansas City --> Ethel --> Elkhart --> Duquesne --> Swatara

I'm thinking of making this my vacation this year: stop in all places my package did. I'm also overdue for an oil change and brain checkup.

At one stop, the label became mangled. They're really doing a great job - it used to be the package that got mangled. 


  • An NYC principal wants to make everything squeaky clean by getting rid of all the white teachers. The faculty is not amused. 


Video shows woman duct-taped to seat after trying to open airplane door.
I have to admit, this is even better than zip ties.
Like most Airplane Loons, she tried to open the door, in-flight.
Over a certain height, the plane is pressurized and the door cannot be opened.
She "assaulted and bit a flight attendant."
Hats off to the poor flight attendants. They probably require rabies shots.


High potency weed linked to psychotic episodes, mysterious vomiting illness in young users
Did not see that one coming....


Today I identify as  Super Chicken


Pentagon Sees China’s Offensive Space Technology ‘On the March’
"General, this is going to call for a multi-billion dollar ramp-up for space weapons and the coming Cold Space War."
I'll get McDonnell-Douglass on the line.



The schoolkids who said they saw 'aliens'



I have a couch.  I spend way too much time on it. We call it the Life Sucking Couch because when you sit on it, most of your life force goes to one of the major amusement parks and forgets to take you with it. You sit there like a shell. I have to keep reminding myself not to sit on it when I emerge from the office. The last thing you need is to call in to work dead. We recently discovered our other furniture is similar, making it the life sucking house. So if you ever find yourself possessed of way too much energy and you need to sleep, stop by. Ignore the tornado-leftover conditions and just sit on something (not the dog). 

If you know anybody with OCD and you really want to horrify them, bring them by.
OCD is really common: yesterday I was informed I had to throw similar items the same direction in the trash. We can't eat with that silverware and the labels on the items must be facing the same way. Sometimes I just leave it. Sometimes I'm a real dick and turn the labels around. OCD people are sometimes a lot of fun to do this stuff to. Part of me feels bad about it, but the rest of me locks that part of me in the closet til I'm done.

I was bullied growing up. I still turned into a semi-productive semi-human semi-adult. My only problem is having fun with OCD people. Ok, there are a ton more problems, which I am not prepared to discuss, but if you look at things with a positive spin, they're not problems - they're opportunities (the police do not think that anything involving explosives is an opportunity).  But yeah, I was bullied. I didn't require intervention. My parents didn't beat me until I beat the bullies. School didn't hold an inquisition, and there were no anti-bully programs. In all sports, I was chosen before the fat kid. Sometimes after. I was friends with the fat kid, so the bullies had a tough choice. The problem here is that I wasn't taught about sports and didn't care much about them, so I had a tendency to run in the wrong direction, sometimes without the ball. It might also have to do with prior grades, where I made up my own sports. These largely involved really hard surfaces and a horse (largely a gym horse). For some reason I actually led the charge to bash heads against the hard surfaces. I was smart enough to have the other kids do this, much to the horror of the gym teacher. It wasn't bullying because the other kids did it voluntarily. We made basketball into a full contact sport, involving tackling and, again, hard surfaces. 

Aside from that, I was a lonely little weirdo. My choice to play guitar and burn myself with a soldering iron guaranteed I didn't have many friends. Even the fat kid didn't routinely electrocute himself, whereas it was somewhat of a hobby with me. Nothing I built worked the first time (or the 2nd) because of my tendency to read only the first part of the instructions. So "take the resistor R24 and install it with the capacitor C24" became "take the resistor R24 and install it." Second halves of sentences (or paragraphs) were really a pain in the ass and carried little important information. This is why I never went into explosives. I also don't read not.which has led to more trouble than you can imagine.

It's worse these days... I can run an entire network, but don't ask me to fill out paperwork. Fortunately people are nice to me, possibly because of anti-bullying rules.



  • CDC says J&J vaccine has ‘small possible risk’ of rare neurological disorder
  • we are the guinea pigs - nothing to see here 

One day after Dr. Anthony Fauci called for vaccine mandates on the local level, the White House is stating that it will support municipalities who choose to enact them.

Impeach.



The Arizona Diamondbacks have added the first chapter to one of the world's smallest books: Famous Jewish Baseball Players. They drafted Jacob Steinmetz, an orthodox Jew. Unfortunately, this presents somewhat of an issue...
  • no games Friday night or Saturdays
  • stadium hot dogs must be kosher
  • at 6'6" 224 lbs, there is talk that he's not actually Jewish, or...
  • proof that getting bullied really pays off


One of the greatest problems with democracies is useful idiots. These are the people who go along with the bullshit spouted by the alleged leaders...

Do People Want Their Pre-Pandemic Freedom Back?
 Recent polling suggests that many among us not only approve of the lockdowns of the past year and foresee public health restrictions continuing into the indefinite future, but they also want the world to remain constrained by efforts to prevent illness—or maybe just constrained, and never mind the reason.
PLEASE take our freedoms, I beg of you...



Philthydelphia Strikes Again
The city is behind in its trash pickup. The excuses run from Flying AIDS to Tuesday to drinking. Ok, anyone can get behind. The problem is the Trash Police (I'm not kidding) are ticketing people for having uncollected trash out. This prompted a rash of calls to the city hotline, which promptly crashed.








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