Saturday, October 22, 2022

A Real Cupid Stunt


Your love is like   the OJ trial - long and not particularly satisfying


The other day I needed a picture from Wife's phone. I texted it to my phone. Naturally it never arrived.

I realize cell phones are only about 25 years old, so I need to be patient and allow them to work the bugs out.

Most of the time I can't text her. She can't text several other people. We're paying how much for WHAT?

 

Today I identify as  Henry Kissinger, undergoing a sex change


Russia labeled Meta an extremist org

I see nothing incorrect there.


 New York had a gun buyback. These are silly events, encouraging honest people to turn in guns.

A guy gamed the system for $21,000 by 3D printing gun parts and selling them at different locations. The attorney general changed the rules.   snort 

Because you know the criminals are going to turn in their illegal weapons.

Speaking of silly, police prostitution stings are beyond ridiculous. All that manpower wasted to catch johns and ladies agreeing on a price and having some fun. You know there are many departments short-staffed who could use the manpower wasted on these stings.

Remember: when you think about any law... You Own You - the idea that a government has any say over what you do with or put into your own body is repugnant to any (alleged) 'free' people


Evanston, Illinois, has started a form of reparations to black people. It focuses on prior housing discrimination and consists of a $25,000 grant only for house repairs, mortgage, or down payment on a house. The gentleman in the article, a veteran, used the money on his son's mortgage, an allowed use.

I'd be pretty pissed if my money went for that. Let the discriminating agency deal with it, perhaps after a legal battle. Make the realtors pay. I did not discriminate against anyone. I don't have the ability to discriminate. I'd like a $25.000 grant too, but in the form of a tax rebate, to go along with lower taxes. Meanwhile, from Biden down, there sure is a lot of money being given away....


Drivers woefully overestimate hands-free driver tech, study shows

That's because they're stupid. It runs mandly in the population. Apparently unable to read news of spontaneous explosions and crashes into various people and things, people proceed without a care. I shouldn't complain, because this will only produce more blog fodder, but I really don't want to see anyone killed. Unless they're drivers, (not) driving responsibly and they crash spectacularly. Like the guy who grafted rocket engines on his car and wound up part of a rock wall.

To be fair, the manufacturers should title the function appropriately. 

  • Driver's Little Helper. 
  • Driver Boost. 
  • Not Automatic Driving. 
  • Pay Attention, Stupid.

 

Best Headline  

Cooperative sperm outrun loners in the mating race

Remember this the next time your mother tells you not to hang around with those kids...



New Zealand proposes taxing cow burps to reduce emissions

NZ is an amusing little country, which is even sillier due to its proximity to Australia. The only question remaining is the method around this brilliant additional revenue stream:
  • Each cow fitted with a Burpometer
  • a governmental taxation expert in every field
  • a belch tax on the purchase of each cow (bo-ring)
What about cow farts? Just as noxious.
NZ is also thinking of taxing every car built by cows.



Toyota has a recall of bZ4X's. They assure everyone the problem isn't serious and no one has been hurt. Aside from the fact that the wheels might fall off while driving, you are perfectly safe. So get your car to the dealer, hopefully by tow. After that small bump, Toyota will fire its marketing department and give your vehicle a proper name.  Who came up with bZ4X and how much of what did they consume before they came up with it?



Former Uber CSO convicted of covering up megabreach back in 2016

Uber has been a favorite target of this blog for years, but only because they're downright injurious and homicidal. In addition to injuring and killing its riders, riders' information is all over the place, as personally denied by the CSO. You're literally taking your life (and information) in your hands whenever you step into one of their cars. Ride services such as this are already a tracking problem because everywhere you go is a matter of record. You should probably avoid places of ill repute, especially if you're married or in public office. Hellllllo Bunny Ranch! 



In a desperate bid to stay on the blog, Tesla has cut radar and now ultrasonic sensors from its cars.
Also considering lights, tires, bumpers, and seatbelts.



Waxworm's spit shows promise in puncturing plastic pollution

Yes, this particular moth larvae's saliva can degrade plastic.
Wait til they find out...
  • worker bee boogies can help with pollution
  • cow defecation helps soften and moisturize the face  (I'm lying - I just want to see, from afar, women spreading cow shit on their faces)
  • the pus in monkey pimples cures the Flying AIDS (12 died trying to extract it)


We saw She-Hulk Attorney at Law for about 7 seconds the other night. You have never seen two people dive for the remote control so fast; it was like a priest diving on a little boy.



The verdict is in on how much Alex Jones will pay for saying words: $965 million to the Sandy Hook families. After the verdict, the jury stumbled out, falling on the floor and talking about getting more of that PCP stuff.


Russia's illegal war on Ukraine continues. It's already background noise to us. Since we (US) have allegedly managed to stay out of the fracas (except sending millions in arms that we can't track), have you noticed other nations jumping in to help (arms aside)?  What does that tell you?




It's work time. I got a notification that one of my classes for credit was a day overdue. It's not that they're difficult, it's that most of my crew would rather claw their own eyes out than take them. First, everything's done in 3 letter acronyms. This isn't a problem except the only people that understand them have been there for 40 years, and retired at 35 years. It's not bad enough that you have to remain more or less awake, it's that there are actual questions at the end of the chapters. I'm not sure if they are to see if you read anything or just to check if you're still awake. Neither are likely.  Work started an hour early this morning, due to an important meeting. Important meeting is like military intelligence: two words that don't go together. Ever. Like good morning. An oxymoron. Oxymoron can be broken down into 2 parts-oxy and moron. It means 'person too stupid to breathe.'

So I'm at about 7 cups of coffee, and it hurts to stand up and make another one. This is all a bit surprising, as I normally only drink 2 cups. At this point, I should be bouncing off the walls, as well as the walls at work, 20 miles away. Since the heater was on yesterday, it's the fan today. The fan is better at keeping me awake, as it very annoying when it blows right at me. I haven't spoken to any of my esteemed coworkers yet, but they're probably dealing with their own fan issues. Or napping - I can never tell which. During our meeting everything was normal, and when I say normal, I mean I was the only one answering the boss or asking questions.  Sometimes I make fun of them to see if they're awake. One guy tilts his head and leans on his arm. I was hoping that one day, one of his family members would knock his arm out of the way and he'd fall into his display. This doesn't make me a bad person, does it? It's not that the meeting is almost silent, but after the boss says good morning, it's like he never said a word. Good morning is not that difficult a set of words to respond to, except perhaps in my group. And the questions get harder from there. 

I also discovered that perhaps speaking up has its disadvantages. I can complain about a slow server all week, but when someone else speaks up in a meeting, the boss seems to come alive. "Oh, it's slow," he says. Yes, it's even slower than it was when I said it last week. But I try to keep my sarcasm in check, as if that were possible. I do extra stuff for the boss, so I don't get fired. There is no question in my mind why the boss won't let me speak to Manglement. I love it when a plan comes together. I think everyone is more desperate to separate me from them after they found out the boss 2 levels up used to work at Microsoft. *I* would separate me too. I don't know why, but I get the feeling he wouldn't want to hear my plans for excising the disease that is Microsoft from the company. But I am not afraid to pull the tiger's tail, even though I should be. Some tell me I'm brave. Some tell me I'm not brave; I'm stupid. Whatever. I don't get fired for poking the tiger, like Steve Irwin. I get fired for other stuff. Then the lawsuits. Don't get me started.

Hey, I can type without falling asleep. Must've been that 7th cup. 




I figured we were off the hook after the multi-hour horror that was online ticket purchasing with the very evil Ticketmaster. HA - like that was going to happen. Next up was the car payment. Yes, you can mail it, but there a Special Mailing Charge. Yes, you can talk to a human, but there's a Special Human Charge. So I pay online, where they have yet to implement a Special Online Charge. It has worked flawlessly. Until today. Today they want to verify me. You knew this was coming. They want to verify me over my landline. Of course they do. We're still waiting for our phone to arrive, so no landline. They ask me for an additional number, so I give it to them. Naturally they can't add it. THEN WHY DID THEY ASK ME?  Yes, let's verify him so he can give us a lot of money - what a great idea! It will let him know we hold all the cards!

Put in the last 34 digits of your social security number
30486583034758357*(**25065))
Put in the last 34 digits of your social security number
30486583034758357*(**25065))
Put in....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
To make sure you speak to the correct representative, we need to verify you
So I need to be verified to get verified?
Put in the last 34 digits of your social security number
30486583034758357*(**25065))
Put in the last 34 digits of your social security number
AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
If you want to put in your social sercurity number, we might let you through faster. We might also be doing this to further piss you off. 
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE
Hi, this is an actual person. Can I have your social security number?
No, you not supposed to be using social security numbers for this
Can I have your address?
You already have it
How about your routing number?
Take it off the account.
We don't have access to your account.
Neither do I. That's the problem. I'm only trying to give you money. I pity the poor fools who want a loan.
Oh, they don't have to give us any information. Can I have your social security number?
Can I have yours? 


Cessna has noted so many emergency landings on highways, they are installing car horns on their planes.


Air Supply and Rick Springfield tickets are available. Gee, I'd sure love to see them, but after the last ticket-buying experience.....  hahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
  • I have to insert a warning here: I wouldn't see Air Supply on pain of death. But if I mention getting tickets, death is not far off.


We're living life on the edge. Penny is upset that Mommy leaves the tv on when she goes out. Unfortunately she leaves daytime TV on, so Penny's threatening to call the SPCA on us for animal cruelty.


My buddy got one of those vacuums that wander around by themselves and couldn't wait to show it off. I warned him but he brought it by anyway. He told it to GO and it was off. And when I say it was off, I mean it moved exactly 2", coughed, and powered right down. He checked the error codes later and it told him no matter what he does, do NOT make it do that again. It has identified my house and will not even start if he brings it by again. It will have to go back to the factory for an incredibly DEEP cleaning and may be unusable. It's good to laugh now and then, especially at the misfortune of others.


We went out for dinner the other night. The waitress got everything right. The food was good. 
I suggest you watch the news - we're in danger of something happening.



If you go to the amusement park and own an IDevice 14, you should probably turn off Crash Detection if you ride the roller coaster. People who love attention should just ignore this advice. The lovely people at 911 will send people in uniform to pay attention to you. You'll be a star for a day!



It's fun being a Pennsylvania resident now. One day you turn the heat on, later that day the fan. Halloween's coming up, so stock up on the large candy - don't be a Halloweenie. And all day and night long, you're barraged by tv and radio ads for political candidates. There are two Congressional candidates: one who stood by the governor as businesses were ordered shut and livelihoods were lost. He has a little trouble talking due to his earlier stroke. The other had a tv show. The republicans are anti-abortion, the dems pro-choice. I'm pro-abortion; I beleive everybody should have one. The gubernatorial race features a religious republican who has a bible quote on his signs and wanted to do a 40 day prayer fast to get his candidacy out of the dumps. These people scare me. The democratic candidate doesn't like the 2nd Amendment. These are pretty important campaign issues. And don't forget my favorite Congresswoman, who rose from state office. I occasionally try to look past disagreement and find commonalities. Not her. She is the first person in my life whose every utterance I disagree with.  Everything. There is no common ground to be had. I didn't think people like this existed, but she's up for office again.  If I were to say I enjoyed breathing air, she would find a way to make air breathing more difficult and tax it heavily. What's worse, many of her constituents would agree.

I'm voting libertarian, as usual. I just can't take the hypocrisy, growing government, government intervention into private matters, taxing, debt, IRS, (and when they breathe). You've spent your entire life voting between R and D, with no positive change, and you foot the bill. They're two sides of the same warped coin. What's worse, they've done a divide and conquer on the American people that's pure evil.  I can't, in good conscience, waste my vote on the ass clowns currently running.



  • Have you ever noticed you can't get your underarms licked the way they should be, or should I shut up again?









No comments:

Post a Comment