Don't Shoot the Asteroids - You'll Only Make Them Mad

 

Your love is like  local radio

Know what I hate? Many many things. Incredible numbers. Minor annoyances to some are sources of great anger to me. In fact, it's much easier and time-saving to list the things that I don't hate, but we're not here for that. The blog would get very boring. Some would say we've already achieved that milestone.

Where was I?  Oh.  

I hate when flying things get up my nose. 

Today I identify as  a book the religiously-addled got banned

Speaking of which, libraries all over the country are getting death and bomb threats. You're not going to believe this, but it tends to happen around LGBTQ events. Learn to use your words, children. Didn't someone say something about loving the sinner but hating the sin? Oh, you chose to ignore that part of your religion.  I wonder if these are the same people bombing abortion clinics. Nah, these are little people with big mouths. And very small penises. Hey Billy Bob... show us where that book hurt you.

So we (Earth, NASA) shot up asteroids during the Double Asteroid Redirect Test (DART). It appears that playing video games as a kid is finally paying off! Imagine the smirks you'll have the next time you see your parents, who told you you'd amount to nothing, playing Asteroids all day.

It remains no surprise that we like to blow shit up. We fired at the Moon twice. One must admit, firing on a huge piece of rock, hurtling toward the planet, has some real value. Unless you belong to the large group that thinks Earth is in dire need of a reset.

I mentioned a nasty problem I had with my cell phone provider; the one that rhymes with Purrizon. I got hit with a surcharge because they want me to sign up for their more expensive plan. This was already done once, under the guise that my plan was going away. Then I got 'hung up on' by a representative in chat. I filed a complaint with the FCC, who delivered it to Purrizon, which is expected to contact me to work the issue out.

The point here, aside from me being pissed off, is that we need to stand up to this crap.  If your provider is being unreasonable, go to the regulating agency (FCC) and file a complaint. This goes for whatever industry. When I was younger, the auto insurer tried to screw me for an awful lot of money. One complaint later and I had a decent rate. Find out who regulates the industry and fill out a complaint. The companies do not want too many complaints, so get out there and do your worst. Now, don't get me started on phones if I have to change providers. 

While we're not getting me started on things, my $60 plan costs $90 because of all the federal and state taxes and surcharges. For all I use my phone, I should get a burner. 

UPDATE 

I got a response within 2 days. The long and short of it is that "We ain't doin nuthin."

• The surcharge was actually a price increase, except it wasn't noted correctly.
• They reserve the right to adjust (increase) their plans whenever the sun shines (or it's cloudy).
• I can change plans at will (I can upgrade to a more expensive plan at will).
• Yes, their bottom-rung plan runs between $96 and $105
• Maybe I'd like to try their prepaid plans, starting around $40 for 5g/month (never mentioned by rep, who hung up on me), I can use my current phone+number, but my phone isn't 5G, if that matters.

Now it's up to me to decide.

The selection of phones is naturally difficult to navigate, and you have to do a lot of research to find out which phone does what. There's a phone decision helper, which is actually helpful. But you have to scrutinize every function and line, including the plan. There are still phones that were available a few years ago, so research is imperative (unless you don't care or want top of the line). The customer reviews were dismal for each phone. LG, my favorite, stopped making phones entirely, so we're left with Samsung and Motorola. Or Google and Apple, which I wouldn't touch with a 47' pole. Samsung is the 5,000lb gorilla. Motorola has good low and midline phones. The powerful phones are ridiculously expensive. I want a lot of horsepower, but not gaming, video, and gee-whiz cameras. I'm way out in left field, where I've made a comfortable home.

It's somewhat obvious the FCC complaint shook a  branch. Remember this in case your provider screws you over (but use wisely).

Yet another consequence of the Flying AIDS: You can only buy rolls in an 8 pack. I guess someone was terrified of a Flying AIDS positive passing it on via rolls. Now we have to freeze or throw out food. Before it turns blue and fuzzy, of course. There are only 2 of us and the dog doesn't like bread.

The deli counter now has a minimum 30 minute wait (and a 3 drink minimum). Their staff of 12 is down to 5. Where are the people going? Now that unlimited unemployment cash has dried up, are they all retiring? There's no shortage of employers waiting to pay people outrageous hourlies for many jobs. Maybe we can employ some private investigators or out-of-work economists to track people down. 

ThermionicEmissions: putting people back to work.

I haven't been following this closely, but apparently Biden wants something done about TikTok because it's Chinese-owned, making it a security risk. Way to go, Joe. No, I have not been kidnapped, leaving my pleasant clone to run the blog.

So I'm watching the news and continue to notice Interesting Things about news. There is some sort of unwritten rule where, when they go to someone outside the studio, this person stands there, nodding their head. When it's time to speak, they're still nodding their head and saying nothing. Eventually they have some helpful input. Every time. 

Anchor: There's been a lot of weather out there today.

Weatherman (outside in rain, nodding along subtly)

Anchor: So we go to Bob the Weatherman. Bob, how's it going out there?

Weather: (still nodding, pausing) (pausing) Yes, Jim, there's certainly a lot of it about.

It doesn't matter if it's weather or court or somebody doing something at Walmart, where most things happen in America.

Producer: (off air) Bob, I've got some news.

Weatherman: Uh-oh

Producer: Bob, I'm going to give your career a boost.

Weatherman: Please don't send me outside.

Producer: Bob, you're perfect for this. This is a category 4 hurricane that's coming in. This is your big chance.

Weatherman: I beg you. Last time all of my clothes were soaked within 10 seconds.

Producer: We're going to take care of you. Here's a jacket with our logo on it. Wait - wear this 'special' helmet in case any trees come flying by. It's got a locator with ID, so we can identify your body.

Weatherman: I'm standing outside the door and I'm already soaked. And I'm not wearing the special helmet.

Producer: But we have goggles too! One more thing... always keep your feet at least 4' apart. The winds are about 90mph, so you might blow away. We're keeping the camera guys indoors so nothing happens to them. The electrical transformers make horrible explosions when they fall from the poles.

Weatherman: Tell my kids I love them.

This morning, the weather lady started her bit. She's oddly not over the top in her dress, hair, or makeup. The front of her front doesn't extend out much closer to the camera than the rest of her. Her dress is red, but not fire engine red, and she doesn't look much like a hooker (this can be good or bad, depending on your personal taste). The dress isn't even ridiculously tight. She's pretty. She's delightfully narrow up top, widening at the hips. I like skinny, sue me.

Then she turns sideways to point to something on the map. A tornado or something, I dunno. Then I see it: the back of her dress starts a delicious curve over the back of her front. I hear music. I stop being in the present and just marvel at magnificence of the simple geometry. 

I'm not a butt guy. I am especially not a large butt guy. She didn't have a biggun and the curve of the dress over what she did have was astounding in the moment.

This is why men fight wars and write poetry. A simple curve. Women are the greatest gift ever given to us. 

Another small hack exposed about 40% of Australian citizens.

They better hurry up and do nothing about it.

Rolling Stone magazine came out with the top tv shows of all time. This was mentioned on our local news. It's not that Rolling Stone became irrelevant many years ago, but Seinfeld is on the list. The host said if Friends was above it, he was going to cry. This is why I stopped watching tv and local news. Rolling Stone was long gone, even before they called Kurt Cobain a great guitar player, right up there with Hendrix. They obviously get much better drugs than the rest of us.

• Please don't make me change out my fan for a heater. I beg you.

There's a new type of malware in town and it's called Tesla.

I haven't seen the technical breakdown yet, but I suspect it makes your computer's battery spontaneously combust

Speaking of tv, more and more commenters are being fired for racist and offensive comments. We're all getting tired of this. I think it would be way more interesting to have the onscreen folks compete for most offensive comments. The whining would intensify, but the networks will be surprised to find viewership went up. Aside from the vocal minority, people love offensive stuff. It's comedy, people. No one's forcing you to watch it.

While I'm on my offensive for offensive content, I'm getting more than tired of gluten-free this and that. Yes, my Coke is gluten-free. Yesterday I went to a home improvement store and you'll be happy to learn the wood there is gluten-free. I did have to ask the manager if the screws were gluten-free, but he assured me all the metal in the store was gluten-free. What we need here is Gluten World, where everything has extra gluten. And extra peanuts, in cast there are any peanut allergies. Plus a supply of epi-pens up front, in case anybody with an allergy walks into the store by mistake.

But no, I'm not done being offensive yet. I was watching the news when the Florida hurricane hit. It was a great press opportunity, so the governor was out in public a lot. Naturally there were sign language interpreters live and in-person. I don't know where he got them, but they obviously graduated from the Overactive School of Sign Language. One had a black suit with a white tie. I think this was supposed to say, "You WILL pay attention to me. Or your store will catch fire. Fires happen." That wasn't enough, though. He was overly expressive and demonstrative. The other one was a lady with very loud, long hair, who put her entire body into interpretation. It was a very physical sport, and when she was done with the 3 minute speech, she had to go home and rest for 12 hours. She considers herself a Speech Athlete.

Offensive enough?

Today's Best Overheard: "I can't decide whether to have cereal or chopped liver for breakfast"

Speaking of chess, there's apparently a big to-do in chess, as a champion is accused of cheating. Only they don't know how he cheated. But along comes Elon Musk to save the day. He says it could be done with a set of vibrating anal beads. And maybe some Morse code too! Just think... you can play your favorite game while your butt is vibrating. That's two favorite things, if you're into that sort of activity. I'd imagine it could work against you, though. Your train of thought could become completely interrupted, if you know what I mean. Your opponent might see your eyes rolling up into your head and use the opportunity to get ahead.

Musk must live an interesting life. He sees cheating and chess and comes up with Butt Stuff<tm>. He's a hero to the common man. The hero we need. Just pray the anal beads don't catch fire.

Instagram has permanently banned Pr0nhub's account, where it was just suspended until now. This was pushed by certain groups, to no one's surprise. The reason given was repeated violation of Instagram's platform. The only problem is that Instagram cannot say which part of their platform caused the ban. I guess we're supposed to take their word for it. Quite an impressive flotilla of coalitions and adult performers have signed on against the ban. The only thing that occurs to me is that Instagram and the right wing, religiously-addled groups are not going to be impressed by adult entertainer signatures. Remember: their freedom of speech is your freedom of speech.

History will not look favorably upon us. 

We're being told what we can and cannot see and read by the right and the left.