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Samuel Bateman: Polygamous cult leader had 20 wives, FBI says

The FBI closed their investigation, saying he had suffered enough.

*ok, he was a child molester, convicted of taking minors over state lines, but I couldn't resist

Today I identify as  a guy with 32 wives (in 1 body)

The NASA trips to Mars, the Moon, and Space in General has produced a flurry of activity in other countries.

• the British are going to the Moon, to see if it's far enough away to send Harry and Meghan. The only problem so far is carrying enough tea to get them through the trip.
• the United Arab Emirates believe they'll feel at home; the dust will approximate sand. I hope somebody mentioned space suits too. Just like at home, air conditioning and air are very important.
• NASA, on the Moon since 1969, only needed to carry a flag, to prove ownership of the Moon. Ok, a flag and some secret NSA stuff. Once firmly off the Moon, they bombed it. Twice. Look it up. Then they ignored it for 50 years.
• Congress was the group most suggested to be sent to the Moon. The mission was scrubbed when they couldn't agree on the color of the suits. The split was contentious and right down the middle.
• China is about to land on the Moon. According to their history books, they beat the US and landed in 1968. In reality, China couldn't drive the ship and wound up orbiting Mars. Slowly. With their turn signal on.
• Russia's ship crashed into the Moon, after it was discovered that Yuri, the mission controller, had their retro rockets in his back yard. They make very good tables.
• The Mexican space program never took off. Their astronauts kept emigrating to NASA.
• UC Berkeley has demanded there be a diverse group in the capsule, but no Jewish astronauts. 
• Are there any Jewish astronauts?

After my Great Laptop Disaster of 2022, my brother suggested a professional come in to remove the souls of the dead people in the house. I think he's going to need a large, strong team.  #1 laptop broke a hinge that took out the display. #2 laptop randomly freezes and no one can figure out why. So here I am, on #3. I am thankful to have a functioning laptop, or else I'd have to type this blog into my phone. This would cause my untimely death the first time I tried. The only thing is that #3 is old. It's got tubes in it. While it heats up the house nicely, it's slow. Perilously slow. What's worse is the limited horsepower. RAM was hideously expensive when it was built, so I have very little. I can get by with email and a browser, but that's about it. Anything else pins the meter and it takes a while to get done. Sometimes I go out for coffee while I'm waiting for it to do something. Also, going from a 25lb (47 liters Canadian) 17" laptop to a 5lb (25km British) 13" laptop is a change you don't want to make.

After the Great Shipping Disaster of 2022, it will take a while to get word on #1 laptop. Then fixing. Then shipping back. I'm looking at well over 2 weeks. I could always stop using computers for 2 weeks, but who am I kidding? I could live without a computer just like I could live without food. I'd have to go to the Happy Place<tm> and they would make sure I ate. And put me on some nice medicine. You try blogging in a straightjacket. A few days later they'd say I was ok to leave, largely because my insurance said they weren't paying for more days. Then they'd send me a large bill, just for fun. Everybody gets one, whether they owe anything or not. 

Have you ever had a spaniel seatbelt? I had one last night. I was minding my own business, sitting in a chair, when she appeared out of nowhere. She had that "I'm going to jump up into your lap, screw the laptop" look about her. She immediately got between me and the laptop and rested in a way that looked like I had a spaniel seatbelt. I'm beginning to think she's a little neurotic, but I kid - it's in the breed standard for cockers (American and English). 

I have another laptop for some reason, that I powered up. Shocking - its display is all kinds of messed up too. So I'm sitting there with a spaniel seatbelt, watching one of those dog competitions. I pointed out to her that the border collie was extremely bright, very fast, and quite agile. She looked at me and said, "One dog is out there running around poles. One dog is relaxing in your lap. Which is the smarter dog?" Dammit - that changed my whole outlook on her. 

UPDATE?

In the meantime, I ordered more RAM for the only laptop working. I ordered it from a seller who is about 30 minutes from the house, figuring I'd get it fastest. It was shipped immediately, as the email indicated, but the email address was China. Plus it said that the 30 minute trip was going to take 7 days.  I'm not always good with directions, but reasonably certain China isn't 30 minutes from my house. Unless they're listening..... Oh God, I hope they're not under the bed again... last time was bad enough.... plus there's no room - Russia has been there for a year already.

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50 years ago, Apollo 17, the last manned mission to the Moon, was underway.

Why do you suppose we stopped and then waited 50 years to start again? 

Check out some remastered Apollo 17 pics

Guess which Fortune 500 brands and govt agencies share data with Twitter?

Just about all of them. Yes, Elon Musk knows when you pee.

Nautilus to bring floating datacenters to two new sites in US, France

Oh great. The NSA, after having acquired internet cable-cutting gear, needs torpedoes. 

America: just sign for it and add it to the Debt.

Are women getting angrier?

To get an informed opinion, I asked Wife.

Her response: WTF do you MEAN are women getting ANGRIER?

I dunno. The article sounds more like a female empowerment seminar. 

Everybody knows women have emotions and men don't.

It's the damn PATRIARCHY again!

Maybe it's not so much women getting angrier as people just becoming better assholes. Been on social media lately?

GM and LG are getting a $2.5 billion battery loan from the Department of Biden Energy. Because the government is in the business of loans. It's a shame there aren't any other places on the planet to get loans. Because if there were, you can bet GM and LG would have gone there first. <-- now that is what we call biting sarcasm. There were no terms mentioned in the article I read. 

What's in YOUR wallet? 

Nothing, the government took it all.

Murderer publicly executed by his victim's father, Taliban say

Well it's about time the Taleban got back to this. This is the first execution since they got into power. What were they waiting for - women in jeans dancing in the streets? This is not the way to terrorize run a country.

Speaking of terrorizing, with reference to Samuel Bateman, who had 20 wives, this was the headline of the story. Not that he was a child molester - that he had 20 wives. His excuse was that God told him to do it. I just realized, hopefully not too late, that I'm really missing out on things.... I'm not stupid brave enough to have 20 wives....but why can't I claim God told me to gather up all the left handed late 50s guitars? Or the 20 most beautiful women in the world (because Wife said no)? All the valuable new old stock tubes? A lot of laptops, just in case? 20 bars of gold? There is no limit to what you can get when God tells you to! Now all I have to figure out is whose God.

It's very easy when you follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster - there is only one.

I intend to become a minister.

Deep Thoughts 

Is it ok to blow your nose in the shower?

Best description of a sound

"and when you put it into an amp with the bright switch on, it sounds kind of heinous."

--Pete Thorn

She was so old....

HOW OLD WAS SHE?

She was so old, she remembers when Black was spelled 'black'.

• She was so old, she remembers dial phones (that are impossible to fit in your pocket)
• She was so old, she remembers round black things called records
• She was so old, she remembers a time before Google
• She was so old, she remembers going to the library, for things called books
• She was so old, she remembers when computer monitors were square 
• She was so old, she remembers phone booths, all over the place
• She was so old, she remembers calling someone for directions