Johnny, I keep tripping over bodies - MOVE THEM

Your love is like  huge pills that turn your urine colors

Plan to slice New York pizza oven emissions by 75% causes backlash

Thus proving you can count on environmental friendliness, but you can't fsck with people's PIZZA. You will get our pizza when you pry it from our cold, dead hands.

Today I identify as  an energy drink

AVOID LOWES. I went there the other night and watched myself come up on a large screen, with a rectangle over my face. Yes, Lowes is using facial recognition. I confirmed it with an employee, who probably thought I was nuts. Ok, she's partially correct, but that's not relevant here. I will never set foot in Lowes (or Walmart or Walgreens) again, at least until FR is removed. I told the employee to tell her manager that people are pissed. You should too. It will only be removed if enough people complain. If you're black, FR is racist because it doesn't register people of color correctly.

In an interview with Dweezil Zappa, son of the late, lamented Frank Zappa, he said he couldn't do what his father did and be about all the things he was against. Dweezil had something of a point... technically we should be for, not against. On the other hand, we'd be missing all that great music and humor. And this blog would disappear into infinity.

Indian developer fired 90 percent of tech support team, outsourced the job to AI

He thought he was such a smart fellow, but he failed to perform certain steps that would ensure his success:

1. Give the AI an accent that the people could barely understand.
2. Have AI ask customers stupid questions.
3. Go by a script, with no deviations.
4. When somebody asks for a supervisor, AI changes its voice and comes back on the line.
5. When the customer inevitably starts screaming and cursing, AI plays Taylor Swift until they hang up.
6. Absolutely no real help is ever provided.

Medical waste company sues health system over hidden human torso

How many times  have you gone through medical waste and found a human torso? Don't you hate that?

Wait til the find out the torso's former owner had the Flying AIDS.

Canada to recall Prime Energy over caffeine levels

Good thing Canada has a body that can regulate this.  You wouldn't want to pick up an energy drink and discover it has too much energy. Hats off to the Canadian government!

Hollywood actors' strike expected alongside screenwriters

No, they're not striking in sympathy, but they want to appear to be.

The actors are striking for the horrible conditions under which they must work

• Jennifer Lawrence's diet water was on the wrong side of her chair
• No extras were paid to laugh at Robert Downey Jr's jokes
• Gwyneth Paltrow was forced to film an entire movie without an onsite plastic surgeon. And her vagina-scented candles were not all over the set, as specified in her contract.
• Salary for A-list actors is only up to $50 million. Who can make a living on that kind of salary?
• Filming for the latest Mission Impossible was scrapped when they couldn't find Tom Cruise's lifts for his shoes. The star of a film of this magnitude cannot be 4'9".

I would strike too, under these harsh conditions.

Tax preparers that shared private data with Meta, Google could be fined billions

Just imagine what Google and Lord Zuck know about you. Even more than your Faceyspaces profile or your Alexa!

Scientists Create 'Biological Camera' That Stores Images in DNA

The first 2 shots were magnificent. Then the camera discovered selfies, and no one was interested any longer.

I just got bifocals. You know what happens with bifocals, right? You develop neck pain.

Yes, neck pain. From constantly looking up so the glasses are where you can see what you're looking at. I told the doctor that I'm different (no, really?): I spend 16 hours a day in front of a computer. He was not impressed. Nor was my prescription. I have to admit it's pretty handy to see things when I drive. And tiny things (i used to read the writing on a grain of rice).  I remember my grandparents saying they didn't like to drive at night. I was terrified until I got glasses. The other drivers were terrified too.

 

US to decide on GM request to deploy self-driving cars

US says, "Screw it - the others are exploding, killing their drivers, and running over dogs. What could these cars do that would be worse?"

 The cars would be without steering wheels, mirrors, turn signals or windshield wipers.

No problem. Most people don't use them anyway.

• Mrs. lefty pointed out that there are about 6 Teslas in the general area. It makes them difficult to avoid and my chances of getting caught in an explosion or fire are greatly increased. I think they should have a parking lot just for Teslas. That way you won't be hurt by batteries blowing up, and can watch every subsequent Tesla go down like dominoes. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. It will put a spring in your step, and we could all use that.

Work creates its own spam, probably because we don't get enough from outside. This week it's mentoring. Hey, I agree, it's a great idea. But let's be serious: do you really want me mentoring someone? Passing all my delightfully warped views to the next generation? I said the same thing when the doctors suggested I become a Big Brother. Yes, there are thousands of boys looking for a Big Brother, but I'm saving the organization the trouble of firing me after the first attempt. And the ensuing lawsuits. I  forget who said it, but I wouldn't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

 If this doesn't put a smile on your face, you're dead and nobody told you.